My friend Maria came over last night and we had a good visit. We have been friends for about 16 years, since we both worked at the same law firm. I hadn't seen her in months. I sent her an email this morning:
Thanks so much for coming over last night. I had gotten pretty isolated in recent months, not going anywhere, just trying to summon the energy every day to do what I had to do to take care of Mother and Michael and Lola. I needed a reminder that I need my friends, too, and God gave me quite a jolting wake-up call with the trip to the hospital. Still feeling pretty weak but I have hope now that I can and will feel better, soon.
My neighbor came over this morning and helped me with wrapping Mother's legs, and took Lola on a short walk. She would've made breakfast, too, except I told her I could handle that. Such a lovely and caring person. So I made breakfast for Mother and myself, then I had to sit down for an hour to rest. That's frustrating.
I am pondering a lot of things, feeling really philosophical this morning. I think everything happens for a reason. Processing an experience like this heart issue is a big job. I used to always be in such a hurry. I am now trying to really notice and savor tiny things, like the bird songs drifting through my window, the velvety texture of Lola's ears, the scent of gardenias when I walk out my front door, and even how much I love hot tea with just a teaspooon of honey. Things I used to take utterly for granted.
Isn't it ironic that now we have passed the half-century mark it's like waking up in a totally different life? The cliche is true, you cannot appreciate anything until you lose it, or almost lose it. I have had a sense for a while that death was nearby, and possibly my time was coming to an end, but of course the thought of leaving my little family, particularly Mother, Michael, and Lola, was nearly unbearable.
So God gave me another chance. I have been reprieved. I don't know for how long, but I am going to try hard and make my life more meaningful. I don't know how it will all work out. I am so grateful, though, to be surrounded by so many caring people.
XOXOXOX
Dee
I had put the blue throw over the loveseat in an attempt to not get dog hair all over Maria -- so Lola of course wanted to get up there with her! She tried to get in Maria's lap, and sniff her face for any errant crumbs...
