The Crab Chronicles

Messages of Support

OK, so I have a small confession to make here. I went to an orthopedic doctor Monday morning about my back. It's much better but not 100% and I knew I needed to get it checked out by an orthopedist.

He did an exam and x-rays of my back. I have a condition called spondylolisthesis. I also have spondylosis, which is easier to spell but not the main issue.

I have done a lot of research in the past couple of days.

I was too upset to write about this until now.

I am not sure if the issues are a result of arthritis or an inherited birth defect. I've heard from two cousins on opposite sides of my family who have both had this or something similar. It's comforting to know both of them have soldiered through for years and avoided surgery.

Back surgery is often unsuccessful, and I want to avoid it at all costs. My insurance won't pay for much of it either.

See, the doctor I saw Monday had all the personality of a dead fish. After telling me I am too fat for surgery and warning me to lose weight, he said surgery is inevitable. He wouldn't even hazard a guess as to when - could be 2 years or 20. I was nervous so I kept trying to talk to him and engage him, and make a human connection, but all he wanted to do was deliver my diagnosis and write prescriptions and leave. Grr....

SO the challenge is to get rid of lard, exercise, and try to deal. I cannot afford the physical therapy.The chiropractor said he would help me with some additional exercises.

I've cut down drastically on my consumption of junk food. I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 6 weeks, but obviously I need to do more.Twice in my life, in the late 1980's and then again in the late 1990's, I lost over 100 lbs. I gained it back, unfortunately, but I know how to lose.

Now I have a huge incentive. I do not want to wind up disabled.

Michael and I went to the pool last night and I walked or swam gently for about 35 minutes. The warm water felt great. Nearly froze when we got out - it was a chilly 82 or so. I plan to swim a lot more before the pool closes in mid September, then look into going to a nearby health club with a pool.

There's also walking, but it's kind of boring. I will walk, though, when I can't swim.

To everyone who sent me emails of support and encouragement - HUGE THANKS. I am so blessed to have such great friends and family members.

This is me with my uncle Bob Thompson, about 2001. I was a lot thinner then and I plan to get back to that weight as soon as I can. I doubt I will ever have hair that long again, though... LOL

Goodbye Mrs. Fang

In 1967 my parents flew to Los Angeles to attend the wedding of Bob Hope's daughter. How did a young banker from Augusta Georgia get invited to such a shindig, you might wonder.

Linda Hope married a guy who was Dad's customer at the bank.

Bruce and I were small, so we stayed with our grandparents. Mother has told stories for years about going to that wedding, though. Somewhere we have the invitation, maybe out in the garage along with 5,000 other bits and pieces of memorabilia.

When I heard yesterday about Phyllis Diller's death, Mom recalled meeting her at the Hope wedding. She introduced herself to Mother, who introduced herself back. Phyllis started screaming at Mom's southern accent, and told her "Just talk!"

She proceeded to take Mom all over the room and introduce her to people, saying "Listen to this accent!"

Now, that may sound bitchy or mean, but Mom says she was actually incredibly nice.

I played this vintage clip for Michael and he thought she was very funny:

 

It wasn't the first time Mom's accent had been noted. Shortly before that, Mom was surrounded by salesladies in Macy's and asked to just talk, because they had never heard someone with a real southern accent.

It's hard to describe Mom's accent. If you took Paula Deen's accent and dialed it back about halfway, that would be Mom.

Another story about that trip to California: Mom and Dad were sitting in a restaurant, at a table close to a larger table. Mom whispered to Dad and said "Tony, look to your left. Ann Sothern is sitting there."

Dad thought Mom was nuts. "Ann Sothern is DEAD, Elva," he said, not lowering his voice.

"No, she's not. She's sitting right there," Mom hissed.

"Elva, I'm telling you ANN SOTHERN IS DEAD!" Dad insisted.

"Tony, keep your voice down! She's sitting less than 4 feet away from you!"

"She IS DEAD!" Dad retorted.

This went on for a minute and Ann Sothern heard the conversation. She and everyone at her table were laughing hysterically.

Dad was great at arguing sometimes.

RIP Phyllis, and Ann [now actually dead].

Walking, Friends, Prayers

We had a nice weekend, but as always, last night Mother and I thought of several things that just didn't get done. There simply aren't enough hours in a day. I don't know how people with more than one child get anything done. My hat is off to them.

Not much to report, but here goes..

I had some out of town family visiting yesterday and I enjoyed the visit a lot. However, I didn't get up and walk every 30 minutes like I needed to, and boy my back was in bad shape when they left. I told my friend Gary on the phone, I simply cannot go back to a sedentary lifestyle and sit for hours, whether chatting or working, or whatever. I have to get up and move every 30 minutes or so.

Walking doesn't compare to the workouts I used to do when I was younger [aerobics, swimming, raquetball] but at least it's something.

My friends have been on my mind a lot lately.

I have two dear friends who are dealing with very tough situations with their parents. I guess it's inevitable for folks like us in their 50's. I told Mom last night, I feel pretty fortunate that she lives with me and I can be sure what kind of care she's getting, and make things relatively comfortable for her. It actually makes me less anxious because I am not far away worrying, like my friends.

My friends Steve and Melanie had their house struck by lightning recently, so they've been dealing with nightmarish electrical issues, including no air conditioning for most of a week. Colton spent the night with us Saturday, so he could sleep cool, bless his heart.

My friend Dana's son is getting married this weekend, in Charleston. Wish we could've gone, but riding in the car for longer than half an hour is not fun for me.

I was so happy to see my friend Cindy got to go to the Braves game last night. She is a huge baseball fan and she needs a break every now and then from her very large family. Heck, we all need some ME time [although I hate that phrase].

Didn't get to church yesterday but did a lot of praying..

It's funny how God works in my life. All weekend, off and on, I was fretting about not getting time to get outside and water my flowers and gardens, and we kept getting these nice rain showers. I always say Thanks God when that happens, thanks for watering for me!

I went to pick up a prescription for Michael and was informed that his insurance company wouldn't pay for it until tomorrow. Mother gets this all the time, too. Why can't insurance pay when I need them to pay? Why does it have to be a weekday before we can get things?! Grrr....

Keep praying about finding a breakfast Mike will like. Am trying an idea for smoothies I saw on Jamie Deen's Home for Dinner show. Mike isn't fond of breakfast but maybe I can make the smoothie work. It includes frozen fruit and Greek yogurt...

Y'all have a great Monday!

My cousin Pat and her husband Buddy. We had such a nice visit yesterday. I wish they lived closer. [They live in Charleston.]

Overparenting

Sometimes I am amazed by people who try to program every moment of their children's lives. I always want to say, when are your kids going to learn to just relax? How are they going to learn how to handle being alone, if you never let them?!

Mike spends a lot of time in my room, sitting in his favorite chair, just relaxing. Sometimes I am here, sometimes not. That's OK. It's also OK for him to just relax in his own room.

Why can't a kid just hang out? Why does every minute have to be programmed?

A friend at work was saying her 6 year old wants mama to be her social director. She will come in and say "I'm bored..." I just harumphed. "When Michael says he's bored I tell him we have lots of work to do around here, and I can sure fix that bored thing right quick..."  That was what my mother said to me when I was a kid. There's no excuse for boredom.

I had a lady tell me once that if every minute of her child's day wasn't planned out "He'll just get into trouble." Really? What happens when he goes to college and he doesn't have you telling him what to do?!

Now, following my own advice is not always easy. As a working parent I am very vulnerable to hearing "Mom, play with me..." My mother reminds me a lot of times that Michael needs to be on his own. I do not need to spend every waking moment with him to be a good mom.I do try to carve out some just mama time every week, though.

Last night, we went out to dinner, just Michael and me. I don't think we had ever done that before. We ate at a Chinese restaurant. He was delightful. We had such a nice time. He had my full and complete attention for more than an hour.

I am trying really hard not to overparent. I am trying to follow my grandmother's advice and just not see everything they do. Kids do stupid stuff all the time. They need to fall down and get hurt sometimes. They need to figure things out on their own.

Of course, it helps that I have a strong faith in God.

[BTW, check out my post about Movies Everyone Needs to See over on my Scribblerchick's Movie Dish blog.]

Inspiring

I feel rather decadent posting this, but it was the biggest news going around here yesterday: The cleaning folks came yesterday afternoon, and my house looks amazing. The floors and bathrooms sparkle. Never thought I'd see that in my lifetime. LOL It's a big house and there are lots of difficult tile and wood floors to clean.

We got back from getting Jersey Mike's sandwiches last night and Michael came in and told Mother "It SMELLS clean even before you get in the house!" I had to chuckle. They used Clorox in some of the mop water and that's why it smells that way.

My usual weekend thinking - I need to get off my lazy butt and get some cleaning done around here! - has been replaced with I need to do majoir laundry including my bedsheets, but now I won't be freaked out if something clean falls on the laundry room floor! YAY!

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A friend sent me an article about Oksana Masters, a paralympic rowing champion, and I loved reading it. Oksana was adopted at age 8 from a Ukrainian orphanage by a single mom. She is an amazing person. She and her rowing partner, a veteran of Afghanistan who lost both lower legs in an explosion, formed Team Bad Company.

Reading about Oksana and watching her story puts it all in perspective.

 

 

Pool Thoughts and Slob Contemplations

Michael was so exhausted last night he ate his dinner [I made a lovely casserole] and went to bed about 8:30. He had a headache. He had also been swimming.

After I get out of the swimming pool I immediately have to sprint for the bathroom and tinkle. Chlorine seems to have this weird effect on me. And no, I don't pee in pools. ICK. I also, within about 30 minutes, want to fall asleep wherever I am, just curl up and zonk out.

These are not necessarily bad things. They just complicate life. So if I go to the pool, I better have dinner made already and no social obligations later.

My parents had a pool at their last house in Augusta. Can't tell you how many times I went there for the weekend and didn't swim. I took it for granted. What an idiot. It's such a great way to exercise. Just walking through the water is fun. If I had one now, I'd do that every day. Well, I'd also float. I am naturally buoyant. I can float all day.

My father couldn't float. He'd sink like a stone every time. I had a roommate in college like that - no body fat on the woman. Dad was never fat but obviously his tummy couldn't be used as a flotation device..

How did I get off on THAT weird train of thought, hmm.....?!!

It is August in Atlanta and our daily temps, so far, are just in the mid to upper 80's. For here, that's freaky weird cool. Then again, July was hot as HELL...

My bad back has meant that I have not been able to clean house much at all. So today we are trying an experiment. We hired a cleaning lady to come in and just scrub down the bathrooms and the floors. That's quite a job in this house. I feel sort of guilty for spending the money. OTOH, if I do it, my back will kill me. I refuse to live in a grungy house.

We are messy, no doubt. Mike drops detritus wherever he goes. But we are not un-hygienic. Huge difference there.

So of course, I need to run around this morning and straighten up. Because I don't want the maid to think we are totally disgusting slobs. Maybe 50% slobs, but not TOTALLY. That's unacceptable.

Can someone teach me the Spanish for "This is what 1 boy and a dog with digestive issues DO to a house?!?"

I only know about 10 words of Spanish. Most of it I learned from menus...

The Dude Abides

I didn't get my usual "first day of school" photo published the other day, so yesterday I made this one of Mike. He was helping me make dinner in the kitchen. [Ignore the mess, please]

Isn't his shirt great?!? Love me some Big Lebowski. For a movie with absolutely no message and no redeeming social values, it's a gem. Michael said one of his teachers loves it, and was telling him all sorts of Lebowski trivia yesterday.

The shoes [yes, he is wearing them] are the Nike Lakeside shoes [ironic name, huh?!] that we found on sale. I wish they made them in my size. They are really comfy.

We sent Alesia the photo and she responded that she loved it. I responded and told her he was helping me make green bean salad and country fried steak, and she texted back a long text, the upshot of which was "I'm homesick." She's starting to understand some cause and effect thinking, at least in regards to her life, and for that I am so glad. Keep praying for her, though. All prayers are needed and welcome..

Hospital Food

Love this quote I saw on Facebook: "I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times." LMAO! The picture is a serene looking lady with a Victorian hairstyle.

That has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was funny.

Years ago, I worked for a lawyer who tried my patience to the max. I would verbally spew every single thing I could think of to tell her what a royal pain in the a** she was - while I was in the shower. Never confronted her in person, of course. The best thing was telling her I was quitting. That felt really good. Her mouth literally dropped open in shock. It was such a defining moment in my life that I've never forgotten it.

QUICHE

I was rather sore and not moving well yesterday. Took a walk at lunch. That helped.

I walked down to a little chi chi bakery a couple of blocks from my office. I ordered a mini personal quiche. Chicken, bacon and cheese. Got it back to the office and opened the little box. It LOOKED wonderful. Took one bite. Ugh. There were no seasonings in the quiche. Not even salt and/or pepper! What on earth?! Charged me nearly $9 for that, which only included a tiny green salad to accompany the quiche. The bakery was packed with people.

Clearly, either I ordered wrong, or those people have no taste buds.

I also got a cookie, purportedly peanut butter with almonds. Got back to the office and it was a sugar cookie. Also quite bland.

I feel like writing a complaint letter and saying "Did your chef work at a hospital for his/her last job?! Because that's where your food belongs."

It's like I told my boss, I can make better quiche than that. If I pay big bucks for food, I want it to at least be tasty...

RANDOM NOTES:

Took Michael to shoe shop and he found the most intriguing shoes, Nike Solarsoft Lakeside. They weigh almost nothing. They are like bedroom shoes. He liked them so much he got two pairs - well, it was "Buy One, get 2nd pair half off" at Shoe Carnival. He thinks it will be OK to wear them to PE. Hope he's right. 

I had to laugh at my friend Judy's blog talking about eating everything in a box and then leaving the empty box in the freezer. My brother used to do that and now my son does it, occasionally.

HAPPY NOTE: I got almost 5 continuous hours of sleep last night! YAY!!! Total sleep, close to 7 hours. That's a record for me, for the last 6 weeks or so. The worst part about back pain is missing sleep. THanks be to God for Melatonin...

Day 1 Recap

Well, day 1 of Freshman Year for Mike is all done, so now he can move on with his life.I can stop obsessing, too. I prayed a lot yesterday..

Mike said he had no trouble finding homeroom. They gave him a totally different schedule than the one we got at registration, however. So he was having to scramble around and find rooms anyway. He didn't really complain about that, however.

He didn't get a locker, but right now they don't really have much to carry. He said they will get them by the end of the week, I think.

Two of his classes [World Geography and Biology] have temporary teachers. The school sent teachers in there to tell the kids they don't have teachers yet. I find that rather bizarre. I hope they get permanent teachers soon.

I also hope he doesn't get teachers for those subjects that don't want to be there. When I was a sophomore in high school I got a biology teacher who HATED biology and said he was really a Physics teacher and considered it a huge punishment that he was made to teach one biology class. He spent the year making us all miserable. His tests were to simply write a sentence on the board like "Describe the entire digestive system, using drawings, graphs, etc." Essay tests, essentially. You had to just memorize it all. It was incredibly hard.

Michael was not really happy about his one elective class being Early Childhood Education. I told him, since he's unwilling to take a music class, or band, and the computer/business classes fill up fast, he better just stick with it. I told him he could try and change the class, but I won't help him. A little while later, at dinner, he started listing the good things the teacher said about the first day - the field trips, for instance. So I think he's going to stick it out.

Michael finds children fascinating and he's very good with them. Mother and I feel like he would make a terrific teacher or coach to little kids.

I also think it's sort of serendipity that he got that class, because from my quick perusal of the sylabus, it looks like they are going to talk a lot about the importance of early influences on a child. Mike's first influences were an alcholic mother and a juvenile delinquent older brother [now deceased]. He was often cold, hungry, and homeless. He had few, if any, toys. Yet, somehow he not only survived but thrived.In a way, he defied the odds. Yet, obviously he had some positives there too - I just don't know what they were, or who, might be a better way to say it. Anyway, I think self-awareness is always a positive thing, and if that class helps, it's a blessing.

He said the Spanish teacher started speaking Spanish the first day. I pointed out to him that he learned English much the same way - it's called IMMERSION.

The only troubling thing he said was he didn't eat any lunch. He said he just wasn't hungry. He had eaten a big breakfast, though. I made fried rice, his favorite thing. Today he's getting a couple of banana nut muffins and a glass of milk. I told him he need to refuel at lunch. Two of his friends have the same lunch as he does, so that's good.

He had to do a lot of running up and down stairs to get to different classes. I pointed out that since he's an athlete, all those stairs are great for him, for strengthening his legs. I think it's better for him to do stairs than to have to constantly go outside to classrooms in trailers.

He said he had trouble finding his bus after school, and finally just saw another student who rides the same bus, and asked him where to go. I told him if he misses the bus to call me, not try to walk home. It's a LONG walk.

So, Day 2 will be interesting. It's raining.

School Transitions

OK, I am sitting here trying to be brave, trying not to cry, praying my little boy will find his way today, his first day of high school.

It feels weird to even type that.

Lakeside is a big school, 1800 students, and despite the "tour" the other day, I've no doubt he will get turned around. He hates crowds. He hates big life transitions. In his early life, big transitions were usually terrifying, the first one being when he was hospitalized at age 5 for his hand to be amputated. He spent a month in the hospital.

I have noticed he becomes a pill, the closer we get to transitions away from me. When he first went away to camp in 2008 he was a pill for several days, then FURIOUS with me for making him get on the bus. He was all smiles a few days later when he got off the bus.

I pointed out to him the other day that he has this tendency to be a pill when he's getting ready to do something new, and he got better. The only time he really showed it yesterday was when I made him go outside with me and help me water my gardens. I still try not to bend over, if I can help it. All he had to do was turn the spigot and hand me the hose.

[Side note: we had roasted eggplant last night from our gardens. Mike and Mother each ate a spoon full and I ate a huge helping. Garlic, onion, and olive oil made it SO yummy!]

I remember well my first day of high school. I remember what I wore - a brown pants, matching brown shirts combination. Puka shell necklace. Oversized purple glasses. I thought I looked very fashionable. (Thanks be to God there are no photos of me in that getup! I don't think I ever wore it again.) Within a few days I quickly transitioned to my standard outfit of jeans and a tee shirt for the next 4 years.

I remember waiting for the bus in terror, trying to act cool.

The good thing was that it was the first day in a brand new school building for ALL the classes, not just the freshmen. The great thing about Farragut was that it was/is laid out like a giant wheel. The middle of the wheel is the cafeteria and offices. Each "spoke" was a department and it was color coded - orange downstairs was science, red was Language Arts, green was electives, etc. The lockers were color coded. The gym was in a separate building. It was easy to find your way around.

Michael's school is nearly as old as me, and the renovations have made it quite a maze of old and new.

Of course, I had my big brother in the same school that first year. If I saw him in the hallway he usually wouldn't speak to me, since I was a lowly freshman, but I knew he was there and if I needed him, he would stick up for me.

The positives I am trying to focus on - he already knows a lot of the kids there. He is wearing his glasses all the time now so seeing the board shouldn't be an issue. Colton is in his PE class, I think. The bus makes my life easier. He will have to run up and down stairs all day, to different classes, so when he gets home I expect he will be tired. The food is much better, so they say. Alesia always ate a big sandwich every day.

Michael is also understanding more and more what's at stake. We've gone over several times the importance of his making A's and B's so he can hopefully get the Hope Scholarship. If he can't reach that goal, we can try for other scholarships, or he can work and save his money to pay for his own school. There are options. I think he finally sees the importance of striving for good grades, though.He wants to go to college.

I liked to make good grades in high school, but I hated homework. I rarely did anything at home, preferring to whip through it in class or while waiting for the bus. I was not a stellar student, but I always had a 3.0 or higher GPA.

Anyway, say a prayer or send good thoughts to Michael today.

Above, me in the Girls' Ensemble in about 1978, when I was a junior. I still remember all the girls' names and I am friends with many of them on Facebook. I am standing on the far right, with part of my head cut off, which was probably a blessing. As I recall we were at the director's church, singing at an event.