The CDC has released a statement which all women of childbearing age need to read carefully: More than 3 million US women at risk for alcohol-exposed pregnancy.
Most birth defects are not preventable. They just happen. Fetal alcohol brain damage is the ONLY 100% preventable birth defect.
"Alcohol use during pregnancy, even within the first few weeks and before a woman knows she is pregnant, can cause lasting physical, behavioral, and intellectual disabilities that can last for a child’s lifetime. These disabilities are known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs). There is no known safe amount of alcohol – even beer or wine – that is safe for a woman to drink at any stage of pregnancy."
What the CDC left out, which I think is important, is an explanation of what FASDs look like. I used to think FASDs meant a child who was simply like Forrest Gump, or had an even lower IQ than that. Since I became an adoptive parent I have commiserated with other adoptive parents -- especially those of children from Eastern Europe -- who see a range of behaviors.
My daughter has normal intelligence, and in some ways is quite smart. I thought for years she didn't have FASD even though I knew her teenaged birthmom was an alcoholic. However, once my daughter became a teenager I realized something quite devastating.
She has a lot of difficulty comprehending cause and effect.
She often cannot remember simple information from one day to the next.
You may think those two things are no big deal but they are HUGE. For instance, if you don't understand cause and effect, you don't remember that using birth control prevents pregnancy. You don't remember that drugs can cause overdoses.
She also has what is called "swiss cheese memory." One day she may know her multiplication tables. The next day she may not. I remember years ago watching her struggle to remember a dance routine she had practiced in class hundreds of times over a period of months. It hurt my heart to see her struggle because she was actually a very good dancer.
I have friends whose children cannot remember to take a shower or brush their teeth every day.
Kids with FAS often break things. My friend Stephanie calls her house "chaos manor" because something is broken there every.single.day.
Adoptive parents often come to understand FAS very well and it breaks our hearts to see our beloved children struggle. Read Stephanie's blog or my friend Cindy LaJoy's blog.
Most tragically, some of our daughters with mild FAS do not understand that 1) they have brain damage; and 2) they must NOT drink alcohol. So I have friends whose daughters get pregnant out of wedlock and do idiotic things like play beer pong, despite carrying a developing fetus. So the child will have the same struggles as the mother, or possibly worse.
It's mentally exhausting trying to raise one of these kids. This is from my friend Cindy LaJoy, about her son Kenny:
"As tired as I am, I can't begin to imagine how tired he is...of never hearing a single thing correctly, of never being able to get directions correct and act on them, of always losing every single thing, of seeing siblings succeed and move gradually into adulthood and talk about things he will never be able to do, of having to choke down and swallow a future that will never look "normal" and try and find meaning and worth in a life that has SO MUCH DEPTH and yet so much that doesn't work right."
So young women, you need to THINK about this. You need to understand how important it is to not even have one beer or one glass of wine if you even THINK you might be pregnant. You are dooming your child to a very tough future. If you DO have a child with FASD it will take a while to figure it out, and then you won't have much help. You cannot get an IEP or a 504 plan for your child based on FASD. You will have an uphill battle to try and get social security disability for the child. Trying to raise that child will mean so much sacrifice. You may lose your boyfriend or your marriage. You may never be able to have a normal social life again.
Worst of all, your child will never be able to meet their full potential in life.
THINK before you DRINK.
