Mom called me in her room the other day and told me that Tom B_____ had died. She had tears in her eyes. I knew it was a difficult thing to tell me, because Tom had been a big part of her life before she married my dad, and they had re-connected not long ago.
You see, many years ago, Tom was ready to marry Mom, and yet my dad beat him to it.
Mom was a beauty, and she fielded several marriage proposals, while still in college. It was 1956, and she was dating both Tom and Dad - pretty common, back then. Dad proposed first.
above, Mom [on the left] on a weekend in the mountains with a boyfriend
I have never dated someone and later regretted the breakup. I always look back and think whew, dodged a bullet there!
I think Mom has always wondered what her life would have been like if she had married Tom and stayed in Atlanta, instead of marrying my dad and moving to Augusta, and then Knoxville, and then back to Augusta. Dad came through with a wedding ring, Christmas of 1956, and she accepted his proposal. It wasn't merely a contest. She loved him. He loved her.
Tom married pretty quickly but then divorced and re-married a few years later. Mom kept up with him through mutual friends.
I was thinking about Tom this morning when I found his obituary, thinking about her choices.
Being married to my dad was - let's just say very difficult, at times. He had a lot of energy and was always a whirling dervish of activity, when he wasn't in the hospital with some medical issue. Dad only had two speeds. Neutral wasn't one of them. Mom's personality was/is much more laid-back. They were temperamental opposites.
I never met Tom but I suspect he was more calm than Dad.
Mom was 22 years old when she had to choose between the two men.
Did she make the right choice? I think so. Despite the ups and downs, my father adored her.
above, at their engagement party
I look back on a lot of life-changing choices I made in my early 20's, and wish I had chosen differently, but then again, I might not have adopted my kids if I had chosen differently.
Faith is the key. Now I always pray when I have a big choice to make. It's absolutely necessary.
I hope and pray my children choose good life partners. No other decision is as key to one's happiness.
