Craigslist is a reliable source for comedy, and I look at it every day. Some of the funniest ads are in the category "TV and Radio Jobs."
Take this one for example:
JEWLERY STORE PHOTO SHOOT CASTING
**Absolutely no tattoos larger than 2x2 inches
Are huge tats really a concern in ATLANTA?! If they are trying to sell "bling" maybe they should be more open to tats... They sure don't know how to spell...
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Ever wondered how reality shows find people? I figured it out. They answer ads like these:
NOW CASTING: DO YOU HAVE A "WHO DONE IT" AND NEED A LIE DETECTOR TEST? (NATIONWDIE) Do you think a friend or family member has lied to you, stolen from you, or scammed you? Do you need a lie detector test to get to the bottom of it? Our nationally syndicated talk show would love to hear from you. Please send an email to XXXXXXXX.XXX with your name, contact info, picture, and a brief description of your story. [note how the word highlighted above is spelled incorrectly!]
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Here's another one that I am pretty sure is a reality TV show trolling for wacky guests:
MAJOR NETWORK CASTING WOMEN AGES 16-25!
"Are you married and or soon to be headed down the isle? Are you
seriously discussing marriage with your significant other? Do you have
friends with big personalities who are getting ready for their big day
or recently announced an engagement?
A major TV network is seeking fun women under the age of 25 who are
either married or are planning to wed within the next two years. If any
of the above fits you or anyone you know, please write in and share
your story. Please also include your name, email address, two current
photos, and the best phone number to reach you."
So, in plainer English: are you a hot looking young "lady" who is engaged? Do you have a bunch of trashy friends? I'm surprised the entire ad is spelled correctly. See the italicized phrase? That sentence is not grammatically correct. Ha!
How many women under age 25 [outside of Hooterville] are engaged? Young women these days wait longer and longer to wed, if they ever wed at all.
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I like an ad that sounds semi-hysterical, like this one:
ARE YOU ADDICTED TO DIET & EXERCISE?
"Are you or someone you know
obsessed or even addicted to dieting and exercising? Has the obsession
to lose or maintain weight and calorie count gotten the best of you?
From too much time in the gym, trying every diet out there, sneaking
work out time away from the job and family, stepping on a scale 10 times
a day, etc -- if you find yourself spending more time dieting &
exercising more than you do everything else -- PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!
Screaming Flea Productions (the creators of HOARDERS and MY SHOPPING
ADDICTION) in association with a major cable network is working on a new
series called OBSESSED & CONSUMED and is seeking FEMALES CANDIDATES
between the ages of 18-45 who may be on the verge of a crisis due to
their obsession/addiction to DIET & EXERCISE
To apply please go to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and click on the OBSESSED & CONSUMED"
It occurs to me that if you ARE addicted to dieting and exercising, you probably don't have time to check ads on Craigslist.
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Casting: Women who lose their tempers at work! (Georgia)
"A major cable network is now casting women who constantly lose their temper IN THE WORKPLACE!If your customers, bosses or co-workers simply drive you crazy and you can't hold back, we want to hear from you.
Is arguing a regular part of your job? Is dealing with unhappy customers the norm? Are you expected to have a bit of an attitude to get the job done?
Do you work in an environment where YELLING is the only way to get things done?!
Whether the tempers flare between those you work with or those you serve, we want to hear your story.
Contact us today and we will forward you the application and show information."
OK, this one is leaving out one important word: BOSS. Because if you are constantly losing it at work and yelling? You aren't keeping a job for very long. So you have to be the boss or the owner of the company. [Julie Sugarbaker? Are you there?!]
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The ad below is probably the best one I have ever seen. I am deathly curious about who would answer it:
CASTING: GROSS guys and the FABULOUS women who love them!
"Are you a woman hiding a dirty secret? Is your
boyfriend/fiancé/husband an obnoxious filthy slob? Are you constantly
disgusted by his behavior? Does his grossness and annoying habits
embarrass you in public? Do people constantly question how you can live
with your man? Or how he ended up with someone like you? Do these words
fail to even describe the level of disgust your man exhibits?
Most importantly - do you love him anyway?
Secret or not, a major cable network is looking for men who are messy,
sloppy, filthy, or just plain gross and the fabulous women who love
them. We're looking for big personalities who aren't afraid to share
their true habits with the world (ex- dirty/ never washed wardrobe,
eating out of dumpsters, snot rocketing in public, etc). Whatever it is,
we want to hear from you!
If you think this sounds like you and your man - and for more
information - please send your name, contact information, current
photos, a description of your relationship, and why you think you'd be
perfect for this show to: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.com
We look forward to hearing your story!"
OK, I keep going back to the phrase "snot rocketing in public." Isn't THAT a lovely visual??!
Enterprising people who can act are probably making a living going on "reality" shows and pretending all this stuff, so they can be cast in these TV shows. This proves my long-held theory that "reality" shows have nothing to do with reality WHATSOEVER. It's just BAD ACTING. Yikes.
Below, actor Mickey Rourke, who probably inspired that last ad:
