The hardest part for me, as a mom, is not being a helicopter parent. I want to hover over each of my children and run their lives. I want them to do exactly as I say and make the choices I want them to make.
Obviously, if I do that, they will resent it.
My dad was like that. He was a CONTROL FREAK with me and my brother. Yet, he loved us dearly. He wanted only lovely, comfortable lives for us. We had to make our own mistakes, though.
I remember calls from Dad after I was grown, where he told me exactly what to do and where to live and who to hang out with, even what to wear. It used to make me SO MAD.
Michael is dealing with an awkward situation at school and he has made me promise not to email the teacher. I promised. I am staying out of it. He may be only a 9th grader but he is 16 years old. He needs to handle things on his own. I will not intervene unless he asks me to.
I heard from my daughter last night. She is OK. She talked to a friend last night, one she hasn't spoken to in a while. I sense there may be some changes coming about in her life soon, but there again, I will NOT interfere. She is 21 years old. She has to make her own choices. I will not interfere.
I.WILL.NOT.INTERFERE.
You have no idea how hard it is for me to type that, much less remind myself and actually implement that. I think it would be easier if I had raised my kids from birth, instead of adopting them as older kids. I would have a better sense of how they would choose. They wouldn't have early trauma to overcome. But the situation is what it is.
Unlike Daddy, I will not try to direct my kids lives. I will be there for them if they need me, as much as possible. I will give advice and counsel IF they ask for it. I will laugh with them, cheer them on, and probably cry with them on occasion, but I will not interfere. This is a gift I can give them.
Life is, in a way, a learning process, for all of us. We have to learn in order to grow, even if learning is painful. We have to learn our limitations. We won't learn if we are simply moved about like pawns on a chessboard.
I love both my kids more than my life. I would do anything for them to be happy. I pray for them both every day. But they are not my possessions or my soldiers. They are who they are, and they are still evolving.
Despite all the hell they have been through, my kids are resilient, sweet, loving, and good. I am privileged to be their mama.
So I will not interfere in their lives.
Here endeth the lesson.
