Cattitude Rant

OK, I just need to vent here for a minute. I have hijacked Dee's mind and her hands in order to spread my message to the world and my message is this:

I am NOT Little Red Freakin' Riding HOOD!

I am a feline member of the household and I deserve RESPECT.

Am I to be dressed up like a doll? Am I to be forced to play a role in a small child's Theatre of the Absurd?

NO.

Do I appear to be HAPPY about this red thing I am wearing?!? Do you read "contented" in my expression?! No?

Well here's a suggestion. Next time your child tries to dress up her cat, STOP HER. In the name of all that is holy, yank the little doll dress or tiny drag queen wig-from-hell or the Santa hat or the cunning nightmare halloween costume OUT of her grubby little hand and talk to her about how wrong it is to assume a cat is anything other than a

Feline Deity

Because really, that's what we are. In ancient Egypt cats were given great respect.

"Cats were held in such high esteem that at one point, the penalty for killing a cat-even accidentally-was death."

Did you hear that?

DEATH.

I SO want to go to Egypt on my next vacation.

 

I hear you can get really top quality catnip there at a good price.

 

Problem?! No, I don't have a problem. I can quit anytime I want. Anytime.

OK, yeah, whatever. Cape...again.

The kid bribed me. It only took one hit of catnip, and I went all boneless and spaced out and let her put the red cape on me.

Before you judge, put down the iPhone 5 and your $4 cup of coffee and get over yourself. I know about the tat on your left butt cheek. I know what's in your purse, Miss Thang.

Yeah, maybe I do have a problem. But I don't post drunk photos of myself on Facebook and put "In a Relationship" when really my only "relationship" is with my collection of Downton Abbey DVDs and a carton of New York Super Fudge Chunk.

Yeah, who really has the problem, hmmm...?!

No matter how much catnip I do, I am still.in.control!

 

ONE DAY CATS WILL RULE THE WORLD!!