The Crab Chronicles

Movie Review CHEF

I haven't seen many movies recently but I saw a movie today that I just love. There is nothing better than a great story about real people. The new movie Chef is that kind of movie. [OK, so the characters are fictional, yes, but they seem real.]

Nothing blows up. Nobody gets shot. There are no sex scenes. [There is a bit of cussing but nothing I would call extreme...]

Here's the plot: A chef who loses his restaurant job starts up a food truck in an effort to reclaim his creative promise, while piecing back together his estranged family.

Jon Favreau [who wrote and directedf] plays the title character. He is amazing. I found an interview he did where he said he went to school to be a chef, so that everything he did in the movie would be authentic. He sent his co-star John Leguizamo to cooking school too - John Leguizamo said all he did was scut work and he tried not to hurt anyone... [which I don't believe]

The movie is ostensibly about a chef with personal problems but it's more. The chef's relationship with his son is the key one in the movie. The actor who plays his ten year old son is AMAZING. He doesn't seem to be acting at all. Very natural.

The supporting cast is jaw dropping. Scarlet Johansen, Sofia Vergara, Robert Downey Jr., Dustin Hoffman...

One aspect of the film was really amusing and touching, and it's the role of Twitter in the movie. The chef, Carl, gets into a tweeting war with a food critic and loses his job, and that sets up the premise of him then owning a food truck. The son tweets about the food truck and helps publicize the business.

After seeing this movie I desperately wanted to go eat Cuban food, and I don't particularly like it. However, I did come home and put a pork roast in the oven...

This is a sweet, funny, engaging little movie that deserves a wide audience. I want to see more movies like this. GO SEE IT!

 

Outlook for Labor Day

I am glad to have a three day weekend. Waking at 6:30 to get Michael out of the house by 7:30 is no picnic. He is not a morning person. I have to pretend to be a morning person to get him out of bed.

Usually, I go in his room, turn on the light, and grab his foot and shake it. "Let's go let's go let's go! Let's rock & roll!" I exhort cheerfully.

His response is usually a snort or grunt.

Then I come back in my room and play music loudly for a few minutes. At least 3 times, between songs, I have to holler GET UP MICHAEL! The last time I have to say "GET UP! It's 6:45!" and he finally shuffles out of bed and into the shower. Then there's a 20 minute respite. Next, the begging him to eat breakfast.

On Friday, breakfast was easier because I was able to offer him a slice of homemade pumpkin bread slathered in butter.

Now I just have to offer that [or another homemade goodie] in order to get him to eat. No pressure there...

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One of my friends on Facebook was complaining because they changed around his favorite grocery store and now he can't find anything. I can so relate. My fave Kroger is being remodeled, and now I have to wander around in utter confusion. To make matters worse, they've reordered everything every week!

I asked the checkout clerk last time I was there when the renovations would be finished and she said "October."

I wanted to cry.

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Michael and I watched the movie Independence Day the other night, and he loved it. He had seen it before, but when he was smaller and really didn't understand what was going on. He enjoyed it a lot more this time.

I remember going to see that with my dad, and he liked it. That makes it a special movie to share with my son.

I was watching it and thinking, nobody is running around talking on a cell phone. That one detail dates it.

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Not much else to report. We will have a quiet weekend. Michael is working every day this weekend.

Lola plans to walk, sleep, and eat, in that order...

 

below, another gorgeous shot by my friend Lisa Amos, who lives in the North Georgia mountains..

Shrimp

I had a post all ready to go this morning and the computer crashed. Then I had a conference call with a client. Then I had to go to the store before it got too hot. Then I had to come home and rest.

It's been one of those days.

I am slowly recuperating from some kind of stomach virus that just made my weekend miserable. I have had fever headaches, nausea, etc. I will spare you the details. Suffice to say, not fun. Most of the day today I have felt semi OK, just not energetic at all. I ran a load of laundry for Mom and put it away.

I cooked dinner... sort of. Boiled shrimp is really easy cooking. I made homemade guacamole too. It's one of the easiest dinners ever, and one of our favorites. We usually just serve Saltines or Ritz with the shrimp.

You want to know my mom's recipe for the world's best cocktail sauce? Buy a bottle of Heinz chili sauce.

Add a tablespoon or two of horseradish. I can't find a picture of the brand we like, sorry. It's HOT, though. Add in several squeezes of fresh lemon juice and a few drops of Tabasco [if you like to spice things up]. Mix thoroughly. Peel and dip in 2-3 shrimp to make sure it tastes right. :-)

I haven't felt like eating much in days but I ate about a dozen small shrimp... in butter and lemon. Wasn't going to put that spicy cocktail sauce on my stomach.

I have lost a few lbs. the HARD WAY. Diet, exercise, diet + exercise -- those are the easy ways. Being ill is the hard way. The plan is to continue to lose, but with altered eating habits

Michael was in all afternoon classes and his schedule got switched so today he had all morning classes. He is not a morning person. However, he was finished with school and had done his homework by 1:15, so he got to hang out with friends in the afternoon.

&&&& Lagniappe

Love the photo of Lola below. Note the little tongue hanging out?!?

Preparing for The End

At last night's will signing the attorney I work for was asked "Don't you find this really depressing?" and she just smiled. "No, I am helping people get things in order so when they pass away their families aren't left with a burden," was her excellent reply.

Most people, I think, don't make wills because they don't want to think about dying and to them that's what it means - thoughts of death.

I can understand that view but I don't share it.

Just like doctors have to maintain an emotional distance to be able to do their jobs, wills and estate planning professionals [which include me now, since I work for that type of attorney] must maintain a distance.

I grew up in a home with a dad whose banking career, as head of a trust department, meant lots of interaction with families needing wills and estate planning. We talked about wills around the dinner table. Dad had a standard speech for civic organizations called The Importance of Making a Will.

I don't think of it as macabre or weird.

What Kristy [the attorney] has dealt with so often is the unfortunate aftermath when folks die leaving no will. Families that were peaceful will bicker and deep rifts can be caused when there is no will, or if there is a dispute. This has happened in my own extended family, and the rifts are still being healed, 40 years later.

Another important thing - when a will is drafted the person has to have capacity. "Capacity" simply means the person signing the will has a normally functioning brain. Capacity can be questioned if the person has dementia, for example.

Dad saw it happen countless times. Families fighting and bitter and feeling overwhelmed when someone died without a will. Families are typically very upset when someone dies, and then if the estate is not planned out and there's no will, it's gut-wrenching. Worse than a divorce.

[My remarks herein aren't meant as legal advice. I'm not a lawyer nor do I plan on being one. I'm just trying to urge you all to consult good attorneys and get valid and enforceable wills and estate planning.]

There's a misperception that only rich people need wills. Not true. Everything you have is an "estate" - from your wardrobe to your collection of figurines, to your home, if you own it. Without a will, the laws of intestate kick in, and make the entire process more difficult. When Dad died in 1996, Mom had to get a document called "letters testamentary" in order to sell his car and change the title to the house. Probate courts issue those much more easily and quickly when there is a will. Because he had planned so carefully, the process was much quicker for her.

Of course the laws vary a bit from state to state, but it's important to pay a good lawyer to do a will for you. Don't pay a lawyer who is simply a litigator, or a real estate lawyer, or someone who doesn't normally do wills. They won't be able to protect your interests because they are not current on the law.

I know you're thinking, how much does it cost?! Well, that varies a LOT. Here in Georgia, I think it generally costs $300-$1,500 but it can be much more if it's a complicated estate. I don't know what it costs in other states.

If you are a parent with a child under 18 you need a will because you need to say who will get to be the guardian of your child. If only you die, your spouse will get custody normally, but what if you are both killed, like in a car accident?

What if you are injured and you don't die immediately but live in a vegetative state.

In Georgia, for instance, if you are hurt or ill and go into a coma, you need a loved one to have legal authority to make end of life decisions for you. To make those decisions, you need a Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney, with an appointed person to deal with the doctors and transmit your wishes. If there is no power of attorney for that, the doctors are obligated to do everything to prolong your life, even if you are braindead and there is no hope of recovery.

Most states have adopted something like the Durable Healthcare Power of Attorney, and that is what needs to be in place, all signed and sealed. [WebMD has a good article on this but it's not accurate for Georgia because here Living Wills are not enforceable any more..]

Most of us don't like to think about being incapacitated or dead, but we need to remember we are leaving behind family members and/or loved ones who will have to deal with it all. Should you get a feeding tube if you are on life support? Should you get pain meds? Are your organs to be donated? These are tough questions.

(Sorry, didn't mean to get on a soapbox there but this is a subject near and dear to me.) If you don't have a will, call an attorney in your state and set up an appointment to get one, and get a healthcare directive. Don't try to do it yourself. It has to be handled correctly, and generic forms are not the way to go.

photo by Lisa Amos

What Makes a Home

When I was in college and started forming my adult opinions I decided that I would never, ever, live in the suburbs. I would live in apartments in the city, or a townhouse maybe, where I didn't have to worry about weeding the flowerbeds or raccoons getting into the garbage, or any other suburban conundrum. I would be a Bohemian, haughtily opposed to the ridiculous and meaningless problems of the middle class suburban drone.

Then I grew up. I lived in a series of apartments. Between 1984 and 2005 I lived in 3 apartments in Knoxville and 2 here in Atlanta. My last residence before this was, technically, a condo, but it looked just like an apartment.

One day I remember driving down Henderson Mill Road and seeing all the middle class suburban houses and feeling a strange sense of longing. The yards were well-tended. There were brick schools on the road, and churches. There were many trees. I was still living in my condo, which was nice, but suddenly I longed to live in a solid and real home.

My heart longed for the stability of a house, with a yard, and trees and shrubs. I wanted a dog. I wanted real roots here in Atlanta. A house meant all those things.

Above, the house where I spent the most time when I was growing up, what we call the Venice Road house in Knoxville.

When I dream about my childhood, this is the house that usually appears. We lived in 3 different houses in Augusta between 1959 and 1971, when we moved to Knoxville. My memories of those houses are vague, although the last one is pretty clear.

What strikes me now about the Venice Road house in Knoxville is that in hindsight I realize it was a place of sanctuary.

I could tell you the names of every family on our street. I could name all the kids who lived in those houses. I could identify most of the families in the neighborhood.

That first winter, we sledded down the steep hill that led to our house. I had never seen snow that stuck to the ground, or had a snowball fight, or gone sledding. I had never experienced much winter, because winter in Augusta is very mild, usually only requiring a light jacket, on a January day.

A short walk away, in Knoxville, there were still farmers, and we bought vegetables from the farms. When you drove the country road behind our suburb you could see the mountains.

If there's anything I miss about Knoxville, it's the mountains. I took them for granted.

I didn't realize until I became a mom in late 2004 how much I wanted my daughter to know the sanctuary and comfort of a house.

We moved to this house in 2005, and Mother and I started sharing our lives again, and sharing the care of my children.

Our house

It's not a mansion. The driveway is bumpy. The patio needs pressure washing. There are always maintenance chores to be done.

However, it's a home.

Last night I was ill. I had - and still have, to an extent - some kind of stomach bug.

I called my next door neighbor last night after 9, on a Saturday, and she came right over and walked Lola, and helped me upstairs to bed. There was nobody I could've called on like that when I lived at the condo, or in any of my apartments.

I have come to realize that neighbors are what makes a place a home. We are blessed here with excellent, caring neighbors.

Michael's first birthday in this house, 2007

We got Michael home on May 9, 2007. He spoke very little English. He was tiny, and scared, and very clingy with me. Two months and a couple of weeks later, I wanted to do something for this first birthday in America. He hadn't made any friends because he was still learning English. He mostly just played with his sister.

We invited the kids in the nighborhood, on our street, plus another family with adopted Russian speaking kids. Everyone came and played games, ate cake, and had fun. The kids welcomed Michael and gave him a happy afternoon, filled with laughter and presents. I was so grateful.

There are so many ways in which we are blessed to live here.

The last time we had a big snow, Snowpocalypse in 2011, the schools were closed for a week. One of our neighbors loaned Michael 2 really nice sleds, and Michael and Colton sledded all over the place and had a blast.

That same neighbor saw my mailbox knocked over a few months later and just stopped and fixed it, without fanfare.

At Christmas we always get small gifts from our neighbors. When someone new moves in we welcome them with food.

We are not just a bunch of WASPS. On this street where I live we have Catholics, Jews, gay couples, interracial couples, Asians -- pretty much a melting pot.

The suburbs are not a desolate, soulless place, not necessarily. Our neighborhood is a great one, with caring people. We are very blessed to live here.

Heat

It is so hot that I have vowed not to leave my house again today, except to briefly walk Lola out to the yard to take care of business. I went to the grocery store this morning about 10:30, and came home and that was IT.

Michael took Lola on a brief walk around 11 a.m. and it was already so hot I worried about her.

The high today is supposed to be around 93-97 - with the heat index - whatever that is - let's just say it will be hote as HELL. Plus it's humid, of course.

The good news is, we have had very few really hot days this summer. It has been a really mild summer.

August means off the charts heat, usually. This is Hot-Lanta, after all. It's the small price we pay for mild weather 3 seasons of the year.

This is Lola's stance when a human dares to walk down the street with their dog. Lola's ferocious barking should scare them off... if it's heard out on the street, which is debatable.

Not much news to report.

Michael has to get up early on Friday because he has a 3 hour seminar every Friday morning, but then he is free all afternoon. He was not happy about that. He hates breakfast. I finally got him some Carnation instant breakfast mix, hoping that would appeal. My brother used to hate breakfast but he finally got where he would drink some sort of protein shake in the morning.

Michael didn't much like the Carnation... until I added milk, a banana, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream and made him a shake.

Then I sent him to Kroger to find the items I didn't find at Publix this morning.

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I finally succumbed to insane curiosity and subscribed to Starz, for one reason only and that is to watch episodes of the series Outlander. I've read all the books and I watched the first episode and got hooked. Now I have to watch the 2nd one and then the new one tonight.

Men in kilts. I had to do it. I have no self-control...

 

High Level Thinking

There are a lot of disturbing things going on in the world, and I am trying not to let the news freak me out or destroy my inner peace.

The situation in Missouri is scary, although it looks like calm is being restored. The war in Israel is scary. The situation in Iraq, and the death of James Foley horrifies me more than I can say.

Yet calm is being restored at my house. Hallelujah.

We have had a tough summer, for a lot of reasons.

I have had some issues with menopause symptoms, but I am feeling much better now, thanks to Maca Root.

I haven't worked in over a month, but I have a new part-time job as of yesterday, which looks to be interesting and lucrative.

Michael has been restless all summer. He didn't get as many hours as he had hoped down at the pool, as a lifeguard. He's also been tasked with taking care of his car, on his own. I pay for insurance, and he pays for everything else.

Michael has spent a lot of time "hanging out" away from home. I don't think he's done anything he shouldn't have done, but it has been hard to get him to be here very much. He's been restless. Twitchy.

We knew that was because of nervousness about starting school, being a college student. Huge change in his life. Change is tough for him.

Last night he went to the men's team tennis practice at our neighborhood pool. There is no team of guys his age. The guys last night were all in the 30's and older. However, they are all good players.

When he came home, Michael was ebullient. He had played for 2.5 hours straight. He was more relaxed and chatty than I've seen him in ages. He ate a late supper - grilled chicken and some noodles - and then said he wanted more.

I fixed him pilmeni, which is basically Russian ravioli. He ate a big bowl of that.

Mom and Bruce and I have all been trying to tell Michael how different college is from high school, how much more enjoyable it is - all summer. I don't think he believed us, truly, until yesterday, after 3 days of being in classes.

He has a class called College Survival, a special class for kids in the Gateway program. They talked yesterday about critical thinking. When he told me about it, he said "I LOVE that!"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to say of course you're loving that son, you're brilliant!

He is brilliant. He spoke nothing but Russian for the first ten years of his life, and came here and learned English within a year and skipped a grade. English is now his best subject. When he tries in school he makes A's effortlessly.

Other good things - he realizes that these teachers are committed to helping him succeed. Hugely different from high school, where there are too many students and teachers are usually overburdened.

It may not seem to be that big a deal, but Michael has never liked school. Mother and I are both optimistic that he is going to like college. Thanks be to God.

Connecting To Each Other

I read a terrific article this morning in Huffington Post, Robin Williams, Connectedness and the Need to End the Stigma Around Mental Illness.

Among the startling information was this sad fact: "...even as many other causes of death are in decline, the rate of suicide is rising. This is especially true among the middle-aged. From 1999 to 2010, the suicide rate for those aged 35 to 64 rose by more than 28 percent. By 2009 there were more deaths by suicide than from car crashes."

I remember in the training period before my brother went to Iraq, he had weekly meetings with a counselor, and I think there were meetings while he was there, too. The Army was very concerned about suicide, as they should have been, and all the counseling was mandatory, for everyone. The article estimates that 22 vets kill themselves every day and almost 20% of suicides are veterans, even though they are only 10% of the population.

Stress has to be the root cause. Living in a war zone, constantly afraid for your life, must be the most stressful thing a human can endure. My brother spent a year in Iraq and said it took him a full year after returning home before he could even find a new normal.

A friend and fellow blogger, mom to a 20 year old son in the Air Force, watched him kill himself right in front of her, after they had an argument. She still mourns deeply and yet has been able to do constructive things like urge people to make organ donations. Her son's death meant life to others because of his donations.

ENDING THE STIGMA

The only good thing about a highly public suicide like that of Robin Williams is that it started a conversation about suicide, and by extension about depression and mental illness.

What I liked so much about the Huffpost article is that it talks about connectedness as a way to prevent suicide.  We've got to connect with each other, and we've got to connect with mental health professionals.

We've also got to acknowledge that mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Depression can cause physical illness, and vice versa.

"...one of the established so-called "protective factors" against suicide is what is known as "connectedness." The CDC, which says connectedness has "direct relevance for prevention," defines it as "the degree to which a person or group is socially close, interrelated, or shares resources with other persons or groups."

"Since suicide is the ultimate act of disconnection -- from society, from community, from friends and family -- it's not surprising that connection is a powerful roadblock to suicide. We're creatures of connection. We're hardwired for it."

Yet connecting to each other can be so difficult. We're all busy. We're all scheduled to the nth degree. It's hard for me to find time to see friends for lunch every 6 months, never mind anything more regular.

We text. We Tweet. We Facebook. We need to look in each other's eyes, though.

We need to teach children and teenagers to talk about their feelings. We need to teach them to express themselves in an atmosphere where they aren't judged. Some churches have youth groups where this takes place, but many kids can't or won't go to such groups.

Teenagers are a tough group to motivate, the boys especially. I remember some very intense discussions at an Episcopal retreat weekend called Happening, when I was 16 years old. Discussing feelings and masks and coping -- lots of great information and affirmations that weekend. I wish my son had such a group.

I wish I could offer some insights or surefire solutions to all this but I can't. However, I just want to point out a couple of things.

Change is possible. I never thought in my lifetime I'd see a black president, or legal gay marriage, or banking without an actual bank building. I am old enough to be in awe of the rapid changes in our society. SO...

I want to see the stigma around mental illness REMOVED. I want Robin's death to have a totally wonderful outcome, I want it to be a signpost. Ten years from now, I want to be able to remember it and say wow, when Robin died, that's when we [as a nation, as a society] started talking about Depression and mental illness and actually DOING something, not hiding it.

When I was a kid, my parents talked about people who saw psychologists or psychiatrists in hushed tones, as objects of pity, folks to avoid. Their parents had taught them that. They tried to pass it along, the perpetuation of the stigma -- not out of meanness or evil just because that's what they learned.

I'd like to see the word "crazy" because as unacceptable as the N word, in polite society. Heck, in ALL society.

I'd like to see every middle school and high school offer all kids group therapy, and individual counseling if requested.

I'd like to see companies offer employees monthly Mental Health Days - days off to spend with family and/or friends, or just relaxing and doing something fun.

Most of all, I want to be part of the conversation.

If you have a friend or family member that is depressed, take them to lunch or dinner. Talk to them. Encourage them to share feelings. There aren't a lot of mental health professionals available to many of us, not covered by insurance, so let's minister to each other. Let's listen, and not judge.

Let's TALK about what's wrong.

Let's look into each other's eyes, and not be afraid if they are full of tears.

Let's LOVE each other.

If we can, then Robin's death and so many of the recent deaths of our vets will have sparked something amazing, something divine.

Update for Monday

Ah, computer issues are SUCH FUN.

Not.

I had a post all written and it disappeared. My friend Paul came out yesterday and brought me a loaner to use while he fixes my CPU, and I am having to get used to it. All my important stuff is on external hard drives, but the loaner CPU is still weird.

Lola thinks it's funny.

Big week here. Michael is starting school at GPC, but living at home. He actually ate dinner with us and watched a movie with me last night. I have asked him to be home for dinner every Sunday, which is family night. He is very restless these days. He spends a lot of time at a friend's house, which is fine, but trying to get him to come home and help with chores and do what he needs to do can be difficult. He has had a lot of adjusting in the past few months - new job, being able to drive, etc. Now a new school. He has a hard time handling new life events and experiences.

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I made a pot roast in the crock pot yesterday, with some coaching from Mother. She had requested it. I am not wild about pot roast. However, if you use enough beef broth, soy sauce, red wine, garlic and pepper, it's pretty good.

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I wrote a new post over at my business blog, The Write Rainmaker, Technology and Our Careers. I love the idea of driverless cars. Would probably save a lot of lives. Technology is powering along faster and faster is seems to me, as I get older. Scary but exciting at the same time.

 

That's about all the news. We are in for a hot week, temps in the 90's. August in Atlanta...

Gateway to College

The past few days have been cray cray, as my son would say, just wicked busy. I got about half the items done on my To Do list from this past week, but I feel fortunate to have even gotten that far.

Michael is enrolled in the Gateway to College program at Georgia Perimeter College and yesterday morning was orientation for students AND parents.Gateway is a dual enrollment program aimed at getting at-risk or dropout kids to finish high school credits and get college credits at the same time, with the goal of getting them to finish a 2 year or 4 year college program eventually. Michael has 2 years of high school under his belt. He was getting really bored and frustrated with school at Lakeside, and I knew I had to do something. Michael hates long school days inside. I felt like he was ready for this program.

One of the great things about it is that there are tutors available to help the kids every day, one on one, and lots of support. They want the kids to succeed. That was evident yesterday.

I looked around at the kids yesterday and I was, honestly, relieved. We had gone to an assessment program a few months ago and the kids there seemed surly and uncooperative. The kids yesterday seemed just like any other teenagers - rambunctious, funny, loud. Michael was one of the smallest and palest kids there, but that's OK. He's accustomed to diversity, and he has a lot of self-confidence. I am sure he will make friends. As we were leaving campus he looked at a group of girls in the parking lot and when one of the girls turned and looked at him [we were in the car] his eyes got really big. "Hey... HEY! Mom! She's cute!"

I laughed. "There are lots of cute girls on this college campus, Michael." I think he is going to be pleased with how much easier it is to make friends and talk to people on a college campus. That was one of the things I loved about college, the social aspect.

I was impressed by the presentation from faculty and staff yesterday. They covered all the basics. I imagine there are parents there who didn't attend college and so a lot of remarks were aimed at them. "Do NOT call your child's professor. They do not want to talk to you!" was my favorite admonishment. Some of the parents looked annoyed. I told Michael later, "This is COLLEGE. I will not hold your hand. It's your responsibility to keep up, do your work, and make the grades. I will help you if you ask for it, but I won't intervene with a professor."

I think he gets that. He has actually said he is ready to go back to school, which is sort of a breakthrough.

above, me in 1985 right after college

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I had calls yesterday with two employers that are giving me some part-time writing work, which is a blessing. Looks like both assignments will be lucrative and interesting, and I will get started next week.

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We live in a nice middle class neighborhood in suburban Atlanta, and we get Jehovah's Witnesses coming to the door all.the.time. This morning, Lola proceeded to bark like a maniac. I put her leash on her and answered the door. I always just smile and say "We're Episcopalians" and they go away. Lola was acting like she wanted to maul the poor guys, though, and they stood a good 6 feet from the door. The younger man said "Can I give you a tract?" and I just smiled and said "No thanks" but Lola acted like she was going to attack.

I have never seen those folks move away from a door that fast.

  she looks like such an angel but she is one feisty girl...