The Crab Chronicles

The Beauty of Magical Thinking

I was browsing around the other day and came across this book by Matthew Hutson, The 7 Laws of Magical Thinking: How Irrational Beliefs Keep Us Happy, Healthy, and Sane. Here is a quote from the Amazon blurb:

"Magical thinking helps us believe that we have free will and an underlying purpose as it protects us from the paralyzing awareness of our own mortality."

As soon as I read the paralyzing awareness of our own mortality I got an image of Woody Allen in my head. In his younger years, he was always talking about his fear and anxiety over death, in his movies, even though they were very funny. I remember watching them years ago and thinking, why is he so scared of death?

Without having read the Magical Thinking book, I am happy to see that it's not a New York Times bestseller. It's basically saying, it seems to me, that people who don't engage in Magical Thinking are superior to those of us idiots who have faith in God.

The RationalWiki page is even more insulting. "Science and the scientific method are designed to elucidate causal relationships through careful controlled experiments; magical thinking, given a correlation with an observed effect, pulls a causation out of thin air."

Even Scholastic has jumped on the Magical Thinking bandwagon, equating Magical Thinking to being childlike and ignorant, as explained in Ages and Stages: How Children Use Magical Thinking.

From my reading of all of these sources, it seems to me that one can divide the world into two camps:

1. Those who refuse to believe anything not scientifically proven - I'll call them Science Worshippers.

2. Those of us Magical Thinkers who believe in God, and have faith.

[Now, logically I know there are plenty of people who fall into a middle area, not fully trusting science, but not fully trusting God either. For my purposes, I am not going to address this unfortunate group here. I am going to say a prayer they will come to have faith in Magical Thinking one day.]

I have a friend who is completely convinced that anyone who goes to church and believes in God is not only delusional, but dangerous. He is a big Science Worshipper. That belief has little basis in reality. He is basing it on his experiences with his mother, who is a bit of a religious fanatic. His negativity is so strong, and so crippling, that he has a lot of issues with depression.

I have a cousin who cannot handle death at all, because he believes it's the complete extinguishment of a life. He doesn't believe in any afterlife at all. He can't even fathom the possibility. I feel intensely sorry for him. He's a good man, a loving, kind man. He pities me for my Magical Thinking, my ignorant belief in a loving God.I pity him more.

Even President Obama, in 2008, famously said that anyone frustrated with the economy and opposing his views on immigration or trade was prone to "cling to guns or religion". The implication was that anyone who owned a gun or went to church was delusional. So I would reluctantly have to classify him as a Science Worshipper too. Clearly, his lack of church attendance would tend to suggest that I am correct. You may utterly disagree with me and that's OK, but in my mind, a little more Magical Thinking out of Washington would probably be a good thing.

I looked up Matthew Hutson, the author of the Magical Thinking book I linked to above. This is territory he has explored before, in a 2008 Psychology Today article. In that article, as I read it, he is basically saying that any sort of Magical Thinking is simply delusional, because it's un-scientific and irrational, but that it's ultimately beneficial.

"To be totally 'unmagical' is very unhealthy," says Peter Brugger, head of neuropsychology at University Hospital Zurich. He has data, for example, strongly linking lack of magical ideation to anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure. "Students who are 'not magical' don't typically enjoy going to parties and so on," he says."

I would imagine Mr. Spock to be the poster child for anhedonia...

In trying to read between the lines, I get the impression that Hutson envies us Magical Thinkers. He is a Science Worshipper who is jealous of Magical Thinkers.

Hutson ends the article by saying some forms of Magical Thinking are ultimately proved scientifically accurate:

"Germ theory has shown that we have reason to fear that something invisible and negative can be transmitted by contact. Bacteria are the new curses."

If you time traveled back to the 19th century, when my great grandparents were alive, and showed them an iPad, they would view it as magical. It would be that far away from their experience.  Go back even further, and showing someone an iPad or a computer might get you burned at the stake for being a witch.

So who's to say that Magical Thinking is delusion, and Science Worshippers are the only sane, intelligent folks around?

Here's my very un-scientific observation, based on my life experiences: those of us with a strong faith in God are more happy than Science Worshippers. I cannot control the universe, or what happens to me. I can't even explain it. It's way too complex for me, even with my advanced degree and high IQ. So I have two choices: try to control everything around me, based on my scientific observations, or trust in God to see me through everything.

Now, does that mean I don't do everything possible to improve my life? Of course not. But instead of basing my actions on precedent, or the advice of someone I think is smarter, I listen to a voice inside me that tells me what's the best course of action. You might call this small voice "instinct" or "intuition." You might even call it "God." So be it. My experience has been when I listen to that small voice, things go much better for me. When I try to override it, and exert an iron, scientific control over it all, I get burned.

Am I stupid, because I rely on what some would consider silly, irrational Magical Thinking? I don't think so. I don't think I am delusional. I try very hard not to "overthink" things. I try to remember [in the words of a very true cliche] to "let go and let God." As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, Surrender, this is so important.

I am not afraid to read my horoscope, or watch Ghost Adventures, or talk to my friends about times in my life that defy logic, like the fact that I knew the moment my father died.

You can call me delusional. You can call me irrational. I don't care. I like to keep my mind open to possibilties. Who's to say that a hundred years from now we won't all embrace Magical ThInking, because we've seen it proven to be true over and over? I like to think human beings CAN advance to that level.

Today's Magical Thinking is tomorrow's Scientific Fact.

I think this is a fascinating area, and I encourage anyone reading this to keep researching and exploring it.

Surrender

It just occurred to me that I hadn't posted a blog today. It's been a pretty laid-back day, for a Monday.

I mailed off a thank-you gift to Lesleigh because I am so grateful she could come and stay with me when I had my surgery, and help me care for Mother. Nothing could adequately express my gratitude, but I wanted to send something. So she got a "care" package with some little gifties I found at Target the other day.

I gave Michael a Starbucks gift card for his birthday, and I took him to Starbucks this morning. He ordered a grande latte with caramel and whipped cream, and a Moroccan pastry. (It looked like a Danish to me, but what do I know..) He was a happy camper, which is all that matters.I like to take him out to eat, just the two of us, every once in a while.

I told him that walking around with his Starbucks cup added exponentially to his coolness but he just shrugged.

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One of my cousins sent me something so fascinating, to me, that I want to share it here. This is such great information. Think about it.

Karen Berg

Karen Berg is the global spiritual leader of the Kabbalah Centre and the author of TO BE CONTINUED.

If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I'd want to pass along to others...

 

Normally, we think of surrender in one way. For example, I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Life of Pi, but in it, the main character finds himself in the middle of the ocean without food, without water, and with nowhere to go. Eventually, in his desperation, he calls to the Creator and he says, "Okay! I give myself to you! I surrender!"

That's one kind of surrender. But that's not the surrender I'm talking about. There's another form of surrender-aggressive surrender- which is when I can say to myself, "I'm prepared and I'm willing to do whatever I have to do in my work to learn how to get to spiritual elevation, to apply the tools, and to not fall back on my old habits of being a victim and saying things 'just happen.' "Because the truth is that things don't 'just happen.' There is no such thing as a coincidence.

The kind of surrender I'm talking about is having the certainty that if we dot all of our i's and cross all of our t's and we are on a spiritual journey doing spiritual work, and then life suddenly throws us a curveball, we need to understand that where we are is where we need to be in this moment in time—whether it's because of something we did when we were younger or in a former lifetime, or because this specific situation will help us become something better than we are.

This isn't the surrender that comes from a point of failure, although that's the surrender that most people make. After all, when do most people come to the Creator? Usually it's when they are missing something, when something happens to them, or when something occurs in their life that they don't understand.

Dr. Larry Dossey is one of the world's foremost experts on prayer research. The study I recently heard about consisted of a group of people who came together in a hospital setting to pray for the health of ill patients at that hospital. In this study, the researchers found scientific evidence that the people who were prayed for healed faster than the ones that weren't prayed for.

The researchers said, "Okay, we get the concept. Prayer works. Let's see if it works if we have people pray for patients from a distance, with nothing but concentration and a picture of the people they are praying for." Guess what they found out? It worked! Almost the same result occurred whether the people who prayed were present or absent from the patients they were praying for. So distance didn't matter.

Then the research team asked what would happen if instead of praying for healing, each of the participants prayed in his or her own way for "whatever the will of God might be." They followed up on that line of research and amazingly, they found that the patients healed even faster.

Aggressive surrender means having certainty in spite of the darkness. It's the certainty to know that even when we see or experience difficulty, such as sickness, bankruptcy, a souring of family relations or whatever the problem might be, we can get the energy and perseverance to say, "I accept and surrender my being to a higher power that will drag me from this into something better." Even if we may not know all of the reasons for the situation, we surrender with certainty.

Bellybutton Worries

It’s the 28^th of July, ten days past the surgery.

I have reluctantly had to accept the fact that although I am feeling much better, I am still recuperating, and I hate that. I want to be 100% NOW.

Yes, as dear old Dad used to say “Dee’s motto is: I’d rather DO IT MYSELF!”

Unfortunately, I can’t totally heal by myself. The incision scar just above my bellybutton is requiring a lot of my attention. If I bend at the waist, for any reason, it leaks. I hate that.

Yesterday was a good day, until late in the afternoon. Michael and I met my friend Dana and saw Red 2, the early matinee. (Entertaining movie, but a bit long.) When we got home, I realized I needed to water my garden and pot plants on the back patio. Rain was forecast but it didn’t look like it would happen. Michael was sitting on the couch watching TV. Not in a great mood. I didn’t want to ask him to help me. So I went outside and bent over to pick up the hose.

My bellybutton incision, which had stopped leaking, started up again.

You may think, why is that a big deal, Dee? Well, because my surgeon told me to keep the problem incision area clean and open to the air. Clean is easy. The second part is not. It involves me going around with my shirt tucked up under my boobs and my pants pulled down like a sagging teenager, and my gross white scar-covered belly shining out. I wasn’t meant for the bare belly look at 20, much less at 51.

UGH.

So that’s on the List of Depressing Things I am Trying Not To Think About.

What list? Well, it’s in my head.

It’s a short but powerful list, all these things I need to do:

•  Heal my incisions.

• Build up my writing business more
• Pay the medical bills (because my crappy insurance doesn’t pay them all)
• Eat well, and not eat processed food or sugar (I have fallen off the wagon since I got out of the hospital)
• Exercise every day

Why am I trying not to think about them? Well I am trying to recuperate. The main thought that needs to be in my head is that I need to not bend over from the waist. Oh, and not bump my belly. Try washing dishes or brushing your teeth without your belly touching the counter. It’s not easy.

So I have decided that my goal for this week is to simply not bend over. This will not be easy.

I bend over all day. I feed Coco by bending over and picking up her plate and putting turkey on it, then bend down again to put the plate on the floor. I bend down to put water in her dish. I bend down to clean up little messes on the floor. I bend down to load and unload the dishwasher. I bend down to take clothes from the washer and put them in the dryer. I bend down to take clothes out of the dryer. I bend down to get stuff out of the drawers in the fridge. Etc.

I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that for the next few days, when I need to bend over, I am going to have to get Michael to do it for me. I hate that.

It's going to require patience. I am not the most patient person. I also hate not being fully independent.

Clearly, the Lord is trying to teach me a lesson.

me and brother, about 1963 - I wanted to sit in the big chair and run the show, even then...

Weird Stuff

Creepy and/or weird stuff is all around me. I make note of it because, I admit, I am going a little bonkers with boredom since I am still recuperating. 

So last night, we were watching Ghost Adventures and I heard someone walking around upstairs. There was nobody upstairs. These "ghostly" things are so commonplace, Michael pretty much ignores them. Watching TV and looking at stuff on his iPod pretty much takes all his concentration.

I will admit, though, I am getting pretty jaded about it. A friend of mine was telling me her husband has been building a cabin up in the mountains, a retreat far away from other humans, and my first thought was wow.. I bet there's no Wi-Fi there.... how primitive...

I got a Facebook friend request from a guy I don't know, yesterday, and I went ahead and friended him. He proceeded to want to chat with me every time I got on Facebook, which really annoyed me. I was sorely tempted to tell him I have absolutely no money, I weigh more than a Smart Car, and I have herpes. [None of those things are true, BTW] I decided not to waste the energy and just Unfriended him. He might be a really nice guy, but he was acting like a stalker, so buh-bye.

The high temp today is 82. This is JULY. In Hot-Lanta. It should be about 90.This is so creepy....

This is not creepy, but Michael and I met my friend Dana today and we saw Red 2. Good movie. Not as good as the first one. Kinda slow in the middle. Worth seeing though, especially if you like action movies that also have some funny lines...

Young Doctors and Dead Cowboys

Young doctors work in my doctor's office, and they amuse the daylights out of me. So I am sitting there at my regular doctor's office this morning at 8:15, and in walks this kid who can't be a day over 22, and I am thinking Dude, am I fixing to rock your world.

I have shoes older than this child. I idly wonder how long he has been shaving.

He says "How are you feeling today?" and I have to resist the urge to spin some pile of BS just to watch his face. I simply and matter-of-factly launch into a recital of my recent female issues, and without embellishing or being overly dramatic, I watch his eyes get huge.

Then my regular doctor comes in and hugs me, and has me pull up my shirt to show her my incisions. All but one are healing nicely. The one in my bellybutton has some drainage, but that's not unusual for this type of thing. Dr. V says it looks OK, just keep it clean.

I explained to junior about robotic surgery and multiple incisions. He was speechless.

Then Dr. V left the room and the young doctor decided to listen to my heart. I told him I have a very tiny, almost undetectable heart murmur. He moved the stethescope about 10 times and listened intently. Finally, he pulled back and said excitedly "I found it! You're right. It's almost undetectable."

You win the prize, Dr. Doogie Howser. I resisted the urge to do alternating Elvis sneers out of both sides of my mouth. It usually fascinates babies.

Finally I wished him good luck in medical school, and took my leave.

Sometimes I get to put my Drama degree to work. Rarely, but it happens.

It's not usually as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, but whatever...

Michael reminded me after he got up that we didn't get to see a movie on his birthday. So we headed to the local Movie Tavern and saw R.I.P.D. Awesome! Fun movie. I would describe it as Rooster Cogburn meets Men in Black. Check out the trailer below.

 

 

Taking it Easy

I have always been a person with a lot of energy, even though I am overweight. I like to get things DONE. I like my house neat. I like things in order, straight, planned, organized. I pay attention to details. I am not a procrastinator.

Now, however, I am having to learn a lesson. It's called "You just had surgery less than a week ago and you need to TAKE IT EASY, DEE."

GRRRR....

Yesterday, I spent the morning at the DDS with Michael. Then we went to Kroger, because we were out of necessities like bread, yogurt, and tonic water. (Mother drinks tonic water because the quinine in it is good for leg cramps.)

I even got on one of the little motorized carts at Kroger. I felt very silly and guilty about that, but it's a huge store, and I just didn't think I could walk it. Mother later said "If anyone had asked you could've told them you had MAJOR SURGERY last Thursday!"

It reminded me that I learned how to be a fiercely protective mom from her.

I came home from Kroger, put the yogurt in the fridge, and had to come upstairs and lie down for a while. Ugh. I hated doing that.

My friend Kristy had scheduled a will signing for late yesterday afternoon but I knew I wouldn't make it. (I go with her because I am a notary.) I was embarrassed to beg off of that.

My friend Judy sent me a thoughtful gift, a box of babkas from Green's. I had never tasted a babka. All I knew about them was from the old Seinfeld episode [see clip below]. Michael and I pigged out on the babkas. I admit it. (Of course, for me right now, one piece is pigging out.)

Then for dinner we ate a nice chicken and broccoli casserole brought by a neighbor. I could barely eat anything for dinner, I was still overly full. I keep forgetting I simply can't eat much right now - a good thing, I know. Unless somebody sends me a free cake...

So after a will signing this morning [thankfully, a couple I know, in the neighborhood] I am taking it easy today.

I had a banana and a yogurt for breakfast. Got to stay away from the babkas. Michael can polish them off quite easily. Have some food you don't want? Invite over a teenaged boy...

 

 

Seasonings You Make At Home

I am a huge believer in seasoning packets, and I must admit I have always got Taco seasoning on hand, and several others. The recipes below, however, [that I shamelessly stole off Facebook] look accurate and making your own seasonings would certainly be cheaper and healthier. I was thinking making up some jars of this would be great Christmas gifts:

Taco Seasoning:
1/2 cup chili powder
1/4 cup onion powder
1/8 cup ground cumin
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon paprika
1 tablespoon sea salt
Put ingredients into a jar and shake.

Dry Onion Soup Mix:
2/3 cup dried, minced onion
3 teaspoons parsley flakes
2 teaspoons onion powder
2 teaspoons turmeric
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper

Mix all ingredients in a jar, then give the jar a good shake. I’d recommend shaking the jar to mix the ingredients well before each use.
Use 4 tablespoons in a recipe in place of 1 packet of onion soup mix. Store this in a dry, cool place.

Ranch:
5 tablespoons dried minced onions
7 teaspoons parsley flakes
4 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon garlic powder
Mix together and store in an air tight container.
For dressing: Mix 2 tablespoons dry mix with 1 cup mayonnaise and 1 cup buttermilk or sour cream.
For dip: Mix 2 tablespoons dry mix with 2 cups sour cream or Greek Yogurt.
Mix up a few hours before serving, so the flavors all blend.

 

Ten Life Skills Teens Need to Know

Michael is getting his driver's license tomorrow [hopefully!] and so we spent some time today talking about basic map skills. He is a good driver and a smart guy. He doesn't like to pay a lot of attention to street names, however.

So I asked him some basic questions about living here in Atlanta, and where we are, and I was alarmed by his answers.

"So what is the name of the interstate that encircles Atlanta, also known as the perimeter?"

"Um.... 85?" he replied.

"Nope. It's I-285."

"If you are on I-285 and you are headed north and you want to get home, what is the name of the exit you take?"

He had no clue.

So I drew a basic basic map of the Atlanta interstates and went over all the main interstates with him. I was thinking of the time his sister was missing a couple of hours because she had given a friend a ride home from school. She got lost, and ended up driving all over Atlanta and using an entire tank of gas. She had flatly refused to study a map of Atlanta and I let her get away with it. I had no GPS to give her.

He kept saying "But what about the GPS?" or "What about Google maps?"

"What if the GPS isn't working, like when we went to the beach last year? What if you are driving on the interstate and you can't pull over and use Google?!?" I countered."Pull over and ask?" he replied. Nope. "What if there is no place to pull over, no humans around for miles?!?" ACK.

I was 18 or 19 before I even started trying to use a map, but basic map skills are important. Electronic devices don't always work.

So it occurred to me that a good blog topic is Life Skills for Teenagers. Even smart, aware, good kids don't always know basic life skills when they graduate from high school.

Michael is 17, and should be about a junior or senior but he's only a sophomore. He still has time to learn a lot of this stuff. My work as a parent is far from over.

I went to the University of Georgia and there were SO MANY girls in my dorm who had never washed one item of clothing in their entire lives. (I had been doing my own laundry for years.) There were girls who would go on crazy, dangerous diets because they had no basic nutrition knowledge. They would go out walking around campus at 2 a.m. alone because nobody had taught them anything about personal safety.

We think because we give little mini-lectures now and then, or mention things like "It will be a whole lot different when YOU are paying your OWN bills" that the teenager will automatically know what they need to know when they turn 18 and go off to college. They won't, necessarily.

They have to be taught.

And you have to get them to learn, which can be really tricky.

A computer is a great thing. It can't teach you how to balance your checkbook or scramble an egg, or check your tire. [Yes yes yes I know about videos but you only really learn by DOING...]

Parents are busy. Parents get tired of the teenged sigh, the eye roll, the "whatever," the basic attitude of teenagers. I totally.totally.REALLY get that.

And yet, the teenagers NEED to know so many things.

I remember trying to manage my first bank account at age 18, and calling my dad long distance to balance my checkbook over the phone for me, and crying. And I was the child of a BANKER.

So I made a list of things that I think you need to teach your teenager, here in one handy dandy bullet list. Just in case there are some you hadn't thought of. This is a public service.

If you read the list and go "Wow, Dee totally forgot the importance of ___________." then leave me a comment or shoot me an email. I truly want to help parents. Heck, if I could figure out a way to give seminars on this stuff I might have a whole new career...

• Food: how to read a nutrition label, basic cooking, savvy grocery shopping
• Laundry: what to wash, what to hand wash, what to dry clean
• Map skills: know your exit, how to give directions to school, the grocery store, etc.
• Basic money management: how to make a budget and stick to it, the importance of saving money, how to be a smart consumer
• Car Maintenance: when to get it serviced, how to find a good mechanic, how to file an insurance claim if you are in an accident
• Research skills: Don't assume Google or Facebook or YouTube are the best sources of information on anything. Learn how to find the credible information.
• House Skills: how to find an apartment, how to find a house, basic maintenance
• Safety: basic cautionary skills like not walking around at night alone, not fiddling with a phone or electronic device in public and being unaware of your surroundings (women especially need to know these things)
• Your community: registering to vote, the importance of knowing your neighbors and being there when they need help, and of contributing to your community, not just taking from it (so, if someone next door has imprisoned young women you notice that, and call the police)
• Personal Presentation: the importance of good grooming and good manners, how to handle a job interview      
  the snack table at one of Mike's tennis matches - food choices are SO important...

Recuperating

Wow, this "recuperating" is really not what it's cracked up to be. If I had a really good book to read, it would be easier. I may have to actually go back and re-read one of my fave books, or head over to the library.

I can't bend over, without pain. I can't lift anything over 10 lbs.This is frustrating. I unloaded the dishwasher this morning, with help from my brother. I hate not being able to do much around the house..

Lesleigh had to catch her plane back to Austin. She left about an hour ago. It was hard to see her go. She is such a love. Bruce is still here.

Michael is working at the pool from 12-3.I wish I could go ahead and get cleared by the doctor to get back in the pool.

I found a blog I really like, Sugar Free Mom.

Bruce made cube steak with a balsamic reduction "gravy" last night. Also cheese tortellini and onions and peppers sauteed in marsala wine. Everything was SO yummy.

I also found a blog I like a lot, by another adoptive single mom, Cynthia Patton. She has exactly the same snarky, snide sense of humor as me.

Happy news: a friend of Mother's who is about 77 years old just got married yesterday, for the second time. She had been a widow for several years. Her new husband has been her friend for more than 40 years! We are all delighted for her.

Mike has 3 more weeks of summer, and then school starts August 12! Hard to believe. He doesn't even want to hear the word school yet.

So that's all the news here. I am feeling a lot better, although not 100%. Hopefully soon...

The Surgery Experience

The events of last Thursday have become a blur in my memory and maybe that's as it should be. Maybe it's better for me not to remembers how uncomfortable I was in the hospital. However, it helps me to write about the experience.

Before I say anything else, I must first say that I was very impressed by the level of professionalism at Northside Hospital. I received excellent, skilled, caring nursing. I was truly impressed by how good those young nurses were.

However, getting a hysterectomy was never in my plans for middle age, and I wish I had not had to have it done.

So many things that happened are fuzzy in my memory and I hate that. I have always been a person who took pride in being "in control" of any situation, and being sedated was not a happy thing.

My first memory after the anesthesia is this: I was hearing sounds of nurses talking and footsteps, and my mouth felt like cotton. My mouth was so dry, it was painful. I know why. I know they put a tube down my throat during the surgery. I could not open my eyes, though. I could not even form words to ask for water. I wanted Lesleigh there, because she is so compassionate and so caring, and I knew she would take care of me and bring me water. In my mind, I was calling for her, but I know my mouth couldn't make the words.

Some time after that, I was back in the room. I don't remember how I got there or how I got on the bed.

Then I remember Lesleigh being there. She and Bruce had gone home after I was wheeled off to surgery, because it was going to take several hours. I am glad they were at the house with Mother. She was tense, of course, until the doctor called and reported everything had gone well.

After I got back to the room, Lesleigh got me some apple juice in a cup of ice and nothing ever tasted so good to me as that. Normally, I don't much like apple juice. On my parched throat, though, it was a godsend.

I had an IV in my arm, and I was catheterized. I hated being tethered to those things.

I also had both legs swathed in compression garments up to my thigh, and they were squeezing my legs every minute or so, to aid in circulation and prevent blood clots. I asked the nurse in pre-op if that was only for people who are fat or if they did that for everyone and she said they did it for everyone.

I didn't like my legs getting squeezed. However, I reflected on the fact that my grandfather died in 1972 because a blood clot went to his heart and killed him, after he had undergone hip replacement surgery. So I'd rather be uncomfortable than dead.

I know this is likely way more than you want to know about being in the hospital, but writing about it helps me. Just remembering small details like the apple juice really helps me.

Lesleigh brought me some yogurt that night, and I ate that, and a few spoonfulls of chicken soup, and that was exhausting and made me really full.

Bruce came in with Michael and they stayed with me while Lesleigh went and got herself some dinner, but I have no memory of what was said. I just remember looking at Michael and thinking how much I love him, and how sorry I was that he had to see me like that in the hospital.

At some point Thursday night, I remember Lesleigh curled up in the big reclining chair, and me sitting up in bed, and we found a Harry Potter movie on the TV and watched it. I read all those books to Michael and I love Harry Potter.

When the movie ended, we tried to go to sleep, but I was nauseated and headachy, and it was very tough to get any sleep all night.

I will stop here. The rest of the experience was not particularly bad, and I remember it well. The good thing is, the entire hospital ordeal is over.

my house...

I am still sore and achy, but being home, able to lie down in my own bed, and watch my own TV, and use my own bathroom - all those simple things are helping me heal faster and better.