The Crab Chronicles

A Two Sport Day

Wow, what a long and crazy day. Mike had a tennis match this morning and a baseball game this afternoon. I was up at 7, and that's not my favorite way to spend a Saturday morning..

It was the last tennis match of the spring season, hallelujah.

Mike has a pretty bad scrap on his short arm, and it must've hurt pretty bad last night because he actually let me put some Neosporin and a big bandage on it. I should buy stock in the parent company of Neosporin.

Mike scraped the short arm Thursday night when he fell running for a base, as I understand it. Everyone asked him if he was OK, and I was certainly concerned when I got to the ballfield. Mike was very nonchalant, very stoic. Oh, I'm OK. I'm fine," he said. Then we got into the car and pulled away and he let loose - "OWWWW IT BURNS OWWW MOM! IT HURTS!!! IT BURNS!!!"

The boys got back and ate lunch, then it was off to play baseball. It was a beautiful, sunny day, low 80's. Unfortunately, the team lost. So be it. They won the other night.

I took my camera and tried to get some good photos. They usually play at twilight and I don't even try to get photos because I am such a terrible photographer. I got a couple of decent ones today. The best on is below, of both boys and their coach.

Mike in the dugout.

Colton on the pitcher's mound, and Mike in the outfield [a blur].

Seems like just yesterday the boys looked like this:

Or even this, from last fall:

As you can see, Colton is winning the height race, at the moment. Hopefully Mike will catch up. (Or not. I think Colton's birthdad is a big guy.)Mike's birthdad we have no information on and Mike doesn't recall ever meeting him.

I brought the boys back to my house after the game, and they raced to put on bathing suits. This was the first day the non swim team folks could swim at our neighborhood pool and the boys were itching to get in the water. I hope it helps Mike's scrape. I am a firm believer in the healing powers of chlorine...

Friday Update and WINNERS Announced

It's been a crazy day, between getting the kids to school and myself to work, and trying to get everything lined up for the tennis match tomorrow. I spent half my lunch hour on the phone dealing with tennis match issues. I am the co-captain of Mike's team.

Work was work, is all I can say. I am in a fairly large corner office with a view and there are two other paralegals in there with me. I can't violate confidentiality by talking about lawsuits in progress. What I'm doing is basically reviewing millions of pages of documents to retrieve those documents which may be relevant to the issues at stake in the lawsuits. It's actually pretty interesting.

The building where I am working has a lovely garden area on the middle with two fountains, a grassy area, flowers, trees, etc. I like to go down there at lunch and just sit and feel the sun on my head. When you're stuck inside a building all day you miss that.

On the way home I stopped and picked up dinner at Bambinelli's. Usually on Friday nights we just get sandwiches but I decided to splurge, since I am gainfully employed! They have the best lasagne and tiramisu ever.

Tomorrow is an incredibly busy day and it starts early, with Mike's tennis team going down to McDonough [about 45 minutes away] to play their final match of the spring season starting at 10 a.m. I wanted everyone to go in as few cars as possible, which entailed a lot of maneuvering. Thanks to my friend Melanie for braving the drive down there. I have to do some work paperwork and get it faxed in tomorrow morning so I can get paid next week.

Tomorrow afternoon, Michael has a baseball game and Alesia has to be at work by 2. Mike must be on the ballfield at 2. Which means we must leave no later than 1:30.

Sunday afternoon I have to try and get the bird out of my garage, buy groceries, and attend the end of season tennis party. Mike is going to the Braves game with friends. Alesia works 4-11.

I decided to go ahead and draw the winners of this week's giveaway items.

Congratulations Fran, you won the pottery bowl!! Email me your snail mail asap!!

Congratulations Lindsey! You won the book! Email me asap!

Thanks for reading, everyone!! And huge thanks to the artists and business folks who donated prizes in April!

Last Day

Today [Friday, April 29] is the LAST DAY of fabulous April giveaway month! Leave me a comment today before 6 p.m. EST and I will draw winners and announce them Saturday morning. Indicate if you want to win the book or the bowl, or both!

Quick Update

Wow, what an incredibly busy day. I started a new temp job today, at a law firm, and I am hopeful it will last for several months. It possibly even could become permanent.

The firm is a huge international firm and well respected. They have their own building. Everyone was extremely nice, and cordial. There are free sodas, juices, teas, and coffee in the break room. I'm even sitting in an office where I can look out the window, which is awesome. Offices with windows are usually only for attorneys.

The commute is about 30-45 minutes but hopefully I can figure out a back way.

I had lunch with one of the other paralegals [there are 3 of us] in a restaurant on the ground floor. Excellent food. Really enjoyed talking with the other paralegal, too. She is about my age and has teenagers, too. The third paralegal I worked with last summer at Jones Day, and he's a sweetie. So it's a congenial little group.

I am so relieved.

I came home and did a quick email check, then rushed out to Michael's baseball game.

Now I just have to figure out how to get the bird that's living in my garage to leave peacefully and quit pooping on everything in the garage. Opening the door doesn't work. Anyone have any ideas?!

Two More Days to Win

Only two more days to leave me a comment and be entered to win an autographed book [By the Light of the Foxfire] or the lovely pottery below!

 

Embrace the Pear [A Rant]

I am feeling restless and icky today and I am in a mood to VENT and RANT and RAVE. So fasten your seatbelts. Here's the deal.

It's my deeply-held belief that pantyhose were invented by the devil. Who decreed that a woman's legs have to be one uniform taupe color all the time? Where does it say white legs with spider veins must not be viewed in public? I am proud of my veiny legs and my gray hair. I gave up trying to look like a model many years ago.

God shaped me like a pear with boobs and SO BE IT. I embrace the pear.

Now if we as a society would simply embrace the idea that bras are not necessary, I would be a happy camper. If I needed to move quickly I could just tie 'em down so they didn't fly up and knock me unconscious.

Just think, 100 years ago it was considered scandalous for a woman to show her bare ankles in public. Now women will slop into Walmart showing their bare butts. Somewhere along the line we went too far.

There was a woman who worked at the office where I was temping last week who looked like a witch. She has to be over 60 and she had on so much makeup I could've painted my room with it. I've learned the hard way that makeup migrates to your wrinkles and by the end of the day you will look like the Bride of Frankenstien with PMS. She had long hair that was all one dull brown color, too, a bad dye job. yikes.

Lesson? Either find some makeup that doesn't boldly march into your wrinkles or just don't wear it. And don't color your hair with stuff from the clearance bin at Walmart.

Why is it that the only way to get my daughter's attention is to TEXT her?!? We cannot have a conversation verbally that's free of drama so I've decided from now on to just text her every.single.thing I need to say. This will eliminate all talking in the car and I will be free to listen to my oldies music and sing along.

The Bee Gees and Neil Diamond sound MUCH better when I sing along.

If she doesn't like it she can send me a furious text.

I will text her back at my earliest convenience.

Don't you hate that phrase?! I called someone recently and their voicemail message was a haughty "I will return your call AT MY EARLIEST CONVENIENCE." That's offensive and rude. How about I leave you twenty voicemail messages of me whistling Sweet Home Alabama at MY convenience?!?

We were in the car this morning and I told my daughter that she better count on $200 for gas and insurance when she buys herself a car.She was not happy to hear that. She keeps thinking she can go buy a car when she only makes about $50 a week slinging custard.

I pointed out that when I was in graduate school and had to pay all my own bills, I worked 25-35 hours a week and took almost a full class load and I had NO social life. She became furious and jumped out of the car as soon as we got to school.

I would like to tie her to a chair and tell her, in my best drill sergeant voice, LIFE IS HARD KIDDO! THERE'S NO WAY AROUND IT!

She hates hearing that the way to success is through HARD WORK. Anybody out there have a magic pill that will make her instantly wealthy?!? No? Then pray that she will get a clue one of these days.

My son's preoccupation these days is tanning. When will the pool open? He asks me that 5 times a day. He was incensed yesterday to see the swim team actually using our neighborhood pool. I suggested he join the swim team. He glared at me.

"I was on a swim team for years, Dude. You will not relax and have fun. You will be swimming LAPS until it feels like your arms and legs are made of lead. Then you will practice diving, and flip turning. Then you will get out and look like a red-eyed freak, stinking of chlorine, wishing cellulite had never been invented." Oh yeah, good times. Don't get me started on Swim Team Traumatic Memories.

My swim coach was going through a divorce for a long time and he liked to scream at us. 'LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL!! / TWENTY MORE LAPS THOMPSON! / MY GRANDMOTHER IS FASTER THAN YOU! / KICK THOSE LEGS!" I remember seeing the movie An Officer and a Gentleman and having flashbacks.

I digressed. Let's see, what else ticks me off?!?

Everyone just assumes when Coco makes a mess on the floor that I am going to pick it up.

My children want to leave glasses on the table and drink out of the same filthy glass forever.

Some evil varmint eats all the strawberries I grow before I can get them picked. It's not one of the kids, either. The varmint eats half the berry and leaves the other part of it to taunt me, peeking out from beneath a leaf. I reach to pick the beautiful berry and pull out a chewed half berry.

That's a metaphor for my life. That's what I will call my autobiography, "The Half Chewed Berry."

I am going to start taking every single catalog we get, from any source, and instantly putting it straight from the mailbox into the recycling box. I am tired of finding catalogs everywhere. We have no money to order anything right now anyway so what is the point?!

The yard guys came yesterday, so today the magnolia tree in my backyard decided to dump all its leaves in protest, all over my back yard.

I am trying to think of it as nature's decorating faux pas.

The IRS is making all adoptive parents prove every penny of their adoption expenses, for the first time in recent history. I can prove it, of course, but not everyone is fanatic about saving receipts as I am.  This is ridiculous. Shouldn't we get a break for taking children out of foster care or an orphanage??! The tax credit never covers even half the cost of an international adoption.

I'd like to rant some more but I have to go write a poem about the number 100. Don't ask.

The Final April Giveaway!

OK, so this is my last giveaway week for April 2011, although I hope to have more giveaways in the future. This week I have two prizes which I am delighted to offer, as they reflect on my roots growing up in the south.

My grandfather [Papaw] was from the mountains of North Georgia, where many Scottish and Irish settled in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. I feel a sense of peace when I go to the mountains that is indescribable. When we moved to Knoxville in 1971, I loved the proximity to the mountains. We went for Sunday drives a lot, to the Smoky Mountains. I spent a lot of time at Cades Cove, which is a beautiful place, part of the Smoky Mountains National Park. Two places I would love to take my kids are Cades Cove and the Museum of Appalachia.

It was with great delight that I came across this book, By the Light of the Foxfire, by Emory Rhea Raxter. We have a mutual Facebook friend. Emory is a native of Asheville, North Carolina and lives in Maryville, Tennessee, which is a stones' throw from Knoxville. The book is a suspenseful thriller but it's set in the Smoky Mountains. Emory was kind enough to send me an autographed copy to give away, and a copy for me to read. I have read it and I can report it's hard to put down.

My second prize is a beautiful handmade bowl from my friend Julia over at Brainella's Pottery. I love Julia's pieces because they are beautiful and functional, most of them, but she also uses whimsy, as in her owl vases. Even though Julia isn't a native southerner, you find a lot of hand thrown pottery all over East Tennessee in nice shops, and I associate it with the mountains. Pottery is a mountain craft. I am so delighted to give away one of Julia's beautiful pieces. Y'all check out her shop, too, for great gift ideas.

To win one of these awesome prizes, leave a comment and tell me about your experiences of the mountains, or of pottery. If those are totally foreign to you that's OK, too, just tell me you'd like to win!

Easter Day and Photos

I don't know when our trampoline ceased being a rather large toy and became, instead, a place ot sunbathe. I know a boy who is sleeping just down the hall slathered in Lanacaine because he thought tanning was important before he went to the pool for the first time.

I let the kids sleep late and tried to have a fairly lazy day, since we had such a busy week last week. I say tried, because that's what ended up happening, simply an attempt to be lazy.

I bought two lbs. of shrimp yesterday so we could have a special ceebratory Easter meal. I ended up cleaning and cooking them, and a pot of rice, for lunch. I don't mind cooking, but it was a lot of work to clean and devein 2 lbs of smallish shrimp.

Then I had to take Alesia to work. Then I ran over to Lesleigh's to give her a little Easter present. Then I had to get gas.

I came back and rested for an hour and then I had to go ahead and put out the small tomato plants I bought yesterday. Mike was not happy about helping me, but I wanted to get my gardens planted.

I was happily digging in the rich black dirt, exclaiming over the many worms, and Mike was scowling and kicking the green gardening cart.

I used to hate yard work too...

The other day Mike and I had a good time looking at some photos of him made during his last year at the orphanage. A man who worked for the Antares Foundation had given me these photos on a CD before I left Kazakhstan, which was kind of him. Seeing Michael as the tiny little boy he was really makes me nostalgic. He is turning into such a young man, now.

So I thought I'd share.

This is my friend Cindy's daughter Angela.

Michael and his friend Paul, who was adopted by my friend Sarah and her family in upstate New York.

Here we were, waiting to bring home our boy.

And here's our handsome young man!

He's Never In Charge

We've had a nice day. I can hardly believe it's Easter weekend.This entire spring has just slipped by me.

I started the day off with a trip to Hastings to buy heirloom tomato plants. My little seedlings are rather pitiful and I don't think will make it. I bought six heirlooms that are about 6 inches high. I already planted two of them. I also got a beautiful geranium for the front patio area. I have planted a lot of seeds in pots out there but nothing is blooming, and I longed to see something blooming there.

Mother took me out to lunch as my Easter present, and Lesleigh joined us at The Blue Ribbon Grill. We had a delightful time.  I like that it's a locally-owned place. The waitress loaned Lesleigh her glasses so she could read the menu.Personal service.

Michael was at baseball practice and Alesia was at work, so it was an all-adults lunch. Sometimes I need that.

We went to Publix late this afternoon, just me and Michael.

Last night, to my horror, the kids wouldn't eat their burritos because they had used some sour cream that had gone bad. I hadn't realized it was off.They ended up eating peanut butter and jelly.

So we got up to the front to pay for groceries at Publix and I looked at the expiration date on the large carton of Sour Cream and it expired May 2. That's only a little more than a week away. Ridiculous. So I sent Mike back to trade it out for one not fixing to expire.

He came back and handed me another sour cream and said "It's good until June."

"OK, that's good," I said noncomittally.

Mike then said what I thought was "Mom, smell of me." He was holding his shirt at the time. I said "Why?!" thinking oh lord, he sprayed some cologne or something on himself, I hope nobody saw him. He was holding his shirt. He said "No! I said, Mom - smell, ah...!" I couldn't hear him because it was so noisy. I said "Why should I smell you?!" He mumbled something else. "What?!" I said. He got so frustrated. He finally pointed behind him and said "Mom! I said I SAW MELANIE!" and with that the cashier, me, and the bagger just broke up laughing. Michael was all "You need a hearing aid!" and I was all -"You mumble!"

I remember having a very similar conversation with my dad about twenty years ago.

Michael had just finished asking me a few minutes earlier "Why is it when you see a couple in the grocery store, the woman is always telling the man what to do? The man is going behind her going "Yes Dear" and "OK honey" and all that?? The woman is in charge?! What's up with that?"

I had to stop and laugh a minute before I could respond.
I said "Those are men who want to stay married, Michael. They aren't in charge. They've never been in charge and they never will be in charge, unless they want to get divorced. Look at that and remember it, if you ever intend to stay married."

I do believe that Michael will make some lucky girl a fine husband one day, IF he remembers he is not in charge...

I love this photo of my grandparents made in the 1920's when they were dating. Mamaw was 4'10 and weighed about 100 lbs. Papaw was 6'4 and weighed about 220. Guess who was in charge in their marriage?!? They were married almost 50 years.

Recap of a Tough Week

There has been a lot going on in my world these past couple of days, much of it in my head.I heard a story on NPR this morning as I was heading into the office and it was all about poetry. I longed to pull out some paper and write a poem, but work pressures prevailed.

As I got to the building I thought, there are two Canada geese out front who look so forlorn. The building is new and was likely built over a meadow or a pond where the geese had been coming for years. Now there's just a big impersonal building, albeit surrounded by rapidly dwindling countryside.

I am not going back to that office. It just wasn't the right place for me, for several reasons.

The most disturbing thing about the firm where I was working is that they handle bankruptcy and foreclosure and litigation arising out of that - and their business is booming. I have so many friends who have really struggled the past couple of years. I am so sympathetic to people who are enduring joblessness and losing their homes. I have those fears. I know that stress very well. Profiting from the misery of others like that is just distasteful to me, to say the least.

Also, there was a paralegal who sat near me who was VERY loud, and the had a very nasal, annoying voice. I could hardly hear myself think when she was in her cubicle. Yikes. Those of you who watched Will and Grace, you remember the character of Karen, played by Megan Mulally? This woman had the same voice. It gets on your nerves, trust me.

Anyway, I came home early and I spent the afternoon scanning want ads, among other things. It looks like there's another temp job in the offing and it will likely start Tuesday, so we are OK. We will get by. I still need something permanent, obviously.

I bought the kids some things at Old Navy for Easter Thursday on my lunch hour, a happy task. I found a cute dark orange sundress for Alesia, and I found Mike some cool "breathable" gym shorts and some socks. He loves Old Navy socks.

We finished watching Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight, and then watched an episode of Thirty Rock on DVD. Mike has had baseball games this past Tuesday and Thursday, so our evening routine has been disrupted. Last night we couldn't eat dinner until almost 10. I hate that.

JOB AD FOR A FOOT MAN

Below is an actual ad from Craigslist here in Atlanta. I am tempted to send in a resume and a photo of the feet of a hobbitt...

"Funny, Outgoing, Pretty Attractive & Fit but Extremely Busy 30’ something business owner of multiple companies in the XXXX County area looking for an attractive personal assistant to help around the office. Candidate must have a fun, flirty personality and also handle the office environment, know when to have fun and when to get the job done.

Willing to train the right person, so not much office experience is required, but please have good phone and computer skills.

I know that there are a lot of other posts wanting the assistant to sleep with their boss, let me be the exception to this, as I definitely 100% am not looking for anything like that. However, I am not ashamed to admit that I do have a thing for sexy legs and feet. I’m definitely not.. nor do I look like a perv... even though I’m probably about to sound like one, lol. One of the reasons for this post is because of how hard I work throughout the day, and I would love the distraction of a little tease here and there of you showing off your feet in a total inconspicuous manner, just to take my mind off the day, if even for a moment. Also, I would never make this a requirement, but only if and when you were ever comfortable with it, I would leave it open to you. I totally have another thing for fun flirty little tickles here and there, what can I say I love to be tickled, lol, so if I ever got overly stressed, that would totally turn my day around, like I said I would totally leave that at your discretion."

IT GETS WORSE -

"We are looking to fill this position immediately so send your resume today along with your picture. For faster consideration, you may also wish to send a pic showing off your legs and/or feet. And in the interest of full disclosure, if I need to I am also willing to send you a pic after I have received yours. Looking for someone who also likes to keep the office environment fun, light, and drama free."

Here's what I want to say to this guy: Dude, you are SUCH a pervert! I hope some cute little thing with perky little feet SUES YOU FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND WINS. Get ready. It's coming...