The Crab Chronicles

English the Second Language

Yesterday was one of those frustrating days when very little on the To Do list gets done. I ran around doing errands, walked Lola, and then had to help Mom with her computer.

beautiful downtown Tucker

Mother's computer is using Windows XP and it's antiquated and Avast is the only security company who supports it.

I spent a long time yesterday on the phone with someone named Marvin, who spoke 4 languages but English was not the first. his accent was so heavy I could barely understand him. He was somewhere in South America, I think. I would've preferred someone in India. They usually speak great English.

I had to repeat Mother's email address about 4 times for Marvin. Finally I got so frustrated I found myself yelling "CAN YOU HAND THE PHONE TO SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH AS A FIRST LANGUAGE?!"

No, he couldn't. Marvin might have been the most fluent person there.

So then, I found myself slowly spelling out her email address.

"E as in egg."

"L as in Love."

etc.

Finally when we get to Thompson, to the "h" I looked at Mother - who was sitting nearby giggling - and said "H as in HELL!" and she just lost it.

It was good we could find humor somewhere in there.

Mother loves her computer and uses it every.single.day. She has gotten good at using Google, too, which makes me proud. Anyone who says seniors can't use computers is just wrong. It depends on the person and their motivation.

Mother stays in touch with old friends, family members, neighbors, etc. Her brain isn't rotting in front of the TV, despite her mobility issues.

She does watch TV, but not much, and she watches political shows which get her blood pressure moving.

Occasionally I come across a movie I think she will like, such as The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, or Quartet.

Gotta go to work. later Gators.

Humidity

I wish there were something profoundly interesting to blog about but there's not, so I will just do a News of Me sort of post...

We are already in the summer days where the heat is 84-88 each day and late afternoon thunderstorms are the norm. Today, Michael had to lifeguard [4-9] and was at a friend's house until right beforehand. So I was gone early this afternoon and he got no lunch. He will literally forget to eat.

He texted me about 5, from the pool, and asked for a sandwich. I took him a sandwich of cream cheese and smoked salmon, and an apple. Taking the sandwich was an excuse to walk Lola down to the pool. We both need the exercise. It's not that far.

The rain and thunder had stopped. Michael had nothing to do, though, because nobody is allowed in the pool when it's thundering or for a while [30 minutes or something] afterwards.

So I set off with the sandwich and apple wrapped up in foil, in a bag, and Lola on the leash. Little did I realize that the humidity was so bad. It was like walking through a miasma, like when you walk into the bathroom right after someone has gotten out of a long hot shower. If it had been 1% more humid my glasses would've fogged up.

Wow.

Even Lola was panting as she trotted along.

I gave Mike his sandwich and waved to Bart and the other boys sitting around. They don't mind the weather. They sit around and talk or play games if they can't swim.

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I have some itchy bumps on my face and I think either I'm allergic to some food [like the 200 green grapes I ate the other day] or there is some tiny bug outside who is feasting on my face. Yesterday and today my eyelids have been swollen due to itchy places. Very attractive.

I have read that if one takes garlic pills it repels insects. Probably repels other humans, too, but I don't mind that really.

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Early this afternoon I had a job interview in Decatur. I REALLY would like this job and be good at it, I am sure. However, I have a strict "don't get my hopes up" policy, which is the only way to save my sanity. I've had other good job interviews that went nowhere...

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I published an awesome new poet - well, new to me - over at The Word Ocean, Jean Hendrickson. Check out her lovely work.

Lola loved it!

Product Endorsements

I am always a little startled and disappointed by people who only blog for money. Blogs that exist only to push products tick me off. There's no heart in those blogs.

My blog exists so I can practice writing every day, and folks who read it are generally interested in my life, or entertained, or they just stumbled into the blog from a Google search.

People search Google for things like "best pound cake recipes" and "cultural differences between Russia and America" [a tongue-in-cheek title of a blog I wrote a few years ago].

I decided to write this blog because I thought hey, there are certain products we really like in my house, and why not endorse them?! Why not tell folks these are good products?

I am and always will be a capitalist, and I feel that capitalism is the best way to run a country.

I also believe in the United States Constitution, and the right to free speech. If you don't agree, you are probably a resident of a communist country on vacation, in a place where the internet isn't censored. Welcome to the free world comrade.

DISCLAIMER: Nobody from Mayfield or Bush's Beans knows who I am or cares, and they aren't fixing to send me a check. So my endorsements are REAL. I really do like these products.

I will also give recipes or cooking tips when I think of them.

Most or all of these products are made in the south and that's yet another reason to endorse them.

Duke's mayonnaise is all we use in our house. When we lived in Knoxville we couldn't get it and we used Hellman's, but moving back to Georgia meant re-discovering the glory of Duke's mayonnaise. It's really better than any other kind. I don't really like mayonnaise, never use it on sandwiches, only for cooking, and I still prefer Duke's.

Recipe: Take your favorite type of fish and poach it in a mixture of water, white wine, and a little dill. Mix in a bowl some mayo, fresh squeezed lemon or lime juice, and a good sprinkle of dill weed. Use this as a tartar sauce for the fish. Very yummy.

Mayfield ice cream is the best. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve getting peanut butter milkshakes at the Mayfield dairy store in Knoxville. Moving to Knoxville in 1971, we discovered the joy of Mayfield products. Their cottage cheese and french onion dip are also wonderful.

Recipe: Serve guests cookies and cream ice cream with a drizzle of Creme de Menthe over it. Looks elegant and tastes divine. And you don't have to cook dessert.

Margaret Holmes vegetables: I grew up thinking everyone ate white acre peas 3-4 times a week. We called them "lady peas." I don't know why. [We also called Leseur green peas "baseball peas."] Heat these up and throw in some salt and pepper and butter, and they are YUMMY.

Land O Lakes butter: This is not a southern company but we still love their products. We only use real butter. My dad had high cholesterol and I grew up thinking all dairy products were awful - margarine and skim milk, ugh. Once I discovered real butter, there was no going back.

We also use a lot of canola oil and olive oil in cooking, so our "good" cholesterol numbers are always great. Dad tried to eat low fat diets for years and his cholesterol was always horrible, so he had to take medication. Mom and I have never had high cholesterol.

Bush's beans: We've been only eating Bush's baked beans for years. They are simply wonderful. We lived near the factory in Tennessee and would go over there and get deeply discounted beans where the can had a little dent or something. They were always fine.

There's also a family connection, of sorts. A lady who worked for my dad years ago is the stepmother of the wife of Jay Bush. Mom and Dad went to Jay's wedding years ago. Jay actually had hair then.

Sunbird seasonings: Seasoning packets ROCK. Sunbird's fried rice seasoning packets are always at my house. Michael is a somewhat picky eater during the day but he will always eat fried rice.

Take a cup of cold rice, and heat up some canola oil. Add the Sunbird fried rice seasoning and soy sauce to taste. Chop up a green onion if you like that. Once the rice is hot, break an egg and stir it in. You can also add chopped chicken or shrimp and some chopped broccoli for a one dish meal.

McCormick's seasonings: McCormick is a Maryland company, so technically southern I guess. Ever since I can remember, Mom has had round plastic turntables packed with McCormick seasonings. She has the best stocked seasoning cabinet ever. Most folks just use salt and pepper, but we use a TON of seasonings. Onion powder, garlic powder, herbes de provence, dill wee - these are just a few of the many. The McCormick company also makes Lawry's seasonings, which we love.

Tuna salad: boil 4-6 eggs, and then peel them [under running water] and chop them up. Add in a can of tuna, chopped. Spoon in a big spoonful [or three] of Duke's mayo. Add in fresh squeezed lemon juice to taste, salt and pepper, and lots of onion powder and Lawry's seasoning salt.

YUM.

Ina Garten is one of my gurus of cooking and it's not just because she's short and fat [although I tend to trust fat cooks a lot more]. She is easygoing and makes incredibly good food. I've made her recipes many times, and her recipe for brussels sprouts turned me from a sprout hater to a lover - so she is POWERFUL! Anyway, she said the other day that perfect boiled eggs are easy. Boil them for 5 minutes, then cut off the heat and leave them in the water for 2 minutes.

LAGNIAPPE

This is the BEST fruit salad ever! You can use pecans instead of walnuts.

 

Elva's Fruit Salad

1 cup sour cream,

1/4 cup sugar,

 juice of 1/2 lime

1 cup mini marshmallows

1 tall can pineapple tidbits or 2 cups fresh pineapple, chopped

2 cups seedless green or red grapes

1 cup toasted walnuts, lightly salted

 

Mix sour cream and lime juice until sugar is dissolved, and taste -  it should be quite tart so add more lime juice if you need. Next, fold in 1 cup miniature marshmallows, and fold fruit into the cream mix. Cover and chill til ready to serve.

 Just before serving , fold in walnuts

Defending Your Country

Sometimes folks die in defense of their country, but not during a battle. Memorial Day is actually about honoring those who have died defending America.

My grandfather Thompson deserves such an honor. Below, he's the young man on the right, in the hat.

My brother pulled down an old trunk in the garage today and we went through it to pull out the papers in there, so they don't crumble to dust and disappear.

One of the things we found which I now treasure is the wedding announcement of Algernon Thompson and Cordelia Henderson, my father's parents.

My grandmother was an "old maid" when she met Grandaddy - about 30. He was about 34.

Thompson was a soldier in World War I.

If you want to know the complicated technical reason for World War I, have at it. Basically, Franz Ferdinand got killed and everyone in Europe got mad at each other and started fighting. It was an incredibly stupid, senseless war that started in 1914. We didn't get involved at first. However, America finally entered the fray in 1917.

Thompson had been a soldier for years, and had fought Pancho Villa. By soldiering, he was able to help support his mother and younger siblings, sending money home for years from his Army pay. His dad had died when Thompson was about 12 and he had had to go to work. As a result, he didn't even finish high school.

He went to war for America when he was needed, in World War I.

I wish I had known him. Of all his grandchildren, he didn't know any of us well except the oldest, Frann. He and my grandmother babysat for her a lot when she was small.

Thompson died in 1957 from emphysema, 5 years before I was born. He never smoked. He was gassed in World War I. In my mind, he died for his country, just not in 1917. He lived 40 more years and fathered three sons. His last 10 years he was an invalid, but Cordelia took care of him.

His wedding announcement made me remember that incredible love and devotion.

So this is my way of memorializing him, and my grandmother, who only lived 2 years after Thompson died. She did not want to live without him. Despite stress and poverty and sending their oldest two sons off to World War II, they had an incredible love.

I typed out a transcript of the announcement because it's a bit hard to read. I wish I had a wedding photo, but I've never seen one. That's OK. They live on in the memories of those of us left behind, and they have 7 living grandchildren and 10 great granchildren carrying on - oh, and two great great grandchildren (thanks to Frann).

THOMPSON – HENDERSON

Mrs. J.L. Henderson, of Hepzibah, announce the marriage of her daughter, Cordelia, to Mr. A.L. Thompson, of Albany, Ga., Sunday, February 25, at the parsonage of the First Baptist church, Rev. E.L. Grace officiating. No cards.

The above announcement will come as a surprise to many friends who, while knowing that this young couple were engaged, had no idea when the marriage was to occur. Sunday afternoon they came in from Hepzibah, were quietly married and left for a trip to Florida before going to their home in Albany.

Mrs. Thompson is a beautiful girl, a perfect blonde.** She is the youngest daughter of Mrs. Henderson and is very popular with all who know her.  Mr. Thompson is a well-known young railroad man with headquarters in Albany.

[handwritten on back it says Augusta Herald]

 

**I sent the image of the wedding announcement to some of my Thompson kin and my aunt Diddy sent me a note saying "My mother knew her when they were girls and called her a ''strawberry blonde"."

Other folks have told me her hair was more reddish, and that's where I get my reddish brown hair.

Growling at Those We Love

Bruce got in yesterday and we have had a very relaxed, laid back weekend. The heat has been rather odd for May, upper 80's, and we're not used to it yet.

Michael had an in-service lifeguard training this morning at 8:30 and then he had to work from noon-4 so we didn't see him much.

When he did come home he was coughing a lot. I can't tell if he's getting sick or it's just allergy. He's had the cough for a while but it's bad now and the allergy medication isn't helping. We may have to go the doctor Tuesday.

Bruce brought us a couple of cans of Cento crushed tomatoes. I am not a big fan of canned vegetables, but the nice thing about Cento is tomatoes are the only ingredient. The Cento products are natural. You can taste it. Yes, they are more expensive, but it's worth it.

We made spaghetti sauce in the crock pot and it was awesome. I also served sliced eggplant, dipped in Italian seasonings and breadcrumbs and fried in olive oil. Yum.

We got a good thunderstorm late this afternoon and it drenched the flowers for us.

These are three of my favorite folks:

Lola is so funny with Bruce. She adores him, but she growls at him, too. I found myself saying this afternoon "Don't growl at the garlic powder!" because she was NOT happy about him cooking.

A Cemetery Afternoon, for Fun

Despite the 9,000 degree heat outside and the holiday traffic, I made my way to Oakland Cemetery this afternoon where I got a personal tour by an old friend, David Moore, who is Executive Director of the Historic Oakland Foundation. The tour was loads of fun...

Seriously.

Oakland is not the final resting place of my ancestors, as far as I know, and I wasn't there for somebody's funeral, so there was no emotional involvement there, just a tour of one of the oldest cemeteries in the south. Lots of cool stories there.

I know what you're thinking. How does Dee know David and why did he agree to an interview and a tour?

Many years ago, David was a colleague of my dad's, in Knoxville.

We lost touch a while back, after Dad died and life got very busy, but I've been chatting with David for a few weeks now about an article I am writing about him. Hopefully I can find a publisher for it. The angle is that David's family has been in Atlanta for many generations and his dad was a well-known local historian, as a hobby. His grandfather was a local judge, a very colorful guy, who worked [as a young law clerk] for some of the lawyers in a very famous case.

His grandfather was the "Moore" of Moore's Mill Road.

But back to Oakland.

I learned a lot this afternoon, in my golf cart ride.

I saw the grave of Margaret Mitchell. As a teen and a young woman I was a devoted fan of Gone With the Wind, a book which I read and re-read many times growing up. The grave is plain and I wouldn't have noticed it particularly, except that David showed it to me.

GWTW won the Pulitzer Prize and was one of the most commercially successful novels ever published. In recent years it has become the target of politically correct folks because it denigrated African Americans. I cannot defend the book against those accusations but I can say that Mitchell was a product of a very different time in the south. It's not fair to judge her from the standpoint of today's mindset.

I like what Pat Conroy said to NPR about it being a brilliant and well-written novel. Mitchell has a lot in there about the Civil War and you can learn a lot about history by reading it. She researched carefully.

But back to my afternoon...

I also saw the graves of other famous folks - Bobby Jones, Maynard Jackson, Governor Joseph Brown, Ivan Allen, Jr.

There are separate sections of Oakland for Jewish people and African Americans; you have to recall it was planned in 1850, though.

One of my favorite stories from David was about Carrie Steele Logan, a black lady who started an orphanage that is still going today as the Carrie Steele-Pitts Home.

I was struck by how peaceful the place is. David did an awesome job explaining to me about how the cemetery was planned out and the Victorian ideas about it being a place of rest or repose. Some of the graves had footboards like a bed. There were lots of benches and big shady trees. There was a hitching post for horses.

David has an amazing knowledge of the symbolism of all the statuary. Some figures are seated with books open on their laps symbolizing knowledge available now in heaven. Two children's graves are adorned with figures with faces based on the actual children's faces.

There are golf balls and other golf memorabilia left on the grave of Bobby Jones.

Lots of stories about folks there, from a man who is dedicated to Oakland and clearly has a fondness for the place that goes beyond the bounds of it as a job.

Some other interesting facts:

• the cemetery is also a city park
• there are 20,000 children buried there
• there's a huge section with the graves of Confederate soldiers
• there's a beautiful section of unmarked graves, a "potter's field" that is a great spot for picnics
• sometimes there are weddings in the cemetery
• there are all sorts of events at the cemetery, like the upcoming Tunes from the Tombs
• there's a restaurant across the street from Oakland, 6 Feet Under

I put some shots below of the cemetery. It's a fascinating place to visit. [click to enlarge them]

Behind David are the Confederate graves

 

School Projects and Sweet Taters

Had a dream last night that I had discovered new information about my family history. I just wasn't told which side of the family.

That was frustrating.

We are getting into summertime temps here [mid 80's] which means I have to time things carefully. For instance, I have to do all my running around early in the morning when it's cool and pleasant. In the afternoon, it's too sticky hot.

Michael informed me yesterday about a project he still needs to do for his English class. So that's going to eat up a big chunk of this afternoon. Tomorrow is literally the last day of the school year and so it has to be turned in tomorrow.

I told him the last time I read the play Julius Ceasar was when I was in high shcool which was a thousand years ago, so this is not going to be easy. But then I remembered.... there was no Google when I was in high school.

We actually had to go to the library and look in the card catalog! Kids today have it so easy.

Not a whole lot happening here but these are the highlights....?!

• I'm still getting used to seeing my backyard without the trampoline and the soccer goal.
• I bought sweet potatoes yesterday at the roadside stand. I've never in my life cooked sweet potatoes, so this will be an adventure. My mother says all the Butler women loved sweet potatoes; Mom isn't a big fan so that's why we seldom had them when I was growing up.
• Memorial Day weekend is always a tough one for Mom. Her dad died this weekend in 1972. My dad was diagnosed with cancer this weekend in 1996.
• I broke up with my last boyfriend right after Memorial Day weekend in 2004. It was bad enough and painful enough to turn me off dating forever.
• I made a pork roast last night, and fresh crookneck squash with onions, and we had fruit salad and lemon rice. Yum. [Haven't been cooking much lately.]
• I have tiny tomatoes in my garden. YAY!!

the sweet potato loving Butler gals around 1921, in Atlantic City vacationing - my Mamaw is third from the left, the short chubby one

Doctor's Advice

Doctors are not always right. They are human. They don't always understand the mysteries of the human body, or the fact that not all of us fit the norm. I just wish doctors would take a more holistic approach when they are prescribing.

I posted something on Facebook yesterday that I just thought was useful information, not trying to cause controversy, and it sparked a bunch of comments. Leg cramps are painful and scary and my mom has suffered with them for years.

So despite the fact that I am not a nurse or a doctor, I KNOW about leg cramps. I've gotten them too. Horrible feeling. I've had foot cramps, too. No fun.

My post: My mom gets bad leg cramps and over the years we've learned what helps. If you get leg cramps you need a product called No Salt - it has tons of potassium, and that's what your body needs to fight the leg cramps. Also, Lay's potato chips have lots of potassium. Another helper is tonic water, which has quinine. When my mom gets bad leg cramps I grab the potato chips and tonic water and it really helps her. You can find tonic water at any grocery store. (Adding some fresh lime juice helps the taste.)

A friend of mine who has a medical degree and was a doctor before she had kids, posted this: "I read a review article in one of my medical journals abt leg cramps and low potassium was pretty far down the list of causes - number one cause is dehydration, followed by muscle fatigue, low magnesium, low calcium and peripheral artery disease in elderly. Ppl always want to blame potassium. A review article summarizes all the research data over the last few years."

She is a sweet lady and well-intentioned. She has a point about the studies. I am very much in favor of scientific studies.

However, my mother is not typical. My mother is a Hasty. One of my distant cousins on the Hasty side posted this response: "I, like Dee, am a Hasty. A couple of years ago, at a first cousins get together, I asked about potassium deficiency. Half of us were on prescription potassium supplements. I was in emergency room when they found mine. One other cousin ended up in hospital before they found his - not sure about the rest. Sodium shortage tends to show up only with dehydration - but my tests often show low side of normal so I never try to cut back on it."

So our family tends to suffer a lot of leg cramps, and deficiencies in potassium and sodium, and potassium helps the cramps.

My mom tends to have diarrhea a lot, and her potassium and sodium get flushed out of her body. About 15 years ago she had a bad bout and couldn't keep food down, and I finally took her to the emergency room. They ran tests and told me all her mineral levels - potassium, sodium, etc. - were so low, she was hours away from dying.

They gave her potassium.

Yes, she was dehydrated. Yes, the studies show that was the cause of her issues. But why is she dehydrated? Could it be that her body just doesn't hold onto the potassium?

Not to be gross, but the big prescription potassium pills just exit her body without breaking down at.all.

My point is simply this: human beings are not all alike, and some of us are wired differently. Doctors tend to figure out what works best for most people and apply that to everyone. However, it doesn't always work for particular individuals.

Point #2:

My dad was in the hospital some years ago for an aortic aneurysm. He was given Librium, a tranquilizer. It had the opposite effect on him. It made him hyper and CRAZY. Not tranquil. Not even close. He had to be tied to the bed. I was there with him for hours, watching this, and it was horrifying. The nurses kept giving him the Librium and wouldn't listen to me. The doctor wouldn't change the orders until I got her on the phone and threatened to sue her.

Dad had weird body chemistry. I shouldn't have had to threaten the doctor to get the orders changed. The nurses were there to see how loony he was. I think they were scared of the doctor, though. I wasn't.

Point #3:

I've had people tell me frankly that I was nuts for tapping painful spots with a magnet. Well it's not traditional, no. It's not even well known. However, it WORKS. It costs almost nothing. It's non-invasive. Nobody knows why it works. The effects are not permanent. However, I tap my mother's arthritic knee every night, and her sore neck, and she gets temporary relief.

Lay's potato chips and tonic water give her relief from leg cramps.

Counterpoint

Doctors sometimes prescribe "off label." This is a bit scary but so what? If evidence shows a drug being effective for something not on the label, why not prescribe it, and monitor the patient carefully?

I am taking a drug called Neurontin, for menopause-like symptoms that made me miserable a few months ago. It works. I am perfectly fine, as long as I take it. If I stop, I feel awful. Now, here is the stated use, on label, for it:

Neurontin (gabapentin) is an anti-epileptic medication, also called an anticonvulsant. It affects chemicals and nerves in the body that are involved in the cause of seizures and some types of pain.

My gynecologist prescribed it and I was VERY hesitant to take it for my symptoms. I wasn't having seizures. I wasn't in any pain. However, I was desperate. I felt woozy and nauseated all the time, and I was miserable.

Conclusion

So my point is that I am not trying to say doctors are stupid or don't listen to them. Most of the time they are right. However, if you have an unusual family history, like the Hastys, or if you're like Dad and become hyper when given a tranquilizer, you need to find a doctor who respects that information.

Inform your doctor of weird things in your family history. Talk to cousins and aunts and uncles and LEARN your family medical history, as much as possible.

Educate yourself about things like magnets that work on pain. Don't fall for quackery, of course, but keep an open mind.

I learn fascinating stuff all the time. My arthritis symptoms are non-existent as long as I take Omega 3 fish oil pills every day.

I am learning more and more every day about the benefits of coconut oil.

So non-doctors: educate yourself.

Doctors: y'all need to LISTEN to your patients. You need to spend more than 5 minutes with them when you see them. You need to understand not just their symptoms, but what they eat, their bathroom habits, their stresses. Human beings are complicated. 

Here endeth the lesson...

Mom and her brother Bobby and his wife Myrtle, late 1970's

Goodbye to The Backyard Sports

OK, well, I was prevented from blogging all day because I couldn't get the blog page to open up. Typepad really needs to get that bug fixed, whatever it was. Yikes.

Busy day helping my friend Kristy and running errands. It just flew by.

I put an ad on Craigslist earlier this evening, to get someone to just come pick up the busted trampoline and decrepit soccer goal in my backyard, and within a couple of hours they were GONE. They were in the giveaway section, too. The guy who came and got them realized pretty soon after they got here that they were un-usable, much to my surprise, but the dry rot and rust had taken their toll. He was kind enough to haul them off for me and I reimbursed him for his gas.

My kids had a lot of fun on the trampoline, but after Michael split it open about a year ago, it was unusable and just something the yard men moved around.

Below, my kids and Melissa's girls, from a few years ago.

cute shot of Mike right after we got the soccer goal from Uncle Bruce, 2008...

Ten Tips for a Happy Life

I don't claim to be an expert on leading a happy life, but I've studied happiness very mindfully, so I wanted to share my hard-won wisdom with the world. So here are some things I have done which have worked for me. Reminding myself periodically to do these things is good, so I wanted to share with you. I've been on the earth more than 50 years and thanks be to God I've learned a few things.

1. Alter your attitude about your life. Right now buckets of rain are pouring on my house and yard. I can either fret and worry about my roof leaking and not being able to walk the dog, or I can focus on the positive: my gardens getting a great soaking watering. The growth will be huge tomorrow - that's what I try to focus on.

2. Avoid negative people. I've cut off friendships with people who only criticized me, and made me feel stupid. If you have someone negative in your life, just walk away from them. Don't let their negative energy drag you down. If you have to, tell them how they make you feel and why you must distance yourself. They may not be aware of their effect on you.

3. Get a pet. Studies have shown pet owners live longer and are more happy. Dogs and cats are more cuddly than fish, so get an animal that you can cuddle. Also, taking care of an animal gives purpose to your life, so be a good pet mama or daddy. If you don't want to commit to a pet, cuddle your next door neighbor's pet - with their permission, of course.

4. Lose yourself in an activity you love, at least once a day - NOT on a computer. Whether it's reading, playing a musical instrument, singing, whatever - if it's an activity that makes you lose track of time, do it as often as possible. Do it with joy and abandon.

5. Tell people you love that you love them. Don't just assume they know. The last words I ever said to my dad were "I love you." I didn't know he would die a few days later. Telling him I loved him when I left him was a ritual, and I am so glad I developed that habit.

6. Banish negative thoughts from your head. Everyone has negative self-talk - "Look at what you did this time, IDIOT. Mom was right, you are awkward/fat/unaware/too _____" - consciously banish these negative comments from your mind. Listen to music if necessary, or call a friend - whatever it takes to get the negative thoughts OUT. The more you can banish the negative self talk the happier you will be.

7. Have faith in a higher power. Whatever your religion, or lack of one, believing in God or a higher power of some sort helps to stave off anxiety. I believe in God and I pray all the time. Praying eases anxiety and sends positive energy into the world.

8. Create some alone time every day. Pray. Meditate. Nap. Listen to music. Get out of your own head, for at least 30 minutes.

9. Exercise every day. Even if [like me] the word "exercise" brings on feelings of dread, try making small changes that add up. For instance, turn on the TV to a show or movie and walk in place in front of the TV for 5 minutes every morning. The next week, do ten minutes every morning. Gradually increase until you are walking in place for 30 minutes. The key is to gradually build up, and make it an activity you enjoy. Walk the dog. Take a water aerobics class at the YMCA. Walk the mall with a buddy. Just do something - exercise releases endorphins.

10. Love. I mean love as a verb. Doing things mindfully, with love, is maybe the most important thing on this list. Love yourself, and pamper yourself. Love the folks around you, even when they don't act loving towards you. Love purposefully.

The more love you send out into the world, the more you get back.

photo by Lisa Amos