Michael got his GED in the mail yesterday and I texted him excitedly. He was at the mall with a friend, playing Airsoft guns. I don't understand the fascination with that but whatever. It's a Boy Thing, obviously.
He told me if it weren't for his hand he would join the military. I understand that -- his best friend is fixing to go off to basic training -- but for selfish reasons I am so glad he won't ever be accepted into the military. People with one hand just don't get in. Period. He won't ever go to war, which is a huge relief. He can shoot BB pellets all day instead and I'm good with that. [As long as he doesn't hit innocent bystanders or animals, of course...]
My brother spent 2008 in Iraq and I NEVER want to repeat the stress of that terrible year. Living in fear, all the time. Military families have to be incredibly brave and strong, let me tell you.
I also hate the thought of Michael being in a potentially stressful or traumatic situation and of course the military will always have times when those situations are unavoidable. [I am not anti-military, just stating a fact here.] Michael has already had too much trauma in his life.
Sometimes I feel like I have been through a lot of trauma in my life but it's nothing compared to what my kids lived through. I was never left alone for hours when I was a toddler, for instance. I have all 4 limbs. I've never been starved or lived on the streets. I knew my father and he was a solid force in my life.
Raising a child who has gone through severe early trauma is not easy, even when they are 18. Stuff comes up all the time. We got into a shouting match the other day, but afterwards I really regretted it, because the main reason Michael was being obstinate was he hadn't eaten. I later apologized for shouting and told him I loved him.
Old school parents would've handled it quite differently, I know. My mom and I discussed that. Men tend to correct more harshly. I try to cut Michael a lot of slack, remembering what all the parenting guides for adoptive kids say -- parent with love and understanding and you will get a lot farther. It works with him.
Of course, every child is different, and there are really no hard and fast rules.
I know the more he gets outside and the more he exercises, the happier he is, so I encourage those activities. Below, whitewater rafting a few years ago...
