Rarely does anything make me truly, righteously angry, but being told how to parent will do it every time. Give me suggestions - fine. Offer advice IF I ask for it - fine. Commiserate with me when I am kvetching about overwhelming parenting moments - fine.
But DO NOT tell me how to parent.
Progress reports came out two days ago. Michael made two C's, one of them in English. Now, Michael is good in English, normally. And he can handle the work in his elective class just fine, normally. But lately, things have not been normal.
For the past few weeks Michael has had a 3 hour wrestling practice every day after school. Then he has come home, showered, eaten supper, and gone to bed. Exhausted. Too tired to do homework.
Plus, he's growing. I'm not going to make him stay up and study all evening when he needs his sleep.
I reminded him at breakfast Monday [I had checked grades online] that our deal was, he could wrestle only if he kept his grades up. So I was pulling him off the team. I told him several weeks ago to get those C's pulled up to B's, and it didn't happen.
So I emailed the coach Monday night. He offered to let Michael cut practice short and do a study hall. I knew that wouldn't be the solution, though.
Monday afternoon. I am at work. Mother is here to talk with Michael when he gets off the school bus. She reports to me that he is happy and smiling, and in a great mood. She tells him she's happy to see ihm smiling again.
See, he had gotten to where he was dreading each day. He got hurt at almost every wrestling practice. Bruises all over him. Bruised ribs. Some kid he sparred with kept falling on his leg - over and over. He was dreading going to practice every day.
I was dreading the meets - many hours of watching him stand around and not wrestle? Driving all over town?
Then there's the weight issue. Michael was expected to stay 122 lbs. or less. Right now a good weight for him is about 126. So he was expected to diet down to 122. The first time he told me he had to lose weight, it ticked me off.
All these things aside, if Michael had pitched a fit on Monday and said "Mom, I really love wrestling. I really want to keep doing it. Can I please have another chance??" I probably would've caved and said OK. He didn't do that. He was actually in a good mood when he went and played tennis Monday afternoon.
Anyway, Monday night I get a call from a team mom about food for the next match, and I tell her my son's off the team. She puts her husband on the phone. He's a huge supporter of the team. He proceeds to tell me how I shouldn't let Michael quit.
I explained about his grades, his needing sleep, his need to grow, and eat normally - all my reasons. I found myself defending my decision - to a total stranger who doesn't know me or my son.
What I was told, several times, was "He needs the discipline of wrestling. He needs to get away from the TV."
Um, hell to the NO. He needs time every day to relax. He needs sleep. He needs to spend time with his grandmother. He needs time to be a kid.
I was told that this guy forces his son to take honors classes and wrestle, and sometimes the kid is up until midnight studying.
Wait a minute. You are MAKING your kid extremely stressed out, all the time, and pushing him to the limits of physical endurance, and I am a bad parent?!??
I was told not long ago by another parent that their daughter is so busy, and so stressed out with school and all her activities, that she cries all the time.
Pull her out of some of that stuff! was my instant response. Good LORD.
I was told by a cousin some years ago that she made her teenaged son do several sports "so he wouldn't have free time to get in trouble."
UGH.
Here's what I told Michael yesterday. When you grow up, and finish college, then those will be some busy years. You will have to work really hard, and put in a lot of hours, to establish yourself in a career. Then you will get married and have kids, I hope. That will mean more long hours, and more stress. Life is stressful for grownups. Right now you are a kid. I don't want you to feel stressed out all the time. You need down time every day. You need to be able to relax and couch surf, every day.
For the first ten years of his life, my son had no real family. Now he has one. Now he is loved and cherished. Now he can finally have a happy childhood, even if he is a teenager.
I want my son to grow up and be HAPPY. I want him to be employed, sure, but I don't want that to define him. I don't care if he gets into an Ivy League college.
I care that he likes his life. I care that he is surrounded by people who care about him.
I cannot abide being told how to parent.
Here endeth the lesson.
