Once when I was a kid and we were out on the lake, me and my parents [I don't know where my brother was] the boat's engine died. It was not possible to paddle the boat back. I swam back to shore, pulling the boat. I was somewhere between 10 and 15 years old. It was an 18 foot inboard/outboard built in the 1960's and it was a heavy boat, but it wasn't that hard to pull it. Momentum carried it along more than my efforts.
I remember though how tired I was when I got back to shore.
Little did I know then how much I was going to be pulling something heavy [metaphorically] for a long time to come.
That's life. You pull heavy things because you want your loved ones safely ashore. You want your parents cared for in their old age, your children nurtured and cared for until they can be on their own.
I feel so sorry for my friend Cindy because she is facing stress no parent should ever face. Out of the goodness of her heart, boundless energy, and strong faith, she adopted 39 children over the years. Most of them have turned out fine, or are doing fine, but some are severely troubled, and have caused her tremendous stress. She is my hero, though. She blogs honestly, not hiding much emotionally, and she has many admirers and prayer warriors on her side. Cindy, despite all your heartaches there is a shiny crown for you in heaven, my friend.
I talked to Alesia and had to tell her I wouldn't loan her money. It nearly tore me out of the frame emotionally. I told her [for the hundredth time] she needs to make a budget and stick to it. I also warned her that blowing money on clubs and cigarettes was very foolish. She is having to learn some hard, hard lessons. My money situation is so tight I was not being mean in denying her request, I was being honest. She has a roof over her head and food. If she wants a decent apartment she will have to work and save money.
It's so hard watching your child stumble, and feeling helpless and inadequate to assist.
I end every call with "I love you" though. I do love her, despite all that she's put me through. It's not her fault her brain is mis-wired. She didn't ask for a teeanged alcoholic birthmom or an abusive orphanage home environment. She just learned to survive by her wits. Now she has to un-learn that and figure out how to cope.
Tough love is much harder on the parent than the child, trust me on that.
I wish Alesia had been able to know a lady I am getting ready to interview for the Big Bold Beautiful blog, as part of my job as assistant editor, Chloe Taylor Brown. I am so psyched about meeting her.
Now I have to go pick out clothes for Michael...
