When I was a teenager, I was in a unique position because I was blessed to have a mother who actually liked teenagers, and would say so to anyone. She liked us, thought we were cute and funny, and was always willing to listen to us.
Some of my friends had parents who grumbled about having to deal with teenagers, and the kids felt rather left out in the cold.They would come to my house and talk to my mom because they knew she would be sweet, and only offer advice if they asked for it. She was also un-shockable.
Not all parents were so understanding.
One family I knew, who had more money than most folks in our neighborhood, solved the problem by just sending their teenagers off to boarding school. So those parents only saw their kids during school holidays.
And here's a shocking revelation, from years later. All of the kids in that family spent years doing a lot of drugs and/or alcohol. Now those grown kids are having major difficulties in life, either being unable to form romantic relationships that last, or unable to stay employed or keep friends, abusing alcohol, etc.
It has been a long time since I was a teenager, but watching and listening to my kids and their friends has reminded me of a lot of things. Feeling self-conscious, hating school, wanting to eat all the time, needing hugs, wanting to connect with the opposite sex but finding it scary.
Watching and remembering has helped me come to some conclusions about being a teenager.
Being a teenager is really tough. Being an adopted teen who has suffered neglect, trauma, or even tragedy, just makes it harder.
Teenagers need each other.
Why are the Twilight movies so popular? I think it's because all teenagers feel like outsiders, and a vampire or werewolf is the ultimate outsider.
I am contemplating putting together a book of essays written by teens, for other teens.What started me thinking about this was reading a biographical story by my friend Cindy's son Chuy. He writes about his life and early trauma, so movingly, and I was so touched by the story I edited it a bit and asked the folks at Adoption Under One Roof to publish it. Here's Chuy's Story.
I want the essays for my book to come from teens who have been adopted as older children, and overcome the odds to be successful. I don't mean to define success in terms of money, social status, friends, grades or skills. To me, success means the teen [or early college student] makes decent grades, has at least 1 or 2 good friends, has formed meaningful attachments with others, has a good relationship with the parent[s], hasn't been in trouble with the law, has a plan for the future, and basically likes themself. To me, that's success.
Now, compiling an anthology of stories by teens is a rather daunting task. I emailed some parents that I know have adopted older [as in over age 5] kids who are now teens, and I think meet the criteria for being a success. Haven't heard back from them all, since I just emailed last night. I am getting excited about this project, however.
My biggest challenge will be getting the essays from the teenagers. I suspect most of them will view the assignment as simply more homework. That's why I am compiling a list of questions to use as writing prompts, to help the teens tell their stories. I've put some of the prompts below. I'd like to hear your thoughts, if you can think of other questions.
I'm also thinking of telling the parents, the teen can record [by audio or video] their answers to the writing prompts, and I will put the information into an essay.The teens and parents will be able to approve it, of course.
I am hoping if I can make this a reality that I can get the book published independently, and split the profits of it between the kids, to go for college tuition money.
HOW YOU CAN HELP: If you adopted an older child, or know a family with an adopted teen who came from tough circumstances and is now a success, who might be interested in participating in this project, let me know. I'm thinking most of the stories will come from young people in the 16-21 year old age range. The adoption can be from foster care or overseas. The parents will have to approve, of course, and privacy will be respected.
SO here are some of the writing prompts:
SCHOOL
Do you go to school or are you homeschooled?
What has been the most difficult thing about school?
What has been the best thing?
What subject do you like the most? Why?
Can you tell me about a teacher who has had a big influence on you?
LIFE AT HOME
Do you have a pet? Tell me about your pet.
Do you have your own room or do you share? How do you feel about that?
What is the name of your best friend? Tell me about him/her.
What do you like to eat?
What is your favorite thing to do, just for fun?
What person makes you laugh?
Do you drive yet? Is that fun or scary?
What sport do you like to play? Are you on a team?
Do you like music? Tell me what music you like, and why.
FOOD
What’s your favorite food?
Least favorite?
Do you like to cook? What foods?
CHALLENGES
What has been the most difficult challenge since you were adopted?
What has been the easiest part?
Do you like your body? If not, what would you change?
Do you have good friends?
Do you have siblings? Do you like them?
If not, how do you feel about that?
FUTURE
Where do you see yourself ten years from now?
Do you want to go to college?
What do you see as the challenges when it comes to college?
Do you want to go far away, or stick close to home?
Mike and some of his friends last year, goofing around on Halloween. I adore all these boys. Only one has a background similar to Michael's, BTW.
