The Crab Chronicles

Halloween Followed IMMEDIATELY By Christmas

I have already seen Christmas trees up in Home Depot. I didn't even have my Halloween candy bought when I saw those stinkin' trees either.

This is ridiculous, people.

When I was a kid we had holidays on time. Nobody was looking at Christmas trees when it was 85 degrees outside! (Unless they lived in Florida, but whatever..)

I have more anxiety this year about trick or treaters, too, as we now have Lola. She likes to go ape when anyone comes to the door. How I'm going to hold her back AND give candy to the kiddies, I don't know. Michael has to work that night. Putting her in a bedroom or a crate ain't happening. She will bust out. Trust me on that. She does NOT like to be confined.

When the carpet cleaning guy was here a couple of weeks ago Michael kept her in my room but he is strong. She barked the entire time, too.

Anyway, I digressed...

LET'S KEEP HALLOWEEN AND CHRISTMAS SEPARATE -- AS GOD AND THE GREAT PUMPKIN INTENDED!!!

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Life is hurtling by at lightning speed.

I have made some decisions.

I am not going to try and make breakfast for my son any more. He waits until the last minute to get dressed and leave the house, and I am tired of giving his breakfast to Lola. She loves it, but the vet said she needs to lose a couple.

I have pretty much given up sugar. I am down to about... 1% of my diet being sugar. Eating 99% veggies and meat and eggs. Even Greek yogurt seems too sugary now. Toothpaste is my big indulgence. (No, not to eat, just to taste..)

My hot flashes and menopause symptoms are WAY better. I feel almost normal, in fact. Still having the occasional power surge hot flash but far fewer now. Just have to stick to the plan and avoid junk foods and sugar - which includes starchy foods that turn to sugar in your body, like bread, potatoes, rice.

Trying to ignore the Halloween candy has been HARD. Christmas will require a lot of prayer and I may cave and eat some Greek yogurt if I don't have to drive..

Job is going well. I am falling in to bed exhausted at 10 p.m. which is a good thing. Pleasant office and great salad bar. Can't beat that.

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE-THANKS-MAS Y'ALL!!

below - a golden oldie! My brother and son goofing around.. Mike was so cute...

 

New Routine

I don't know whether to be sad or happy about having to stay inside all day today. It was 83-85 degrees outside.

I came home and Mother had turned on the air conditioning. That's like a sign of the apocalypse. She runs the heat when it's 80.

Hard to remember it's the end of October.

Then again, when I took Lola for an early walk at 7 this morning I almost wished I had worn a jacket. Hey, being menopausal means I NEVER want a coat. I have my own personal space heater, or as I call it my entire body.

The scary thing was, there were lots of cars whizzing by us at 7 a.m. Wow.

I started a new job today, a temp paralegal job. I don't discuss my work life here, except in the most general way. It was a busy day. Hard to get back into the full-time work groove but it's a pleasant atmostphere. The assignment lasts until January, and is close to home, so it's all good.

I hate having to come home from work and make a big meal. Happily, I had put on a pot of chili in the crock pot before I left for work. Made some guacamole, and we were all full at the end of the meal.

Didn't sleep well at ALL last night, for a variety of reasons. Hopefully I can sleep better tonight.

below, the old Fox Theatre, and Atlanta landmark...

Loving One Another

I recently posted a link on my Facebook page to an article I found really fascinating, Biblical Marriage: I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. I disagree with a lot of things on HuffPost, but I thought this was a really well-written article.

A person I had "friended" on Facebook for reasons I can't really recall now -- but someone I have never actually met -- immediately responded in a very ugly way, telling me that the bible clearly states that homosexuality is "a sin and an abomination."

I countered her arguments with my own, but I couldn't change her mind.

It floors me that someone who is otherwise reasonable, rational, and intelligent, would classify every gay person as someone steeped in sin. In her warped view, Homosexuality = Sin

That's not a biblical belief. It's a widespread demonization of people who simply have a different way of loving.

I love this article Clobbering "Biblical" Gay Bashing because it's written by a Christian clergyman and he says so many wise things.

Oh sure, this time around we have “softened” our approach, saying things like “hate the sin, love the sinner,” but we fail to recognize that what we are calling a “sin” and the person we are calling a “sinner” are one and the same. A person whose sexual orientation is homosexual, or bi-sexual, or queer can no more separate themselves from their sexuality than a heterosexual person can.

What Mark Sandlin does so brilliantly in the article is to simply deconstruct all the traditional bible verses and arguments used to justify Christian homophobia.

That old-fashioned, intolerant homophobia is exactly why Englishman Alan Turing -- a man who broke the Nazi enigma code in World War II and who is the father of modern computer science -- was criminally prosecuted for being gay, and ultimately comitted suicide.

Alan Turing was one of the greatest minds of the 20th century. He laid the theoretical foundations for computer science, and his code-breaking efforts during World War II greatly aided the Allies's effort to defeat Adolf Hitler.

But Turing, a gay man, had the misfortune to live in an intolerant era. In 1952, he was prosecuted for "gross indecency" for having a sexual relationship with another man. He lost his security clearance and was forced to take hormone treatments. Two years later, he was found dead of cyanide poisoning. His death was ruled a suicide.

What a loss, to know that Turing, a brilliant man, ended his life because of the terrible atmosphere for gay men in that time. Think what amazing contributions he could've made to computer science and mathematics if he had been free to love as he chose.

I have a friend who is gay, and we have been close friends for more than 30 years. We have had many discussions about his sexual orientation. He told me once "Nobody chooses to be gay. Why would I CHOOSE to be ostracized and discriminated against, and villified?!? I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to NOT be gay, because I couldn't deal with it."

What I find so sad is that there are so many gay men and women who are estranged from members of their family simply because they are gay. Oftentimes families have utterly rejected their gay children, and what a sad and terrible thing.

It puzzles and horrifies me.

I am not a great fan of our current president, and I've made no big secret of that. However, I do applaud him for making strides in the acceptance of gays in America, and for promoting the cause of gay marriage.

Whether or not you like or approve of gay people, to deny them the basic right to marry is just wrong. It recalls, to me, the Jim Crow South, when black people were denied basic rights simply because of their skin tone.

Nobody gets to choose their sexual orientation, just as nobody gets to choose their race.

 

When my ancestors came here, they were fleeing from governments that told their citizens how to live and how to worship. We have to strive to keep religion and government utterly separate, and to do the right things for human beings -- ALL human beings. If we give any one particular religion the upper hand, we are dishonoring our ancestors and what they fought for when they formed this country.

[Yes, I know most of the founding fathers were Christians and used the word "God" but I still don't think that justifies saying laws should favor Christians because we could argue endlessly over what is "Christian" and what is not.]

I hope and pray that one day my grandchildren will live in a world where their gay brothers and sisters are fully and completely accepted, and gay-hating "Christians" are no longer around. (I put that word in quotes because truly following the teachings of Christ means not being homophobic.)

The version of Christianity I believe in is based on LOVE. Pure and simple. Judging others is never condoned. We are charged with loving them. I hope that message is actually LIVED one day, by everyone.

photo by Lisa Amos

Older Adopted Children

I have a friend who is adopting three children, all older children, and I was just sitting here pondering all the challenges she is going to face.

I cannot tell you how much unsolicited advice I got from parents when I adopted my daughter, parents who had never adopted a child from an orphanage. They were correct about 2% of the time. The rest of the time they totally missed the mark. They meant well, but they just didn't understand.

My daughter was 13 physically and about 8 emotionally, as a result of severe neglect and abuse. I was astonished the first day home when I found her playing with some antique dolls that I had collected. We went to Walmart and bought her some barbies immediately.

That's just one example of the issues we faced.

Anytime you take a child out of the only world they've ever known -- whether it's an orphanage or foster care, or even an abusive birth home -- there will be a period of adjustment. The most loved and nurtured child will have some issues, I know from experience. When my family moved from Augusta to Knoxville in 1971, I was 8 years old. I was so freaked out I wore the same clothes every day for a week. I was too scared to talk to the other kids because they made fun of my accent. Everything was strange. I remembered that trauma when I brought home my kids - plus my kids had to get used to a new family, new language, new culture.

A few years ago I wrote a page here, Tips for Parents Adopting Older Children. There's a lot of good advice there, much of it because I lived through so much.

I've heard about several adoptions of older kids that failed, and one huge reason is because the parents expected their children to be grateful, and eager to please. Adopted kids usually have a brief "honeymoon" period where they are grateful and eager to please, but nobody can keep that up 24/7 for years. It's not fair to the child. They need to be able to relax and just be a normal kid, allowed to make mistakes.

Another huge issue is that a lot of times parents of older kids get them home and stick them right in school. That rarely has a happy result. Kids from another country need to have their world kept very small at first. They need to bond with their parents, just like babies have to bond. A mama or daddy who stays at home, at least for the first few months or even a year, usually works best.

When I brought my daughter home, I had no choice but to return to work within a couple of weeks. I had just started a new full-time job. We never did bond that well. With Michael, I was able to stay home for a couple of months and it made a huge difference.

I also with I had started my daughter in therapy the day we got home, while she still spoke only Russian. She had so much unprocessed trauma and grief and I had NO IDEA of it. We did get to a therapist a few years later, but there was only so much she could do by then. Alesia had forgotten a lot of her Russian and her English was still not great, because of her Auditory Processing Disorder.

Little things often overwhelm older kids. My son still has trouble when presented with a lot of choices. For the first ten years of his life he had virtually NO choices - he couldn't even choose what clothes to wear or what to eat. His whole life was about survival.

My friend Cindy Bodie writes so well about adopted children and their issues. I wish all potential adoptive parents would take a few hours and just pore over her blog. After 38 adoptions she has seen it all.

On November 14th I will be facing the ten year anniversary of a Russian judge telling me my daughter's adoption in Russia was granted. It's been a very tough period of my life, trying desperately to be a good mom and to help her, and often falling short. Right now she's not speaking to me and I don't even have contact information for her. I wish so much that I could have a "do-over" with her, based on all my hard-won knowledge. Then again, a lot of birth children rebel and go through tough times with their parents. I have faith that one day she will come back around..

The Great White Car

I thought yesterday was busy. TODAY was worse! SO many things on the To Do List.

The car was the priority. After a little dickering and a quick visit to the mechanic, Michael is the proud and happy owner of a new car! [every time I hear those words I can hear them in Don Pardo's voice from Let's Make a Deal, a show I was addicted to as a kid.. A NEW CAR! was said loudly but reverentially... LOL]

I am fighting feelings of SCE -- Serious Car Envy.

Because I am such a horrible photographer I borrowed this image, which is lovely:

It's a luxury car. He has a lot to get used to.Even though it's 11 years old, it looks NEW. I am not kidding.

The trunk is enormous. A mobster would love how many bodies he could get in there.

The sound system is awesome.[No new enormous speaker needed]

The interior is all leather and it looks like it's never been abused at all.

It has OnStar -- something I am only vaguely familiar with but I told Michael he needs to learn..

The driver's seat adjusts back to his preferred position when he gets in and hits a button.

The seats are heated. [not that this is really needed in Georgia..]

The acceleration is smooth -- he doesn't have to stomp the gas pedal.

The feeling is like floating, not like operating heavy machinery. [I used to drive Mom's cadillac on trips and I know the feeling well... :-) ]

I'm sure as he gets accustomed to driving it, I will hear more. Of course, it's not super gas efficient. however, he makes pretty decent tips working at the restaurant so it should take care of gas money needed.

On the Road Again

Wow, what a day! Seems like I have been in the car all.day.long. Insurance office. Banks. Picking up lunch. Taking Mike to the lot to get his stuff out of the wrecked car.

I got a lot accomplished though, and I'm 98% sure we've got a new/old car for Michael.

We've spent days poring over Craigslist ads and internet ads for cars, much to no avail. Buying something as large as a car off Craigslist gives me the heebie jeebies, and dealerships are a ripoff, IMHO. (Ironically, my great grandfather R.E. Butler owned one of the first car dealerships in Marietta Georgia around 1910, and his sons owned and operated car dealerships in the area for years afterwards...)

I contacted several folks who said they were selling cars locally, only to find out the cars were actually in New Jersey and Nebraska and the sellers wanted to use ebay?!? I said no thanks. They smelled like scams.

Finally, I posted on a neighborhood Facebook page and learned a neighbor was selling a 2003 Buick LeSabre. Mike and I looked at it this afternoon and he test drove it. It's a luxury automobile. It won't get great gas mileage, but I think it's a solid deal. Clean, seems to be running well, seems great. (knock wood)

We are getting it checked out by a mechanic and hopefully tomorrow morning we will get the "all clear" on the engine and we can proceed with the purchase.

Unlike most 18 year olds, Michael loves old cars. He loves "classic" cars. He is thrilled to be getting a "grandpa car." This one has a lot of extras - heated seats, great sounding stereo, all kinds of cool features.

Not a great photo, but it gives you an idea of the size of the car.

he was wearing sweatpants -- he's not really chubby...

Cars and Fruit Salad

After a busy weekend I decided to take yesterday off, and just do desk work from home. Haven't gone anywhere in two days.

Michael needs a car to drive so we spent a lot of time looking for used cars online. There are a lot of cars in our price range, but most of them look hinky.

I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of unscrupulous dealers out there. On Craigslist you are supposed to be able to search cars only placed for sale by individuals. Well, most of the cars in that category were placed there by dealers -- small dealers, like you see have set up shop in old filling stations, vacant lots, etc.

I have now learned how to spot those cars. I kinda long for the days when my dad would handle this sort of thing with a phonecall to the guy in the bank in charge of the repo lot...

 

Next week I am starting a new legal job, although not a permanent one. I will be filling in for someone who is going out on maternity leave until January. So this week I am trying to get a lot of things done that I can't do on my lunch hour next week, like take Lola to the vet for her checkup.

Let's see, what else is going on??

I am reading a book called The Cuckoo's Calling.The author is JK Rowling, of Harry Potter fame. She is a great storyteller and I am glad she is writing books for grownups. This one is a mystery, which I don't normally read, but her characters are so well-drawn and the book is so entertaining I am really enjoying it. My only quarrel is that sometimes her chapters drag on a bit. I thoroughly recommend the book, however.

I made a HUGE bowl of Elva's Fruit Salad for the family luncheon on Sunday and very little of it was eaten. I seriously considered giving some to neighbors. However, Michael is eating it up. He loves that salad. I shouldn't have worried...

Below, Mike playing with Lola's fat paws while watching a movie last night. Her paws smell like Fritos.

Lunch With the Hastys

It's been a fun day, and I had a great time visiting with my Hasty cousins, who converged on my house for a potluck luncheon. I've been cleaning the house for a week. I decided to do a little every day rather than go crazy the day before. (One of the advantages of working from home.)

I made green bean salad and a fruit salad, and crockpot barbeque. The BBQ came out very tasty. I cooked a 4 lb. pork loin overnight in the crockpot with a bottle of BBQ sauce and a jar of grape jelly and a lot of onion powder. It was very yummy.

My cousins brought squash casserole, potato casserole, more green beans, and pumpkin and gingerbread muffins. Plus wine and bloody Marys. It was truly a feast.

Ironically, it was all my more distant relatives who were able to make it. My first cousins who live in the Atlanta area couldn't make it.

So be it.

My cousin Jan drove up from Albany and I met a cousin I'd never met before who drove down from Jasper, Georgia.

I wish I could say I made pictures but I didn't even think to make photos. Just didn't occur to me. We were too busy visiting and telling stories.

below, the Hasty House in Chickamauga, Georgia

I hope we can do this annually. It's fun to swap stories and information.

Autumn Thoughts

Autumn. My favorite season of the year. It's hard to be inside right now. Summer's heat is done and winter's chill is not here yet. Highs in the 70's all weekend.

Took Lola for a walk this morning and just loved being out in this beauty.

In the midst of preparing for the cold of winter, God gives us amazing beauty every autumn.

My weekend is pretty much going to be devoted to straightening the house and cooking, as I am having a family luncheon tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

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We got some good/bad news yesterday from the insurance company. Mike's little car which we had recently bought, was deemed a total loss. The payoff from the insurance company will be enough for a pretty decent replacement car, thank goodness. We started looking online yesterday and found a number of possible cars for him. I have a friend/mechanic who is going to go with us to evaluate the car we finally pick, make sure it runs well and has no issues.

Mike has been driving my Highlander to work the past two nights. "There's a rattling sound you need to get checked out" he told me last night. "I just turn the radio up and ignore it," was my response. He looked at me like I was insane.

The little boy has been replaced by the man...

Image below is from my friend Lisa Amos, and it was taken in Tennessee. Leaves were just starting to change..

Thanks HGTV!

I have a confession to make.

For many years I have always said "I don't watch much TV." That was true when I had two kids at home and I worked full time. I rarely had time to watch anything except for one hour between dinner and bedtime.

Now, I have Michael who is 18, and Alesia is grown and gone. I am not working full-time.

I have now become addicted to HGTV, which is like a porn channel for middle-aged DIYers and wannabee DIYers like myself. When I'm not cooking, cleaning, writing, walking Lola, or running errands, I flop down on the couch and turn on HGTV.

I love most of the shows on HGTV. And now I have discovered why.

Is it because I have learned a new vocabulary? I now find myself using phrases like "open concept" and "high end" and "total gut job" [I will never say "the wow factor" however, sorry...]. I now speak HGTVish.

Is it because -- thanks to Hillary and David on -- Love It Or List It -- I have learned that houses in Canada are crazy expensive, always have disaster-area basements, and people up there love "mud rooms" [a nearly foreign concept to this southerner]. Plus, they say "washroom" instead of bathroom, "the en suite" instead of master bathroom, and "walkout" instead of patio? So I now know some Canadian, which is a fascinating language. Kinda like a dialect of English, y'all.

Is it because I am fascinated by trends, like the fact that granite countertops are on the way out of style, and wallpaper is making a comeback?

Is it because I lust after Chip on The Fixer Upper [how inappropriate!] and Drew Scott of The Property Brothers? Is it because I desperately want arms like Nicole Curtis??

Nope.

Here's why I love you, HGTV, why I now don't just mindlessly love you but I respect you, too.

You put my son to sleep.

This is HUGE.

Yep, he's going to college and working 2 jobs and he helps me around the house and runs and plays tennis and hangs out with his friends... and doesn't get enough sleep. I have been on his case for several weeks now about the fact that he needs a lot more sleep than he's getting.

Today, I cooked him a hamburger for lunch, and he ate all of his cheeseburger and half of mine, plus he snuck in a couple of mini moonpies. Then we both sat down in the family room. I asked him if he was going to nap before heading to work tonight.

NO was the emphatic answer.

I turned on HGTV and became engrossed in The Fixer Upper.

Next thing I know, Michael is stretched out on the sofa, sound asleep.

HGTV lulled him to sleep.

Why? Simple. HGTV doesn't have: explosions, space aliens, comedians, murderous zombies, girls with big boobs, expensive or antique cars, popular music videos --  things that always catch my son's attention.

Nope.

HGTV is all about houses -- buying them, renovating them, fixing up the yards. I've never seen anything explode in a fireball while the stars walk away, muscles rippling, faces impassive. I've never seen zombies come climbing into the yard intent on trying to eat the homeowners. [I've never seen anyone say "rip out the hardwoods! I LOVE deep pile carpet!" -- LOL]

I've never seen Adam Sandler on HGTV.

Or Will Smith.

I expect, however, that in about 30 years, when Michael has kids who are mostly grown and he lives in a house with a mortgage, he will become a big fan of HGTV. Hopefully, by then he will pick up his dirty laundry off the floor more than once a month, and not spend a lot of time playing videogames on his phone or planning his next tattoo.

Hopefully he will have some children I can spoil rotten.

Heck, maybe in 30 years it will all have changed. Maybe we won't live in old houses that need renovating. Maybe granite countertops will be back in style -- hopefully not. Maybe shag rugs and kitchen appliances in shades of avocado or harvest gold will be retro chic.

Maybe the term "open concept" will be out of favor.

Until then, I thank you, HGTV. Being a single mom isn't easy. You entertain and enlighten me. Most importantly, my son needed some sleep and he got 2.5 hours of it thanks to your shows..

[this is a rare shot where you can see the floor in Mike's bedroom!]