All families have some sad stories, and my family is no exception. When I was growing up, I only knew one of my grandmothers, Wilma "Mamaw" Hasty. Dad's mother died before I was born.
Mamaw was little and energetic and smart, and she was a character. She was every inch a well-mannered southern lady, but she was tough as nails. At 4'10, and with 4 brothers and 6 sisters, she had learned to be tough growing up.
When she was living out in California in the 1920's she'd load up her car and make the journey back home to see family by herself, in the days before any interstate highways. She carried extra food [a lifelong habit] and a pistol. Sometimes she carried my uncle, a baby at the time. In those days it didn't take 3 days, more like 7, I think.
During the 1930's and early 1940's, now with three children, Mamaw and Papa moved around a lot, wherever Papaw could find work. Sometimes there was no running water in the house, or electricity. Sometimes she was left alone for long stretches of time while Papaw was on the road with a baseball team, and she managed as a single working mom.
When I was a kid, she sewed all my school dresses. She always had Chiclets and crossword "puzzle books" in her purse. She played Chinese checkers like a champ. She made the best fried chicken, ever. I adored her.
In 1972 my grandfather died. The entire family was devastated. He had always seemed so strong and able, even when his hip required a replacement. An embolism took him after surgery.
My grandmother soldiered on for several years, until a massive stroke in 1976.
I remember the sadness of seeing her tiny body in a hospital bed, watching her eyes, hoping and praying she would wake up. She was in a coma for a long time.
Finally, she did wake up, but the stroke had done a lot of damage and she was never the same.She never knew her children or grandchildren again, although she was unfailingly polite.
Above, Mamaw is third from left and I am 4th from left. My brother is next to me holding a radio. We were visiting my cousins in Chicago.
I thought about her a lot last night when I was writing a blog post about a durable healthcare power of attorney for my friend Kristyne Seidenberg. I remembered leaving high school every day to go immediately to the hospital and take my turn staying with Mamaw, to give my mother and aunts and uncles a break. I did my homework in a hospital, and later went home and ate dinner. (Our family policy is to always stay with someone in the hospital.) My parents and aunts and uncles were all stressed out. If Mamaw had slipped into a state where she was being kept alive by machines, we would've been in even more pain as a family.
Most people do not realize how very important it is to legally name an "agent" who can make healthcare decisions for you if you are incapacitated. Families go into a crisis when one of them has had a traumatic brain injury (like after a car wreck) and the hospital legally MUST have the healthcare directive in order to be obligated to follow the agent's wishes.
A worst case scenario would be something like this: Your dad is in a terrible car accident, and his brain is badly injured. His body is battered, but those injuries are fixable. It's a lack of brain function that determines whether a person has a true life. His brain flatlines. Now, his body can be kept alive for years, but there's no way to repair the brain damage. If he has NO directive regarding his medical decisions, the family cannot say what to do for him.
A healthcare directive is not just for folks who would elect to "pull the plug." The person can tell their agent to direct that everything medically be done to prolong life.
In Georgia, you also can elect whether or not to have an autopsy, or be buried vs. cremated. I'm not sure what the law is in other states.
Most people understand the importance of a will. But the Healthcare Power of Attorney is just as important, if not more so.
If you are in Georgia, you can call my friend, attorney Kristy Seidenberg, and get the process underway of getting her to draft you this directive. She can come to your house if you don't want to go to an office, and will charge you a very reasonable fee, less than many attorneys.
If you're in another state, you can call the local bar association and ask for a referral for an attorney in your area who does wills and estates. Talk to several different ones and see who you like best.
I urge you to do this asap, because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
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