I love being a mom and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but oftentimes I am floored by the behavior of adopted children.
I've gotten emails about the beautiful, intelligent daughters of two different adoptive moms (both moms my friends) and these daughters are choosing to leave home and "couch surf" and not go to college, not take responsibility for themselves, not live a normal life.They had traumatic young childhoods, yes, but those experiences are history. These are girls who have been in excellent, loving adoptive homes for more than 8 years, both of them, and yet they do not listen when their moms try to warn them of the consequences of their foolishness.
I almost wish I could reach out to my daughter and say "Can't you warn them? Can't you advise them to stay in school and try harder, not go off and party like you did?" However, she hasn't reached that level of maturity, unfortunately.She thinks her living situation is just fine. It's so not fine.
When I was 17, I asked my dad if I could take a year off before starting college, because I'd been working so hard, going to school, and doing plays my senior year. He was very angry and said NO, in no uncertain terms. I buckled under and went to college. I'd not been traumatized, though. I expected to be successful.
My kids are surprised by success, I have noticed.
I wish there were a manual for how to deal with teens who run from success, and don't listen to their families.
There was much rejoicing around here yesterday after Mike got home from his last day of school. We looked online and his grades were impressive - 1 A, 5 B's, and 1 C. The C was in an elective. He did that without hardly lifting a finger to study. He does very little homework. He hates homework.
However, this summer he will be 17 years old. I am trying to cut him some slack, and get off his case about school, because it doesn't really work with him. The harder I push the more stubbornly resistant he is. I told him I was proud of him yesterday and bit my tongue - not adding "IF you'd just STUDY you could make straight A's!!"
He has a busy summer ahead. He will be working part time at the pool concession stand. These first three weeks he will be helping with the children's tennis camp 4 mornings a week. He is also going to do some babysitting for a friend of mine.
He told Mother yesterday "I have three jobs this summer. They're all with kids!" Mother said he was grinning when he said it. "I like kids," he added.
I think people who are kind-hearted and very intelligent often recognize that children are truly fascinating little people. They are works in progress. They often surprise adults, because they usually have no filters. Michael is easily bored but he recognizes that children are the ultimate cure for boredom, particularly bright ones.
Children also take a lof of energy, of course.
I saw a figure lying asleep on a lounge chair by the pool last weekend - sound asleep - and I recognized her as a friend of mine with 4 children, 1 being a baby. If you can nap at a busy pool, you are a tired lady.
We are enjoying a beautiful, breezy day today, and I am wishing I could be lying by the pool. I have a doctor's appointment. Ugh.
I am praying my friends' daughters mature without putting their mamas thru more hell. BTDT and it stinks...
my kids in 2008
