I spent a good deal of time yesterday working on an article for a magazine aimed specifically at folks with limb differences, inMotion. I have seen the magazine at the clinic where Michael goes to get his prosthetic fitted and adjusted.
The article I wrote is not long, but the thesis is simply that not all UE [upper extremity] limb difference folks choose to wear a prosthetic.
If you think about it, it makes sense. If you are a LE [lower extremity] limb different person, you will find it impossible to walk without a prosthetic. Most people will choose a prosthetic over a wheelchair or crutches, absent other issues.
If you are missing a hand, or even an entire arm, however, you have more choice.
Michael lost his right hand and forearm to frostbite when he was 5 years old. Can you imagine being 5 years old and being told that if your hand isn't amputated, you will die? It boggles my mind and makes me very sad every time I think of that.
Michael has a remarkably good attitude about his missing hand. Rarely have I ever heard him complain about it, even though he sometimes gets frustrated with manual tasks such as cutting.
I have been reading a blog for a while by a young pastor in Wisconsin who has the same limb difference as Michael. his blog is Living One Handed. I really like it, because he aims to have a positive influence on people who live with only one hand.As he says:
"My aim in life is to help people realize they are valuable.
They are lovable.
They are important.
Hopefully my story, my life, will help you to find and live yours."
See this little guy, with his pants that are too big? This is Michael in 2007, in my hotel room in Kazakhstan, playing with an inflatable beach ball I brought from America. See that grin on his face? He already knew he was loved and wanted, and would soon be heading to a new life in America.
There are hundreds of kids with limb differences needing to be adopted.
Most people when they talk about adoption say they want a "healthy" child. They don't want to consider a child who is not, in their eyes, "whole." What they fail to realize is the amazing resilience of a child who may be viewed as "handicapped" by the rest of the world, but who has learned to adjust to his or her limitations and find joy in life anyway.
I belong to a Yahoo group of parents of kids with limb differences, and what I hear over and over from parents who are newly home with their kids is that these kids are amazing.There are 897 members of the group. That's a lot of kids in loving homes.
I was corresponding with another parent about my article and she shared this about her 3 year old son:
"We adopted him from China, he has been home 13 months. Very social. Says hi to everyone. He has become quite the singer, he will serenade ladies at the grocery store with "twinkle, twinkle little star"."
Does that sound like some poor, pitiful little "handicapped" child??
I remember when I was in the process of adopting Michael, some folks looked at me with great skepticism and/or awe, that I would take in a little charity case, like what I was doing was a humanitarian gesture. Nothing could be further from the truth. I knew instinctively that he was the right child for us. The agency said he had a great personality, was intelligent, got along well with other kids, and was totally self-sufficient.The missing hand was really not important to me, although I felt bad that in Kazakhstan he was viewed as a person who would always depend on government assistance and would find it probably impossible to get a job when he grew up.
I also was able to get information on Michael from The Antares Foundation because their CEO had been to Kazakhstan and met Michael, and could tell me truthfully what a great boy he was.
When I traveled to Petropavlovsk, Kazakhstan, in March of 2007 and finally met Michael, after months of hearing about him and seeing photos sent by the good folks at Antares, I knew the moment I saw him he was my son. It didn't matter that he didn't speak English, or that he had spent his first 10 years without us. All that mattered was that I wanted a son and I knew he would be a wonderful addition to our family.
The kind of joy that I felt then, and still feel now, is beyond price. It's not a second-best choice, which is how a lot of people view adoption. Michael has always been my son, but it took me some time to figure that out. He has been a joy to me ever since he came home.
I have heard from several people over the years, folks who know Michael well, that they never think of him as having a missing hand. His personality, his intelligence, his kindness - these are the attributes that shine through. The hand is just not important.
I just wish more people would realize that:
1. Most kids with limb differences are just normal kids, and they can be an awesome addition to your family. Shriners will help your child get a prosthetic if he/she wants one, at no charge.
2. Adoption is not impossible to afford. There is an adoption tax credit of almost $13,000. I also got a $2,000 grant from the state of Georgia for adopting an older child, and a $3,000 grant from my employer.
Even if you don't have any desire to adopt, the fact that you are reading this is a good thing. There are lots of ways to help kids in foster care here, or in orphanages overseas. A good place to learn more is the Evan B. Donaldson Institute.
As you can see below, my son is all boy, and he can do ANYTHING.
Mike at camp in summer 2012, whitewater rafting
hitting golf balls last March
climbing the wall
swimming with Colton earlier this summer
