The Crab Chronicles

Canceled Pity Party

I didn't have time to write a post this morning before breakfast but I wanted to put in a quick word while I eat lunch, so folks will know I'm not sitting in my house having a big 'ol pity party. Mother was upset after she read yesterday's post and it's never a good thing when that happens.

As we say here in the South: If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Michael and I went to downtown Tucker and walked around yesterday afternoon and had an enjoyable time at a little food festival there. We got some yummy cupcakes at a place called Sweet Dee's Bakery. Despite my arguments, they would not give me a discount since my name is Dee. Wah.

See, my address may be Atlanta, and I work in the city, but I really live in Tucker. I don't consider myself a city person at all. You can walk all over downtown Tucker in 15 minutes.

Lesleigh came over last night and we had a good visit and that always cheers me up.

The uppermost thing on my mind is a situation at Michael's school, and how to resolve it, but I can't blog about that. Suffice to say, it has me in full "mama bear" mode.

Summer heat is already upon us, with today's highs close to 90. Great for my garden, yes. I had hoped for a few more weeks of moderate weather before the summer sticky heat. Oh well. The neighborhood pool is open this Saturday, and I plan to have my big butt in it.

I rarely write about really dreadfully bad movies here, but I have to say a word about a new film on DVD called The Immortals. It involves Greek mythology but that's where the educational value ends. It's just awful. Mindless violence, idiotic dialogue - this film is for nobody. Do NOT waste your time on it. I am very reluctant to even let Michael finish it..

Gotta get back to work. More later.

What Doesn't Kill Me

There's a pop song right now I hear on Michael's radio station, and the chorus goes "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - hardly an original sentiment, but it still startles me every time I hear those words blasting out of the radio. I think to myself, Kelly Clarkson, there is no way on earth you could possibly have had the experiences in your short life to really understand that idea. No way.

She's talking about a breakup with a boyfriend.

I mean no disrespect to her. She has a lot of talent. She just doesn't understand a lot of things.

When I was her age I could've sung those words passionately, too, but at my age now I realize how much I had to learn.

I had some encounters in the past week which have caused me to reflect on what hasn't killed me but has caused me a lot of grief.

I had a run-in with a friend last week that made me realize just how little she really understands about life. She's a good person but amazingly immature for someone just a few years younger than me. She's had an easy life. She's never had to quit smoking. She's never had her heart broken by a man she considered the love of her life. She's never watched her father dying of cancer. She's never nursed her mother after being in the hospital and nearly dying. She's never tried to heal a child so traumatized from the past they literally curl into the fetal position on the floor when hearing a raised voice. She's never struggled to pay bills. She's never lost a child to drugs. I bet she's never even doubted she was going to make it through yet another day without sobbing in the car to the point where her eyes were swollen nearly shut.

Those have all been my experiences. They didn't kill me. Have they made me stronger? I guess so. Sometimes I think my strength merely comes from being incapable of not taking care of the people who need me. I would like to say I have unshakable faith. I have a lot of faith. There are lots of times, though, that God seems very far away.

I just finished typing a long email about my daughter to a friend I haven't seen in a while. I shouldn't have said so much but I needed to write it. I can't write in that much detail here because this is a public forum, and there are still a lot of things that must remain private. Writing is how I manage to make it through the day, though.

Perhaps if I were to write a song it would be called "What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Type A Lot."

I realized only recently that the last 6 months or so of 2011 were a time when I operated simply on autopilot. I was so beside myself with worry about my daughter that it was hard to get up each day and keep going. I don't recall most of it, only isolated moments. I had just started a new job and I'm sort of amazed I didn't get fired because I made some stupid mistakes. I didn't bother to take any personal photos and put them on my desk until after Christmas.

Maybe what I should remember is that despite all my ineptitude at my job, at my roles as daughter and mom, at losing weight, at so many things, I am STILL HERE. I am stronger in the broken places.

I can hear sentences like "You're not his real mom," and instead of dissolving in tears I just get pissed off. I KNOW I am Michael's real mom, and he knows it too.

Sometimes when I can't calm down and negative thoughts start to freak me out I just try to repeat this mantra, "God, please take care of us. Take care of everyone I love."

[One thing is for sure - I don't ask him to make me stronger. Not going there. I'm strong enough, Lord, thanks very much... ;-)]

To all my regular readers - thanks for putting up with some inane posts. Some days I just don't feel like writing. Other days I write too much. In either case, the discipline of keeping this blog going is part of what keeps me going. I'm no good at writing eloquently but I can manage honesty.

Maybe that'e enough for now.

Soon A Driver

OK, I now have even more proof that prayers ARE answered. I have had a time mentally dealing with thinking I had lost an important paper and I've been praying so hard for a happy resolution to that situation. Now I have an answer.

Michael was issued an original Certificate of Citizenship by US Immigration when I brought him here in 2007, and I knew he would need that in order to take the test to get his learner's permit. I looked and looked for it. It was not in any of the folders where I keep such things.

Finally, this morning, it occurred to be to look in a big bag of stuff I was going to take out to the curb for recycling. There, in a random folder, was the Certificate!!

I have been praying about this for several weeks, y'all. Praying HARD. To get a replacement would cost several hundred dollars which I can't afford right now.

When I found the certificate I started whooping and hollering, as we say here in the south. I nearly wet my pants with excitement.

Michael came upstairs and took one of the online tests on the Department of Transportation website - he hasn't looked at the book in several weeks - and only missed one. I was fixing to take him to take the test and I realized he has to have a form signed by the school. So we will need to get that next week. Then he can take the test and start learning to really drive.

I hope they won't give me a hard time about him having one hand. We don't have stick shift cars, so I can't see it would be an issue.

I am just tickled to death we found this important paper and he can now take his learner's permit test. YES!

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My friend Cindy Bodie has adopted more than thity-five children from foster care, and she published a VERY powerful post on her blog today. I want to share it because this 16 year old son of hers writes so thoughtfully about his experiences of being traumatized as a young child, then bounced around in foster care, before being adopted by Cindy. You can read this post here. I hope he will keep writing.

Random Stuff

Sometimes I get very frustrated by surfing the net and I think, I just need to give up the computer for a few days and actually get a few things done around my house. Then I get a grip and say to myself "There will always be dust. I need to get on Facebook and see what my friends are up to!"

Yeah, I'm addicted.

Before high-speed internet I was something of a clean freak. Of course, it's a lot easier to keep a condo clean than an almost 3,000 sq. ft. house. Add in a dog and a boy, and said house really becomes a chore.

I also must admit that this time of year, spring, means I much prefer to be outside in the garden than inside slaying dust bunnies. You can't eat dust bunnies.

I read Pioneer Woman's website every day or two, and today included an in-depth post by her husband about running a ranch that includes a lot of cows. You can read more on this scintillating subject here.Why would anyone read this, I wonder, except another rancher?!

Maybe I will get someone in my close family to write a long post like that.

"How to keep stuff strewn all over the floor of your room, no matter how much your mom fusses."

"Cute things Coco does." - this one would be by Mother.

The excitement of my day was taking Mother to the doctor this morning. Getting her anywhere before 10 a.m. is a full-scale operation. Today there was fasting involved. I had bloodwork done, too, so I was fasting. I don't like fasting. I sometimes faint when I fast.

Then it takes a crane to hoist me off the floor.

Our doctor [Mom and I see the same one] always has student doctors working in her office. Today it was a tall young man from Cameroon, and he had a lovely accent and was just a sweetheart. One of the nurses came in and asked if Dr. V was in the room. I was sitting on a rolling chair in the corner. Mother jokingly said "Well I don't see her, but maybe she's under Dee's chair." The nurse actually looked under my chair. She barely got the door closed before Mother, the young doctor, and I all busted out laughing. Dr. V is a petite woman, but not THAT small...

Anyway, I am stiull here. I will write more tomorrow.

Weird Things Said to Me

I am always amazed when something bizarre is said to me, and I don't respond appropriately. I usually just mumble "Okay" or "Hmmm.." or "Um, yeah," or something similarly inane.

I heard just such a bizarre thing today but I can't really blog about it in detail. Suffice to say this: it ranks in the top 20 of weirdest things I've ever heard, but it's not #1.

So just for fun, I will review some of the most bizarre [and/or simply mean] things that have been said to me during the past 30 years or so.

"You're not watching THE GAME?" This is one I've heard numerous times, from people who should know better. No, I don't actually like football, I always respond. I am always met with looks of sheer puzzlement. The South is College Football Country, but I never jumped on that bandwagon.

"If you don't get married, you will never be happy." That was from a high school friend, when I was 17. I decided she was right and spent the next 20+ years on a desperate, futile Husband Hunt.

"You are just like me. Your mouth will always get you into trouble!" That was from my dad, when I was 19. He was right, of course. I have TMJ from my foot being in my mouth so much, figuratively speaking of course.

"I don't mind dating fat girls." That was said to me when I was 26 and at my thinnest ever, after I had chased that guy all over the tennis court. He looked like an unholy cross between Gene Shalit and Elmo. We never went out again.

"Any pregnant woman who gains more than 20 lbs. is a PIG." That came from a pregnant co-worker of mine who went on to gain about 40 lbs. and in months 5-9 was bribing the law clerk to run buy her french fries at the greasy spoon down the street. Then she would hide in the law library and stuff them in her face. In front of others she only ate trail mix and salads.

"You're anti-semitic!" That accusation was hurled at me for daring to suggest it should be OK to wish someone a "Merry Christmas" in public, instead of "Happy Holidays."

"Do you want to go bald?" This was from Michael. "No, not really," I responded. "I have a high forehead. I'm not going bald. Not now, anyway."

"When you wear a bikini, you look like a hard-boiled egg with two rubber bands around it." That was from my older brother, when I was an adolescent.I should've made him pay for my therapy years later.

"You're just a BITCH!" That was screamed at me by my sister-in-law after I calmly suggested that she postpone a camping trip until after Christmas, so we could all be together at Mother's house on Christmas day.

"If you lose some weight and get yourself some hot clothes maybe you can find yourself a man." That was from my daughter, not too long ago. I am pretty sure she was high at the time.

"Do you think you can deal with people screaming at you on a day-to-day basis?" That was in a job interview. Thank God I didn't get that one because I had a feeling that attorney would have been the one screaming at me.

"Don't you think you ought to take short-term disability and check yourself into a treatment center?" That was from an attorney I actually worked for, during a yearly performance review. This may be the #1 weirdest thing, and she said it to me several times over several years. I later found out the secretary on my team wanted to get promoted into my job, so she was telling the boss I was crazy, behind my back. To my face she acted like she was my friend.

"You must drink with us!" This was from the director of Mike's orphanage when I went to pick him up and learned I was to be the guest of honor at a "tea." I hadn't slept in two days while I was traveling. I could barely stay upright.

"Why do your friends like you?" This was from a job interview years ago. "Because I pay them?!" I shot back. The woman started writing that down. "Just KIDDING," I said, chuckling. She didn't even crack a smile. Thank God I didn't get that job either.

"You're NOT going to become a teacher?!" That was from my dad, after I finished graduate school and had my M.A. in English. "Nope. I never said I wanted to teach," I replied. He stared at me in utter confusion.

"You would make a terrible mother!" That came from a co-worker one day at lunch, when I said I wanted to have a child but not breastfeed. Ha. I showed her. I never had to breastfeed either of my kids.

"Where's her REAL mother?!" This came from a relative, right after I brought my daughter home. "I AM her real mother," I shot back. My own mother was trying to run interference. It was the first time I ever heard that insensitive phrase, but not the last.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Facebook Rocks

I know there are two types of folks in the world now: those who do Facebook, and those who don't. Those who don't think us Facebookers are drooling, time-wasting idiots, I am sure. Those of us who DO use Facebook laugh a lot more, I bet.

This made me laugh so much I posted it on my wall:

This is pretty much my philosophy of life.

Here's another one that made me giggle:

ROFLMAO!!

Then there are the re-posts I do of things other people post that I think are funny:

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 -16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads .....

Bubba -
Bertha, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammo and beer. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. - Cooter

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Sometimes my friends post thing on their wall that are very thought-provoking, like this one:

LET GO OR BE DRAGGED.

Amen to that. I've done both. Letting go is scary but being dragged is godawful.

Some years ago I was at the beach and I got caught in a powerful wave struggling to swim, and sputtering to get a breath. Scared the crap out of me. Finally, instead of fighting to swim, I let go and just let myself be hurled up on the shore. Maybe that's why that phrase is so profound to me. Only by letting go, literally, did I not drown.

Obviously, the underlying meaning is to let go of your expectations and let yourself experience things in a natural way, not trying to manipulate and control everything in your life. As a spiritual person, the best days are the ones where I let "Jesus take the wheel" and quit obsessing over stuff. I tend to be a little uptight. SHHHHH... don't tell anyone...

Whenever I obsess now I am going to get a mental image of being dragged. Yikes.

I also like to read pithy quotes on Facebook, like this: 

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." Henry Ford

// So the takeaway is this: if you're not on Facebook, you're missing out on a way cool virtual community of old schoolmates, work buddies, cousins, neighbors, and others who might make you laugh or cry.

Les Mis

Did an entire post about seeing Les Miserables last night at the Fox but it didn't get published and I have to go make Michael some breakfast. Grrr.....

Stunning show. Just amazing.

The video below is my favorite song from the show [although this is not the guy who sang last night]. Makes me cry every time.

 

I hear there is a movie being made of Les Miserables starring Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe. Mike didn't like the show last night but maybe I can talk him into seeing Russell in it, when it comes out next year...

If I Ran the World

I love watching an old movie and seeing an actor who is now famous, but wasn't at the time the movie was made. Such is the case with one of my faves, Gerard Butler.

I always watch a movie (on the computer) when I walk in the morning. The past couple of days, I've been watching Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown, and, to my dismay, I realized that it was the very first movie made by Gerard Butler. However, he looks AWFUL in this movie!! What idiot decided the horrible haircut and scraggly beard were the right look for him there?!

This is yet another fact which proves my lifelong hypothesis that IF I RAN THE WORLD IT WOULD BE A FAR SUPERIOR PLACE!

Here are some changes you'd see if I ran the world:

Hot men like Gerard Butler would not be allowed to grow scraggly beards.

Gerard Butler would have to shave his face every day before going out in public!!

A cure for cellulite would be the recipient of a lot of research money.

Every person could take 4 "mental health" days off every year, paid by the employer.

Spiky-heeled shoes would be regarded as a health menace. [which they ARE]

Nobody would have to learn Algebra or higher math except people going into professions where it's actually needed [like engineering].

Broccoli would be banned from public places.

A flat tax would be instituted - 20% for everyone.

and a few more serious ones:

Congress would be completetly overturned and there would be some new rules - term limits, no lobbyists, no free healthcare for congressmen/women, etc.]

English would be the only language for public places and documents. Immigrants would just have to learn it, not expect accommodations.

and finally, my favorite:

All financially secure, stable couples [whether married or unmarried, straight or gay] would be REQUIRED to adopt at least one child before they had biological children. That right there would cure a lot of ills, because children released from foster care or kicked out of orphanages at 17 or 18 often go on to become criminals, simply due to a lack of loving care and guidance.

Yep, the world would be a MUCH better place if I ran it.

Boys

Michael just informed me he needed two number two pencils for school. They are doing the CRCT testing. "Why didn't you tell me this yesterday when we were at the store?" I asked, yanking open my file cabinet and rummaging around.

He shrugged, and took two pencils off my desk.

Boys.

Yesterday, I worked in the garden a long time in the afternoon. Later, I was up in my room and Michael and Colton were talking to me. I was sitting down.

"You have a bug in your hair, Mom," Michael said.

"Well, get him out of there," I snapped. I hate bugs.

"No, I think I'll just leave him there," Michael said, nonchalantly. By now I thought I felt the bug crawling on my head.

"GET HIM OFF OF ME!" I bellowed. Coco started barking from downstairs.

Michael showed me a tiny leaf that was the "bug" - laughing, of course.

"Very funny. Now go downstairs and tell Granny what you did, so she won't think something is wrong!" I hollered.

Boys.

As we were working in the garden, there was a stick that I used to stake tomatoes last year. Michael picked it up and suddenly it was a light saber. He flourished it, darting around.

Stick = weapon [to a boy, of course]

But in many ways, Michael is atypical. Last night we had poached salmon for dinner. He loves salmon. I made a little bit of sauce to put on it [mayo, lime juice, dill, onion powder] and it was not enough for him. He finished a good-sized portion of salmon, and had some cauliflower, and announced he was still hungry. "There's more salmon. Help yourself," I said. We had bought extra thinking Lesleigh was coming for dinner but she couldn't come.

"I need more sauce, Mom. How did you make it?" Michael asked. I told him. He made another batch, and ate another large portion of salmon, smothered in sauce. [For any of you unaware of the delights of Mayonnaise, rest assured none of us have high cholesterol.]

About midway through dinner, Michael had a forkful halfway to his mouth and he looked at me, eyes dancing [this is a very Michael thing, as he has very expressive eyes] - "You saw a movie yesterday about salmon, and now we are eating it?!" he remarked.

"Yes, I was in a salmon mood today," I said.

The cauliflower was terrific. It's my cousin Terri's recipe. You just nuke the florets in the microwave until they are tender/crisp. Then cover them with a mixture of one cup mayo and 1 tablespoon mustard, mixed together. Nuke another minute or two. Cover with 1 cup of cheese, whatever kind you have. Nuke some more. Stir it all up and serve. YUM.[Or you can roast or boil it, of course, The mayo/mustard/cheese combo is what makes it delicious]

Michael smelled the cauliflower cooking - normally something he's not too keen on - and said "We're having CAULIFLOWER?! YUM!" He ate a lot.

Boys.

I love them.

This is a jokey smile, not the real one. LOL

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

After all the excitement on Friday, I needed a comewhat restful day yesterday, and I got it. The entire week was hectic. If I don't take some "down" time at the end of every week I get sick. It's inevitable. So hopefully yesterday was restful enough for me to avoid illness.

I have a friend named Dana who has been my friend now almost 20 years. We met right after I moved here in 1993, both working at the same law firm. We both love movies, so that's been our primary way of getting together over the years. I met Dana at the movie yesterday.

Yesterday's movie was just excellent, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. A comedic love story, it had a lot of surprisingly clever dialogue and beautiful cinematography. It also had some surprising lessons about faith. I highly recommend it. I put the trailer below because I so want to help this movie find an audience.I want to buy it when it comes out on DVD, I already know, because it's such a gentle, wonderful movie.

 

I love Ewan McGregor because he's such a good actor and certainly easy on the eyes. However, when I read that he'd adopted a 4 year old girl from a Mongolian orphanage after filming a movie there, my opinion of him rose tremendously.

I know there's some backlash against celebrities adopting children internationally, but the more it's done, the more high-profile those adoptions are, I feel the better. He actually went to the orphanage and saw all those children and he adopted one. I don't know how anyone can visit ANY orphanage and not want to adopt at least one child. You give them a chance at a decent life, and sometimes you give them life itself, like my friend Stephanie.

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Michael and I also went for a walk in the mall, late yesterday afternoon. I prefer walking outside but we have a lot of hills around here, and right now I'm getting bitten by mosquitos every time I walk outside, which is maddening. I hate malls - lots of crap nobody needs, at idiotic prices.

Every time Michael would be fascinated by things at the mall, I'd remind him that he did not NEED yet another pair of tennis shoes. He now wants to go buy headphones. I think he should make do with earbuds, but he's determined to spend his money.

For dinner last night I had put pork chops in the oven and accidentally nearly burned them to a crisp. They were edible, barely. I was so glad I had some spaghetti squash to fix, and I bought some hashbrowns at the store. I don't usually endorse ready-made foods because in general I think people should fix fresh food. However, grating potatoes irritates my hands something fierce and Mike loves hashbrowns, so I discovered Simply Potatoes. They are in the same section as the pudding at Publix. These garlic and herb potatoes are terrific. I highly recommend them.

Those are the highlights of yesterday - sort of pitiful, huh?! So be it. Enjoy your Sunday.