The Crab Chronicles

Happy Cooking Mistakes

I love to cook and most of the time I am a fairly decent cook, but I've had a lot on my mind lately and some recent efforts have been... not typical.

However, sometimes the thing you screw up ends up being pretty good. A lot of foods are salvageable, even baked goods.

I am famous for being distracted by a writing project and letting things burn on the stove. Michael said once about something I'd burned, "It's an acquired taste." Poor kid.

Of course, whenever he is being picky about eating I have a surefire method of getting him interested in food. I take a red onion and chop it up and saute it. The smell of that onion will bring him running from anywhere in the house.

I made a pumpkin pie the other day. I was watching the Georgia Bulldogs bulldoze Kentucky and I knew we would win. Makes for a not-so-fun game. So I finished folking clothes and made a pie.

My aunt Myrtle made the best pumpkin pie in the world. We always make her recipe.

above, Myrtle on the far right next to Mother

You buy a piecrust. Don't give me any crap about making your own piecrust either. (Bought are always better than mine and I've learned to live with that.) Take a bowl and mix up 1 can of pumpkin, 1 can of sweetened condensed milk, 2 eggs, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and a lot of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, etc. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes, then 350 for 35-40 minutes.

I made the pie. It smelled wonderful cooking. As soon as it had cooked I took a piece to Mom in her room. She ate it and made the appropriate noises. As I was leaving she said diplomatically, "How much cinnamon did you use?"

I stopped and thought. NONE. Dang. DANG. SHIT! I left out cinnamon. What an idiot.

But here's the thing: it was still good pie.

Michael asked me last night as he was eating the last piece, "This is good, but next time could you put in some CINNAMON?!?" Hahahaha.

Not.

So tonight I am trying to be ambitious and make roasted eggplant. When you dice it up and toss it in olive oil and garlic powder, sea salt and pepper and roast it at 325 for about 25 minutes, it ROCKS. Oh, and add parmesan for the last 5 minutes. Of course, I forgot to spray the foil. So it also sticks.

I have done that so many times my family knows automatically to carefully peel the veggies off the foil. Very tasty.

While doing that, I forgot and cooked the pasta too long.

Now, my Mamaw didn't believe in al dente macaroni. Nor do we.

Pasta needs to be SOFT, y'all. I would even say flaccid.

Flaccid is good, when it comes to pasta. Cook it 3 times what the directions on the box say.

However, I cooked these noodles until, well... when I put them in the colandar, they congealed into something like a solid mass.

So not pasta salad quality. No no no no....

However, I saved the day. I tossed the noodles with about a cup of mayonnaise and a cup of colby jack grated cheese.

Here's a tip: I always buy pre-grated cheese. Grating your own doesn't save you any money. We've studied it. It will be softer, but not necessarily better.

Michael ate a LOT of my mac & cheese. He also peeled up a good portion of eggplant and ate it.

Anyway, just because you screw something up in the kitchen, it's not the end of the world.

Jon Stewart Needs to be Slapped

I have long admired Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. I have always thought he was a brilliant guy, even when I disagreed with him. We are the same age, too, so I feel a little extra liking for him for that reason.

However, this morning I watched him on CBS Sunday Morning, and I decided he needs to go to the top of my Slap List. [I keep a running list in my head of people who need to be slapped; mostly public figures who act idiotic.]

Stewart said that Jimmy Carter was over in Africa pulling worms out of children and former president Georgw W. Bush just sits around painting cats.

I wanted to get up and throw something at my TV.

Now, before I go further let me say this: I didn't vote for George Bush. I disagreed with a lot of his policies. I wasn't too happy when my brother, who had been in the Army but inactive for years, was called up in 2008 and sent to Iraq. I thought the the war in Iraq was mismanaged.

However, I am sick and tired of liberal Bush Bashing. It's now been shown that there were WMD's in Iraq.

I well remember when the UN inspectors were going into Iraq looking for WMDs - well Iraq had plenty of time to hide them, loads of time. And there's a ton of desert out there where WMDs were buried. We knew S-damn-insane had them because WE sold him the stuff back in the 80's! [Bonehead move on our part, but whatever.]

In addition, Saddam was killing 30,000 of HIS OWN PEOPLE every year he was in power. So it's clear to me, he needed to go. I'm just sorry we couldn't have quietly assassinated him without American lives being lost.

It's also clear that Bush didn't create the 2008 recession and in fact warned Congress repeatedly about the need for more regulation. The mess Obama inherited wasn't one Bush made, but one Congress made and - oh yeah - Obama was a senator during that volatile time.

So what has George Bush been up to since he left office? Well, 2 minutes of research by Jon Stewart would have shown he's been doing a lot more than painting still lifes. In fact, Stewart was TOLD he did more than that, by Bono!

Every year, Bush holds a golf tournament and a bike ride for the Wounded Warriors: "The former president said the ride, which continues Friday with a 30-mile course and Saturday with a 20-mile trek, is a great way to highlight the work of nonprofits and companies helping veterans. And, he said, the event serves as a reminder of the extraordinary resilience displayed by the country’s 2.5 million post-9/11 veterans."

ALSO

President Bush has worked very hard to build a clinic in Africa, and to get help to Africans. George W. Bush's Legacy on Africa Wins Praise, Even from Foes. And guess who acknowledged that last spring when the Bush presidential library was opened? Jimmy Carter.

“Mr. President, let me say that I’m filled with admiration for you and deep gratitude for you about the great contributions you’ve made to the most needy people on Earth,” said Carter.

At more than $5 billion a year in humanitarian aid to Africa, President Bush has given more assistance to the continent than any other president.  His administration’s aid was largely targeted to fight the major global health issues facing the continent, HIV/AIDS and malaria.

In 2003 Bush founded the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR), which guaranteed $15 million to be spent over the course of five years on prevention, treatment and research on HIV/AIDS. Under the Bush administration, the U.S. was also a leader in contributing to the Global Fund on AIDS.

If you keep reading the article, it's even more obvious that Jon Stewart owes President Bush an apology:

U2 front-man and activist Bono, who criticized Bush on the Iraq War, nonetheless expressed his admiration for the Republican president on an appearance on the Daily Show last year, telling Stewart that Bush did an “amazing” job in the fight against the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa.

“I know that’s hard for you to accept,” Bono said to a surprised crowd and host, “but George kind of knocked it out of the park. I can tell you, and I’m actually here to tell you that America now has 5 million people being kept alive by these drugs. That’s something that everyone should know.”

It's no secret Stewart is a big fan of Obama. What's Obama done recently? Oh yeah - he's sending troops to Iraq. Forget "non combat" roles, too - anyone over there is IN combat if they are American. 

He's also sending 4,000 troops to Africa to "fight ebola." I'm sorry but I am appalled by that. Send healthcare workers, yes, but not our military. Obama obviously doesn't like the military, and cutting their pay means the military doesn't much like him, either.

I seriously doubt Jon Stewart is talking about this on his show. He's going after Bush, the easy target. I'd like to see him not take the easy Bush-bashing jokes route. 

C'mon Jon. You've got some work to do before you can get off my Slap List.

Update

When I am at work, Lola usually lounges around in Mother's room, often on Mother's bed. She is petted and fed little treats, and generally has it made in there. It's always the warmest room in the house, too.

This morning, even though we had taken a good walk around 7, Lola didn't want me to leave for work at 8:30. She barked. She jumped up on me. She threw her little body at the door trying to block me from leaving. It broke my heart.

I called Mother as soon as I got to work, and Mom said it had taken a while to get her calmed down.

When I finally got home at 6:30, she jumped up on me and barked and jumped and jumped, almost knocking me down.

I now know how it feels to be the mother of a toddler.

After dinner, Lola got on the sofa next to me and decided to get in my lap. She wanted me pinned down.

Fortunately for her, I have gotten where I really don't like to go out at night, so I am in 99% of the time, and available for belly rubs -- only for Lola.

Don't let the mournful expression fool you. She looks this way even when she's ecstatically happy.

RANDOM STUFF:

*I have been dealing with a personal situation that I can't blog about, but it's about to be under control, soon. Thanks be to God.

*Michael has become a champion napper. He hates getting up early and only reluctantly drags himself out of bed at the last minute, but he comes home from school and naps on the sofa downstairs, despite all the Lola hair. I think he really needs about 9-10 hours of sleep a night, despite being a "grownup."

*I've got to get some new glasses. These have scratched lenses that have been driving me bonkers. Just didn't have the money for new ones. Now I have a coupon and great determination...

*I just learned yesterday that a friend of mine was laid off from her job. I also have a cousin whose wife was laid off recently. I am praying for them both to find new jobs soon. It's hard when you're a woman over 40.

*The no-sugar diet has been tough to stick to, but I've done pretty well. I am 95% free of sugar. There were warm cookies served in meetings at work this week and I ate NONE of them. Nor did I eat the mini Snickers in the breakroom. So there are some small wins. Then again, I may be the only person to go to Chik Fil-A and order a big salad and a cookie...

But hey, today was FRIDAY!

 

Ghost Voice

I went in Mom's room about 7:45 yesterday morning to help her get dressed and she was sitting at the computer. She said "I wondered what took you so long, after you came in and woke me up at 7."

 

"I didn't come in here at 7."

 

"Well of course you did," she said, annoyed.

 

"Nope, I haven't been in here since you went to bed last night, Mom."

 

I didn't wake her up at 7. I was out walking Lola. I told Mother that. She thought I was joking. "No, you came in my room and said "Well good morning!" I didn't open my eyes but I know it was you," she insisted.

 

"You're sure you weren't dreaming?!" I asked.

 

"I know YOUR voice," she insisted.

 

I assured her that I had not been in her room until that very moment. We both thought her hearing that voice was interesting.

 

About 20 minutes later she came out to breakfast walking super slowly and grimacing. "What's the matter?" I asked her. "I just took my 6:00 pain pills. I had slept through and forgotten to take them at 6," she said.

 

We discussed this at breakfast. We both wondered if it was Mamaw (my grandmother, who died in 1990) who tried to wake her and get her to take her pain pill. Mother was sure it was a female voice. It certainly wasn't me. I was trying to let her sleep. 

 

Spooky. But sort of comforting, too.

 

Below, Mamaw with some of her sisters. She was wearing red. She was a tiny firecracker..

The Broken Road

I always watch TV while I cook breakfast. Usually I find something on HGTV or maybe the local news, so I can catch the weather report. This morning, I flipped on the TV and caught an old movie I haven't seen in years, Broadcast News.

I remember identifying closely with the (short, southern, spunky) Holly Hunter character, and wishing I had gotten my degree in journalism instead of Drama. (There is clearly a lot of drama in journalism, however.) Then again, with the explosion of the internet, there are a lot of good journalists out of work now..

At their best, movies hold up a mirror to us and say hey, this is what you look like -- do you really like these things about yourself? Really?

All the movies I've ever seen that were written by James L. Brooks made me think. I am sure that I could watch As Good As It Gets and Terms of Endearment once a week for the rest of my life and still find interesting things, new things, every time I watch.

As I've often said, movies where something blows up every 5 minutes don't interest me much, but movies that honestly explore human relationships are endlessly fascinating.

Watching Holly Hunter this morning reminded me of what I found most interesting when I watched that movie the first time. I was fascinated by her clothes and her hair. I was dazzled by handsome William Hurt, and yet he was playing a character who was not too smart, and that turned me off, a lot. (To me, attractiveness is all about intelligence and personality, and looks have little to do with it.) I loved the homes in the movie. I loved the excitement of the news.

More than anything, the movie made me realize that the span of years since 1987 has seen me change so very, very much, and that is actually fine. It's not a bad thing. I can remember dreading the thought of being over 50 and yet, it's not bad at all. I couldn't have foreseen that slowing down and savoring the things in life that matter (family, friendship, faith, etc.) would be so much more fulfilling that my headlong rush to get what I wanted when I was in my 20's.

When you spend 20 years obsessed with finding a great love, getting married, having children, and being a famous writer, the fact that your perspective can utterly change is mind-blowing. So how did I change so radically?

The first thing that did it was the loss of my father when I was 34. Nothing prepares you to lose someone you share that bond with, that incredible tight relationship. Dad and I had arguments all the time, and I was often frustrated by his behavior, but when he died I was lost. It felt like somebody had thrown me off a boat, and I was dogpaddling desperately as the ship sailed away. Paddling and paddling and wondering how to even find the shore.

Now I realize that what I had to do was simply float. The harder I paddled and swam and exhausted myself, the worse things were.

I'm speaking in metaphors of course.

(I just realized how funny my metaphor is - since I am Cancer the crab, a water sign, water is very important to me.)

Other losses have rocked me over the years, but losing Dad was really the catalyst for the necessary character-building that had to happen.

I am so not the same person I was in 1987.

One of the joys of life now is putting Lola on her leash and walking. When I get home from work, I just want to be outside, after being cooped up all day.

Another joy is talking to Mother. We have some great talks. I would be a far more uptight person and a much more inept parent if it weren't for her wise counsel.

I told Michael recently that Granny is his greatest ally and advocate, and he just grinned. What a blessing she is to him, and how he is going to miss her when she's gone. He has no idea.

Being in an office with younger women has caused me to reflect a lot in the past week. I recognize and remember how I was, from observing them. I am the "old lady" and that's kinda weird. I still remember my first job, and being the youngest person in the office. I remember being blissfully unaware of all the curveballs life was going to throw at me. That's OK. It's good, in fact. I probably would've started drinking heavily if I had foreseen it all.

What I sort of wish I could do, though, is travel back in time and counsel the 25 year old me that watched Broadcast News for the first time. I would have so much to say to her. I would be full of advice about taking things more slowly, and saving money rather than spending it, and making sure to shut up and listen to my dad rather than arguing so much. But would 25 year old Dee listen? Would she do anything differently? Probably not.

I'd probably just be appalled at the fact that I am still not skinny. (Below, me around 1986 with Molly..)

When I feel regrets coming on, though, I immediately stop and remind myself that the twisted, messy roads I have cursed sometimes have also led to being a mom to Michael, and I don't want to change anything that would negate that. If I'd gotten married young and had biological children I wouldn't have adopted my kids. I wouldn't have traveled to Russia and Kazakhstan and experienced those cultures. I wouldn't have met some of the fascinating and wonderful friends I have now. Would I be more happy?

Maybe. I doubt it. I just would have different problems.

Do I get tired of dealing with a teenager and an 80 year old? Do I hate dealing with menopause? Do I miss old-fashioned job security? Do I get tired of worrying about how to pay bills? Absolutely.

The burdens weigh me down sometimes and I just want to take a day off and stay in bed -- but I keep going. Like the song says:

"This much I know is true. God bless the broken road that led me straight to you."

Life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. I haven't walked through it alone, though. Love has been all around me. Love has sustained me. Friends have kept me going many times. Mom has always been my rock. When I get tired and discouraged, God sends me signs -- all the time -- that he is with me, and I CAN keep going.

And I am grateful.

 

 

Freezing Halloween

OK, so now I can say we've had three seasons in the past WEEK. Last weekend it was beautiful. The last few days... cool-ish. I'd say fall was in the air. Some leaves were turning. It was all good.

Last night, about the time the doorbell stopped ringing, WINTER came roaring in. Dang. The wind was howling, literally. The heat was kicking on every few minutes!! Unusual here in October.

Halloween

When I was going into the building at work yesterday morning there were folks in costume. Grownups. I said in the elevator "I want to know where YOU work because clearly you're in a fun office!" Turns out, ironically, they were with a legal recruiting firm.

I went downstairs to get my lunch around 12:30 and got on the elevator with a man dressed as a cowboy, carrying a big bag of ice and a box of Jack Daniels. I bet THAT place didn't get any work done yesterday afternoon...

Michael had to work last night. Didn't have a chance to talk to him when he got home.

We didn't have as many trick-or-treaters as in past years, but we had enough. I was worried about Lola, and I tried keeping her in Mom's room and she cried. Then I tried looping her leash around the stair railing so I'd have both hands free to answer the door, but she hates being confined, and cried. I couldn't stand that. So... I just held her collar and held out the bowl when I opened the door.She was very good. The kids often petted her. She only tried to eat the candy twice.

Hope the kids didn't mind a little dog spit on the candy...

Only two kids grabbed handfulls of candy from the bowl. I said "HEY! Just take a couple please, there are more kids out there," and they reluctantly dropped some back in the bowl. Dang, learn some manners. They weren't little ones either -- these kids were old enough to know better.

My favorite costume was a child dressed like Albert Einstein. SO cute.

My favorite parents were dressed as a witch and a vampire, and their tiny one was a lion. We chatted for a few minutes. They told the tot to take butterfingers because "mommy likes those!" LOL

The most creative costume I saw was a little guy in a green bodysuit and a thing on his head like a giant gun barrel of sorts, and I asked him what he was. "A PEASHOOTER!" was the reply. Too clever.

When I took Lola out this morning -- she demanded to go out at 6:15 -- she stepped outside and looked around like where are those little people?!?

photo by Lisa Amos

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I was so excited to see this card of my grandfather's on eBay, but disappointed I wasn't able to get it:

This was from 1927 when he was playing in Oakland California. I contacted the seller. Hope he will let me know of other cards...