Two things happened this morning that were jarring to me. Maybe the universe is trying to send me a message. I don't know. I only know that grief will come out in many different ways as time goes by, and to try and deny that grief is useless.
My friend Jennifer Skiff, author of God Stories has a new book coming out called The Divinity of Dogs, and there's a story in there about my dog Coco, and how she helped my daughter transition to our new home. Coco and Alesia have a tight bond. Jennifer is trying to build up advance publicity about the book, so if you're on Facebook please find the Facebook page and click LIKE, and follow Jennifer on Twitter if you do that, too.
So I got the email from Jennifer this morning and I was thinking about that. I was thinking of my daughter and how much I miss her.
I went in to wake up my son for school and when I flipped on the light he wasn't in his bed. I had a moment of sheer panic. I called his name. No response.
I went out in the hall and HOLLERED his name, and I heard him in the bathroom. He came out in the hall in time to see my start crying.
I had a flashback to when my daughter was last living at home, last year, and I would go in her room and find she had snuck out in the night, or she had not come home all night, and I couldn't help but feel my gut seize up when I saw Mike not in the bed. He is always there in the morning when I go to wake him. Always.
I know he thought I was nuts to just start sobbing like that but I couldn't help it. All I could think was Thank God he is still with me. I haven't lost him.
My friend Cindy lives with this type of PTSD all the time, having seen several of her adopted children do the same things as my daughter [sneaking out, drug experimentation, dropping out of school]. Cindy taught me how to be strong, reading her blog. I will not enable my daughter, which is why she doesn't live here any more. I've told her she can come home any time, if she will follow my rules, but she chooses to live with a man whose name she will not tell me, and whose "profession" also remains mysterious.I know she's alive. She texts me once in a while. That's all I know of her life.
I worry about my daughter constantly and I pray for her.Y'all please pray too, or keep praying.
On to the cares of today. Michael has his first dermatologist appointment this morning. I pray this doctor can help.
