The Crab Chronicles

Decorating for the Holidays

Busy weekend and I got almost everything accomplished, but the big task was to at least start the Christmas decorating. Check.

Last year's tree was a nightmare to put up and then the lights kept shorting out. So we donated it and this year got a new tree. It's 7 feet tall, but not the 10 foot monster tree we've had in years past that seemed to eat ornaments. This year's tree was easy to assemble, too, and Mike and I did it with no outside help.

I won't post a photo yet because it's not entirely finnished but it's a lovely tree.

We also put up Santas, stockings, angels, etc. Out front we have simply a wreath. There are no outside outlets so we can't do lights.

below, one of the creches - we have another one that's not up yet in the living room

Santas are on the mantle. Wish my camera was better. We have a terrific Santa collection.

I am looking at the calendar and disbelieving that there is just a little over 3 weeks until Christmas. Wow. Have done NO shopping.

In fact, we still have leftover turkey chicken and dressing. Yikes. Tomorrow we will eat it or give it to Lola.

She likes cranberries. That was an interesting experiment.

I have two friends, fellow adoptive moms, who are having huge issues with their kids. Please say a prayer for them.

Later Gater...

Turkey Day Recap

I was so ready for a long weekend without a lot of drama or activity, and I am thankful that we are living it. Guests are nice, but they are work.

We had a very quiet, laid back day yesterday. I spent most of the day reading -- a rare treat.

I didn't get in the car at all yesterday. Yay.

Michael decided to splurge and go buy us a new TV, and he got a taste of Black Friday shopping madness a day early. I hate shopping, so he is welcome to go with a friend, I told him.

Only problem is that the new high def TV is not as sharp as he wants it to be. I told him to call Direct TV and see if they need to adjust the signal for the newer TV, and call the manufacturer and let them talk him through adjusting the picture.

I am utterly not picky about TVs. The old one weighed 500 lbs and was 11 years old and that was fine with me. Mike wanted one with all the bells and whistles, though.

Instead of turkey, we had chicken that I found in the freezer. I just poached it in the crock pot with a lot of both. It was moist and wonderful. Michael said he never wants turkey again. LOL

I made Mother's dressing recipe but it came out a little bit soupy, not as firm as in years past. So be it. It was tasty, which is all that really matters. Broccoli and cranberry/orange relish rounded out the menu. Pecan pie for dessert. We don't do a ton of food for just the three of us, obviously.

This cute turkey was created by a friend of mine from high school, Patti Duff Long. I love her art.

Thanksgiving Without Turkey

We've had a quiet few days and the next few are going to be even more quiet, and -- dare I say it? -- peaceful. YAY.

We don't do a big family Thanksgiving because there are so few family members to celebrate with, and that's OK. I am happy about not having to get in the car and drive anywhere, or clean up and cook a big meal for people coming here.

My brother usually comes in for the weekend but he said he has to work all weekend except for tomorrow. He's in the retail business and they are short one employee.

I have not heard from my daughter in months, nor has anyone else in the family. I seriously doubt she will come walking in. She is off on her own journey, and all I can do at this point is pray.

Lesleigh is in Texas, studying for a big exam. She is coming home for Christmas, which is wonderful.

A couple of weeks ago, I bought a small turkey breast. We never roast a big bird because none of us like turkey all that much. I remember distinctly telling Michael to put it in the outside freezer. I went out there the other day and opened the fridge, and there it was. He still gets those words mixed up. So over the weekend I planned to grocery shop on Sunday and then it poured rain all day. I thought, I'll send Michael to the store. Did he get a turkey? No.

Mom had the clever idea of sending him to Honeybaked Ham for some sliced turkey. He went there and got only ham.

I am unwilling to go to the grocery store in the days immediately preceding Thanksgiving because they are a madhouse. BTDT and don't need that stress.

So we are without a turkey. We have plenty of ham, though.

I will make a big pan of dressing and we have some deli chicken we will serve alongside it. Mother will likely ignore it and eat ham, since she dislikes chicken.

We told Michael he could eat whatever he wants. He bought some smoked salmon. He also requested I make a quiche. No problem.

I will make him a pecan pie because he loves that. I might also make a pumpkin pie. I made pumpkin bread a few days ago and it came out very tasty even though I made it gluten free so I could share some with my friend Kristy.

I have to work all day today and will likely go in for a little while on Friday. I am getting paid by the hour, and I don't want to lose too much time to the holiday.

We aren't big football watchers in my house so it's possible we may go to the movie tomorrow afternoon. Or not.

Either way, I plan to relax and do as little as possible tomorrow.

Then sometime over the weekend we will put up the Christmas tree and decorate for Christmas...

The photo below was taken at a family reunion in 1978 - proving we DO get together, just not so much at Thanksgiving. I am standing next to my uncle in the green shirt. My hair was looking quite cartoonish. Behind me is my brother, looking ticked off, as usual. Hard to imagine, but all of us in the younger generation are parents and grandparents now... [thanks cousin Doug for the photo!]

Catching Up

Busy week last week and I haven't done a personal blog in a while, so here's a catch up blog.

We had thunderstorms and pouring rain all day. Lola got a quick walk when it let up a bit around 3:30 but it took me 10 minutes to dry her off when Michael brought her in. Of course, being rubbed with a big fluffy towel is not something she dislikes...

I gave her a baby carrot this afternoon to see what she would do. She now loves baby carrots. I doubt she loves them as much as Ritz crackers but I am trying to snack more healthy... so she can snack healthy too!

I thought I was going to spend most of the afternoon grocery shopping and then reading a new book. I forgot that I have a child in school. A child who hates to write. SO... I spent most of the day helping Michael with a project for school. It's either due this Tuesday or Tuesday December 1st. He doesn't know which day.

One nice thing about technology - He can email the project to his teacher. Yay.

BOOK REVIEWS

I finished the book An Invisible Thread yesterday. LOVE that book. Very well-written. True story. This is a synopsis:

She was a successful ad sales rep in Manhattan. He was a homeless, eleven-year-old panhandler on the street. He asked for spare change; she kept walking. But then something stopped her in her tracks, and she went back. And she continued to go back, again and again. They met up nearly every week for years and built an unexpected, life-changing friendship that has today spanned almost three decades.

Whatever made me notice him on that street corner so many years ago is clearly something that cannot be extinguished, no matter how relentless the forces aligned against it. Some may call it spirit. Some may call it heart. It drew me to him, as if we were bound by some invisible, unbreakable thread. And whatever it is, it binds us still.

I felt that thread so strongly when I met each of my kids. It was like getting hit by lightning. THIS IS MY CHILD, my innter voice said the moment I saw my daughter, and the moment I saw my son's photo.

It's impossible to describe that feeling any other way except recognition. Your heart knows your own child, just like your heart knows when you meet someone you are going to fall in love with. It's an incredible thing. I spent most of the day yesterday reading the book.

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I read a book recently called The Cuckoo's Calling, by Robert Galbraith - but not really. It's by JK Rowling. I'm not a big reader of mysteries but wow, it was powerful and absorbing. I am now reading the second book in the series, The Silkworm.

The lead detective in these books is Cormoran Strike, an ex-military private eye with a lower limb difference. In other words, he's missing the lower part of one of his legs and wears a prosthetic. I've never read a book where there was a limb difference main character. It's not made into a big deal, but she does mention it occasionally. As in, Cormoran has to walk a long way across London because he can't find a cab or take the tube and he's in great pain when he gets to his office. True stuff.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of vets with limb differences in England and here, now, after being at war in Afghanistan and Iraq for so many years.

The good thing about having a lower leg missing is that it's easy to disguise in pants. The bad thing is that it makes walking and running challenging. Anyone looking at my son instantly sees his limb difference, but he can walk and run easily.

That just bolsters my belief that nothing is a total curse or a total blessing. Everything is a mixed bag.

below, Michael's 11th birthday... just because it's so cute

Immigration That Helps Us

While I disagree with the president on a lot of things, immigration is one of those rare instances where I agree with him. (I do not agree with him bypassing Congress but that's another topic.)

The problem is too complicated to just say something simplistic like "send them all back." Even if that were made the law, how would law enforcement root out every illegal person? How would they get back to Mexico or wherever? Trucks? Thousands of them? Children would suffer. It would be a humanitarian crisis.

President Bush worked hard to get his own immigration reform bill through Congress but the fight ended in failure in 2007. These were the keys to his plan:

1. A major new investment in border security, including doubling the Border Patrol by the end of 2008 and temporarily deploy 6000 National Guard troops
2. The temporary worker program, which would include a tamper-proof identification card
3. Stricter immigration enforcement at businesses, which would reduce exploitation and help slow demand for illegal workers
4. Promote assimilation by requiring immigrants to learn English
5. What to do with the approximately twelve million illegal immigrants in the country? [I outlined] a rational middle ground between granting an automatic path to citizenship for every illegal immigrant and a program of mass deportation.

All of the Bush points are valid. His program is just more strict than the current one, and automatic amnesty isn't really there.

My son had to take ESL [English as a Second Language] English for the first 3 yars he was here. A lot of his friends were hispanic. These were good kids, most of them, who weren't responsible for their parents coming here illegally. Punishing them for that is cruel.

My personal belief is that illegal folks who come here and don't commit crimes should be given some way to become citizens. The criminals should be sent back.

But think about this: if illegals are given a fair path to citizenship, they will become tax-paying folks. The new taxes will help our country. Instead of being a drain, new citizens will immediately help the USA. This is the most compelling argument I can make.

I don't approve of people who come here and won't learn English. English is our language and we shouldn't cater to folks who can't speak it. I get irritated when stuff comes home from school in Spanish. If we stop forcing everyone here to translate everything into Spanish, they will be more motivated to learn English.

If I were to go live in Greece, for instance, I would learn Greek. It's only logical. I wouldn't expect everyone in Greece to learn English for me. Same for any country where I was living. I lived in Kazakhstan for 3 weeks when I was adopting Michael and I learned as much Russian as I could. I tried very hard. It was logical and fair. Americans who refuse to learn the languages of countries they are visiting are being rude.

But back to my original thesis: immigration reform is NEEDED. We desperately need to address the problem NOW. I hope and pray Congress will do something meaningful soon.

During World War II, America didn't allow the St. Louis passengers to stay here, and most were Jewish and went back to Europe to face death. President Roosevelt didn't show compassion and it was a horrifying thing, a tragedy. I would hate to see anything similar to that in my lifetime.

America was built by immigrants and we should never forget that.

Hug Your Dog Y'all

The high today is 50 -- thanks be to God.I know I shouldn't complain, but this is HOT-lanta. We are not used to this, especially not in November. Typically we are wearing light jackets or coats here. I've seen many a Thanksgiving when we were wearing shorts.

Tuesday the high was 36 and yesterday wasn't much better. I was so cold at lunch yesterday I had to put on my coat. I went downstairs and got a bowl of hot soup, and that helped. My office has a huge window, and even though we're on the 16th floor - what do they say about heat rises?! - the cold seems to seep in.

I haven't blogged much because there hasn't been a whole lot to blog about. Went to work, came home - not a compelling blog...

My aunt is home from the hospital but still needing nursing care. Fortunately, she and my uncle live in a retirement community with a lot of resources, including a nursing home unit. They live in a cottage. My uncle doesn't know how to cook, but the "church ladies" are keeping him well supplied with food and he knows how to microwave stuff.

Michael is finishing up his first semester in the Gateway to College program, and he has to take a big test called the Compass test which will determine if he's ready for college classes in the regular student population. Right now he's taking classes simply to prep for the test.

He is making decent grades, but he is finding everything pretty easy so far, except for math. I told him he needs to try hard to pass that test so he can continue in the program, because nowhere else will he get college classes practically for free, with free tutoring as a bonus. We talked really hard last night.

He is ambivalent about school but he wants to keep working. I pointed out that he won't have as many choices in the working world if he doesn't get a college degree.

In some ways he is really mature, but in others... not so much. Right now I am still having to yell at him for 30 minutes every morning to get him out of the bed.

I can hardly believe that next week is Thanksgiving. Of course, unlike most people we don't have a lot of family coming in for the holidays. Whenever Bruce can get off work and come in we will have our meal, but that may not be until the weekend.

Not much more news...y'all stay warm! I recommend hugging your dog. Great source of warmth there... :-)

Thinking about the generation of my mom and the generation of my son, and me in the middle, it makes me cognizant of all the different stages of life. Each stage has its own challenges. Needless to say, this is one of my fave songs:

 

Adoptive Families

November is National Adoption Month. Of course, for me, EVERY month is adoption month. Except that I don't think about my family that way. It's simply a descriptor, not a defining thing.

I don't wake up in the morning and think, I need to make breakfast for my adopted son. I don't think about it except when someone posts something on Facebook, actually, or I read a blog by another adoptive mom.

This post from Buzzfeed, 16 Things You Learn As An Adoptive Family is pretty accurate.

This one really is true:

While it’s certainly true that adoption can save a child from a life of living in an orphanage, adopted children should not be required to bestow special gratitude to their parents. Adoptive parents are regular, imperfect people. Adoptees have the same rights as biological children to be resentful, annoyed, or ungrateful toward their parents, without being reminded that they’ve been “saved” by their parents.

My children don't have to express gratitude to me every day, any more than any other child. However, I've seem adoptive parents disrupt adoptions because the kids weren't grateful. That makes me boiling mad.

My friend Stephanie has 13 adopted children and 3 of them came to her and her husband through disruptions. The other parents got their children home and decided they didn't want to parent them any more. Ugh. Thanks be to God that Stephanie and her husband have huge hearts and were willing to parent children with diagnoses. Children don't come with guarantees, whether they come from your body or an adoption agency. You shouldn't be able to just turn them back in...

However...

This one is also SOOOOOO true:

People will assume that you are a hero parent because you adopted. They will tell you how amazing you are. They will comment on how gratifying your life must be for having adopted. And you will cringe, and politely correct them, because adoptive parents are just people who are parents, the end.

I cannot tell you how many times I've experienced this, from well-meaning folks. I didn't just want to be charitable when I adopted my kids. I wanted a family. Period.

Anyway, I wanted to share this because it is a subject near and dear to my heart.

photo by Lisa Amos

Celebrate the Salad

The past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions for a lot of different reasons but I'm going to try and make today a day of rest.

Don't laugh y'all.

I plan to help Mike with some homework, pay some bills, and fix a nice dinner. Light duty compared to the usual.

So, stressors...

A new job. Don't really need to elaborate on that...

My aunt had to have emergency back surgery on Friday and I've been very concerned. Her daughter and I have been texting a lot. We text, and read the texts aloud to Elva and Jane; I feel sort of like a mideval scribe... Jane is recovering and I am sure she's going to be fine, but at 83 she had us worried there on Friday.

Michael has been spending a lot of late nights out and I am still trying to get him to understand and accept that when he is out late, I find it very difficult to sleep. Part of growing up is being mindful of others' feelings, and we're still working on that with him, although generally he is a very thoughtful and sweet person.

We are running the heat a lot because of a cold snap. Our furnace is held together with paperclips and prayer; praying it will see us through the winter...

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I went to Publix yesterday and was thinking on the way over that I was a bit hungry, because all I'd had for lunch was a bowl of soup. We get in the store and there was a complete buffet set up, showcasing their Thanksgiving foods - turkey, dressing, ham, some kind of veggie, cranberry sauce, and cold shrimp. I had some turkey and a shrimp. My un-asked prayer was answered!

They had samples of a pumpkin pie ice cream and I tried a tiny bit - man was that good! I was surprised by how good it was. I didn't buy any though. Trying so hard to avoid temptation...

I have been taking sliced white meat deli chicken to work to munch on when I get hungry, and it takes a while to wait for that at the deli counter. While I waited for that, Mike just took my list, got a buggy, and went all over the store getting every item. Such a huge help! I picked out some veggies and we were done. It did occur to me that the deli counter lady must have thought we were weirdos, standing there having an in-depth discussion of what toilet paper brand to buy, and the type of Milk Bones for Lola.  Then again, it's a store. She's probably heard it all.

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I woke up last night about 3:30 to go to the potty and went to check Mike's room, and he wasn't there. Brief moment of panic. So I went downstairs, and he was sound asleep on the sofa, still wearing his work clothes and glasses. He had brought home a large pizza from the restaurant, and some cannoli, and eaten most of it.

When somebody orders something and sends it back to the kitchen for whatever reason, the staff just takes it home. They can't re-sell it obviously. So Mike had come home after closing [a hard job, keeping him there way past 11] and eaten about 2/3 of the large pizza and half the cannoli, and crashed. I got him up and he went on upstairs to bed, and I put up the rest of the food.

Once nice thing about Bambinelli's is that the food is great. He brought home some eggplant parmigiana last week and I just pigged out on it. YUM. Felt guilty for indulging in some pasta, but so be it.

I'm really trying to limit my diet to basically veggies, lean meats, yogurt, a little fruit, and water. No junk food or sweets, sodas, alcohol. My big indulgence? Protein bars.

I am not trying to diet down to be model thin, just trying to feel better. And I've discovered the best motivation for losing weight isn't to try and look like something I'm not and never will be [a hot babe] but to simply FEEL GOOD. Eating lots of salads and healthy stuff means I feel better. Thank goodness the cafeteria at work has a terrific salad bar and great healthy soups. Friday I indulged [sort of] and got a lovely piece of fish and a small salad. Very satisfied with that.

One great thing about getting older is realizing I have a lot more patience than I used to - I view the eating changes as a lifelong process, not a temporary quick fix.

My dinner last night was an Asian salad from Chik Fil A. Never have been a big fan of salads but this one is a big treat. SO tasty. 

Chick-fil-A® Nuggets, pressure-cooked, sliced and served hot on a fresh bed of chopped Romaine lettuce and baby greens, topped with shredded red and green cabbage, carrots and mandarin orange segments. Made fresh daily. Served with Honey Thai Almonds, Chinese Garlic & Ginger Wontons and Honey Sesame dressing (or guest's choice of dressing).

Shocks and Surprises Thursday

Several shocks to the system yesterday.

Hard day emotionally. My aunt Jane, who is 83, had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency back surgery. Spent most of the afternoon trying not to cry.

Surgery is scary any time, but when you're over 80... thank goodness Jane and Don's daughter and her husband were able to go over there and see about them.

On a positive note, a happy surprise was I was contacted by a man who is writing a book about the Birmingham Barons, a minor league my grandfather played for in the late 1920's. He wanted some information and photos. Happy to help with that project.

Winter has suddenly arrived and it is COLD here. I nearly froze on the way home yesterday. What a shock. It's 27 right now!

So now for something happy...

Every night after dinner, Lola jumps up on Mother's lap for a kiss and so she can lick Granny's plate or pudding cup or whatever. It's so cute. I cannot imagine my life without this sweet puppydog...

Making Choices

I am watching a great movie that has a lot of interesting ideas in it, The Adjustment Bureau.

"All we have are the choices that we make." Matt Damon says that. I bet that one line is what drew him to the part.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the passage of time and the choices I made when I was younger. I guess we always wonder, Did I make the right choices?

The hardest part of being a parent is watching your child make choices that you see are not the right ones, and being helpless to change anything.

I couldn't stop my daughter from making bad choices. A friend called me yesterday to tell me her daughter is in a disastrous relationship with a man who is manipulative and controlling, and who doesn't want her to see her family.

As I listened to my friend almost crying on the phone, I had to harden my heart a bit not to cry too. I was at work. I know exactly how she feels.

I couldn't say anything comforting. A child over 18 is free to make choices, and you cannot force them to do anything. If you try, you risk alienating them forever.

I remember so well being 18 and thinking I am FREE.

Of course, I was also under the thumb of my dad, an incredibly controlling person. He tried very hard to ensure his kids would follow his program for them. It was not easy being his child. I realized soon after he died that if I said that to any of his relatives they would get mad at me. There's a school of thought that you shouldn't say anything about someone who has died but I don't ascribe to that. He was human. He made mistakes.

Michael keeps oversleeping in the morning, and I have to yell at him for half an hour to get him up. I am so tired of that drama.

I decided that tomorrow, I am going to wake him up at 6:30. He will have to get himself up, or not. He will have to live with the consequences of his choices.

I have never been the type of person who hit the Snooze button. I get up when I wake up. To lie in bed dozing just amps up the stress, trying to play catch up. It's not worth it. I hate being late anywhere but especially being late to work. (When you work in a small office, everyone knows it.)

I have friends raising teens and early twenty-somethings, like me, and we are all in the same boat. Wanting our kids to make better choices, wanting to smooth the way for them, and yet knowing, deep down, that they will have to stumble sometimes, even fail, or they will.not.learn.

It's a tough spot.

I need to lose a bunch of weight so I can do yoga.. or sit in the lotus position and meditate. Having faith helps a lot, but I still need to work on reducing my stress and letting go of things I cannot control.

photo by Lisa Amos [this was made in East Tennessee, a gorgeous area in the fall]