I hate labels on people. A lot of magazines make a big deal out of saying a celebrity has "adopted children." I guarantee you Hugh Jackman doesn't wake up every day and think, "I need to take my adopted daughter to the dentist" or "I need to fix breakfast for my adopted son."
He thinks about them as his daughter and his son, period.
If you have biological kids, you don't wake up and say "I need to get my biological child ready for school" now do you?
There's a big discussion on Facebook from a bunch of moms who have adopted kids from Kazakhstan as babies, and how they "celebrate" their heritage. There's a lot of bending over backward to have children feel comfortable with their birth ethnicity, to not ignore it.
Now, I have read a lot of things about children being adopted by families of another race feeling very estranged, at times, and wishing to know more about their birth country and birth families. Used to be, all that was swept under the rug, which is certainly damaging to a child.
However, should we make a point of saying to our adopted children, you're a "Kazakh American" or a "Chinese American" or a "Russian American"? Can't we just acknowledge the birth country, and let it go at that? Then if the child has questions or wants to explore that, fine, go with it.
I have a neighbor who adopted a baby from China. She has had the child learning Mandarin right along with English ever since then. I think that's going a bit overboard, personally. It's their only child though, so whatever.
My heritage is Scottish, Irish, English, Welsh, French, and Cherokee. However, I never think about all that except occasionally when we're watching a movie and I can point to the screen with pride and say to my son "See those crazy looking people with blue faces? Those are some of my ancestors, the Celts. We scared the crap out of the civilized people!" LOL
Michael is mixed Russian and Kazakh. When I adopted him I was told very firmly that he was of Russian ethnicity. I didn't pay much attention to that. I didn't care. He was mine. Period.
Then shortly after I came home, Michael met my friend Kate, who is from Russia and works as a Russian translator. She took one look at him and said "Dee, I can tell you, he is part Kazakh!"
I was taken aback. Kate wasn't being mean or derogatory, just pointing it out.
Since we have no information on his birthfather [who never lived with him] and very little on his birthmom, we don't know what he is, ethnically. Aside from noticing his "Asian eyes" there is little to indicate his genetic ancestry. If I had a spare $300 I would let him do the genetic testing from that 23 and Me company, just because Michael thinks it would be fun to know.
I worry a bit that trying too hard to make a child comfortable with a birth heritage can make them feel estranged from other kids, because you're emphasizing the "different" and no kid wants to feel "different." A child wants to fit in.
My personal opinion is that parents should let the child lead the way on discussions of birth heritage and birth country. Don't hide it, but don't force it on them either.
Kids who look different from their families because of race.... well you should obviously discuss it. I still think a parent should not let it be a huge deal, but let the discussions occur naturally.
Just my two cents' worth.
Now I need to fix breakfast for my adopted Kazakh-Russian-American son.
Michael in Petropavlovsk in 2007, just before we left.
