Every so often I see something on one of my Yahoo groups that pulls me up short. I belong to a number of different Yahoo groups but the most active one is for parents who have adopted kids with limb differences. Most of the kids come from China.
If you want to adopt from China now and get a healthy infant you will wait 3-6 years. If you will adopt a "special needs" child your process will go much quicker. Singles can now adopt special needs kids too.
A child with a limb difference is considered "special needs" but in most cases the difference has barely any impact on the child's daily life.
Anyway, this mom on my Yahoo group posted about her little one who asked her the other day if she would grow her little hand and have two big hands one day. Made her mama cry. Would've made me cry, for sure.
I wanted to just jump through the computer, scoop up that precious baby, and just hug the hurt away.
The hardest part of being a mama to a special needs child is watching them hurt, wishing they could be like all the other kids, and there is no "fix" for it.
You have to just teach them to be strong. You have to love them extra hard to make up for an un-loving world. You have to pray they will find good friends who see past the limb difference to the actual person.
This is the reply I posted:
Yes, BTDT and it doesn't get easier as they get older. My son is now 15, and just this past year he has said a couple of times that he wished he had a right hand. Teenagers are self-conscious anyway. Add in acne and a limb difference and you see some real angst. My heart just breaks for him sometimes.
I have said this to him though, a couple of times: any girl who looks at you and sees only your missing hand, and not the beautiful heart you have, is an idiot. Ignore the idiots.
He is blessed to have three very close friends and a larger circle of good friends in our neighborhood.
As your kids get older try to encourage friendships that will nourish them into teen years. It will help a lot.
My friend Stephanie is dealing with this now, with her son who is deaf. It's just heartbreaking.
If you are not the parent of a special needs kid but you want to make the world a better place, here's a suggestion. Encourage your children to befriend the child at your school who is in a wheelchair, or who is deaf, or who is missing a limb. Encourage your children to see past the differences, to the child beneath. Model that behavior for them, if possible.
Children learn kindness and tolerance from seeing parents who are kind and tolerant.
This is from Mike's birthday last year. Mat and Bart, who are nearly 5 inches taller than Mike, were trying to stoop down to look the same height as he is. I had told them to do that and they all got the giggles.
