The Crab Chronicles

Catching Up: January Wrapup

Not a lot to report this week, as it has been pretty quiet around here.

Tonight, Lola went out in the yard and found some poop and rolled around in it. She's never done that before. It was bizarre. I thought she was just scratching her back in the pinestraw; had no idea it was a poop roll. UGH. Tomorrow morning it's off to the groomer.

I've had two interesting job interviews this week. Hopefully one of them will pan out.

Michael has a new tattoo. He had a much older brother in Kazakhstan named Sasha, and now on his chest he has the name on one side and an angel wing on the other side. Much as I dislike tattoos, I have to admit the artist did nice work. Michael is happy with it.

I have cautioned him about covering it up in job interviews.

A friend of mine whose son goes to Lakeside posted about a threat yesterday, graffiti on a bathroom wall saying everyone at Lakeside would die today. A lot of parents kept their kids home. I don't blame them.

Michael will likely have to go back to Lakeside next year for his senior year. The Gateway to College program is ending after this semester. DeKalb County made demands on the program that couldn't be met. I am so disappointed for Michael. He loves college. He was bored in high school. I am hoping we can figure out a way he can take some college classes next year. He wants to graduate with his class, which is motivating him to do homework and be more diligent.

He was up until 2 a.m. the other night, studying.

Night before last, he ate a huge dinner and fell asleep on the couch at 8:30.

That's all the news I know..

Dogs are My Kind of People

I was thinking today that I have a lot of accumulated dog knowledge that I should share with the world -- practical advice. Stories, too.

We had a cat when I was growing up, but we are definitely Dog People. Long before I wrote the essay for the book The Divinity of Dogs, I could have told you many stories about the dogs we've had over the years.

When I was in my 20's and 30's I lived alone, but I wanted a dog. I just didn't want to leave a dog alone for 10 hours a day while I worked. As soon as I became a mom I realized that immutable truth: children need dogs.

Alesia and Mother's dog Coco became instant friends in 2004

I always listen patiently when the vet tells me what to feed my dogs and how to feed them. Then I pretty much ignore the advice. A lot of folks have fat dogs. They feed the dog once or twice a day, a prescribed amount of food. We don't. We keep a pan of dry dog food out at all times, and the dog eats when she wants to eat. She's not fat. We've had dozens of dogs over the years and none have ever been fat. Dogs know when they should eat. If there's a pan of food out for them, and they don't have to worry about it, they will self-regulate.

Most of our dogs have been raised from puppyhood, but some have been rescues. All the rescues have adapted to this feeding method.

Lola loves carrots. She cries when I eat baby carrots. I always give her some. The vet said most fruits and veggies are fine. Not raisins, grapes, or chocolate, though.

Of course, you have to make sure the dog gets enough exercise.

Right now we don't have a fenced-in yard, so Michael and I walk Lola every day, 2-3 times a day, unless the weather is just terrible. It has been good for me as well as Lola. I had gotten far too sedentary.

We also talk to our dogs. Laugh all you want. Our dogs have vocabularies that are quite extensive.

Lola knows WALK  WAIT  DINNER  GRANNY  COME HERE  COOKIE  LET'S GO -- and lots of other words

When I was growing up we had a recue named Kaiser. He knew the words ICE CREAM. When Bruce and I got some, he got to lick the bowls, and he often licked it off our faces. It got to where when he saw the ice cream come out of the freezer he'd cry and carry on until he got some. He would get excited just seeing Mom put it in the freezer. So Mom and Dad started spelling it out i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m but Kaiser learned that the spelling meant ice cream too. Sometimes he'd howl and wrap his arms around the fridge if he knew there was ice cream in there.

Kaiser was very protective of us when we were little. If anyone came near the baby carriage or playpen and he didn't know them, he would growl. He simply didn't tolerate just anyone handling us either. We had a maid once that Kaiser didn't like, and Mom came home and heard Bruce crying, and the maid said Kaiser wouldn't let her near the crib to pick him up. Mom paid the maid and told her not to come back. Now, there was no evidence she had mistreated Bruce in any way, but Mom trusted Kaiser's instincts about people.

My grandfather always said, if the dog doesn't like someone, there's a good reason.

[Some day I hope to publish a little book about Kaiser. He was a unique and amazing animal.]

Back to advice..

Lola's coat is always shiny. That's probably because every morning she gets some egg and bacon from Mother's breakfast plate. Mother used to routinely scramble eggs for her dogs. They always had shiny, beautiful coats. A little olive oil in their food helps, too.

I used to think crating a dog was mean. Now I kind of understand it. Lola likes to go in Mother's closet and sleep on the floor. She also likes to sleep under the bed. Mother has had to get used to that. She said the first night she heard something moving around under the bed, and she was half asleep, it was very unnerving.

When I have been gone for several hours, Lola comes running to the door and throws herself into my arms. She's a hugger. Just loving on her relieves some of the stress of the day. She does the same with Michael.

When Michael is upset or anxious he makes a beeline for Granny's bed, and he gets up there and plays with Lola. He also played with Coco. Dogs provide great stress relief for kids. This is not just me talking - it's been proven.

I think that's why, when Coco passed away in fall 2013, Michael immediately wanted to get another dog. Within a couple of weeks, Lola joined our family.

We let her on the furniture. Furniture can be cleaned.

Lola has brought such joy, amusement, and comfort to us all. If you think you'd like a bassett, I urge you to contact Basset Hound Rescue of Georgia. Or if you want a different breed, PAWS Atlanta, or any rescue organization in your town.

Dogs give love unconditionally, as long as they aren't mistreated. They are a great blessing from God.

Twenty Questions [and more] With Nathaniel Lande

One of the clearest memories of my childhood is the fact that my parents went to a wedding out in California when I was in first grade, and it was the wedding of Bob Hope’s daughter to Nathaniel Lande, son of prominent Augusta doctor Robert Greenblatt, who happened to be a customer of my Dad’s at the bank. Mom wrote a blog about the wedding here. It was the trip of a lifetime.

When I was editing Mom’s post I Googled Nathaniel Lande just to see what had happened to him since that long-ago wedding. I found his website and read, fascinated by his life. He and Linda Hope have been divorced for years, but he had gone on to a fascinating and full life.

 

From his website: At CBS he began his career in the mailroom, and soon was selected by the legendary Michael Dann and William Paley, to work for the head of Programming. Then he joined the producing staff of PM East, hosted by Mike Wallace, with his good friend, Peter Lassally, (who would later become producer of the Tonight Show at NBC). By night, the young and enterprising producers searched for talent discovering Woody Allen at the Bon Soir, a small club in New York, and Barbra Streisand at One Fifth Avenue, and were the first to book them on national television.

On his website, there was a form email for folks wanting to contact him and I fired off an email and introduced myself. Much to my shock, he answered, fairly quickly. He remembered Dad very well, and spoke of him fondly.

Nat has lived an incredible life. He worked at CBS and NBC for twenty years. He was with Time Life for years and traveled the world. He has written numerous books. He planned events for the White House and knew two presidents. While still a student [at Oxford] he wrote a show that was very successful in London.

He’s also credited with inventing the first electronic book, and directed two award winning documentaries. He won an Academy Award for technology after he invented a type of camera lens.

I’ve gone far afield from my usual Twenty Questions format, just because Nat is such a fascinating interview. Talking to him over the course of two days was informative and delightful.

How long has it been since you visited Augusta? I haven’t been in Augusta -- maybe it’s gotta be 30 years or more. [We went on to reminisce about Augusta, a bit.]

I remember the Town Tavern restaurant – it had great steaks.

I grew up with Billy Morris [son of the newspaper editor and later of Morris Communications]. Billy and I used to ride horses every day. We were the best of friends.

You’re the only person I’ve interviewed that has homes in two different places. How much time do you spend in each place every year? I live in California. I rent out the New York apartment now. It’s overlooking the park. A very special place. It’s just one bedroom, but there’s an upstairs, and a very spacious living room/dining room. It’s a landmark building and every room overlooks the park. I’ve had it for 50 years. I was very lucky when the building became a condo I had the opportunity to buy. It’s just quadrupled in value 2 or 3 times. I have a great tenant who pays me a very good rate.

 

PRAISING FAMOUS MEN

You’ve met two presidents, Kennedy and Johnson. Tell me about that. Richard Atler used to produce a lot of shows for Kennedy and he recruited me as one of his assistants. When Johnson came along I was close to Bill Moyers and Liz Carpenter and they asked me to produce shows at the White House. The first one I did was a history of presidential campaign songs starting in 1800 and going up to Johnson; it was called Sing Along with Millard Fillmore. Walter Cronkite narrated – a soft-spoken gentleman, a lovely man.” 

I did another show based on a narrative from Thomas Wolfe. It was a special event. I liked Lyndon Johnson a lot. I liked the whole family. One of my favorite stories in a book called The Cigar Connoisseur: An Illustrated History and Guide to the World's Finest Cigars [even tho I’m a nonsmoker] involves Johnson.

I attended a dinner at the White House. Each table was asked to have a designee get up and speak. When it came around to our table, I stood up and quoted a verse form Thomas Wolfe, “Look Pilgrim, look to the promise and the hope…” It was a lovely paragraph. After dinner, Bill Moyers said the president would like you to join him [in the White House]. I walked into his bedroom and there was Gregory Peck and Bill Moyers and Hubert Humphrey, and Joe Califano. The president was having a massage and was stark naked.

It was kind of hard to keep a straight face. As soon as anyone said anything remotely funny we just burst into laughter and the president looked at us skeptically. Finally he turned his attention to me and said “Those were some pretty nice words. Hubert, pull out some cufflinks, and give a pair to Nathaniel, and give a pair to Gregory.” The president gets off the table, and he presents me with the gold cufflinks. I just bowed politely and thanked him. He was naked. It didn’t bother him at all.

About a year later I’m in Paris, coming home from a dinner party, walking down Avenue Foch on the way back to the Bristol Hotel. Coming up the street I see Gregory Peck and we meet. Both of us laughed and said we’ll never forget that night. We both agreed nobody would ever believe it. We exchanged phone numbers so we could vouch for each other.

We were all smoking cigars and they were left over from Kennedy – and they were straight from Havana.

On President Kennedy: I was there when Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday to him at Madison Square Garden. He loved it. Jackie didn’t think much of it. [Monroe was rumored to have had an affair with Kennedy.]

One source I found said you were friends with Ernest Hemingway. He was a large gruff man. He had a gravelly voice. He liked to think of himself as a man’s man, a sportsman. My father was a visiting professor of medicine in Cuba, pre-Castro, in the 40’s and 50’s and we used to go to Havana. It was my father who was first introduced and they became friends, and my dad was his doctor occasionally. Papa had a place outside Cuba and when he left he gave it to the nation. It’s been left intact. [You can see photos of the home here.] He and his wife Mary lived there. He was a very loving man and when I was 7 or 8 and we would go out on the Pilar, his boat, and fish, and go hunting on horseback. I have many many stories of time with him.

The last time I saw him, I was in Spain with a friend. We went down to have something to eat and there was this very provincial room, a tavern, and there were 3 people sitting in the next table and I said to my friend would you like to meet Hemingway? Of course. Hemingway said “Natty! My how you’ve grown.” He invited me to go to the bullfights the next day, and we went.

 

BOOKS

Your latest novel is The Life and Times of Homer Sincere. What inspired you to write that? How these characters come to you I don’t know but they arrive on your doorstep and you start living with them. They take you with them. It’s just a story about friendship and two friends and what they meant to each other. Neither could have been the person they became without the other. The things they experienced together… it’s glorious story of friendship.

When your son was growing up, did you do a lot of traveling? Did you take him along? When he was around 10 or 11 I was with Time/Life and I had written a speech for the head of TWA and he said how much do I owe you and I said I’m glad to do it. Next thing I know, there were two first class tickets to Paris on my desk. So I said to Andrew, are you still having trouble with that term paper on French history? He said yeah Dad. So we went to Paris. We checked into the Bristol Hotel and were sitting there having lunch and the waiters were serving us pomme soufflés, tarte tatin and crème brulees, paying a lot of attention to Andrew, and we had a great time. Finally I received the bill and it was quite extravagant, about $300. And Andrew looked at me and said Gee Dad I really love Paris! [he laughed at the memory]

[Note: Nat and his son went on to write, years later, a terrific travel book called The 10 Best of Everything, Third Edition: An Ultimate Guide for Travelers]

You are credited with inventing the electronic book in 1991. What brought that about? I didn’t invent it but I certainly pioneered it. I developed one of the first prototypes. There was a major article about it in Publishers Weekly in Sept. 1991. I’m afraid I was a little bit too early. They were more comfortable with the printed word on the printed page. I thought it would be great for textbooks, and an enormous saving on paper. We had a very nice prototype. Ours was in color. It was a long time coming. Ours at that time was using smart card technology which means you can hold maybe 50 titles. When Amazon came along and you could download it electronically that was a convenient way for distribution.

I loved your book Cricket. I know a lot of it was based on your own life. Was it therapeutic to write?

Most first novels are largely autobiographical. It seems endemic of first novels. They say write what you know. It was very honest, very straightforward. I got no flak about it. My father used to keep it in his office and it helped sell copies. He lived to see 2 or 3 of the books.

Tell me about your book Dispatches from the Front News Accounts of American Wars, 1776-1991

After a long history with Time Inc. and having covered the Vietnam War extensively, and when I was a professor of journalism, I got interested in some of the assignments. With a lot of help from my students doing research we crafted a nice book. I knew a lot of the correspondents from Time. I used to fly with Larry Burrows. He was shot down in Cambodia about 3 weeks after I flew with him. Paul Schutzer was another Life photographer. I brought his body back from the 6 day war.

 

TWENTY QUESTIONS

What is your full name? I took my mother’s name, Lande. I reversed it. It was Nathaniel Lande Greenblatt, and I became Nathaniel Greenblatt Lande. I started writing under Nathaniel Lande. Dad encouraged it. He thought it was great. He thought Lande was much simpler.

Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world? London  - I went to Oxford, and did my graduate work there. Still have a lot of friends there. I try to get over there for an extended time once a year. My second choice would be Buenos Aires. Buenos Aires has Recoleta, a section designed by the French and is more Parisian than France. The buildings, food, atmosphere -- very French. I also love to tango and play polo.

What is your favorite movie and why? There are so many… I remember a movie about 10 years ago called The Postman. It’s really hard to identify just one movie. I just saw Woody Allen’s film Magic in the Moonlight and I thought it was a hoot.

What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid? Math. I was too young to really understand the concepts and the mathematical formulas to the universe. A lot of formulas and memorization and I couldn’t relate to it that well.

What was your nickname when you were a kid? Natty – my dad called me Natty boy.

Do you believe in God? I believe in God, but not in a formal sense. There is certainly a force. I also believe in nature and the scientific equations.

What sound or noise do you love?  I guess I love the sounds of the ocean. We’re on a hillside, a mountainside, 10 minutes from the ocean.

If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be? I think perhaps directing more films, feature films, and also plays for Broadway. I would’ve slanted my career in that direction. Instead, I had to make a living so I started in the mailroom at CBS and worked my way up and never really returned to playwriting, which I loved. I loved playwriting and theater. [He wrote a successful play in England and it had a run in the West End.] I won the prize at Duke, and they had a musical playwriting contest and I won that in my junior year. Took my BA at Duke, graduated 1956, then went to Oxford. Years later I was a professor of journalism at Chapel Hill. I went back to Trinity College Dublin and earned my doctorate when I was in my 50’s.

If heaven exists, what do you think it is like? I would hope that it would be a little bit more peaceful, and easier, and without prejudice. Satisfying. Enjoyable. Filled with the things that you appreciate most.

Do you have siblings? I do, I have a brother who died a few years ago. I have a sister who lives in Atlanta.

What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]?  A houseman we had named Andrew was the most delightful and colorful man I’ve ever known. He had all the attributes of wisdom and kindness. He looked after me, brought me up. I adored him.

If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why? At this point in my life, having logged about 3 million miles in the last 5 years for National Geographic,  I would say just hopping in a car and rediscover the US. I would like to see the national parks – Yellowstone, the Smokies, the Blue Ridge Highway from Virginia to North Carolina – it’s beautiful country.

What inspires you? Music. Great passions in a book. A good deed that’s carried out by someone else.

Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th? Christmas. It’s a time of year of giving and it’s surrounded with so much tradition and color. It’s special to family and friends.

What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? Well I am working on two new books, and so being a writer. I find that I have to force myself not to talk about it. I’d rather it come out as a written word rather than a spoken narrative. Until I see it published I try to keep it within me.

Do you know how to cook? I can cook maybe 5 or 6 special dishes. Sometimes I cook to impress my wife. I certainly cooked during my courtship. I’m not a great cook but I appreciate the great chefs. People seem to like the dishes. One is fettucine which I have a glorious and secret recipe for. The other is popovers. I make them on Sundays and we have them with butter and jam. It’s more traditional in New England, in the country.

What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? What I miss terribly is we had a cook who made southern fried chicken better than anyone in the world. She had an iron skillet which was 50 years old -- which my son inherited. She used to dip the chicken breasts in batter and fry them in Crisco. She also made chocolate brownies. I’ve never had a brownie as good.

If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, for 2-4 weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? I guess I would just hang out in London, for a month. From there I can fan out to Europe. Everything is reasonably close. It’s a good base.

How did you meet your wife?

My wife was a dancer with the Bolshoi. We met in New York. I was sitting in a café. It was a little French Bistro. She walked in with a friend of mine. I was introduced to her and I never looked back. That was 18 years ago.

What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? I would like to think I’m reasonably open and having enjoyed so much life experience and met so many people, I can’t think of a question that I never had an opportunity to answer.

Happy Birthday Ann Sothern

Facebook has a little horoscope I read every day, just for fun. It told me that today the actress Ann Sothern was born on this day in 1909. She died in 2001 at age 92.

I don't recall ever seeing one of her movies, but I know a funny story about her. 

Years ago, my parents were in Los Angeles for a wedding. One of Dad's customers at the bank in Augusta was Nathaniel Lande, whose father was a prominent doctor in Augusta. In 1967, Nat married the daughter of Bob Hope, Linda Hope.

Mom and Dad left us with our grandparents and flew to LA. They had a blast.

Over the course of the weekend, my parents went out to dinner at a nice restaurant.

They were seated at a small table very close to another table, looking at menus. Mother noticed that Ann Sothern was sitting at a table very close to theirs. She whispered to dad, sotto voce, "Look Tony that's Ann Sothern!"

Without looking, Dad said loudly, "ANN SOTHERN IS DEAD, Elva."

Mother was mortified with embarrassment. "No, she's sitting right there!"

Dad said again, even louder, "ANN SOTHERN IS DEAD!"

Mother was shaking her head and giving him the SHUT UP look.

Dad didn't like to be contradicted. He kept saying SHE"S DEAD and Mother kept trying to make him hush.

Finally, reluctantly, Mother turned to the adjacent table and said "I am SO SORRY."

The folks at the table, including Ann Sothern, were laughing. "Don't worry about it!" they said.

Happy Birthday Ann!

Mild Day, Quiet Street

The weather the past few days has been just gorgeous. I took a lot of opportunities to get outside yesterday and I plan on it again today. The highs today and tomorrow - early 60's. Awesome.

Last year, we had tons of snow around the end of January, the ridiculous Snowpacolypse that paralyzed the city. Hope we don't ever see anything like that again.

No, today I plan to enjoy the lovely weather. Mild winters are a big reason I love Atlanta.

Below, the view looking down the street to my house. Lola and I had a good walk this morning.

I used to want to live in a more urban area, but I am so glad I live in a suburban area now. It's quiet and peaceful.

Heard some happy news over the weekend. A new family is moving into a house down the street. They have two small boys. Always delighted when families move in. Our street is long, but the cul de sac neighbors close to us are a tight group.

We have a number of families with children under 6 here on my street. We also have folks in my age group and some retirees like my mom. I love the mix.

No other news to report.

A Lovely Day at the Cemetery

Last summer I interviewed my friend David Moore for a magazine piece about Oakland Cemetery, and it occurred to me recently that it would make a great blog for the Atlanta Area Mom's Blog. So I wrote A Fun Time at the Boneyard.

Oakland Cemetery is an amazing place. It's a great place to take children. There are lovely plants, shrubs, and trees. There are historical figures buried there. It's a garden cemetery. [Click on that last link to see some lovely photos.]

The Historic Oakland Foundation has done an incredible job of restoring Oakland.

The first time I experienced the death of anyone close to me was in 1972 when my grandfather [bob Hasty] died. Mother ran by the funeral home and left us in the car and we crept in and accidentally saw Papa in the casket, something Mom had wanted to avoid. It was both good and bad, that sight. It was bad because I sitll remember the shock of seeing him, a cold white corpse. It was good in the sense that it brought closure to his death, for me. There was no pretending he wasn't gone.

It was also good because I immediately realized that I never wanted to go to another "viewing" of a dead body as long as I lived. Now, I have gone to viewings since then, but I try very hard to avoid looking at the body.

I just think looking at dead people is creepy. I hate remarks like "She looks so lifelike!"

ICK.

No, the corpse isn't "lifelike." It's just an empty shell. The soul has gone on. The dead body is just a vessel, that's all. The spark of life has changed into a different kind of energy, spirit. 

But back to Oakland.

When it was started, 150+ years ago, death was much more an everyday occurrence. People were dying all over the place. Illness carried off whole families sometimes. War certainly reaped huge crops of corpses.

I don't mean to make light of death. It was just much more a part of life than it is now.

I mean, if you like cop shows or medical shows on TV, you see a lot of death but it's all fake.

When my mom was little, a relative died on the train tracks and was beheaded. I think he had possibly been drinking and chosen the tracks as an unfortunate napping spot. Mom faked a stomachache so she could miss school and go to the funeral. She was hoping the head would be in a separate casket from the body. The way Mom tells the story is highly droll.

Anyway, if I had younger kids, I'd pack a picnic one fine day and take them to Oakland, and take a tour and eat a sandwich. There's a self-guided tour. It's a beautiful, peaceful place.

AND...

Oakland is a microcosm of history.

Sun and Sleeping

After days of rain, cold, fog, and overcast skies, we finally saw the sun again today -- YAY! I was so ready for it.

I took Lola out earlier and just stood in the front yard for a few minutes, reveling in the feeling of the sun on my face. Lola was ecstatic to be outside, of course.

Then she saw a lady walking down the street, and went nutso barking. I have tried to train her to be calm when she sees people walking, but I have failed. She isn't ever calm, and if they have a dog on a leash, all bets are off. I have to grab onto something quick, and hold on, because she will pull me off my feet in her excitement. She mainly just wants to meet and greet everyone, and she is a doll, but I can't allow her to just throw herself at everyone. Not everyone appreciates ecstatic hound dog hugs and slurpy kisses.... idiots. LOL

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Michael is sound asleep on the sofa in the family room at this very moment, totally wiped out. He didn't have any classes today but he had to go in this morning for tutoring. He has been working a lot, and his class schedule this semester is pretty demanding. I hope he isn't pushing himself too hard. He tends to be very grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep, too, which is why I am OK with him napping right now.

He has to work at the restaurant tonight and tomorrow night, and he's babysitting in the morning.

Looks like I will be doing the afternoon Lola walk today, as well as the morning Lola walk. That's OK. I can use the exercise.

I made an unfortunately huge pot of chili the other day, and apparently I will be eating on it for the next month or so. Mother has had it twice. Michael has had one large bowl. He likes chili but he's not crazy about it.

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The Oscar nominations announced yesterday were a bit of a surprise. I haven't seen most of the films. I did see and enjoy The Imitation Game, but man, what a depressing film.

I will try to see more of the films. The older I get, though, the less I like theaters. They smell weird, and you're stuck there for two hours. I like to be able to stop a movie and go outside for a few minutes.

There is a movie called Boyhood and it looks really interesting. Here's the trailer:

 

No Coincidences

I am reading a little book called When God Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life, and it has a lot of interesting stories in it. Much food for thought.

The basic premise of the book is that there are no coincidences in life. When things happen, even seemingly rendom or meaningless things, there is always a reason. The author says the "God winks" are there to remind us that God is in control, and he's watching out for us. I totally agree with that.

Ten years ago, my mother and I were searching and searching for a house here in Atlanta that we could share. I had just adopted my daughter. Mom had decided to downsize and move closer to me. Sharing seemed to be a good idea, for us both.

We looked at a lot of houses, but none really fit the bill. Finding one with a big enough bedroom and bathroom on the first floor was really tough. Then I got a call from the real estate agent one day and his first words were "I am standing in the family room of your house."

I thought that was a bit presumptuous, but I didn't want to contradict him. [I later realized he was meant to find us our home - his ex stepmom married my cousin.]

Then I learned some really interesting things. The house is on Leslie Drive. My best friend's name is Lesleigh - different spellings but same name. It's near Henderson Mill Road. My father's mother was a Henderson. It's very close to Embry Hills Shopping Center. One of my dad's closest friends is his cousin Doug Embry, and Doug's sons are now friends of mine. Even the house number is a God wink - it contains the year of my birth. It has been a great house, and we have terrific neighbors and good schools nearby.

There are a number of God winks associated with my adoptions. Both my children were born in the same month as me, July. We are all the astrological sign of Cancer, thus the name of this blog, The Crab Chronicles.

My daughter's adoption hearing was scheduled for November 14th, my father's birthday. My son's adoption hearing was on April 3rd, the same day as my grandparents' wedding anniversary. I had no influence on the dates of those hearings.

My son's God Winks are even more interesting. The first photo I ever saw of him, I was struck by his resemblance to my brother. He was born the same month my father died.

His Russian name was "Igor" which I knew would get him teased, so I asked him to choose an American name for himself. I gave him a list of names we liked. He chose Michael as his first name. It's also the name of my cousin's son. He chose Robert for his middle name - I have a grandfather, 2 uncles, and 2 cousins all named Robert. His birthday is July 19th, the same day as my uncle Bobby Hasty Jr.

Like his great uncle, Michael loves cars, and the beach, and he's a terrific athlete. [below, Michael and Uncle Bobby, 2007]

Likewise, my daughter reminds me a lot of my father. Despite the lack of a biological tie, Alesia is much like her grandfather Tony. She has green eyes. She is energetic. She loves animals. When she's happy she likes to snap her fingers. She likes to cook but doesn't like to be told how to cook. She loves music. She loves green beans. Dad was a bit wild in his younger years, before he settled down with Mom. Alesia has been sowing some wild oats the past few years, but she is settling down now, thanks be to God.

These are all God Winks, I believe.

Alesia and Michael were meant to be my children. I was meant to be their mom. We were family long before we met.

My actual birth had some God Winks. After a really difficult pregnancy, Mom happened to be at a party at the home of her doctor when she went into hard labor with me, and he was able to get her to the hospital and save my life by unwrapping the cord from around my neck. I was born on July 4th, a national holiday - just like my mother, who was born on New Year's Eve, a national holiday. Mom was a third child. I was a third child [Mom lost a baby before my brother was born.]

Lots of God Winks.

God is always sending me messages of reassurance, symbols of hope.

God Winks happen all the time. Whenever I've been stressed out in the past year or so, I've almost instantly noticed a red cardinal. To me, cardinals symbolize hope. It's like God's saying hang in there, Dee. It will all work out. As a person of faith, I have to believe that, but the extra assurance helps.

Sometimes there is no cardinal around, but I see a rainbow -- another symbol of hope. Years ago, I was so stressed out one day I was walking with my head down and I saw a rainbow in a mud puddle. Another time I had just broken up with a guy and I saw a gorgeous rainbow, and realized it was for the best.

A skeptic will say, of course, that all of these things are just coincidence. I feel differently. I feel strongly that people who move through life looking for hope and faith, praying and trying to live right and rely on the power of the Almighty - we are folks who get a precious gift, Grace.

The older I get, the more I realize that anxiety and fear are toxic. It's gotten much easier, with the passage of years, for me to not get freaked out by seemingly random negative things. It takes practice. I used to be truly uptight when I was younger. God has proven to me over and over, however, that having faith is the best way to cope with any sort of adversity.

My advice to you is simply this: pay attention to the God winks in your life. Take comfort from them.

Gray Days

Gray, cold days here. Lots of fog and heavy mist. Reminds me of England, in the summer - where it may be 50 degrees on a July day.

I spent some time in England years ago when I was in grad school, and had a great time. The weather was bizarre, though. One minute, sunny and warm, the next minute, a cold downpour. I was there with a group of students and we all caught colds and had to buy heavy sweaters and jackets. None of us thought we'd need a sweater in July.

above - me sitting under a statue of Gandhi in England in 1988

I've been pretty much hibernating for a few days, getting caught up on some household chores, and reading. Applying for positions takes up a portion of the day, too. One online application yesterday took me over an hour.

I also spent a lot of time yesterday on the phone with Mother's insurance folks, trying to get a different prescription for her that won't cost $300. Doctors have no idea what things cost.

Michael has a cold, and has been pretty sluggish, which is unusual for him. He slept until early afternoon on Sunday, then spent the rest of the day in front of the TV, wearing pajamas.

Around 4, I saw a van pull up in front of our house and two little girls hop out, heading for our front door. I knew they were selling Girl Scout cookies. I got up and took Lola back to Mother's room and told Michael to answer the door.

A few minutes later he came in Mother's room, grinning. "Did you order some cookies?" I asked. "Yep. They were too cute," he replied.

All the kids in the neighborhood know Michael from the pool, either as a lifeguard or tennis coach. He is so good with kids, genuinely caring about them and having a great manner with them. They adore him.

Twice a month he babysits for a friend of mine's 3 kids on Saturday mornings, and we hear later how he played, helped with homework and projects, fixed things around the house.

I hope he will become a teacher or coach.

He's back in school this week and not loving it, but it's easier to get him up in the mornings. He's maturing.

Time Travel

I decided as a child that time travel was possible because when I sat in my grandparents' kitchen I felt as though I had traveled back in time. The formica table and chairs, the percolator, the 1940's era potholders -- these were used for decades before I became aware of my world.

I love antiques for the same reason, because they remind me of an earlier era, and a different way of life, and yet they can fit seamlessly into our 21st century life, too. I eat from a table that was made by my great grandfather more than 120 years ago. My dresser was bought around 1923 by my grandmother Cordelia. The table I use as a desk was built sometime in the 1930's.

Yesterday, I was looking through a drawer I hadn't looked through in years, literally, and I ran across a book called Household Science and Arts, by Josephine Morris. You can see a photo here. My copy is in better shape.

In the front inside cover I found the name of my maternal grandmother, Wilma Butler, and the date, 1912. I think it might have been a textbook for her when she was in high school, but I'm not sure. I know when she was small she was educated by governesses, but she was eventually allowed to go to school. I have her high school ring.

Just leafing through this book gives me a sense of time travel. Today, we are so spoiled because we can buy soap at the store very easily, and we don't have to spend hours making it. Our ovens are easy to regulate, without putting a piece of paper in them to test for heat. Instead of "paraffin paper" we have foil or plastic to wrap around our food and preserve it. We don't have to iron all our clothes. Being a homemaker in 1912 was incredibly time-consuming, hard work.

No wonder women were not overweight back then -- they didn't need to go to the gym when just doing laundry would sweat off 5 lbs.

What fascinates me about this book is that I get a glimpse into the world of young women when my grandmothers were young. The book itself constantly refers to young girls or young women -- the notion of a boy learning how to cook or take care of a home was simply unheard of back then.

A lot of the advice is not needed nowadays. For instance, there are detailed instructions for cleaning kerosene lamps and boiling clothes to wash them. [Then again, if we ever have a nuclear disaster, this book will come in handy..]

One can also learn how to use a coal range.

There is a recipe for making soap. It involves animal fat, borax, potash, and ammonia. A vegetarian would faint at the explanation.

Electric stoves were not common "on account of the high rates of electricity." Electricity was still a novelty when the book was published.

In perusing the chapter about cleaning I noticed that the main ingredients used were  soda, ammonia, and boiling water. A good scrub brush was also essential.

Not only were girls supposed to do these labor-intensive chores, but teachers were told to emphasize the importance of "...wearing in the kitchen a clean, attractice outfit."

So you were supposed to work like a mule while looking like a princess.

Girls also had to make the beds and clean the toilet every day.

The kitchen or dining table had to always be "...scrupulously clean and attractive."

On preparing a child's lunch: "more hearty luncheons should be prepared for a strong, robust child than for a quiet, delicate child." [ensuring the delicate child will remain delicate]

On how to furnish and make a home: "Good taste comes from the result of repeatedly choosing between good and bad." Huh??!

On furnishings: "A box should look like a box and not like a book or a pumpkin. We should not choose dishes disguised as vegetables, or electric lights wearing the outgrown form of candles, or gas heaters parading in the shapes of burning logs of wood."

"Window curtains have no excuse for hanging below the sill, where their work of softening the light ceases."

Wow.
Now I have to re-think my entire house...

STRANGE ADVICE

Sometimes the advice is puzzling and/or scary:

Clean behind the sink pipes with a wooden skewer.

"...biting into a slice of bread is avoided by all people of good manners." [My mother has repeated this advice to me; I must always break the bread into smaller pieces. No wonder this sentence is underlined in the book.]

Garbage is best disposed of by burning it, or if you have a garden, by burying it, as it becomes a good fertilizer. [an early advocate of composting, although she doesn't specify the proper types of "garbage" that make good compost]

Vegetables are used chiefly to give flavor. [Nowhere in any recipe in the book are there any sorts of herbs or spices -- not even garlic salt!]

Bread about 24 hours old is best for sandwiches.

A successful menu maker avoids having dishes similar to clog. [no, it's not a typo, the word used is "clog"]

Water is the great solvent of dirt.

**********************

MORE WEIRD ADVICE

There is an entire chapter devoted to caring for sick people. As Mother reminded me, there wasn't a lot to be done for sick folks 100 years ago - no antibiotics or penicillan, for instance - so staying in bed was the main order.

Among the advice about the sickroom: "The bed should be of iron. The mattress should be of hair." Don't know about you, but the prospect of staying in a hair bed all day is gross..

On Sanitation: "We have in the home two kinds of dust: visible or dead dust, and invisible or live dust... The live dust consists of microscopic plants, yeast, bacteria, and mold... It is this dust which causes disease and makes our food decay." [No wonder my grandmother was a world class germaphobe!]

On preparing fish: "They should be wiped thoroughly inside and out with a cloth wrung out of cold salt water, and then dried with a clean towel kept for that purpose." [Yes, every home needs the ever popular fish drying towel..]

"Because of the stimulating property called theine in tea and caffeine in coffee, young people should not use either as a beverage." [The author was from Boston and clearly didn't understand that in the South children are raised on iced tea.]

RECIPES

There are so many weird recipes that today they are puzzling. My mother didn't even recognize some of the ingredients. For instance, when was the last time you ate a quince?!

Want a chicken sandwich? Forget Chik Fil-A. Here's how to start: "Cut off the head and feet, and remove any pin feathers without breaking the skin."

Violence was apparently common in yesterday's kitchen. Some more strange recipes:

Oatmeal mush

Coffee jelly

Snow pudding

Irish moss blancmange

Boiled dinner [corned beef, cabbage, turnips, carrots, beets, potatoes]

Sour milk griddle cakes

Graham or rye muffins

Baked crackers with cheese

Oleomargarine ["made from the oily part of purified beef fat"]

Cream of green pea soup

Scalloped onions

Buttered cracker crumbs

Fried corn meal mush

above, the Hasty family around 1910

POLITICALLY INCORRECT COMMENTS

"As a rule the man is the producer and the woman is the spender." [A lot of women today wish this were the deal, I bet..]

"Bread has been an important part of the world's diet from the earliest ages. Many savage races grind grain and mix it with water, making simple forms of bread."

Clearly, bread is universal.

Someone needs to point out to the savages that water is a great solvent of dirt. Maybe then they won't be savages...

CONCLUSION

In 1912 women were not seen in public without wearing a corset and a hat.Today, young women go out in public with their boobs hanging out.

I wonder if my granddaughter will be reading some of my books 100+ years from now, and chuckling at the absurdity of life in 2015?? The world is changing so fast that I cannot imagine what life will be like in a hundred years.

When I was a kid I never really thought I'd be able to drive an electric car, or carry a tiny computer in my pocket, or get a robot to clean my floor. Never thought I'd be able to use my phone as a flashlight, a book, a calculator, a stopwatch, etc.

I hope my granddaughter will have a flying car and get to wear elastic-waist paints all the time. I hope she won't have to do backbreaking, primitive labor, like cooking food in a microwave oven, or vacuuming the floor, or putting dirty dishes in a dishwasher. Hopefully, we will have evolved.

Maybe time travel will be possible and I will be able to hang out with my descendants and regale them with stories of my wacky 20th century life.

However, the thought of them eating a piece of bread without breaking it into small pieces... fills me with horror. Some advice is timeless.