I always check out my friend Judy's blog every day, because she also has a child adopted from Kazakhstan, she's a friend, and she's funny. Every once in a while her blog is thought-provoking.
If you click on the link to her blog you will see a pithy quote about Love needing to be mad and passionate or don't bother. Interesting idea. I totally disagree with it.
I guess the first rebuttal that came to mind was that my grandfather loved me very much, but it was a quiet love, and he was so Victorian he couldn't even say the words "I love you." He would hug me and say "You know somethin'?" and I knew what he meant. I would always reply "I love you too, Papa." It wasn't until I was grown and Mother and I talked about it that I realized that even as a tiny child I knew he loved me deeply, and there was no need to tell me in words, but he tried.
There was a fair bit of chaos in my house from ages 1- 9, and Papa was my refuge during those years. My dad worked like a maniac, and he and Mother had a lot of social engagements in Augusta they were required to attend. They were each in and out of the hospital a couple of times. Money was tight. We moved twice. Dad had ulcers. You get the picture.
In the midst of all that, Papa's lap was my safe place. We read Swiss Family Robinson, Heidi, bible stories, et. - over and over. My love of stories probably came from there.
I am more like my dad, unfortunately. Hotheaded and judgmental at times. I love passionately a lot of times, but not well, Shakespeare might say. I haven't had a romantic love in many years and don't look for it to ever happen again. That's fine.
Michael has no trouble saying he loves me, but he more often shows it. I was helping him finish his Math project late yesterday afternoon, and feeling regretful about fussing at him so much about his Science grade, and he came over and put his arms around my neck as I was at the computer typing. I think there are times when he has had a tough day and he needs some mama-ing, even though he may not want to admit it. He is, after all, 15.
I told him the day I met him that I need at least two hugs a day, and I still hold him to that.
I do not believe in letting boys get away with being standoffish as they get older. If you let them get away with it, that's a shame. Boys need hugs.
There's plenty of room in the world for a quiet love.
