November is National Adoption Month. Of course, for me, EVERY month is adoption month. Except that I don't think about my family that way. It's simply a descriptor, not a defining thing.
I don't wake up in the morning and think, I need to make breakfast for my adopted son. I don't think about it except when someone posts something on Facebook, actually, or I read a blog by another adoptive mom.
This post from Buzzfeed, 16 Things You Learn As An Adoptive Family is pretty accurate.
This one really is true:
While it’s certainly true that adoption can save a child from a life of living in an orphanage, adopted children should not be required to bestow special gratitude to their parents. Adoptive parents are regular, imperfect people. Adoptees have the same rights as biological children to be resentful, annoyed, or ungrateful toward their parents, without being reminded that they’ve been “saved” by their parents.
My children don't have to express gratitude to me every day, any more than any other child. However, I've seem adoptive parents disrupt adoptions because the kids weren't grateful. That makes me boiling mad.
My friend Stephanie has 13 adopted children and 3 of them came to her and her husband through disruptions. The other parents got their children home and decided they didn't want to parent them any more. Ugh. Thanks be to God that Stephanie and her husband have huge hearts and were willing to parent children with diagnoses. Children don't come with guarantees, whether they come from your body or an adoption agency. You shouldn't be able to just turn them back in...
However...
This one is also SOOOOOO true:
People will assume that you are a hero parent because you adopted. They will tell you how amazing you are. They will comment on how gratifying your life must be for having adopted. And you will cringe, and politely correct them, because adoptive parents are just people who are parents, the end.
I cannot tell you how many times I've experienced this, from well-meaning folks. I didn't just want to be charitable when I adopted my kids. I wanted a family. Period.
Anyway, I wanted to share this because it is a subject near and dear to my heart.
photo by Lisa Amos
