Writing about my job search is a way to cope, so I thought I'd share a few thoughts here.
My job interview last week last more than three solid hours. Those folks know more about me than my kids.I told Mother I kept having to answer the same question over and over, which was basically variations on "How do you handle difficult situations?" At one point I said "I just cry. I cry hard." To my surprise, the attorney smiled, indicating he was not, in fact, asleep, which was encouraging to me.
At another point I got a little off track, when I got a question about being detail-oriented. I said [trying to disguise my exasperation] something along the lines of well if I were not detail-oriented I wouldn't have lasted this long in the legal field. Big fat duh. Lawyers have no patience for the fast and sloppy. They want fast and perfect.
Have you ever seen a job description for anyone working in ANY office that DIDN'T include something about being detail-oriented?
I also like this one: "Must have a sense of urgency." The use of the word "urgency" always reminds me of a bladder-control product ad.. It's funny only in an ironic sort of way because over the years I have observed so many people who did NOT have a "sense of urgency" - except perhaps when it came to their next nail appointment or how fast 5:00 was approaching.
When I lived in Knoxville years ago I heard about an employment at a large government agency who actually died sitting at his desk and it was a while before anyone noticed. That's a good urban legend except for one tiny detail - rigor mortis. I have had to look at many autopsy photos of bodies in various states of rigor, and let me tell you, within a very short time there is no pretty dead body. I worked for a lawyer years ago who started doing a lot of wrongful death cases and I got to where I dreaded opening each envelope of photos. I have seen photos that still give me nightmares. I slept with a nightlight on until I was in my twenties.
I digressed.
I also see ads saying "must be able to multitask" all the time. I always want to say OMG y'all - wouldn't you rather have someone who can single-task with complete concentration and be excellent than some harried, crazy octopus person trying to multitask and probably screwing up every task?! Exactly how much do you plan to pile on this person at one time?! That phrase always scares me because it hints that they are going to be an unreasonable employer.
One ad I read the other day wanted my references attached as an Excel spreadsheet, and each file attached to the email labeled LAST NAME, FIRST NAME, MIDDLE INITIAL. Really?? Is this is a screening tool? Do you think this weeds out the morons who can't read the ad? Maybe it does. I dunno.
I was tempted to send an email and in the subject line putting just the words LAST NAME, FIRST NAME, MIDDLE INITIAL. Technically it would've been correct.
I decided to apply for a couple of jobs every day that I am pretty sure I won't get, just to see if I get any responses, and it so, what they are. I just sent off a photo of my head to a Talent Agency to be an Agent for models, along with a resume, of course.
I didn't mention that I am the complete opposite of a model. I thought about saying "I am in shape, if you consider ROUND a shape."
I also thought about asking about their policy on bringing donuts to work.
I read an ad today looking for someone who is "chill, mellow and laid back." Um, aren't those all pretty much the same thing? I said in my cover email I am chill and laid back but I am working on mellow, or something along those lines. That lets me weed out potential employers with no sense of humor.
Anyway, I am not really chill or mellow at the moment because I have a stack of bills right next to the computer..
Pray or send good thoughts or something, because if nothing works out soon I am going to be applying at McDonalds, and I fear I will eat french fries and cookies until I explode...
