The Crab Chronicles

Twenty Questions With Bryant Harris

In the early to mid 1980’s, everyone I knew was getting married. The year 1984 was the one where I seemed to spend a lot of time going to weddings.

My cousin Linda Hasty was living in Atlanta, and when I heard she was getting married in the fall, I was not surprised. I knew she had been dating some guy that was studying to be a minister. I don’t think I actually met Bry until the wedding, and of course there was no time to get to know him then. In early 1985, when I was temporarily living in Atlanta while in paralegal school, I spent a delightful evening with Linda and Bry in their little apartment. Bry played the guitar and sang some James Taylor songs, and I remember thinking to myself, OK, this guy’s not so bad…

FYI, in the South, Cousin-in-Law is a legitimate relationship. Bry is my Cousin-in-Law.

Skip ahead, and years have passed, and Linda and Bry are the parents of two children, and Bry gets called to be a pastor at Mars Hill Presbyterian Church in Acworth, which is just north of Atlanta.  I attended the day he preached his first sermon there, in 1995. It was a special day for many reasons, including the fact that a lot of Linda’s mother’s family had been attending Mars Hill for years before Bry got there.

I just wish I didn't live so far from Acworth [45 minutes to an hour] so I could hang out with Linda and Bry more often.

Bry is not a loud, in-your-face kind of preacher. He’s a gentleman, in the truest and best sense of the word, and he and Linda have a remarkable partnership.  In addition to all his pastoral duties, he likes to  play the ukulele for small children, and they adore that.

Oh, and did I mention, he LOVES to play the guitar and sing? He’s a big fan of Jimmy Buffett – only he sings clean versions of Buffett songs in his Buffett tribute band, The Parrot Island Band. Linda learned how to play the steel drums so she could be in the band, too.  They are available for parties and events.  [Find them on Facebook and hit LIKE if you have a minute.]

Bry doesn’t just play for fun. His music is a natural part of his ministry. He uses the amazing magic of music to reach hearts, and his natural abilities are truly a gift from God, as you can see here.

I was tickled to interview Bry, and to get his unique and thoughtful responses to my Twenty Questions, especially #19.

1. What is your full name? Bryant Harris (friends call me Bry)
2. Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world? Near a beach somewhere. 
3. What is your favorite movie and why?I can’t choose just one…  the Star Wars movies,  Back to the Future series, Tin Cup. Movies that connect me to my youth, make me laugh… a recent one that I really like… Now You See Me, I went twice because it made me think and had the right amount of suspense.
4. What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid?I disliked them all equally… only liked recess , study hall and PE… [FYI, Bry has a Ph.D.]
5. What was your nickname when you were a kid? Didn’t have one..
6. Do you believe in God?Absolutely!
7. What sound or noise do you love?The sound of ocean waves crashing into the shore.
8. If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be?A musician… playing ukulele for anyone who would listen.
9. If heaven exists, what do you think it is like?I know I should have a better answer but I can’t even imagine… I think it will be more than I     could ever dream… I hope I will recognize those I love (and that I won’t run into those I don’t;-)
10. Do you have siblings?I am an only child.
11. What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]?Going to my grandmother and great grandmother's apartment, playing cards, eating cheese balls, reading the National Inquirer and ending the day watching the Lawrence  Welk Show and Hee Haw.
12. If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why?I would travel the USA by car… there is so much of our country I haven’t seen. I would stop at a lot of hole in the wall restaurants looking for great food, nice people and enjoy telling them how good their establishment was.
13. What inspires you?People who keep a great attitude despite difficult circumstance, God’s creation,  a good walk on the beach (I’m seeing a theme here). People who serve others without recognition…
14. Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th?Probably not a surprise considering I am a pastor, but Christmas as it is the day we celebrate Jesus birth.
15. What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? Taking music (in particular my ukulele) to preschools all the way up to seniors and watching them smile, enjoy the music. Writing songs and sharing them with others.
16. Do you know how to cook? I can reheat pizza in the microwave… does that  count?
17. What is your favorite thing to cook/eat?I like most things that are bad for me… burgers, fries. Mexican food. My wife has begun grilling more at home and I have really enjoyed that (and a little more healthy?)
18. What is your favorite book? The Bible… really :-)
19. Who do you love the most in the world?My wonderful  wife and best friend, Linda.
20. What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? Jimmy Buffett called and want to know if you would play the band for a few days?     Answer- Yes!

Linda and Bry a few months before their wedding, June 1984

now, 29 short years later...

A Message for Young Women

My friend Cindy B posted yesterday about her daughters not valuing themselves highly enough and expecting more out of their relationships with men and I was nodding my head the entire time I read this post, Ladies! She was lamenting the fact that the feminist movement made such great strides for women, and yet the young women of today, so many of them, do not demand the respect from men that they deserve.

As usual, Cindy hit the nail on the head:

If there's one message I can send out to my daughters it'd be Value Yourself, don't settle for less.  I have very lovely daughters with self-supporting abilities.  Be kind young women, take care of your children and don't give yourselves away.  Cultivate your spiritual side, find your bliss, and keep moving forward in a way that indicates to the world that you are of value.  Because you are.  You are lovely and amazing, smart and capable.  Act like it.

Michael and I watched a movie last night that sparked a good discussion, Think Like a Man. It's basically about a group of successful young professional women who need loving, committed relationships from men, and aren't getting them. They all read a self-help book written by a man, telling them how to turn their situations around.

The funny thing is, it's basically an updated, hip illustration of what my mama and my Mamaw always preached which is simply: Why would a man buy a cow if he can get the milk for free?

Unfortunately, so many of the young women of today seem to think, I'm giving away all the milk I can, every time I feel the urge, and I don't care about the consequences.

At first I thought the movie was not going to be worth watching but the ultimate message is really the same as what Cindy was preaching. Plus, parts of it are very funny.

So we were talking in the car this morning and I gave Michael a lecture based on what we learned from the movie. Basically, I said a young woman who doesn't demand respect from you, doesn't deserve your respect. She should value herself highly, and want a real relationship, not just a quick roll in the hay. Now, will he remember this? Will he follow my advice? I have no idea.

I do know this much: he has a lot more maturity than most of his friends. He seems to have pretty good instincts when it comes to the many female friends he has. His only achilles heel is that he is incredibly shy. Colton and I were chatting with him in the car the other day, urging him to ask a young lady to Homecoming, and he wouldn't even discuss it. 

He has seen the sadly negative consequences of his sister's poor judgment in men, and I know he wishes she would value herself more highly.

What causes young women to have low self esteem and not to value themselves highly?

According to a recent article on Oprah's website, Women and the Negativity Receptor, by Aimee Lee Ball, some of it has to do with a young woman's hormonal cycle, and some of it has to do with genetics. The articles cites a University of Texas study that found that "Up to 50 percent of adolescent girls have body image concerns," says Eric Stice, PhD, lead researcher on that study.

Parents who are depressed also tend to be hyper-critical of their daughters, which leads to low self-esteem. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD, a professor of psychology at Yale and the author of Women Who Think Too Much. "The parents see the world in negative terms and present this view to their children," says Nolen-Hoeksema. "They're hypercritical and irritable toward their kids. They don't want to be, but it's part of their disorder. Those kids have a real tendency to adopt self-critical thinking."

The author goes on to say that bad tends to be remembered more vividly than good. I remember every time I've been criticized by someone or treated badly, much more vividly than my positive interactions.  Of course, as a Christian I try to forgive and move on. Sometimes it takes a long while to get to the "move on" stage..

The end of the article is the positive idea that our brains are flexible. We can change our thinking. I like the ideas she quotes from neuroscientist Michael M. Merzenich, PhD, at the University of California.

This is the most valuable thing of all, to me: "Transforming negative thinking doesn't occur instantly. "People can't just change their attitude on a dime," says Merzenich. "You're going against all that weight of experience. Thousands of historic moments have led to that bad attitude—every time you've thought about yourself in a defeatist or inferior position. That's deeply embedded, and it takes a substantial effort over a substantial time to drive the brain in a new direction." But you (and I, and anyone) can make profound, fundamental changes in how the brain operates. It's not that different from doing Pilates or taking a spinning class to change your physical self."

I have a vivid memory of driving down the road years ago after my one and only session with a Reiki healer [it was interesting but not something I've ever felt the need to repeat] and I remember thinking I am simply going to stop that tape. I had a tape in my head that went youaretoofatanduglyandnobodywill EVERloveyou! I had to really consciously stop that tape. It wasn't easy. I did it, though.

Now, I still have negative thoughts, the occasional Pity Party. Oftentimes I post about them here, and poke fun at myself. That's how to deal with that mess.

Most young women don't realize they even have the bogus negativity tape going, or how to get rid of it. It takes work. It's not simple. I was in my 30's before I was able to leave it behind. Once I did, though, life got better. I quit hating my body. I started demanding that men treat me with respect. I quit computer dating altogether - a recipe for disaster if you are trying to rebuild self-esteem.

I am not arrogant enough to say I have all the answers. Far from it. Every young girl, every young woman, needs to research, read, do the hard work of being different, of valuing herself, and not being a reckless milk-giver. It's a process.

The rewards are phenomenal, though.

me, age 18

Pain Management

So Michael woke me up today at 6:20 saying he was in bad pain, shooting pains in his face. Any time my 17 year old is up before I am, I know he's telling me the truth. The pains were all in his face and jaw.

I had a sinus headache, and so I figured it was a sinus infection.

We headed to the pediatrician before 10. By then he had taken 3 Motrin and had a cup of tea, and he said the pain was nearly gone.

When we got to the pediatrician's office, and a lady came in carrying a tiny infant in a carrier. A couple came out of the examining room with the daddy carrying another tiny infant. Michael likes babies and he was enjoying peering at them.

Suddenly, the doctor came out and hollered "MICHAEL THOMPSON!" and we both nearly jumped out of our skins. Michael took off like somebody had lit a firecracker under his tailbone. He told me a minute later when we were alone in the examining room, "Why did he have to YELL like that?! he could've upset the babies!"

"I think the regular nurse is out today. He normally doesn't call the patients back," I said. "The babies didn't cry, sweetie."

"He didn't have to yell."

The pediatrician checked Michael thoroughly, and said it's not sinus. I told him about Michael needing his wisdom teeth out. The teeth are coming in horizontally instead of vertically, and Mike still has a grownup tooth coming in. He wore braces for 18 months to make room, but his mouth is still really crowded.

Dr. D just said well, I am 98% sure it's his teeth causing the pain.

I called the oral surgeon, and we can't get in to see him for two weeks. Then we will have to wait on the insurance to approve the surgery, then get a date for the surgery. So it may not happen until November. Arrrgh! I hate to see him in pain.I hope Motrin will manage it..

Coco was all snuggled up with Mike last night but as soon as I aimed the camera at her she jumped up and turned away.

UPDATE: Michael hasn't had any more pain all day [knock wood]. I plan to keep him well supplied with Motrin until the surgery takes place, and there will be a lot of praying going on...

Soggy Weekend

The weather is not usually a geat way to start off a blog but I have to say I have never, in all my life, had a bizarre weather weekend like this one.

The highs today, yesterday, and Friday were in the 60's.

I wore a light coat to Michael's tennis practice on Friday afternoon. I was sitting in the shadows and I would've frozen otherwise. Our tennis courts are being resurfaced so we are practicing at a nearby swim and tennis club.

Most of the weekend, it has rained. As I speak, I am listening to the rain pour outside - we are under a severe weather alert.. I hope our backyard doesn't flood. I don't expect my vegetable gardens to survive this. I have never seen a summer so wet. Michael and I dashed to Kroger when it wasn't raining, and came out and it was pouring.

We tried to go see Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters  yesterday afternoon, and it was sold out. I took Michael and Colton to Lenox Mall to walk around. Michael had never been to Lenox. He said everything was too expensive.

Yep, welcome to Buckhead...

Today, we went back and were able to watch it. Good movie. Very difference from the book. We have read all the Percy Jackson books.

I made a ham, cheese and asparagus quiche for dinner tonight. I am very proud of myself for making a piecrust from scratch. Usually I buy the pre-made ones. Homemade is definitely better, and really not hard to make. Butter, flour, salt, and water. Mix up, refrigerate, roll out.

Michael loves quiche. It's the perfect Sunday one-dish supper.

I am having great fun making pictures with my iPhone. Unfortunately, my camera skills are no better...

Twenty Questions With Jeff Joslin

The nice thing about Facebook is being able to catch up with old friends like actor Jeff Joslin. I graduated from Farragut High School, and despite the hundreds of folks in my graduating class, I am in touch with many of them today.

Jeff Joslin is one of the busiest and most interesting folks I know.

I had a great phone call interview with Jeff recently, and it was fun to catch up with him. He has a long and colorful resume, and since 2005 he has been a model and actor and worked with some Hollywood greats like Steve Martin, Richard Gere, and Matt Damon.

My first memory of Jeff is in fourth grade. He was SO cute with his aviator glasses back then! He was in Mrs. Gilbreath’s Boy’s Choir at school. They wore white shirts and these little green felt vests, and they sang like angels.

Throughout middle school and high school in Knoxville, Jeff was the Football Star, the quarterback. He was smart, though - no dumb jock - and he was always pleasant. He led championship football teams at Farragut and in college at Carson Newman, a small Baptist college in East Tennessee.

Jeff has a strong faith in God and he’s not shy about talking about it, but he doesn’t hit you over the head with it, either. He personifies the label “Nice guy,” but there’s a lot more to Jeff than that cliché.

I asked Jeff to catch me up on his life after he finished Carson Newman. After playing football in Canada for a few years, Jeff worked for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes [FCA], and in the financial services industry.

In 2005, Jeff faced a crossroads in life. He was laid off from FCA and he got divorced. He and his wife had 3 sons.

“It was December 2005 when I kind of jumped into it [the entertainment industry] full time. I was really creative when I worked for FCA and I started working with some stunt guys and it got me interested from that perspective. It didn’t materialize, though, until I got laid off from sales in ‘05. The guy doing my hair had done hair for a lot of actors, and he told me about going to auditions. I saw it was an industry I thought I should try. I got agents in Charlotte NC, Nashville and Atlanta. About 6 months later I moved to NY. I slept on a couch for a while.”

Before his acting career took off, Jeff supported himself as a model.  He has always been a hottie.

“I did some modeling in the south, but it really took off in NYC. Sometimes my looks have hurt me because I have soap opera model looks.”

“There are basically three types of models: professional gorgeous folks, average guy/girl, and characters. Everybody has a look. Mine just happens to be the leading man/soap opera handsome type, but sometimes it’s actually hindered me. One photographer actually said to me, “Quit looking upscale.”

Another example of that: “I was in a scene in Sex and the City and I got moved, and told, “You look too dapper. You’re too good looking for that scene.”

Acting and modeling are not his only talents.  Jeff has done stunt work, stand-in work, produced films, written scripts, and even directed.

Besides leading man acting “There’s a lot I can do like supporting roles, stand-ins, voiceovers. Whatever pays the bills.”

Jeff lives in Los Angeles, but at the moment he’s working in the southeast.

I asked Jeff to tell me something surprising about a famous person he has worked with. “Alec Baldwin gets a lot of flack. I met him a few years ago on the set of 30 Rock, and we got along great. He was very nice. We threw a little football around between takes.”

“On that set there were 5 people that graduated from UT – that was surprising.”

He went on to talk some more about being an actor and his varied and fascinating experiences:

“Most actors are very nice. Richard Gere is very nice. We worked together in “Movie 43” – a quirky, crazy movie by the Coen Brothers.

 I was Steve Martin’s hand double in “It's Complicated.” I was rolling croissants in the bakery because my hands look like his.

I was Josh Brolin’s hand double in Men in Black III. They don’t want to waste the actor’s time doing stuff like that so a lot of times they will use doubles.”

Working with Tyler Perry on Madea's Witness Protection was fun. He’s a very hard worker. I’ve never seen anything like it. One of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’s huge – 6’4 – a gentle giant like Reggie White.”

“On the movie The Adjustment Bureau I was on set 10 days, but I was only in a couple of scenes. I had to chase Emily Blunt – man, she was fast. Matt Damon was a great guy.”

So I finally got around to asking him the Twenty Questions, and his answers are below.

1. What is your full name? Jeffrey Scott Joslin
2. Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world? Where my sons live. Currently two of them are in LA. One may be moving out there after fall semester. LA is a nice place but it’s pretty trendy and folks tend to be very vain. But it’s the heart of the industry.
3. What is your favorite movie and why? I like Air Force One with Harrison Ford. It came out in the Clinton era and to me, I was thinking I wish we had a president like that who was tough on terrorism and would stay on a plane and fight. I also liked The Game, with Michael Douglas. I liked the storyline and how it played out.
4. What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid? Probably… Algebra. I haven’t really used it since school except perhaps when I was working in the financial industry years ago.
5. What was your nickname when you were a kid? Double J – that was the one I kinda coined in high school. I had it on the license plate on my car. It was a 1976 cutlass supreme T top with white bucket seats.
6. Do you believe in God? Yes I do. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and I consider myself a Christian.
7. What sound or noise do you love? The wind in the trees in the forest. I do some hiking and I like to walk on the beach. When I first moved to LA I lived in Redondo Beach, about a block away from the water.
8. If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be? I enjoy coaching football. I helped coach when my sons were small. I have played football since I was 6 years old. I also coached baseball and basketball.
9. If heaven exists, what do you think it is like? Unconditional love, full acceptance, no more tears or pain. Peace and joy for eternity.
10. Do you have siblings? I have one older sister, Jennie, three years older than I am.
11. What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]? I have a lot of great memories. I loved playing with my friends in the woods. I lived in Powell when I was small and then we moved to West Knoxville.
12. If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why?  I’ve been to almost every state in the US except some of the most northern states like the Dakotas. I think it might be fun to see Europe by train.
13. What inspires you? People who have accomplished great things that nobody thought to – for instance one of my inspirations when I was college was Bob Weiland, who walked across the USA on his hands. He was a double amputee. He started in Califronia and 3.5 years later he wound up in DC. He’s biked across the US twice. Nobody’s ever done what he’s done. When I was at Carson Newman he was a big inspiration.
14. Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th? I think… Christmas. Celebrating Christ’s birth.
15. What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? There are a couple of exciting projects I am working on right now, and I have lead roles in both.  It’s a bit too early to say much, though.. [film projects often get shelved or fall through]
16. Do you know how to cook? Yep. I enjoy cooking. I watch what I eat. I don’t eat a lot of fried foods, although I eat my share of red meat. Most of the time I stick with chicken and/or turkey. I eat fish a lot when I’m at a restaurant. I like sushi, on occasion.
17. What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? I love making omelets. On the sets you see guys making omelets and flipping them over. I like to fill them with different kinds of cheese, and bacon or spinach.
18. What is your favorite book? The Bible. The New American Standard is the one I hang onto.
19. Who do you love the most in the world? My sons.
20. What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? What historical figure I would like to meet…? Probably Jesus Christ would be the one I would want to meet.

Jeff and all three of his sons - son Jef Joslin is a musician

Getting Your Child an IEP or 504 Plan

Does your child have an IEP or a 504 plan? Parents of special needs kids are often not given all the information they need to really make sure their children get all the protections and help they are entitled to get. I know this because of my personal experiences.

I had to learn how to advocate for my children, and it was super stressful.

[For those who don't know, a 504 plan is for children who are handicapped and need acommodations, like a deaf student needing an interpreter in the classroom. An IEP is for a child whose issues are not physical, like kids who have learning disabilities and may need some acommodations in the classroom.]

NOTE: If you are not in Georgia, the law may be quite different in your state. I am in Georgia.

When my daughter was adopted from Russia at age 13, it never occurred to me that she wouldn't learn English quickly. Other parents bragged about how fast their kids learned English. She was surrounded by it, after all - books, TV, music, etc. But 18 months after she came home, we were having a lot of issues, and I finally had her tested and discovered she has a Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I was finally able to get her some therapy, at Lindamood Bell. It took more than $10,000 to get everything done.

Then the fight really started. I fought with the middle school psychologist who said "Oh, she just needs to learn more English and she will be fine." I fought with all the folks at the high school who didn't want to have to deal with a child with an IEP, and they fought me tooth and nail, at every turn. Nobody at the school wanted her to have an IEP [Individual Education Plan].

Finally, I wrote a very carefully worded letter to the head of psychology for the entire county, and I faxed it and sent it certified mail. She called me, wasn't very nice, and said the testing I'd paid thousands of dollars for with experts meant nothing, but the school system would agree to do their own testing of my daughter.

I had to threaten to sue the entire school system to get that much.

So the school system tested Alesia, finally admitted there was a problem, and we got her the IEP. She got special help and accommodations.

Before I got the IEP, the same rude psychologist for the middle school, who was also at the high school, made me furious. She had dismissed all Alesia's issues and said right in front of her -- at an early meeting when I was begging the school for an IEP - "IF she can even go to college" - implying my daughter shouldn't even try for college. The psychologist said that IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER. My daughter has a normal IQ, but her emotional issues stemmed from severe abuse and neglect when she was ages 0-13, in Russia. That insensitive, unprofessional psychologist is no longer there, I don't think, at least not at the high school.

I was furious, needless to say. I mentioned that terrible remark when I wrote the letter to the head of psychology for the county.

I had to go through SO MUCH to get my daughter the help she needed, and I was alone, trying to figure out the complexities of school law. I heard about a lawyer here in town who represented parents, but I called and left voicemails for him several times and never even got a call back. I tried another couple of lawyers. No one wanted to help.

Last year I got to know a lady who lives in my neighborhood, Kristyne Seidenberg, a lawyer who specializes in wills and estates, but who herself was a teacher and counselor for years. Kristy also represents parents in school law cases. She has successfully represented parents in situations where children were being treated totally unfairly by the school system, and she has WON.

This is an area of law where so many parents are woefully unprepared to advocate for their child, and it's very very difficult to find a lawyer willing to take the case.

This is from Kristy's website:

It is often difficult, if not impossible, for parents of students who are entitled to services to discern the process and the rights of their student. School professionals often use terms that are meaningless to parents without an explanation. Schools often get away with telling parents “…this is how we do it,” or “…this is our policy.” Parents of students with special needs deserve more information than that.

Quite often, the school policies are out of compliance with State and Federal law. Parents have the right to know, in writing, the basis for any school or district decision (on any level) that affects their student’s IEP and the delivery of services to that student.  Parents must not accept that an administrator or school representative knows what he/she is doing with regard to the law governing Special Education. If a parent or a parent advocate does not speak up, no one will. 

I wish Kristy could represent parents in all 50 states, but unfortunately she is only licensed here in Georgia. However, wherever you are, if your child is having a lot of difficulties in school and you suspect they need an IEP plan, you need to put on your big girl or big boy undies and get ready to do battle. Do not passively accept anything the school tells you.

My daughter needed ESL English, and got that, but she was legally entitled to not have to get regular letter grades in any class as long as she was in the ESL program. I didn't find that out until I went to the county level with my son, and we had a knock down fight because he was getting ESL English and his teacher was picking on him. I was lucky he was in 5th grade and the principal at his school was willing to sit down with me, the teacher, and the ESL teacher and head of ESL for the county.

The sad and unfair thing was NOBODY had told me he didn't have to be graded the same as the kids who weren't in ESL. His own teacher was shaming him in front of the entire class, and he had been in America only about 16 months and needed a tremendous amount of help. He was entitled to get X's on his report card instead of grades, as long as he qualified for ESL services. To force a child to meet the same grade standards as everyone else when they don't even comprehend the language is totally unfair, but it happens every day.

[NOTE: the teacher who was so mean to him finished the year but was  then fired!]

Nobody told me my daughter was entitled to ESL accommodations, and she didn't get the language accommodations she needed because I simply didn't know what the law entitled her to. The middle school principal wouldn't even return my calls, much less attend any meeting.

If you have a child who has issues, EDUCATE yourself about your rights as a parent. Demand the school be accountable. Be the squeaky wheel.

If you still can't get anywhere, look for an attorney to help.

this is a photo of Alesia made right after she got here, when she was still going to the center for most of the day, trying to learn English

Live With Passion

The older I get, the less I worry about what other people think of me, and the more I find the freedom to live life the way it pleases me, which is a beautiful thing.

Yeah, I'm weird. I dress to suit myself. I hate makeup. I cry at TV shows. I like to eat stuff I've grown.

It's no great revelation to those my age or older, but to me, it's surprising to find out that one of the nice things about being over 50 is I am comfortable in my own skin. I look back at myself in my 30's, at the OCD marriage-crazed woman I was, and I CRINGE.

I think back about some idiotic things I've said in my life, and I CRINGE.

But here's the thing. Those people who are my friends love me anyway. They know how weird I am. They know I am super opinionated. They know that [outside of a business situation] I like to occasionally drink a beer, sometimes cuss when I get mad, and laugh at very inappropriate jokes.

I hate pretense.

They also know I am generally a very loving person, a person of strong faith, and I never do anything half way. If I like you I adore you. If I don't like you, well..... I try to remember "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything..."

One huge gift of getting older is that you look back on your life, the good and the bad, and if you aren't a delusional idiot, you have CLARITY. You see your mistakes, but you see the good stuff too.

When I was young, I did some idiotic stuff. I learned some hard lessons.

Being really ill last spring and most of this summer has given me even more clarity. I want to stop living life carefully, cautiously, and I need to worry even less about what anyone thinks of me. I want to reach out and get to know new folks, like Cliff Brooks. I want to help my friends. I want to interview interesting people, like my old friend Jeff Joslin. 

I am not in pain any more, and I want to embrace life.

In September, I am going to live for 1 week according to one of Julia Child Rules. I am going to cook a different Julia Child recipe every night for a week, for dinner, and write about it. I think it will be great fun. I have always admired Julia Child.

If you are 16 or 36 or 65 or whatever age, I urge you to not live life quietly and safely and cautiously. I urge you to do things you never thought you'd do. Travel to Russia. Start your own business. Write a memoir. Oh wait, those are the things I've done. You figure out your own adventures.... LOL

Just LIVE with ZEST. [the verb, not the soap] Be Passionate. Listen to your heart more, and your head less. [I don't advocate using alcohol or drugs or anything else artificial for this, just change your thinking....]

Here's a cute video of my cousin Linda [who studied classical piano for years but now plays steel drums] and her husband Bry, playing music. They have a band. I interviewed Bry for my Twenty Questions series because I so admire how he uses music as part of his ministry, and just because he loves music. How many Presbyterian ministers do you know who also love Jimmy Buffet? Linda and Bry rock.

 

 

Twenty Questions With Charles Clifford Brooks III

I’m starting a new feature here on The Crab Chronicles, interviewing people I’ve met who have really interesting lives and/or careers. I’m calling it Twenty Questions for ______. I’m delighted with my first interviewee, writer/poet Charles Clifford Brooks III.

Last Friday night I did something I haven’t done in many years: I went to an open mic poetry reading, at Phoenix and Dragon bookstore. Clifford Brooks is a regular there for poetry readings.

Before things got started, I sat down with Clifford for an informal interview. I already knew we had a lot in common, because after we became friends on Facebook, through Vox Poetica’s Annmarie Lockhart, he told me “I really do write because I love it.....and the fact that boredom stalks me every minute.”

It’s odd, knowing someone on Facebook but not ever meeting in person, but I sensed Clifford was a kindred spirit.  When we met, there was automatically a feeling of ease. Clifford came up and started the interview with a hug. I knew right away things would go well, despite the fact that we were sitting outside in the August heat.

It’s been a strange journey for Clifford. His first book of poetry, The Draw of Broken Eyes and Whirling Metaphysics [John Gosslee Press, 2012] was published last year and has already garnered major attention. He’s been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, Georgia Author of the Year, and a Pulitzer. That’s heady stuff for a guy who, until recently, was known more as a prose writer.

Clifford reminds me of my dad, and it’s not just the very curly brown hair and intense eyes. He’s got a powerful voice, and it’s a southern voice, and I love that. When he walks into a room, the air becomes energized. Although he was soft-spoken when we were chatting, during the poetry reading, he was more boisterous, like a rock star among his faithful followers. Funny, surprising, candid – I wish I had captured the entire reading on video.

I don’t read a lot of poetry. Just sitting and reading it reminds me too much of grad school. I could read Clifford’s book all day, though. His poem “The Fifth Movement” has my favorite line of the entire book: 

Art is a divine life. It is to dance. It is to hear God.

His website is a good place to start, if you want to learn more about Clifford. You can read some of his poems here. His page on Goodreads has a number of reviews, and he’s described as “haunted” and “like peach cobbler after Sunday dinner.”  (I love the food analogy!)

If you want to learn more about Clifford, there is plenty of material online, like this excellent interview. He’s a Georgia-born poet, and has lived here his entire life. He attended Shorter College in Rome and was a double major in Political Science and History. He has been, among other things, a bookstore employee, juvenile probation officer, and an employee of the Department of Family and Children’s Services. In addition to being a freelance writer, he’s currently teaching at Chattahoochee Technical College. Education has always been an underlying passion of his.

I wanted to learn more about Clifford in a way most don’t expect in a standard interview, so I decided to play Twenty Questions with him. The results are below.

 

1. What is your full name? Charles Clifford Brooks III
2. Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world? New Orleans, LA0 
3. What is your favorite movie and why? Immortal Beloved. Beethoven is one of my all-time heroes.
4. What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid? Math
5. What was your nickname when you were a kid? Charles Clifford. [most folks call him Cliff]
6. Do you believe in God? Yes. I’ve got more of a Buddhist ease in my walk, though.
7. What sound or noise do you love? The cello.
8. If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be? Musician. I try to play the guitar, and I played piano as a kid. I’m in a new kind of band right now that’s very exciting.
9. If heaven exists, what do you think it is like? Springtime in Lexington, Georgia.
10. Do you have siblings? I have a younger brother, Justin
11. What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]? My nanny, Gin Gin [Virginia], who taught me how to dance, and how to love.
    
12. If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why?  Europe on a train. I’ve never been, and I’d love to experience that history. I’d like to go to France. Some of my ancestors are from France.
13. What inspires you? Watching people, society clamoring over itself.  I am fascinated with people, with observing, trying to learn.   I find it hard to connect with most folks.  Nature plays a big roll with inspiration too because of its removal from all that noise.
14. Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th? Christmas. It’s a time for putting aside grudges, all of it is such a family-oriented time. We roll around and love on each other like puppies on my momma’s side, then sip a stiff drink on daddy’s.  It’s as if I go from Little House on the Prairie to a cordial, but slightly saucy Faulkner novel in one day.
15. What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? I am excited about a group of musicians, prose writers, philosophers, painters, photographers, and poets called The Southern Collective Experience, which consists of artists from all over the South, ranging in age from 28 to mid 70’s.   Its goal is to redefine and breathe life back into the sensual, gritty sound found below The Mason-Dixon Line.
16. Do you know how to cook? No.
17. What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? Sushi.
18. If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, for 2-4 weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why?  England.
19. Who do you love the most in the world? My mamma.
20. What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? Why I’m single. I have a mile of intensity coiled around my heart.  I grow distant fast.  I am always restless.  I tend to be mercurial.

 

Photo credit: Aisha Cleapor

Pandora's [Phone] Box

Lots of stuff going on in the last couple of days, some of it bloggable and some not.

Michael had a good first day at school yesterday, and seems energized and fine when he got home. I always worry. He hates school. Mother and I didn't sleep much Sunday night, each of us anxious as to how things would go.

He didn't have a Science teacher and his World History teacher was absent. He is taking a Home Ec class called Foods, which sounded like fun, but there was no teacher in there yesterday either. I was glad he decided to take foods because I think it's so important for kids to know good basic nutrition and to understand how to do some cooking.

His uncle Bruce took cooking in high school and loved it. He's now a real "foodie," just like me. Some of our best conversations are about recipes.

I digressed.

As most of you readers know, my employment has been rather off-kilter for the past few years, due mainly to the economy. I have tried to be frugal. We have not gone on a vacation in three years. I almost never buy anything new that's not really needed, except perhaps at Goodwill or Walmart. I am long past the stage of being excited about material things, so this was no great sacrifice for me.

Michael has been a very good sport about it all. He never complains.

A couple of years ago I got a new phone, since the old phone kept missing my calls, and I bought Michael a very basic phone to have just for emergencies, and put him on my plan. He was not happy about it, but he didn't grumble too much.

Lately, the "new" 2 year old phone had been not putting through my calls. This scared me. One, I am still looking around for jobs, and two, I was worried Mother or Michael might need me and not be able to reach me. So yesterday I reluctantly headed to the AT&T store near me.

The salesman who helped me was very sweet, but English was clearly his second language, and sometimes I had to get him to repeat things for me. I sorta wished I spoke Spanish.

Then again, his very basic explanations were probably for the best...

I decided to get myself an iPhone, since I could get one for $99 if I signed a new contract. We went through the explanation of all the financial stuff and it occurred to me I should get one for Mike too, because it would only cost an extra $25/month. I rationalized it by saying he could show me how to use my phone, since he IS highly intuitive about gadgets and will have the thing totally figured out within a day or two.

It's an iPhone 4S. Not the latest model, but not a dinosaur either.

It has now been about 24 hours since I got mine. I am already grabbing it and checking email while stopped at a red light. I am turning into the sort of antisocial person I've always despised, head down over the little computer in my hand, ignoring the REAL WORLD all around me.

I don't care. The novely should wear off soon. I have never been much of a "gadget freak."

I bought Michael a case for his iPod, and paid way too much. This morning I went to TJMaxx and bought myself a case. Until then, it was in an old sock, which Michael found horrifying and hilarious.

Of course, I am paying for an insurance policy for his phone, since he tends to be hard on things.

What has given me pause ever since I gave Michael his phone late yesterday afternoon is how Michael reacted to the gift. At first, he hardly believed it. He kept saying "Wow, I got a PHONE." He wasn't jumping up and down or hollering or anything. He was excited, though, I could tell.

Mother told me last night, whispering, that Michael was WAY excited when he went into her room and showed her his phone.

He has a small job, taking in mail and watering plants for a neighbor down the street. When he was walking home yesterday, he called me and did a Facetime call. He thought that was great fun.

Except for eating dinner, the phone didn't leave his hand again until bedtime.

So.... I am glad I got him the phone, despite the added cost.

I have reluctantly dragged us into the iPhone era. Pandora's Box has been opened.

mike and his new phone

First Day of School 2013

So Michael started back to school this morning, for the 2013/14 year, his sophomore year in high school. I had to get him up at 6:15 to catch the bus at 7:15 - it's supposed to arrive at 7:25 but I wanted him to be early, just in case. He waited ten minutes and it never came.

Great way to start off the day. Not surprising, though.

I drove him to school and got him there about 20 minutes early, and as soon as he got out, his buddies Colton and Matthew walked over to him.

He has 7 classes, and he has no science teacher yet. Last year he waited weeks for all his teachers to be in place, due to budget issues in the county. I sure hope that doesn't happen again.

He said he couldn't sleep last night, so he is running on less than 5 hours of sleep. I hope he doesn't fall asleep in class. I gave him an extra vitamin B this morning, so I hope it helps. It helps me stay focused.

Here he is...