Lots going on the last few days, and I can blog about SOME of it, but not all.
I have been emailing back and forth a lot with a friend who is going thru a divorce (and types much faster than I do) which is interesting. I think the fact that we have known each other since 5th grade adds a layer of familiarity there that is almost like a sibling. I am sorry he's going through the experience of a divorce, although I've never personally experienced it. All I know is this: every friend I've ever had who got divorced eventually came out of it better than when they went in, because sometimes things that are broken simply cannot be fixed. Then the only thing to do is move on, and forge a new life.
When my brother got divorced he wouldn't talk about the experience or his feelings, and I felt very helpless. I watched him suffer through the whole thing, feeling sad on his behalf, but knowing ultimately he would be better off. It's hard to watch someone you love go through that, though.
Sometimes I feel like I have sort of had to "divorce" my daughter, in a very sad and painful way. There's nobody to talk to about it, either, except other parents with drug-addicted children understand better than anyone. My friend C who is divorcing has a son addicted to drugs.
Alesia chooses to live a life I cannot approve of, with people who are scary, and there is nothing I can do. I love her and I pray for her every day. She has suffered through some terrible things in her life, but as soon as she turned 18 she started chasing after the same sort of chaos that marked her young life with her alcoholic birthmom. They say even abused children always turn back to what is familiar, no matter how dysfunctional.
Reminders are everywhere. I have put away a lot of the photos of her around the house, but not all. At least a dozen times a day I see something that reminds me of her, or I hear a song on the radio she used to like, or I wonder what will happen at Christmas, and if I will even hear from her.Right now she chooses not to call or text.
Alesia is like some wild animal now, crashing heedlessly through life, leaving a trail of damage behind her - her reputation, her lack of a high school diploma, bad debts, disappointed friends. She has good in her. She has the capacity to love. I just cannot fix her.
Sometimes I wonder if people view me as a complete fool to even try and help a traumatized adolescent. Maybe I was stupidly optimistic. Maybe I don't have any common sense. All I know for certain is that she has a better shot at a good life here than she did in Russia, where she had the added stigma of being an orphan.
When you love a person there is always a risk they will reject you and your values. I know that. I knew it going into the adoption world. That knowledge doesn't make it easier to deal with the great sadness I feel now though.
Enough sad stuff.
Michael went on a field trip yesterday for school, to the World of Coca Cola, which is sort of ironic since he seldom drinks soft drinks. At the end of the tour they let everyone sample different Coke products from around the world. He got totally wired. Then he got to go back to school and play soccer. By last night he was wiped out with exhaustion.
He slept for close to twelve hours last night, not getting up today until after 11.
We went out to the Colonnade (Mother's fave place) for a really late lunch, and Michael ate the following: 4 Saltine crackers with butter, a large piece of chopped sirloin, some fried onions, macaroni and cheese, two corn muffins, a cucumber/tomato salad, and a virgin Bloody Mary [no booze]. We couldn't believe he ate the whole thing.
I'm thinking he is growing. Yay.
Afterwards, we rode around a bit looking at Halloween decorations and enjoying the beautiful fall foliage.We try to get Mother out of the house as often as she feels up to it. She has always enjoyed "going to ride." It's a Hasty tradition.
A lot of people in our area have giant spiders near their homes, huge cobwebs across their houses and shrubs, and skeletons in the trees. We saw a few "graveyards" too, and some witches. I love this time of year.
Mike and I saw the funniest thing yesterday - an SUV with a bloody foot sticking out from the trunk. Obviously it was a fake. I thought it was hysterical. Mike thought it was creepy. When he emails me the photo he took I will post it.
In the meantime, if you want to see an adorable photo of Mike from his first Halloween here, check out my latest cooking column over on Adoption Under One Roof.
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