The Crab Chronicles

Looking for Blog Ideas

Very quiet around here. The weather has turned cold again, which is not unusual for March. Last week there were days where we ran the air conditioner, and Friday night we had to turn the heat back on.

Years ago there was a "woman's magazine" -- Ladies Home Journal, McCall's, Woman's Day were just some of them -- and it ran a column called MY PROBLEM AND HOW I SOLVED IT. I loved to read that column. I have always been fascinated by real stories of real experiences.

I put this on my Facebook page:

I'm looking for blog ideas. I like to write about things other than my life because right now my life is very quiet and uninteresting. Have you ever had a problem and then solved it in an unusual or creative way, something that others would find interesting and/or useful? I'd love to write about it if you'd like to share. PM me.

I'm always interested in real stories. Leave me a comment with your email address and I will get in touch. I have to approve all comments before they are published and if you don't want your comment published that's fine; just give me your correct email address. I will keep it private.

Just FYI -- I am not interested particularly in weight loss stories or parenting stories right now. Those are such individual experiences that they don't always translate to others -- typically. I'm also not interested particularly in "hacks" like the right way to peel a banana.

I would rather hear something like "I couldn't relax enough to meditate until I tried _____" or "I decided to change career paths and this is how I figured out what to do" or "I wanted to be part of the Tiny House movement and this is how I did it."

Just looking to make my little corner of the world a little better...

Update

Lots going on in my world, some of it bloggable and some not. Just thought since I hadn't done a personal post in a while I would catch up regular readers with what's going on in my world.

We have cardinals [a pair] living in our yard, and I love to watch them flying in and among the trees. Lola was really unhappy with me this morning for putting out breadcrumbs for them on the back patio. We can't do regular bird food because the dang squirrels eat it, or rats that come from the creek. We don't want to feed rats. Last time we put out bird food I watched a rat the size of a small cat climb up into the bird feeder right outside our kitchen window and proceed to eat all the bird seed and it freaked me out.

Michael was home for dinner last night, a rare treat. He is working a lot of hours at the restaurant these days, or hanging out at friends' houses.  He ate a huge helping of shrimp and rice, then declared he was way too full to eat even one bite of spinach souffle. He refuses to take a bite of this and a bit of that. He has to eat all of one thing, then move on to the next thing. I used to be exactly the same way.

Temps today are supposed to be close to 70. It's cool and delightful outside right now. Tomorrow, though, another cold snap, with highs in the 50's. That's a typical January day. Hard to believe we're just a few days away from the beginning of April.

All my neighbors have decided to have trees cut down, pressure washing done, etc. so instead of being quiet on suburban weekdays, as usual, it sounds like an industrial war zone around here. Hopefully this trend will end soon. I hate the noise.

A house just down the street from me just went on the market. I was looking at the photos on the real estate website, thinking what a nice older home it is, and yet the kitchen is like from 1972. It's bizarre. The house was built around the same time as ours, I think, late 1960's. The kitchen is tiny and hasn't been updated at all. If they'd even just painted the cabinets white and put in new countertops it would have helped.. The estate of the deceased owner went in there and did some renovations, I know, because I saw the guys working. Why they didn't go ahead and spend some $ to update the kitchen, I cannot imagine. The cabinets are old, the appliances old, and if the house was shown on HGTV the host would say "Total gut job." If there's one thing I've learned watching HGTV it's this - kitchens sell houses. I hope a nice family moves in there, willing to do some updating of the kitchen and bathrooms. It's a great house.

Michael's friend Hayden has won the Girl Scout Gold Award and I am so pleased for her. She is 18 and a senior. Hayden "...had the idea to create the I Am Unsinkable campaign after seeing her friend, Kelley Taylor, grieve after Taylor’s father was killed in a biking accident on North Decatur Road." Hayden interviewed teens who have been through difficulties and had them talk about how they coped. There is a brief interview with Michael on there. You can see the whole video here. Michael is at about the ten minute mark. It was very hard for him to make the little video because he is rather shy, but I am so proud of him for doing it.

I was doing some research yesterday and I found a really fascinating website, History Atlanta. Lots of interesting articles and great photos on there. If you're interested in history, check it out.

 

I'm not a huge fan of the action star Vin Diesel, but one of my cousins posted this video of him on Facebook and it's fascinating. He's a huge muscle-bound guy, but he loves to DANCE. I say good for him! Dance like no-one's watching!

 

 

Fear the Wrinkles, Ladies?

I always chuckle a bit when I am sitting in front of the TV flipping channels and I see "Have A Turkey Neck" -- because it's a ridiculous title. I immediately think of Thanksgiving recipes, not my neck. Not about being old.

I was sitting on the sofa after breakfast this morning though, looking for "Have A Turkey Neck" and Mom said "What are you looking for?"

Unlike men, women usually flip channels in search of something, not just for the hunting experience.

"I'm looking for "Have A Turkey Neck" I replied.

"What?"

"HAVE A TURKEY NECK, Mother."

"Is that a cooking show?" [great minds think alike]

"No, it's about wrinkles."

I kept flipping channels and writing down the titles of interest. Apparently, telling women they are wrinkled and ugly is very lucrative. Only a few minutes of flipping uncovered:

Winning the Wrinkle War

Julie is 53, Looks 35

Have a Turkey Neck

Women Over 50 Looking 30

From Mommy to Hottie

Those are 5 shows aimed at telling women basically that if they have any wrinkles or gray hair or excess weight that they are worthless and pathetic.

"Julie is 53, Looks 35" features a woman using something that looks like a sandblaster on her face. Sure, let's take some electric doodad and literally blast off the wrinkles. Then put it in its adorable little fabric bag and tuck it into the drawer next to a thousand makeup items. Because you sure don't want hubby to guess you're sandblasting your wrinkles. He might think you're vain, or insecure.

"Have A Turkey Neck" is actually an ad for some kind of miracle cream. There is a ridiculous photo of a woman with a smooth, beautifully made-up face and the neck of a 95 year old migrant farm worker. Can you say PHOTOSHOP?!?! They show the ridiculous photo to young women to make them fearful. Yes, the subtext is FEAR.

I didn't see one single ad telling men they need to sandblast their wrinkles or lose 20 lbs.

All the ads about not looking your age are aimed straight at women's fears. The message is loud and clear: any women who has wrinkles or gray hair is worthless and will be rejected by men. If you want to get a man or keep a man you need to spend lots of time and money trying to appear younger.

Years ago a friend of my dad's and his wife came to dinner one night and the wife ate almost nothing. She was a pretty lady in her late 30's who clearly took care of herself. She had a nice figure and tasteful makeup. She told Mother that she only ate one meal a day on weekdays because she didn't want to get fat and lose her husband. So she spent 5 out of every 7 days starving herself. I was a college student. I remember thinking, if you gain 10 lbs. and your husband starts cheating or asks for a divorce LET HIM GO. He is a SCUMBAG. 

Even today, years later, advertisers still play on fears and make a lot of money off of women's insecurities.

As a feminist, I am horrified.

I don't think the solution is telling women it's OK to "let themselves go" however. I think the solution is far more complicated. We have raised generations of women who are taught from childhood that being fat is not OK, being wrinkled is not OK, and we have to attain a standard of beauty decreed by basically advertisers.

We have to teach our boys to value a woman for reasons other than just looks.

We have to teach females, from day 1, that happiness means not catering to what anyone else wants us to be. We have to teach our little girls to value themselves regardless of what anyone else thinks. We also have to teach them that being alone is OK. You don't have to be "hooked up" or married in order to be happy or have a fulfilling life.

Now, I speak as a reformed woman. I spent 20 years turning myself inside out trying to find happiness by looking perfect. I sought out the right clothes, the right makeup, the best hairstyle, the perfect fitness routine. I was focused on THE HUNT FOR MR. RIGHT - with a laser-like intensity that scared guys half to death. I did internet dating. I went to bars, singles groups at church, hung out at Home Depot looking helpless and wearing tight shirts -- you name it, I tried it.

In the blink of an eye, it seemed, I went from a recent college graduate to a 40 year old, and what did I have to show for it? A string of failed relationships and a nagging sense of failure.

One day I looked in the mirror and realized that all my weight loss had had an unfortunate side effect: I looked more wrinkled. Fat fills wrinkles.  The skinnier I got, the older I looked. This threw me for a loop. Everywhere I went, I looked in the mirror to check my hair and makeup, and this OLD LADY was staring back at me. Slowly, gradually, I fell into despair.

I prayed for a miracle.

God, in his wisdom, answered in a totally unexpected way.

Within a couple of years, I had gained back a lot of the weight I had lost, but I had also shed a lot of insecurity and fear. My focus changed from capturing a man, to taking care of a little girl, and shortly afterwards taking care of my Mom and my new house.

I won't lie. I remember the early days of living in this house, feeling really overwhelmed at times. Alesia had issues. Most post-institutionalized children do have issues. Trying to figure her out was a huge challenge. My Mom fell and broke both shoulders and gradually became less and less able to help me.

You might think letting go of my single life and becoming a mama and a caretaker was not a happy thing. You'd be wrong.

I quit trying to attain some impossible standard of beauty.

I quit looking around the bend for happiness and satisfaction.

I cut my hair short and stopped spending 30 minutes every morning on hair and makeup. I stopped writing down every outfit I wore, every day.

I stopped watching TV almost entirely. There wasn't time.

My whole point is simply this. If your entire sense of self-worth depends on what you see in the mirror, you will NEVER be happy.

If you desperately try to avoid having a turkey neck or looking your age, guess what? You will be engaging in a very frustrating and losing game of whack-a-mole. Let's say you have a wrinkle-free face. Your hands will always show your age. You will constantly have to re-color your hair. If you are determined to be a very skinny old lady, you won't be blessed with fat filling in your wrinkles.

Worst of all, you will not be a happy camper.

If you're married, stop trying to look perfect. Instead, try to love better. Listen better. Like yourself more. Throw out the leg-damaging high heels. Don't try sandblasting the wrinkles. If your husband doesn't love you unless you are busily trying to be a "hottie" LET HIM GO. A good man who truly loves you will not cheat or divorce you if you don't look perfect.

If you are single, embrace yourself. Celebrate your life. Make more friends. Do things you love, just for you. Travel with friends. Plant a garden and share excess produce with neighbors. Volunteer. Strive to be comfortable and to like yourself, and quit worrying about finding a man.

Instead of trying to be "hot" aim for being HEALTHY. Try to walk every day, and eat right, but don't starve yourself or kill yourself at the gym.

The gift of being over 50, for me, is simply this: I like me. I am OK with not being some gorgeous young thing. I have great friends and a loving family, however unconventional. I will never look 18 again and so what?!

I don't fear the wrinkles. They are simply the roadmap of my life.

My Dog Plays X-Box

I got up this morning and found this. Lola has been staying up half the night playing X-Box with Michael. She was exhausted. That Civilization Revolution game is addictive.

I told her that Michael needs his sleep. He doesn't need to stay up all night playing videogames with her. She said she has tried to quit but she can't... and she might need to go to a 12 step program soon... one that supplies donuts to the addicts..

She pointed out that she has been a good influence on him lately. She has gotten him to eat more salads -- spinach and gorgonzola last night, from the restaurant where he works.

Lola loves fruits and vegetables and tries to set a good example for the boy. She will eat broccoli florets all day long.

[We won't mention the unfortunate sight of her in my room the other day sucking on an old banana peel. So unladylike.]

Lola also promised she wouldn't growl at the yard men and attack the back door any more, knocking out the glass panels. (Took Michael and his friend a couple of hours the other day to get the new glass cut and fix the panel.)

She tries to be a good example. In addition to eating broccoli, cucumbers, bananas, and even jalapenos, she exercises me every day, walking me around the neighborhood. In return, when Mother and Michael call Lola fat or make rude remarks about her belly I point out that she is merely BIG BONED. It's a basset hound fact. She can't help it.

She stalks the squirrels in the yard. Her body goes rigid when she sees one on the grass near her. She told me we just need to set some traps and get rid of those pesky squirrels. After all, they are why we can't feed the birds. Lola feels like it would only take 2-4 squirrels to make her a lovely fur jacket. I pointed out that the squirrels are welcome in our yard and we would never harm them, and she said I was NO FUN AT ALL.

Good thing it's a cool rainy day, the type of day where Lola just lounges on the couch most of the day. She needs her rest after last night's x-box marathon...

A Woman on the Twenty

I was watching the news tonight and there was a story about the movement to put a woman on the US currency.

YES! It's about time. All the bills feature dead white guys.

A Campaign to Put A Woman on the Twenty Dollar Bill explains the idea and the possible candidates.

I personally feel Andrew Jackson should never have been put on a bill. As the New Yorker article explains: "Jackson had strongly opposed the notion of central banking. Plus, he sought—and signed—the Indian Removal Act, which led to the expulsion of Native Americans from their homes."

The Indian Removal Act, resulted in 2-6,000 Native Americans dying on the Trail of Tears. As far as I'm concerned that was genocide.

Of course, I have information that some of those folks removed were my ancestors.

So to me, it's personal.

I say the perfect candidate for the $20 bill is Eleanor Roosevelt. From Wikipedia:

She was the first presidential spouse to hold press conferences, write a syndicated newspaper column, and speak at a national convention. On a few occasions, she publicly disagreed with her husband's policies. She launched an experimental community at Arthurdale, West Virginia, for the families of unemployed miners, later widely regarded as a failure. She advocated for expanded roles for women in the workplace, the civil rights of African Americans and Asian Americans, and the rights of World War II refugees.

Following her husband's death, Eleanor remained active in politics for the rest of her life. She pressed the United States to join and support the United Nations and became one of its first delegates. She served as the first chair of the UN Commission on Human Rights, and oversaw the drafting of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Later she chaired the John F. Kennedy administration's Presidential Commission on the Status of Women. By the time of her death, she was regarded as "one of the most esteemed women in the world" and "the object of almost universal respect".

Signs of Hope

Ever have a day when you don't feel so hot and everything seems to be weighing you down? I had that kind of day yesterday.

There was nothing particularly wrong -- well other than the ongoing concern about money -- but it wasn't a happy day.

Michael can be a snarling bucket of bile when he doesn't get enough sleep and/or doesn't eat enough. Right now the boy is never home for meals and when he does come in he wants peanut butter crackers and/or sugary stuff like cookies and brownies. I'm usually in bed asleep at midnight when he's eating dinner. He won't take a vitamin. So add malnourishment to the list.

And it's not like there's not healthy food available. There's a big bowl of green bean salad in the fridge -- which he loves and I made specially for him -- plus carrots, cucumbers - plenty of good stuff available. Normally he's good about eating veggies.

I have tried to explain how he is Jekyll/Hyde depending on if he's gotten enough sleep or food, but since he doesn't have to deal with himself he doesn't realize it.

So yesterday every word out of his mouth was putrid. Plus my sinuses were bothering me. And I was retaining water. And I had some indigestion.

And it was HOT. Winter? That was last week. I was loathe to turn on the air conditioner but the house was stuffy and even with windows open the circulation of air isn't great.

Towards the late afternoon, when I had just about had enough drama, I walked out the front door to take Lola on a short walk.

As I stepped out of the door I heard a whooshing of wings and I looked to my right. A beautiful, big red cardinal flew towards the porch and turned to fly right towards me, staring me down, then banked sharply to the right and flew away. It happened in just a second.

Now, I take cardinals as signs of hopefulness.

It felt like God was sending me a sign, saying "OK Dee, I know it's a sucko day, but hey, DON'T give up! Here's a reminder that things will be OK!"

Thanks, God. Thanks cardinal.

photo by Linda Hasty Harris

[BTW if you want to follow my blog on Bloglovin, it's a great way to keep up with my posts! <a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/6464667/?claim=jujr465g2bf">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>]

Elton John -- My Hero

I heard yesterday about the controversial remarks made by Italian designers Dolce and Gabbana and Sir Elton's John's response and I thought to myself "GO ELTON!"

You can read about the controversy here. In a nutshell, the Italian designers said they oppose building families through IVF [in-vitro fertilization] calling children conceived that way "synthetic."

Elton: "How dare you refer to my beautiful children as 'synthetic'. And shame on you for wagging your judgemental little fingers at IVF - a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfill their dream of having children," he said Sunday on Instagram.

The CNN article went on to say: "By Sunday afternoon the hastag #BoycottDolceGabbana had been used more than 14,000 on Twitter by supporters including celebrities Ricky Martin, Al Roker and Courtney Love. Tennis star Martina Navratilova tweeted her support for John's post, saying "My D&G shirts are going in the bin — don't want ANYONE to wear them."

There are several aspects of this I want to comment on, because I have strong opinions here.

One: Families Should Be Made Out of Love

People [gay or straight] who truly want to be parents should NOT be criticized for building families through IVF. I personally would hope that more couples would adopt but I do not judge anyone for choosing IVF. If I had been trying to conceive and faced that nightmare I probably would have tried IVF. Most non-adoptive parents just don't realize that you can love an adopted child every bit as much [or more] than a biological child. Love has nothing to do with biology. I do not judge people who choose not to adopt however.

Many many children have been started through IVF, including Al Roker's children. He said this morning on Today that his oldest daughter was adopted and his younger two were conceived through IVF and they are certainly all loved and very much HIS children. Al: In spite of what @dolcegabbana think, my beautiful IVF children are not "synthetic children". I agree with @eltonjohndotcom

Dolce then yesterday tried to backpedal and said he "wasn't judging other people's choices."

Well, yeah, actually, you WERE judging. Calling a child "synthetic" sounds pretty dang judgmental to me.

My mother told me years ago, NEVER criticize someone's spouse or children, no matter what they say about them. Their anger is most likely temporary but your ugly words will be remembered. Besides, it's just plain rude to say something like that.

TWO: Freedom of Speech Doesn't Mean Freedom From Consequences

Supporters of Dolce and Gabbana are chiming in to say they should be allowed to believe what they want and say what they want.

Well yes, absolutely they should have the right to say whatever ignorant or hateful thing they want to say. That doesn't absolve them from the consequences of what was said, however. Elton also has a right to fire back at them.

THREE: The World is Changing And We Have to Deal

When I was growing up I only knew one family where the parents were divorced. As I moved into teen years, I gradually heard about other families that included parents who were divorced, but it wasn't all that common. Nowadays there are many families of divorce. Is that good or bad? It's not for me to say. I've never been married. I have no right to judge.

I have straight friends and relatives who don't think gay people should have children. However, they are not violent, hate-filled people. We just disagree. I have a dear friend who is gay but feels like children should only be raised by straight people. I find that opinion puzzling and wrongheaded but there again, we can agree to disagree.

I don't have to agree with someone's views to respect them. I have friends all over the spectrum, from very liberal to very conservative. I truly believe in a hundred years this controversy over how families are formed will be as archaic and laughable as the controversy of 1915 wherein it was considered scandalous and indecent for a woman to appear in public wearing anything other than a skirt or dress. Women who wanted the simple right to vote were considered by many men to be dangerous radicals. Thank goodness things have changed.

I would say Dolce and Gabbana have little common sense when it comes to fashions -- obviously they don't care about offending people:

Mapping the Future

I was straightening books tonight and I realized, with some tinge of nostalgia, that there was absolutely no need for the Rand McNally road atlas of Atlanta.

Nobody uses road atlases any more. Nobody uses paper maps. My son thinks anything not computerized is hopelessly Luddite. He relies on the computer for everything. 

I have a friend who gave her daughter directions, verbally, last week, and her daughter ignored her. She Googled the name of her destination and then went to the wrong place because Google told her to go there – to the wrong location in a dicey part of town, where she wrecked her car.

I will never forget Michael’s 2^nd or 3^rd night delivering food for Bambinelli’s and he called me, frantic, because his GPS had not been able to tell him how to get on 285 and get to Buford Highway. I talked him through it and he got straightened out.

I’ve told  him several times to sit down and look at a map of Atlanta, and get in his head a picture of the streets and how they’re laid out, to get a clear sense of direction. He doesn’t listen. He is 18 and of course people that age think they know it all and their parents are pitifully clueless.

I was telling Mother last night, he hates school because it is dull, much of the time. He expects to be entertained.

I grew up knowing school contained a lot of drudgery and you just had to get through it and get decent enough grades to keep the parents happy. You read the facts, you memorize them, and you spit them back on the test. I made good grades and learned very little of anything in school.

Most of my education has come from reading and studying on my own. Most of what I know of history I learned from reading historical novels. I learned world geography from studying the world map in my cubicle when I worked for the hotel company, and studied my routes to adopt my children. Studying alongside my kids when they had geography tests also helped my knowledge.

I would never have dreamed of defying my parents and refusing to go to college. I knew they worked hard to get themselves through school and they expected me to be grateful for their sacrifices that allowed them to give me an education.

Education in a formal sense is not always the best way to learn though. I know that.

Learning is a lifelong process, or it should be, and learning how to learn and take pleasure in it is critical to a happy life.

What astonishes me sometimes is that children now are accustomed to videogames that move quickly. Michael loves playing videogames and he learns exponentially fast because he wants to win. Books and teachers simply don’t spark his active mind like games.

So why doesn’t some computer whiz somewhere simply make up games that are truly fun and will help kids learn? Michael has been playing an X-box game called Civilization Revolution but got frustrated because he couldn’t figure out how to win quickly enough.

But back to the maps. This really bothers me, on several levels. What if a giant asteroid knocks out cell phones one day in the not-so-distant future, and people  cannot read maps? How will they find anything?

How many Michaels are out there, bored by school because they crave the excitement and stimulation of videogames?

I worry, too, about the sensory overload. Michael and I went to Publix today and split up the grocery list, which makes for faster shopping. I nearly got sideswiped by him in the cleaning products aisle, because he had earplugs in and was listening to “music.” He was shopping and listening at the same time – and looking at the list on his phone.

He does have decent enough manners to pull those things out of his ears when I need to talk to him, and did so when we got to the checkout line.

Are we raising generations that cannot slow down enough to savor things in life, to really notice things?

Are they going to be able to develop a love of learning after their formal schooling is done?

I am demographically a tail-end baby boomer. My father didn’t fight in World War II but he was in the Army during the Korean War. I grew up without a computer in the house -- or a microwave oven, a VCR, a food processor, or a riding lawn mower. We had one TV for most of my growing up years, and we got two channels clearly, and one fuzzy.

My idea of great excitement as a kid was getting to do one of three things: go roller skating, go swimming, or go to the movies.

I didn’t run around taking photos on my phone all the time, but I have very vivid memories.

I can close my eyes and remember the tiny shopping cart I got to push in Carpenter’s when I was a small child. I recall how it felt to be carried in Dad’s arms, out into the ocean. I can recall the taste of an icy cold Coca Cola in a glass bottle. I have made thousands of mud pies.

I have stretched out on a blanket and gazed up at the sky, perfectly content to watch the clouds drift past.

Do kids still do any of those things?

Do they still read books and see the stories unfolding in their imagination?

Will they ever marvel at the smell of their babies’ heads, or the smell of city pavement after a summer rain, or a pound cake baking in the oven?

I know I am getting old. I get advertising flyers in the mail all the time for hearing aid places, retirement homes, and skincare products guaranteed to erase wrinkles.

I know how to read a map, though.

There are at least a dozen songs I can sing all the way through.

I can make a complete dinner from scratch, without even using a recipe or giving it much thought.

Will future generations have these skills?!

I hope and pray that at some point my son and my friend’s daughter, and all the other teens and twenty-somethings out there will want to back away from all the electronics and simply savor life at a slower pace.

I hope they will learn to love learning.

Maybe before all of us baby boomers are dead and gone we can pass on a love and reverence for life in the slower lane – at least some of the time -- for a change of pace… or when the power goes out and there’s no WiFi…

photo by Lisa Amos

Eight Years Ago

It seems unreal that exactly 8 years ago at this time I was in Petropavlovsk, Kazakhstan adopting my son Michael. The time has flown by.

I wrote about this anniversary last year and included a lot of photos.

I remember being so startled by the weather in Petropavlovsk. It was freezing cold and snowy. The buildings, like buildings in Russia, were warm or even hot. Outside was yucko. Every time I left the hotel I wore my Crocs rain boots. Lots of snow, frozen slush, mud, etc.

By contrast, the high today in Atlanta is 52. The high Sunday is supposed to be 75. That's the March weather I am used to experiencing.

In the fall of 2005 I had seen Michael's photo on the Adoption Ark website, and I knew immediately he was my son. He was born the same month my father died, July of 1996. In fact, Michael was born one week after Dad died. Included in the information was this sentence, which tore at my heart: "Everyone that knows Igor is desperate to find him a family because he is such a special boy."

After much prayer, scrambling to find the money for the adoption fees, and even the writing of my book Jack's New Family, to help him transition, I was ready to go to Kazakhstan.

For over a year, the good folks at the Antares Foundation had emailed me photos of "Igor" -- his birthname. Below, one of the photos. I studied each photo over and over.

I remember our first meeting like it was yesterday. We were in a small conference room in the orphanage, the translator, me, the assistant head of the orphanage. I had photo albums on the table. I had barely slept the night before.

In came one of the caretakers and a tiny boy with a burr haircut.

Michael was SO small -- not like the 10 year olds here. He was the size of an American first grader. Shy, too. Barely said a word during that meeting.His first question to me? "How OLD are you?!"

I told him that day that I had to have 2 hugs every day, and he hugged me without reservation. I visited him every day for the next three weeks, and on April 3, 2007 the judge said he was my son.

Happiest day of my life. [Equally as happy as the day in Russia when I became a mom for the first time.]

Happy anniversary, Michael. Here's to 8 more great years!

Broken Glass

It's been a really quiet week. I've been working on some writing projects and I've got a work from home assignment. I guess it was time for a little drama around here.

The yard service I use hasn't had much to do this winter, of course, but I keep them on because they are reliable and keep the yard neat. I talked to the head guy late yesterday afternoon and explained we needed the big hydrangea behind Mother's window cut back, so she can see out. The bushes in the front had gotten really scraggly, too. So the yard guys were tasked with more than their usual stuff.

While they worked, I was here at the computer in my room, and Lola was downstairs barking furiously. I didn't pay any attention, because she barks like that at any human who comes into our yard. They finally finished and she quit and came up to my room and jumped on the bed and went to sleep. Barking is exhausting. This is her pattern.

A little while later I got up and noticed that she was licking her front paw a lot. That's when I noticed the old blanket I keep on my bed to protect the spread had blood on it. I grabbed some paper towels and looked at the paw. She cut the pad on the bottom. I got the blood stanched and called a friend who is a vet. I texted her a photo of the paw. She said it's nearly impossible to stitch that area because the moment the dog walks on it the stitches pop, and it's hard to keep a dog real quiet and still long enough for healing. I got a bandage on her foot -- twice -- and it fell off both times as soon as she walked.

Lola hadn't cried or yelped when she cut the foot, and wasn't crying or seeming particularly upset when I was doctoring on her.

When I went downstairs a little later to finish dinner, I realized what had happened. Lola had hit the back door so hard she broke one of the glass panels in the door.

Fortunately we have a neighbor who does handyman work and he's going to come and fix the door today.

Lola's paw stopped bleeding pretty quickly and she seems totally fine this morning, although a lot more quiet than usual. I gave her some sliced avocado last night at dinner. It's full of vitamins and hopefully it will help with healing. I don't think the vet can do anything but if she seems worse of course I will take her to the vet.

In other news... Michael has become obsessed with an X-Box game called Civilization. He gets some history lessons there which is great, but playing X-Box all night is not conducive to good study and work habits. I keep trying to get him to get into better sleeping and eating patterns but it's an uphill battle. He's a teenager.

Mother isn't feeling well this morning.

It occurred to me the other day, I am trying to care for an 81 year old and an 18 year old, and I am right in the middle. Both ages have their particular issues. Mother is a lot more reasonable, of course. She doesn't throw dirty clothes on the floor, play with her phone constantly, call everything "stupid," stay up half the night playing videogames, or talk obsessively about her next tattoo. It would make a funny sort of Freaky Friday movie if she changed places with Michael for a day, though. I am thinking she would ace his schoolwork and he would put the X-Box on the TV in her room, and there would be all sorts of hilarity.

And I would still be in the middle. On second thought.... maybe not. Let's just go with the status quo...