I was reading a book yesterday and it contained a quote that I keep thinking about: "We become what we behold," by William Blake.
I am interested in that because the other day a friend said that our personalities are pretty much complete by the time we are 6 years old.So.... I started trying to think what I was like before the age of 6, and what I was "beholding." The memories are very fuzzy, needless to say. I do recall that I was quite a tomboy and I really didn't like being told what to do, or what to wear. I liked to play football in the street, and run up the stairs [all stairs], and I found worms fascinating. I liked to put my cat in the baby carriage and walk him around the neighborhood.
When I was small, trying to get my hair into barrettes or pigtails was a nightmare for my mom, so she just kept my hair cut in a pixie, and that solved the problem. When I was around 5 or 6 she let me grow my hair out, with the proviso that I had to keep it neat, on my own.
So here I am, 6th birthday. I often chuckle to myself because I am the child with no shoes, with my lei draped oddly, looking stoned. I was 6.
Here I am around age 3 or 4, with my grandparents. Notice I wasn't wearing shoes.
I didn't like to go to bed, or have Mother dress me, and I flatly refused to eat most vegetables. I liked to eat weird stuff. I still remember how a penny tastes, and styrofoam, and Barbie's shoe. I liked to chew on things. Literally.
I stole Purina dogfood and nibbled it for a snack. So did Bruce. Mother figured it out and called the pediatrician, freaked out, and he laughed. He had 5 kids.
"I'd rather do it myself," was my mantra. Dad used to tease me about it when I had grown up. I have always been independent.
But what was I seeing, back then? More food for thought.
My dad was a banker but he worked like a dog, trying to establish his career and make lots of connections, getting lots of bank customers. He taught evening courses sometimes at the college, and he and Mother were required to go to a lot of parties, to network. Augusta is a very sociable small town.
He liked to sing around the house, and grill things, and read the newspaper. He made very bad omelets and he told me stories every night before bed. He helped me dress, read to me, fixed my breakfast - corrected my manners - he did everything mom did.
I liked to kiss Dad's cheek in the mornings before he went to work, because he always smelled like Aqua Velva or Brut.
I saw a Mother who had to deal with a lot - Dad's socializing demands, family members who liked to tell her what to do, houses that constantly needed fixing, two very smart and mischevious children, and more.
She spent a great deal of time getting dressed, and when I was small it was complicated. She had to wear a girdle, because no self-respecting young woman let her behind jiggle, heaven forbid. The hair had to be teased and sprayed, so it was just the perfect bouffant. Pantyhose were not around, so she had to wear stockings and a garter belt. Lipstick had to be RED, and nails had to be polished. Then there was the cloud of Estee Lauder.
When I was really small, she wore hats.
I HATED all that. I used to observe the ritual with fascination and some horror. I would have to do all that one day. ICK.I dreaded growing up to be a lady.
I had already experienced the weekly fight to get me dressed for church, and it wasn't pretty. I couldn't go barefoot. Mary Janes and lace socks. I had to wear a head covering of some sort because we were Episcopalian. Women and girls wore hats or head coverings. I had to sit still and be quiet.
However, I also saw a Mother who loved to play the piano and sing with us and to us. I also saw my parents playing the radio loudly and dancing around the kitchen. We would often head off to the drive-in movie with toys and blankets in the back of the station wagon. There was a lot of laughter.
My parents always had dogs, and always talked to the dogs like they were small children. I have conversations with Coco. She is very smart, and a good listener.
I learned that vegetables grown in the garden are beautiful. I get quite tickled when I see a ripe tomato or a lovely pepper or squash in my garden, ready to pick.
I saw people use kindness and good manners.
Those years from birth to 6 weren't always rosy. There were tough times. Mom and Dad both had health issues that meant they were hospitalized and we were in the care of my grandparents. My grandfather was in and out of the VA hospital and often on crutches due to hip and leg issues.
I learned to wear shoes all the time.
So all those experiences, good and bad, shaped who I am today. When I have to, I can dress up and wear makeup, and fix my hair. I like to sing. I love to taste new foods. I love a man who wears nice cologne.
I wished I had gotten my kids earlier in their lives and been able to influence them when they were small. Adopting a 13 year old and a 10 year old meant that wasn't possible.They saw and felt a lot of bad stuff when they were small. Yet, they are both incredibly sweet.
They prove we don't have to stay stuck at whatever we beheld early in life. We can change. We can become more civilized, more polite, more confidant, more cooperative.
I always wear shoes in public now.
I look forward to imprinting my grandchildren one day. Maybe by then we can all take naps after lunch...
