The Crab Chronicles

This and That

Very little to report.I have been a zombie all day. I woke up this morning at 5:07 and could not get back to sleep. So I am wiped out tired. I am just trying to get my room cooled down to less oven-like temperatures so I can sleep tonight.

After cleaning out the filter, I had hoped my air conditioning woes were over but apparently not. We've had a spell of really hot days here lately [think 85-90 degrees!] and the window unit just isn't getting it done. I called a guy today who will come out tomorrow and give us an estimate on a new system for the upstairs.

If we can finance it, we are going for it.

Most summers I am in an office all day, or at least part of the day, and I come home from work, change clothes, start the window unit, and my room is cool by bedtime. This summer, I am working from home, at least through July and possibly beyond that, and I cannot think what I'm doing if I'm sweating to death. Even with a box fan blowing right on me, it's TOO HOT.

It's not a dry heat, either.

 

In my never-ending quest to learn more about magnesium deficiency I came across a fascinating article, 7 Signs You're Not Getting Enough Magnesium. Fascinating. Interestingly, peanuts have a TON of magnesium. Ditto for oatmeal. Gotta get to the store.

 

My son has a terrible time finding long pants that fit, and my brother sent him some new black pants, and they FIT! Michael was delighted. Yay Uncle Bruce!

Cleaning Out and Eating Magnesium

I always try to have a clean house but my efforts always fall far short of perfection. Michael and Mother help me when they can, but certain things are hard for them.

I noticed the last time I vacuumed that it wasn't picking up very well. I remember calling my neighbor Vinny a year or so ago and asking him if he could fix our vacuum, which seemed to be non-usable. He is a handyman and a super nice guy. He came down and looked at the vacuum, which is a "bagless" model, and said "Dee, if you don't clean it out, it won't pick up." He proceeded to clean out about 10 lbs. of dog hair, dust, etc. out of it. I felt like an idiot. So this morning I got the bright idea of cleaning it out again.

Let me just say this: it was a teachable 15 minutes or so. I have small hands, which helped me get it clean. A knitting needle also helped. When it was all done, I had enough hair to put together another Lola.

This was after last night's somewhat humiliating call, again, with Vinny. I told him my window unit air conditioner in my room wasn't working and asked him if he could come take a look. He said yes, but asked if I had cleaned the filter recently.

Filter? That thing has a filter?

I said um.... NOPE. Let me call you back.

The filter on the air conditioner was disgusting. Took me ten minutes and some hard scrubbing to get it clean.

I called Vinny back and thanked him, again. Told him not to bother coming over.

The house we live in has one heating system for the entire house, but there were two different air conditioners, one for the upstairs and one for the downstairs. I don't know why it was set up that way. Perhaps, that was done because the house is almost 2700 square feet and it was just cheaper or more efficient. Who knows. The upstairs air conditioner died about 2 1/2 years ago and I just decided to use window units in the bedrooms, until I could save up for a new central air conditioner. It has not been fun, the past two summers, but we tend to stay downstairs during the hottest part of the afternoon.

Of course, Michael spends most summer days at the pool, either lifeguarding or just hanging out.

This summer will be pretty different because I will be working from home. I have two part-time work-from-home jobs, which is a blessing right now. I can check on Mother many times a day, this way. Financially, they don't pay as well, but we are getting by and that's all that matters. My expenses are lower. I eat lunch at home. Instead of getting a full tank of gas every week I am getting one every 6 weeks or so, which is great. We are also eating dinner out far less because I feel like cooking more. In fact, we rarely eat dinner out now, except for the Friday sandwiches.

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I am trying to greatly up my consumption of magnesium. I've read a number of articles that point out that most of us don't get enough magnesium in our diets, like this one. So I have been keeping a journal and trying to keep track of all the magnesium-rich foods I eat and how much of the RDA they are giving me. A typical list [which is not everything I eat all day, but a lot of what I eat] looks like this:

Vitamin          25%

Black beans     30%

Avocado        15%

Banana           15%

Yogurt            10%

This is a partial list of all the great things magnesium does for our bodies:

• Gives rigidity AND flexibility to your bones (more important than Calcium in many cases)
• Increases bioavailability of calcium
• Regulates and normalizes blood pressure
• Prevents and reverses kidney stone formation
• Promotes restful sleep
• Helps prevent congestive heart failure
• Eases muscle cramps and spasms
• Lowers serum cholesterol levels and triglycerides
• Decreases insulin resistance
• Can prevent atherosclerosis and stroke
• End cluster and migraine headaches
• Enhances circulation
• Relieves fibromyalgia and chronic pain
• Treats asthma and emphysema
• Helps make proteins
• Encourages proper elimination
• Prevents osteoporosis
• Proper Vitamin D absorption
• protection from radiation
• To aid weight loss
• Lessen or remove ADD or ADHD in children
• in proper digestion of carbohydrates
• emerging evidence is showing a preventative role in many cancer

Unlike in the past when I have tried to eat more healthfully, keeping my magnesium levels up has to be a lifestyle change, a permanent change. I am learning to embrace the spinach, black beans, etc. Fresh spinach sauteed in a little olive oil, fresh garlic, and balsamic vinegar is SO yummy. I have some almost every night now.

I even added Epsom salts [a great source] to all the plants in my gardens. One of my cousins said it would do great things for my plants. Hopefully so -- they are already seeming more hardy and lush, after just a few days..

The magnesium in our soils is often depleted, and even fresh produce can be deficient in it, unfortunately..

I am trying to up the magnesium through food instead of supplements because the supplements tend to bring on hot flashes, which I don't need. Interestingly, since I've been eating a more magnesium-rich diet, the hot flashes have decreased a lot, which is great.

Of course, the highs for the next few days are going to be close to 90, so I will be doing a LOT of sweating anyway..

Below, the cute birdbath my brother gave Mom for Mother's Day. I put it together yesterday and set it up with no help. Hopefully all the birds in the yard will be cleaner now.

Happy Mother's Day!

Weapons for Fighting Experience

This blog is addressed specifically to my son and his friends who are graduating in a couple of weeks, or next year, or who graduated last year.

Being 17, 18, 19 years old – those are really tough years. You’re not a child. You’re not really an adult – don’t argue; you’re not. Trust me.

You’re in a weird purgatory, neither fish nor fowl. Suddenly there are too many choices, too many temptations, and you don’t want to listen to your parents. Your peers -- despite being as clueless as you are – seem to be your best bet. You want their advice and counsel. You are sure the parents, because they are so far removed from your age, are sadly and utterly ignorant of the real world, your world.

In a way, you are right. Most of us look back at our younger selves and think whew, glad that part of my life is over. Glad I got through it. Don’t want to go back. Don’t ever want to revisit that again.

But you are also wrong, very wrong. Your parents are very wise.

I am here to take your hand and tell you some things, because although I cannot shield you from anything, I can give you weapons for your coping arsenal, weapons that will be very valuable to you one day.

Here’s the hard part about being a parent to a 17-19 year old. We know a lot of stuff. We’ve lived through a lot. Experience has taught us things about life that we never would have learned any other way. Books, teachers, ministers, parents – none compare with the master teacher, Experience. None are that brutal, either.

You are going to face some awful things in the next few years, courtesy of Experience.

How are you going to react when Experiences overwhelm you??

The easiest thing to do when Experience comes for you is to lie down, to not fight, to let Experience roll all over you and pummel you until you cannot see straight. That’s easy. It will be overwhelmingly tempting to surrender to Experience.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you?! Breaks your heart? You want to stay in bed all day and pull the covers over your head?

That’s what I mean by Experience getting the better of you.

The much harder reaction is to step back. Stepping back without tears, without wailing to the heavens, without crying in your beer – tough to do. Very tough. Very necessary, though.

You are probably focusing on Work. What am I going to do? What career path is right for me? Where am I going to live? How can I make a lot of money but still have time to have fun?

All these questions are whirling around in your head, and they weigh a lot and probably give you a headache.

The other big headache-maker is Dating. Who will ask me out? How will I find somebody to date? Should I have sex? Should I use the word love? Should I let them see me naked?

Huge thoughts. Heavy thoughts. I remember being obsessed over how I looked, because I desperately wanted a boyfriend.

I remember watching how girls in my dorm handled stress – usually with large bowls of M&M’s or potato chips. I did that too. Not healthy.

You will always be tempted to do unhealthy things when life sucks.

Bad grades, bad friends, money woes, family issues, car trouble – all these and many more WILL happen. That’s life. You cannot control the fact that those Experiences are going to occur.

You CAN control how you react to them.

Here’s my advice about what you have to do to keep your sanity, and to not let Experience destroy you:

1. Ask yourself this: will I care about this in ten years? Likely the answer is no, you won’t even remember it. Do you remember stuff that upset you in 3^rd grade? Likely not. So why obsess?
2. Accept the fact that people will say and do mean things to you. People you care about will betray you. Not everyone is a good person. Distance yourself from people who cause you pain. Get away from them, as far away as possible. Try to take comfort from the fact that shaking off their negative influence is the best revenge. They cannot hurt you if you don’t let them.
3. Not feeling good about yourself? Give yourself an hour to wallow, and then STOP. Act like you don’t care, for a while. Just exist. Stop the negative, worrying thoughts. Instead of DANG LIFE SUCKS! Replace that thought with Life sucks right now but it won’t always suck. Give yourself a pep talk, even if you don’t believe it. The cliché is also a truism: fake it til you make it, and guess what? One day you really won’t let those negative things drag you down.
4. Practice gratitude. Lie down or sit down in a comfortable place and close your eyes. Visualize all the people and things in your life you are grateful for, one thing at a time. If you are a spiritual person, give thanks to God for those things. Slowly think about and consider each thing. My thought process goes something like this: thank you, Lord, for my comfortable bed; thank you for my loving Mom; thank you for this lovely day, filled with flowers and sunlight; thank you for the love of my children; thank you for sending wonderful friends to me.
5. Just like a car needs fuel to operate efficiently, so do you. Feed your body healthful, nutritious food, and you will be rewarded. Stuffing your face with Doritos and Cheetos and chocolate may seem like great fun until you realize how lousy you feel later, and how tight it makes your pants. Spinach, kale, tomatoes, peppers – those are rocket fuel for your body. Right now you probably have the best body of your life, but you can make it even better by putting high-octane fuel in it.
6. Get out of your head by reading a book. Movies and music are great distractions but nothing gets you out of your own head better than a good book. If you have nothing to read, go to the library. Ask friend for book suggestions – in person, on Facebook, wherever. Books are a unique gift because they let us travel the world and have incredible experiences, inside our own heads. Getting some distance from your problems by reading isn’t running away, it’s giving your mind a break.
7. Exercise. I know, you probably hate doing it. I HATED exercise when I was your age. I didn’t mind swimming, or playing volleyball or basketball with my friends. I didn’t mind walking a few blocks to sit and look at the river. I didn’t mind going roller skating. Exercise doesn’t have to be boring, or even expensive. Take a walk.
8. Do something for someone else. My mother told me many times over the course of my life that the best way to cope is to be of service to others. You don’t have to find a soup kitchen and slave away there for hours. Go to the store and buy some flowers for a friend. Make up your roommate’s bed. Take a walk and pick up any litter you see. Call your mother or grandmother and say “Hi, I just wanted to hear your voice. What’s going on in your world?!” They will be happy to hear from you, trust me.
9. Sign up for a yoga class. I don’t do yoga but I want to, one day. It’s a healthful, peaceful way to bring balance to your body and mind, and to release tension.
10. Pray. Even if you don’t believe in God, or you doubt there is a God, address your prayer to “whatever force is in the universe that works for good.” You know there are powerful forces for good in the world, so name that force whatever you’re comfortable with – God, Jesus, Goddess, Jehovah, etc. Ask God [or Yoda or whatever you call the force for good] to simply show you the best way to live. You don’t have to get down on your knees, or quote a specific bible verse, or really do anything specific. Ask for guidance. Ask for peace to fill your heart so you will have room for good things.

If negative feelings are burning you up inside, turn those over to God, and mentally walk away. God can handle anything. While he’s working the problem, you go read a book, or eat a salad, or call your Mom. Don’t think about the problem. God will show you the solution, at the right time. All you have to do is let go and trust.

 

It has taken me many years to come up with this list. Maybe the reason I wrote this is because I needed to remind myself of these things. That’s OK. The older I get the more I am amazed and grateful for the many ways God works in my life.

Writing is a gift God has given to me, and it’s a gift that’s essential to my well-being. If I can write about something awful, I can get some perspective, even if I never show anyone what I’ve written. [This could be number #11 on the list but I like to hold it to 10, a nice round number.]

A Final Thought…

Don’t be in a huge hurry to barrel through your life. You have lots of time.

As you go through the world, don’t forget to savor and cherish every lovely day, every laugh, every hot shower, every delicious cup of tea, every sweet friend who wishes you Happy Birthday – in other words, the simple things. The best things in life truly are these simple things.

One day you will likely find yourself in a hospital bed at 50, or 60, or 90, and wish you had cherished more people, paid attention to more glorious days, looked for God in more places, and loved bigger and better.

Remember: Love is an active verb. Show it, accept it, exercise it, cherish it. Remember to love yourself, because that will attract the love of others. Love is the greatest gift from God and the most powerful force around. In the end, it’s the only thing that really matters.

image credit: Michael Thompson

Career Corner: Librarian/Media Specialist

Every time I hear the word "librarian" I think of the song from The Music Man, Marian the Librarian. I did that show in high school. Of course, librarians are far more than their stereotype portrayed in the media.

I should know. I have a cousin who has been working at the same library for over 40 years, having attained a really good position now, despite the fact her degree is not in library science. One of my aunts [other side of the family] has a degree in library science but has never actually worked as a librarian. I have several friends who are adoptive moms, who are librarians. Actually, I think the correct term nowadays is Media Specialist..

My friend Jill is a fellow adoptive mom, and graciously answered my questions about her profession.

  1.     What do you do?

I am a librarian/library branch manager. 

 

2.     How long have you been doing this?

I have been a librarian in the same library system for 25 years, and a manager for 10 years. I started as a children's librarian, but switched to an adult librarian when I became a manager.  My library system has 23 branches, and I have worked at 4 of them throughout the years.

 

3.     What made you choose this as a career?

I started college planning to go into elementary education. After my first semester, I switched to School Media Services (school librarian).  I was a School Media Specialist for 4 years, before becoming a librarian in a public library.

 

4.     What type of schooling or training did you need to do your job?

A Master's degree in Library Science is required by my system to be a librarian. (some don't require master's degrees) I also have an undergraduate degree in School Media Services. Many librarians with an MLS have an undergraduate degree in something other than school media or library. I'm the exception! 

 

5.     Describe some of the typical activities you do every day.

As a librarian, my main job is assisting patrons. Some are looking for recreational reading, some are working on reports/homework. Sometimes the person has a specific book/author they want, other times they have a theme/genre they enjoy, and ask for recommendations. The library also circulates DVD's, music cd's, and books on cd. Patrons can download free music from the library. Patrons can also access books electronically to read on their iPad or other eReader. The library has computers that access the Internet, so many people need assistance in this area. Some are completing job applications or completing resumes. Some are opening email accounts for the first time.  I assist any of the above. Many times it's a quick interaction, but I might spend up to 30 minutes with the same patron.   There is also programming, for both children and adults. When I was a children's librarian, I used to plan and execute programs for preschoolers.  The branch where I work now offers 3 sessions of preschool programs each week, as the demand is that great. There isn't as much adult programming, but we do offer an adult book discussion group once a month.  

 

6.     What is your favorite part about this job?

My favorite part of the job is interacting with people, especially children. I meet new and interesting people every day.

 

7.     What is your least favorite part of the job?

My least favorite part of the job is dealing with those "difficult" patrons, or having to explain a policy to someone who doesn't agree with it. 

 

8.     What would you say to a young person contemplating this career?

Being a librarian isn't all "sitting at a desk and reading the books"!  It offers a wide variety of options, such as school librarian, public librarian, academic librarian, law librarian, and more. It is becoming much more technical too, so if computers are your thing, being a librarian can still be an option. 

 

9.     If you had it to do all over again would you still choose this career?

Definitely

 

10.  Why or why not?

After 25 years, I'm still enjoying what I do, and I don't know that a lot of people can say that about their career.  The profession has changed enough to keep things fresh, and as I said earlier, you meet different people, so each day is a little different. 

 

11.    How do you see this career changing [if any] in the next ten years?

Libraries are expanding to include computers, computer labs, 3-D printers, and more technology. There is also a lot more outreach.  Libraries are also becoming gathering places for families and groups, so the quiet library of the past is long gone!  

 

12.    What’s the best career advice anyone ever gave you?

My dad always told me to do what I love, and don't worry as much about the money. 

 

Now I've got the song stuck in my head so here's Marian the Librarian.. LOL

 

 

Random Stuff

It's only May 5 and our highs all week are going to be in the early 80's. That's OK. That's getting us ready for the hot summers we have down here. I can tolerate the hot summers just fine. I always tease my friends up north and say words to the effect of "Hey, I can always just turn on the fan or the air conditioner when I get uncomfortably hot but in winter I'm comfortable. NOT shoveling snow."

My mom and I have an uneasy truce established when it comes to regulating heat and air downstairs. (She never comes upstairs.) I am menopausal and she is 81. When I sit down to dinner every night I am usually hot because I've been running around, and Mom sits right next to the air conditioning vent. We have worked out a way of shooting most of the cold air on me and I drape a blanket around her. I really just need to put a fan downstairs that can blow directly on me when I am down there working, and the rest of the area can stay a comfortable 78-85 for her. It's a balancing act.

I just watched 5 minutes of an Owen Wilson movie and as I type I am hearing his nasal voice saying every word. Disconcerting.

I made a big pasta salad last night and although Michael had to work, when he got home he ate a huge bowl of it. Usually my pasta salads are pretty bland. Since I have stopped eating pasta and bread [wheat products cause digestion issues] I am making pasta salad more spicy. I used elbow macaroni -- the traditional pasta for us -- and added mayo, fresh lemon juice, a little sesame oil, chopped red onion, diced cooked asparagus, diced pepperoni, diced jalapenos, lots of onion and garlic powders, pepper and salt. As he was eating last night I asked him if he liked it. "Needs more pepperoni. Needs more everything," was the response. "Well, tomorrow you can jazz it up any way you like," I replied. He is like Bruce. He likes spicy, complicated flavors.

Michael fixed himself scrambled eggs the other day and added lots of chopped onion and tomato. Hey, whatever -- healthy veggies are great.

When we moved in here 10 years ago and got the yard professionally landscaped we planned two flower beds out front that would be replanted twice a year. In winter we can keep pansies. In summer, we put summer flowers like impatiens. I also put a lot of flowers in pots on the front patio. It gives me great pleasure to see flowers all around the house in the summer. I have not been able to get any flowers yet this spring except the one pot of impatiens and I am itching to get my yard looking more pretty. The azaleas are mostly done, and the roses aren't in full bloom yet. I have to wait until Michael could go with me to help me carry stuff and load it in the car. He promised to go today. I told him his Mother's Day gift to me can be the gift of LABOR. He is fine with that.

Michael had a delivery last night to a Hampton Inn near here and when he finished and came out a guy asked him to jump off his car. Michael said sure, and opened the hood of his Buick -- which he has had for only 6 months - and he didn't see a battery. He said it was a very weird moment. He had to Google it but realized the battery is under the front seat somewhere. Very bizarre. Nobody in our family has ever driven a Buick so it's a learning experience. His car doesn't get great gas mileage but it doesn't get awful mileage either. It's a solid car, a good car for him, for now.

I watched a movie the other day, The Judge, and I don't know why it didn't get more attention when it came out last year because it's a Terrific movie. Robert Duvall got nominated in the Best Supporting Actor category, and he deserved it, but Robert Downey Jr. was terrific and he should've definitely been nominated. I cannot imagine why Steve Carell got nominated for Foxcatcher, a role where he showed almost no emotion whatsoever. Robert Downey Jr. was FAR better in The Judge.

Oh well. Oscars are always political, which is disappointing...

 

Reading for Fun

If there's one coping mechanism that was taught to me early in life it was this: when things are rocky, read a book. Losing oneself in the world of a good book is a singular pleasure that no other experience can really duplicate. I get to travel all over the world, learn about other cultures, experience intrigue, magic, romance, new ideas, mysticism, political machinations, religious controversies -- in short, almost everything that makes life interesting.

I'm not knocking personal experience. No book or photo or collection of words will ever really come close to what it feels like to actually be in a Russian forest or floating on the ocean, or tasting hot fresh brioche in France. I have had all those experiences and they were all magical. They are all imprinted indelibly in my memory. I treasure thousands of memories like that.

However, books expand my world much more.

Early on, my parents read to me. My father used to read to me from the Wall Street Journal to put me to sleep when I was a baby. It still puts me to sleep.

Some of my happiest memories are of sitting in a big easy chair on my grandfather's lap while he read to me from his favorite books, Stories from the Bible, Heidi, Swiss Family Robinson, etc.

My family never took a vacation that we didn't all have to make sure our books were in the car, because reading was a big part of every vacation. Sitting on the beach or on a balcony overlooking the beach, or by the pool -- heavenly. My idea of a perfect day, reading and relaxing.

I am pretty much confined to my little corner of Atlanta right now because I care for my mom -- cooking her meals, helping her dress, bathe, etc. -- and that's OK. I'm not complaining. I don't want to get on a plane and fly anywhere. I don't really even want to drive downtown. The older I get the more I despise being in crowds of people, or around a lot of noise, or anywhere not close to a clean bathroom or water source.

Books get me out and about, though. In a way, books are a godsend. They don't just get me out of my own head and away from my own worries, they soothe me, educate me, and provoke feelings.

Mother reads voraciously. She reads 3-5 books a week. Keeping her in books is a challenge, although the fact that she will use a Kindle really helps. Lots of times I will read a book and then pass it to her, or vice versa, although we don't always like the same books. She likes little murder mysteries and I don't, for instance. One author we both love is Donna Leon who writes a series of murder mysteries set in Venice. I've never been there but Mother has; I now feel like I know Venice a lot, however, based on the Guido Brunetti books.

Donna Ball is another author we both like, particularly her Ladybug Farm series. She lives in Georgia, which shouldn't make any difference but it does; it's fun to read an author who has lived some of the same places and seen some of the same sights as we have.

I recently finished a series of books by author Deborah Harkness, the All Souls Trilogy. I am not a huge fantasy fan, but I decided to try the series because I read an interview with author Jodi Picoult and she said she was reading the final book in the trilogy and enjoying it. So I bought a very used copy of the first book, A Discovery of Witches and within a few pages I was hooked. I have now read all three books in the trilogy and can't wait for her to write more.

Picoult wrote a book I finished recently, Sing You Home, and I loved that book. It was only the second book I've ever read by her, and I can't recall the title of the first one. It was a singular experience, though.

Another author I love is Karen White. I first read her Tradd Street series and loved those books, and most recently I finished A Long Time Gone. It was so good I rationed out my reading time, only letting myself read a chapter after I had finished chores like unloading the dishwasher and taking out the trash.

I am working from home at the moment, doing online grading for a company that does educational testing. One great thing about it is that even though I only take 30 minutes for lunch it's enough time to read a bit while I eat, which breaks up the day very nicely.

If you're going through a rough patch in life, reading is a way to get through it. Read for pleasure, for adventure, for escape. You don't have to read non-fiction but if that's fun for you, go for it. Just read.

one of the half dozen bookcases in my house...

Boy Stuff

Michael got his GED in the mail yesterday and I texted him excitedly. He was at the mall with a friend, playing Airsoft guns. I don't understand the fascination with that but whatever. It's a Boy Thing, obviously.

He told me if it weren't for his hand he would join the military. I understand that -- his best friend is fixing to go off to basic training -- but for selfish reasons I am so glad he won't ever be accepted into the military. People with one hand just don't get in. Period. He won't ever go to war, which is a huge relief. He can shoot BB pellets all day instead and I'm good with that. [As long as he doesn't hit innocent bystanders or animals, of course...]

My brother spent 2008 in Iraq and I NEVER want to repeat the stress of that terrible year. Living in fear, all the time. Military families have to be incredibly brave and strong, let me tell you.

I also hate the thought of Michael being in a potentially stressful or traumatic situation and of course the military will always have times when those situations are unavoidable. [I am not anti-military, just stating a fact here.] Michael has already had too much trauma in his life.

Sometimes I feel like I have been through a lot of trauma in my life but it's nothing compared to what my kids lived through. I was never left alone for hours when I was a toddler, for instance. I have all 4 limbs. I've never been starved or lived on the streets. I knew my father and he was a solid force in my life.

Raising a child who has gone through severe early trauma is not easy, even when they are 18. Stuff comes up all the time. We got into a shouting match the other day, but afterwards I really regretted it, because the main reason Michael was being obstinate was he hadn't eaten. I later apologized for shouting and told him I loved him.

Old school parents would've handled it quite differently, I know. My mom and I discussed that. Men tend to correct more harshly. I try to cut Michael a lot of slack, remembering what all the parenting guides for adoptive kids say -- parent with love and understanding and you will get a lot farther. It works with him.

Of course, every child is different, and there are really no hard and fast rules.

I know the more he gets outside and the more he exercises, the happier he is, so I encourage those activities. Below, whitewater rafting a few years ago...