Above you see me when I was 6 years old. Mother had a little luncheon for me and 6 of my friends. Notice how cute all the other little girls are? How they all have on shoes? How none of them look stoned? Now look at me, on the far left, barefoot.
Trying to make me wear shoes in the summer was like trying to herd cats. Of course, Augusta Georgia is semi-tropical and 90-100 degree days are typical in July and August.
I was reminded of what a handfull I was when a friend posted on Facebook that he was driving his son to school and they got there and his son had no shoes on. I think he's a second grader [the son]. He was adopted from Kazakhstan and looks a bit like a tiny Michael, so I love to see the posted photos.
It reminded me of another story.
My parents liked to "go to ride" on Sunday afternoons when I was a kid and we moved to Knoxville. The beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway was nearby. I was never enthusiastic about those drives. For one thing, I was quite nearsighted, which wasn't discovered until I was about 10. So the lovely mountain views were just big blurs, to me. I really couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.
Anyway, one Sunday I was outside rollerskating when they decided to go to ride. I managed to get in the car wearing roller skates without Mom and Dad noticing.
We get up to the Parkway, and Mom needs to stop and use the restroom. I get out of the car and start skating around on the parkway. Mom and Dad were furious. Bruce thought it was funny. I felt very smug until I started going down the mountain at a dizzying rate and fell off a cliff.
Just kidding about the cliff part.
I was a Hot Mess as a kid. Good thing Mom and Dad only had two of us. Another Thompson child would've sent Mom over the edge. Bruce was a Hot Mess too.
I was an expert at cookie stealing by the time I was 8.
I never went to bed and went to sleep, after about the age of 8. I went to bed and read a book, or listened to the radio. I was always popped into bed early - which is probably why my parents stayed married.
When we lived in Knoxville, on Venice Road, my parents would go downstairs to the basement to watch TV every night after dinner, and I would sneak into the kitchen to watch TV. I watched the entire miniseries Roots that way.
I was also an expert at stealing my brother's clothes. I much preferred his clothes to my girly clothes. When he went to college I had a blast, plundering everything in his room.
Before his escape joining the army at age 17, when my brother made me mad, I would do things like dismember GI Joe and flush him down the toilet. One time I glued his desk drawers shut. Another time I cut up his bongo drums so they couldn't be played.
When we were teens, I was annoyed at him and his friend Steve for not coming to dinner when I called, so I attacked them with a golf club and hit Bruce right in the cojones.
As soon as Bruce could stand up again, he tried to kill me.
Dad intervened and saved my life.
As bad as I was at home, I almost never did anything at school.
Except once. I was a freshman at Farragut and I was coming up a stairwell, hurrying to get to class, and I gave the door a kung fu kick to open it. The vice principal was on the other side of the door and saw it. He was showing visitors around the new school. His name was Dr. Scott, but we I referred to him as Dr. Snot. He looked very much like the actor Stanley Tucci. He grabbed my arm and spoke to me like I was a juvenile delinquent on the fast track to hell.
I think he'd had too much coffee that morning.
Or maybe not enough.
One time in high school I decided to find out what it felt like to drive 100 mph. Actually, I wasn't driving, Connie C was driving. We were allowed to leave campus and take the newspaper to Lenoir City, to the printer. On the way back, Connie hit 100. I thought I was going to die, ot vomit. What a thrill.
Ah to be young and stupid again.
Were you a Hot Mess too?! Leave me a comment and tell me the worst thing you ever did.
