The Crab Chronicles

Looking Ahead

Yesterday was a good day on a lot of levels. I got confirmation I am going to be able to go out of town for Easter, borrowing a friend's house at the beach - which is the only way I can afford to go anywhere. So now I am plotting, packing and planning what to take, but that's a pleasant obsession.

It will just be Michael and me. Bruce is coming in to stay with Mother. Traveling is hard for her now.

I haven't been anywhere out of town since May 2010. Last year we simply couldn't afford to go anywhere, even for a weekend.

I need a break. Just to be able to walk o the beach will be so nice.

Last night, Michael got to go see The Hunger Games [thanks Melanie!] for Colton's birthday celebration last night. I am so glad, because I didn't want to see that.Here's the whole gang last night at Colton's house. Mike said he should've worn a white shirt.

I bought some seeds last night, for cucumbers, zucchini, cantaloupes, and flowers. It will take a while to germinate them but that's OK. Growing things makes me feel hopeful.

Lots to do today. Hope your Saturday is relaxing and fun.

 

Ugly Feet

I was waiting to get on the elevator yesterday with two ladies who work in an adjoining office and they both had pedicures and were wearing strappy sandals. I admired their toe colors [blue and white] but then I jokingly said "I don't care what you do to them, feet are still UGLY."

They laughed.

I posted on Facebook this comment, just to be funny:

I do not understand why women get pedicures and buy expensive shoes. I don't care how much money you spend or how you pamper them, FEET ARE UGLY! Nothing will make them beautiful, either, NOTHING. Quit wasting time and money on the FEET...

Apparently, I am in the minority, with this opinion. Several of my friend vehemently disagreed with me. I know they don't have a foot fetish, but they have been brainwashed, I feel...

If you think about evolution [which I do, from time to time] it's clear how feet evolved. At one time we needed claws to climb trees and escape predators.

Not a huge difference in the gorilla's foot and our foot, huh?!

[BTW, I happen to believe in evolution AND the bible. The bible is allegorical. Evolution is factual. Discuss amongst yourselves. Don't send me hateful comments, please.]

Mike and I were discussing feet last night. He thinks he has cute feet. I remember when he first came home, I could hold his little foot in the palm of my hand, it was so tiny. Now his feet are bigger than mine.

Now, I will make an exception for babies and small children. They can have really cute feet.

My mother said when I was small I had cute feet. I have no memory of that. I simply remember getting fussy when forced to wear shoes. [Below, me and my constant bodyguard/older brother, Cowboy Bruce]

I am not sure why my right foot looks so weird in the above photo. I do have toes on that foot... [BTW, I was a second child, so while there are 5,000 photos of my brother as a baby and toddler, there are only about 6 of me... Mother says she was exhausted all the time. Yeah, right...]

The shoe industry is built around the myth that fancy, expensive shoes can make feet look better. I disagree. I would much rather wear Crocs than Manolo Blahnik shoes.

Comfort is important. Spending a ton of your money on feet is silly.

Anyway, just thought I'd stir up a little controversy on this Friday morning...

Forgiveness

Mike didn't get home at 8 last night as one of the buses broke down in Alabama. He got home at 10:30. So Mother and I had a chance to eat a quiet dinner together, which is uncommon.Usually we just chat about what's going on with us, or perhaps the news. Last night was different though.

We talked about forgiveness.

Mother said she feels like you should forgive for God's sake, not for the person who needs forgiving, and not for your own sake. I'm not sure I agree with that.

I feel like forgiveness has to come about in order for any healing to happen anywhere. The lack of forgiveness seems like a brick wall that blocks all good things.

I find it pretty easy to forgive other people, but I find it very difficult to forgive myself.

I am not a perfect daughter, or mother, or sister, or friend, or employee. I am so far from perfect, it's laughable. I hate that about myself. I feel like I don't have a husband [huge time commitment there] or any small children [another huge time commitment] so I should be able to do a good job of taking care of my mom, Michael, Coco, and the house, if nothing else. I feel like I fall very far short, though, most of the time.

When I am driving, I have gotten in the habit of mulling over what I did wrong with Alesia, trying to figure out where I screwed up so thoroughly that it led to her using drugs, and now wanting now to live in an entirely different place. She texted me the other day and said "I have a new family now."

Those words pierced my heart like a knife.

Rational friends have said to me "Dee, what happened to Alesia before you adopted her is what is controlling her now." I know they are probably right. I know that 13 years of trauma and abuse do bad things to a child. Try as I might, I couldn't love all that away, nor could the therapist do more than scratch the surface.

I also know Alesia is over 18 years old, so I can't make her conform to my morals or values. It just breaks my heart that she chooses to live apart from us, and only contacts me when she wants something.

Did I do my best? This is a question that haunts me.

In our family I was always taught to do my best, to give everything big and small a 100% effort, every time. That way, you don't look back and kick yourself. That way, you live life with honor. It's a good philosophy. I just wonder if I can live up to it.

Mother reminds me all the time that I've done all I can with Alesia, and now it's up to God to take care of her, just like he took care of my brother in Iraq. She's right, of course. It's so hard to do that, though, emotionally.

I also have to forgive myself for being very grumpy lately, and not being too pleasant to be around. Worries about my daughter, about money, about trying to eat right - these worries manifest as scowls and grumbling, and bile. It's not right. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, though.

I do better if I just say to myself every day, "OK God, use me to do YOUR will." If I think of myself as a vessel itself, not as the captain of the ship, it works out better. Yesterday, I did a bit better because I tried to consciously banish worried or negative thoughts from my head, and to just hear songs in my head when I had idle moments. I also came home and did some gardening, which is therapeutic.

Maybe those are the baby steps I have to take to get to the Forgiveness place. I hope so. I hope God keeps giving me ideas of how to soldier on and not be a witch.

I can't find the Mother Teresa quote about forgiveness that Mom and I were talking about last night, but I've read thru a lot of quotes of hers.

A lot of quotes attributed to Mother Teresa are inaccurate, I know. However, this is one I think is correct, and it's her most powerful one, to me at least, so I leave you with these powerful words to ponder:

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa

Bus Rides and Fat Worms

It's o-dark-thirty in the morning [I love that expression] and I have already taken my son to school. Why? He is taking the bus to Alabama on an all-day field trip to the US Space and Rocket Center. I know he will have fun. The teacher had the good sense to rent Greyhound buses and not make them ride on school buses.

When I was a freshman in high school, in Knxoville, the entire newspaper staff went to Memphis for a convention, and we were on school buses there and back, for 8 hours. The air conditioner on the bus barely worked, and although it was spring, it was hot. I spent most of the trip trying to get comfortable and snooze, and failing.

[Above, me in high school on the newspaper staff, when I was a sophomore or junior]

I asked Mike if he didn't want to take a book to read on the bus and he looked at me like "are you nuts?" and said patiently, as though talking to an idiot, "Mom, I'm taking my iPod."

The funniest thing was seeing him pack snacks. He crammed a lot of pretzels [his latest obsession] into a plastic container, then grabbed several Little Debbie Boston Creme rolls in for later. Thank goodness they let him carry snacks and water on the bus.

He gets very cranky when he's hungry.

I had kind of a long, weird day yesterday. Had a weird text conversation with my daughter, then I had to do some running around in the car, for work, which is unusual. Traffic downtown was awful. I came home feeling restless, so I grabbed some dirt, some plants I bought the other day, and started gardening. It was soothing to my soul.

Mike had an after school activity, then he came and found out in the back yard and we chatted a bit. I was planting my first tomato plant and as I spaded into the soil, I turned up two fat, wriggling worms. "Yay! Looka there boy! Worms!" I chortled. Delighted. Michael looked at me like I was nuts. "Oh-kay, Mom...." he said. "The worms mean the soil is rich. It means composting WORKS!" I explained. "We've talked about this before."

I remember being 15 and thinking my parents were nuts to spend so much time in the yard. I didn't understand it at all. I hope one day that Michael will find gardening soothing, and he will want his yard to look nice. I hope he will want to grow at least some of his own food. I don't have the talent or the acreage to grow as much as my friend Cindy, nor do I like weeding, but gardening is a way of connecting to life that I think is essential to mental health.

It's also about letting go of control. You can control what you stick in your yard, sure, but ultimately weather, care, and God all determine what really happens with plant life. There's a lot of God in the garden. I don't know how an atheist could garden successfully.

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I know you're thinking, what has Dee been cooking lately?!

I made fried chicken last night, which I don't do often, but it was tasty. I dip chicken pieces in ranch dressing, then roll them in panko bread crumbs and fry in olive oil. It's not traditional, but so be it. I also made rice.

Michael made homemade guacamole, with all the precision of a persnickety chef in an upscale restaurant. I chopped onions and tomatoes for him. "The onions are too large," he frowned, after taking his first bite.

"Next time, chop them yourself," I said sweetly.

I used the leftover rice this morning and made Michael's favorite breakfast, fried rice with an egg. I wanted him to have a good breakfast before getting on that bus. If you have a picky breakfast eater, I highly recommend fried rice in the morning.

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Every once in a while I see something on Facebook that is really interesting, and my friend Laura posted this:

"Someone who hates you normally hates you for one of three reasons. They either see you as a threat, they hate themselves, or they want to be you."

Discuss amongst yourselves..

Boxer Eye

I never thought when I took this photo a coupld of weeks ago that my son would soon look like an actual boxer, but now he does. His right eye is swollen nearly shut. I think he just has bad allergies. He thinks he has pinkeye. So I will be calling the doctor this morning.

He had a tennis match yesterday after school and didn't get home until after 7. Colton's folks brought him home and I was in the front yard when they pulled up. Colton bounced out of the car yelling "Michael won his match after a huge tiebreaker! Both teams were watching him but he WON!" All the time he was hollering and gamboling on the lawn like a young colt. So cute.

I peeked inside the car and told Steve and Melanie "In future life I predict he will be a press agent!" and they both laughed.

We are having a spate of beautiful weather days this week, which is a blessing. Tomorrow, Michael is scheduled to go on an all-day field trip to the US Space and Rocket Center in Alabama, and the weather is supposed to be gorgeous - sunny and in the 70's. Too bad he will be on a bus most of the day.

Yesterday was a long day for him, today and tomorrow will be long days, too. Lots going on.

I left work yesterday and took Mother to get a pedicure, then came home to wait on a call from Michael to pick him up. Got the kitchen cleaned up and laundry put away..

I keep having to postpone planting all my flower and veggie plants I bought the other day because there is no time to garden just now. Maybe today after work...?! Let's hope.

Sunday Birthday Dinner

I'm happy to say after the griping yesterday, I got things turned around and had a pretty good day. My house is a lot cleaner. We had an excellent dinner. I went to bed exhausted but so be it.

I find generally if I am restless or feeling ornery, if I can jump in and do some hard work, it helps my mood.

I finished cleaning the family room rug, and cleaned the living room floor.

I cleaned Michael's bathroom. It wasn't horribly dirty, but the floor hadn't been mopped in, like, forever, so that took a minute.Thank God for Swiffer mops.

I made Colton a birthday cake, which turned out wonderfully. Chocolate pound cake with cream cheese rocks.His birthday is today. We also gave him a cute tee shirt.

I had Lesleigh and Colton for dinner last night. I made beef stroganoff, Elva's Salad, strawberries and cream (recipe below) and we had the cake. Turned out wonderfully. Colton hugged me three times before he left. He and Michael ATE like you wouldn't believe. LOL

STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM [easy version]

1 large carton strawberries

vanilla yogurt [about 3/4 cup]

1/2 cup sour cream

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

1/2 cup sugar

Wash and slice strawberries. Mix everything else, and add in berries. Chill.

This recipe came about because I always buy strawberries and they don't get eaten at once, and they don't keep well in the fridge and have to be tossed out. The sour cream/lime juice/sugar combination can be mixed with any fruit. If you want to get fancy you could toast some walnuts or pecans and throw them on top.

Spewing Bile

OK, well it's Sunday and I feel restless because I have so much to do, on what's supposed to be the "day of rest" - hahahahaha is NOT. I wish. Not for me. It's not restful for most working parents, I suspect.

I'm feeling ornery.

I need to vent.

Fasten your seatbelts.

I'm going to share with y'all some things that annoy me greatly. If they annoy you too, great. Let me know. If you disagree with me and think I'm an idiot, that's fine too, and you can tell me off in a comment if you like, but I don't always publish snotty comments...

Why WHY WHY WHY can my son not do anything unless I tell him FIVE times?!? Every time I want him to do something he's either playing with his iPod, his DS, or on the computer. I had to tell him 4 times just now, over a period of 20 minutes, to get in the dang shower. He's always been slow to do things but lately the delays have gotten ridiculous. I am getting ready to tell him that if he doesn't start doing things when he's told, I will take away all these nifty electronic gadgets, because I'm sick of this.

I have not been out of town to get away for a few days or a week since June 2010, due to money issues. I need a break. My brother agreed to come stay with Mother for a few days, but I can't afford a hotel room anywhere and my cousin who I planned to stay with already has company that weekend. So now I am trying to find somewhere else to stay. Doesn't help that it's Easter weekend, but that's when Michael has Spring Break.

I signed up for Google Plus and I don't like it. It's not an improvement on Facebook. It's awkward to use and not fun. What genius came up with it?!

I tried to sign up for Pinterest, more out of curiosity than anything, and they email and tell me I am on a waiting list?! It's a website for heaven's sake, not an exclusively private school. Jeez. Out of sheer curiosity, tell me if you can see this link to my friend Suzanne's posting about her book Call Me Okaasan. (I have an essay in the book, BTW.) I wonder how useful Pinterest really is, in promoting something?!

I am in favor of new social media but only if it's user-friendly, and useful..

A lady on Facebook posted a photo yesterday of part of her body with surgical stitches in it - lots of them. Now, I can clean up vomit and poop all day [and frequently do, thanks to Coco] but photos of STITCHES?! This brings out my weird un-named phobia about seeing foreign objects embedded in human flesh. Nothing grosses me out more. Nothing. That image is burned on my brain now, which is traumatic and horrifying. This phobia makes it impossible for me to understand why people get piercings in their body, or tattoos, and I've taken a lot of flack for that over the years, but so be it. It's not art to me, it's disfigurement.

Mother sent me this link and it absolutely floors me. Our president cannot think of anything to say to other heads of state, except one stupid stock phrase?!  What an embarrassment.

Whoever runs against Obama in the fall will get my vote.

No, I'm not a Republican. No, I don't agree with a lot of so-called Republican opinions. I'm not a bible-thumper. I believe in gay rights. I disagree with a lot of Republican positions. BUT I think our current administration is doing more harm than good to the country. All he does is campaign, play golf, and go on vacation - and we the taxpayers are paying for all that nonsense.

The rhetoric I see everywhere from Democrats makes me so angry I could spit. OTOH, most everything that comes out of Rick Santorum's mouth makes me want to slap him.

I suspect a LOT of Americans are just like me - sick of the idiotic crap spewed by both parties, and wishing we had better choices.

However, Ron Paul strikes me as a wacko.

Well, now it's off to get a shower and TRY to be cheerful and sweet for the rest of the day. Pray I can do it! LOL

Spring in Atlanta

I wish all of you who don't live in the south could travel here to Atlanta just for a few hours and drive around in the suburbs a bit, because the profusion of flowering trees and shrubs, the colors, the clear blue sky - it's all a balm to the eyes of any weary soul.

I was thinking today, I so wish my stupid camera wasn't cutting up so I could take some photos of all the loveliness, even just in my own yard, but photos never are as good as the real thing.

I have daffodils up and out of the ground, azaleas bursting with blooms, a hedge of white flowers I cannot identify, and green grass, again.

Gardening is a very big deal here. I look forward to seeing growing things again. Even though the winter was very mild, it was still winter. Spring is gorgeous, pollen or no pollen.

I went to Home Depot today and bought a big red geranium to put on my front lanai, and some Impatiens and even a gerbera daisy [on sale]. I never have much luck with those but I'm going to try, yet again.

I was disappointed by the very few heirloom tomatoes found at Home Depot but I got what I could. Pike's Nursery here used to be a great source of heirlooms but they're out of business, unfortunately.

It's in the low 80's right now but in the morning when it's cooler I plan to get out and fertilize every blooming thing in my yard, and get some tiny 'maters in the ground, and some pepper plants I bought.

Spring is so lovely here.

Michael is feeling better and played tennis last night. Today he's playing in a round robin tournament. Every time he sees me gazing longingly at plants he says "No! We don't need them! I don't want to water them!"

LOL

Stormy Day

Wow, once again it's one of those days where I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a hurricane, watching everyone around me go into a tailspin, and I'm trying to remain calm and centered.

Ironically, thunderstorms are predicted around here today. That's good news - pollen washing is sorely needed.

On to the not so good news.

Mother's best friend is in the hospital, in ICU, after having a seizure of unknown origin. Her daughter [who is a friend of mine] posted on Facebook last night, which is the first we've heard of this. Please pray for Anna. Mother has seen several close and dear friends pass away just in the last couple of years and it's very sad for her.

Michael is sick. I'm hoping it's just a bad cold, exacerbated by the pollen. He felt really yucky yesterday but I made him go to school since he wasn't running fever.

I just realized yesterday from reading a friend's blog that she has sleep apnea. It's a really serious condition. Left untreated, it can cause all sorts of issues:

"Untreated, sleep apnea can cause high blood pressure and other cardiovascular disease, memory problems, weight gain, impotence, and headaches. Moreover, untreated sleep apnea may be responsible for job impairment and motor vehicle crashes. Fortunately, sleep apnea can be diagnosed and treated. Several treatment options exist, and research into additional options continues."

I am praying my friend will go get help. She doesn't like seeing doctors. Well, I don't either, but sometimes you have to go.

I posted the other day about an old friend with cancer. Just heard this morning she has died. So very sad for her family. Her husband worked with my dad and is a great guy. He is a friend of my cousin. Such a tragic thing.

I have a case at work that I can't blog about, but I can't stop thinking about our client, and hoping we can help her.

I keep hearing this high-pitched electronic sound in my ear. We have a noisy house and Mother leaves her little TV on most of the time but wow, this is getting really annoying. I hope it's some residual electronic noise and not some other issue with my hearing, like tinnitus.

After three weeks of no word, I finally had a text "conversation" with my daughter yesterday, thanks be to God. She is OK. She says she is interviewing for jobs. Keep praying for her. Wisdom is coming slowly for my hardheaded Russian princess..

I'll be doing a lot of praying today.

So that's all the news from my corner of the world.

 

Greetings from Pollen-ville

The pollen count here yesterday was over 9,000! Freakishly high, even for here. The azaleas are in bloom and everyone with allergies is miserable.. Yellowish film covers EVERYTHING.

Car wash places are very happy. They're doing record business. You get your car washed today, it's covered with pollen again tomorrow.

Poor Michael has been sniffing and sneezing and having a terrible time. His eyes are red and itchy. I got him Zyrtek, antihistamine eye drops, etc. Nothing really helps. He is asleep now, thanks to good old Benadryl.

I just saw this article saying today's pollen count was only 5,174. Rain is expected in the next few days. Whoopee!

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I fixed roasted cauliflower and shrimp salad for dinner last night. Mother loves shrimp salad and we had some leftover shrimp, which is rare. I bought 3 lbs. the other day from our fave fish market. So I made shrimp salad, which is just cold shrimp diced up with a little mayo, some lime juice, onion powder, and a little Old Bay seasoning. Mike took one bite of his and said "You didn't use dill?!?"

He proceeded to take his portion of the salad and add dill and other ingredients. Then he gave some of the new shrimp salad to Mother and said "Taste this. Isn't it better?!"

Thanks, kiddo.

Actually, it didn't bother me. I am glad he likes food and is willing to work on dishes to make them taste to suit him. He can make excellent guacamole, omelets, and several other things. I need to give him some more cooking lessons, maybe this summer when there's more time and we have more fresh stuff.

Colton came over to help Michael with math and stayed for dinner, and I made pork chops and Eggroll Cabbage, which he loved. Here's the "recipe" - I sautéed some coleslaw cabbage [found in bags, shredded, next to the bag salads] in a skillet. I added some soy sauce, onion powder, and black pepper to the cabbage, so it tastes like the inside of an eggroll.

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Kudos to my friend Lisa S. for posting this blog on Adoption Under One Roof, about the situation with Russia's orphans and Putin's attitudes towards the many orphans in his country. He needs to improve the situation in Russian orphanages before he says another word about anything. Conditions in most of those places are appalling.