One of the privileges of living with an older person is that you learn so much. My mother doesn't sit with a chalkboard and a lesson plan and teach me, like she did with her students years ago, but she teaches me, nonetheless, and her lessons are always important and profound, in ways I don't always recognize until later.
I was thinking today that perhaps the most important thing she started teaching me when I was small, and still teaches me today, is the importance of showing compassion.
In 2005 my mother and I bought this house together. The plan was for her to help me with childcare for my newly adopted daughter, and for us to help her as she grew older. She had lived alone for nine years after Dad died, but the responsibilities of caring for a large house with a pool were starting to feel really burdensome to her. She also wanted to be close to her granddaughter and I'm sure she knew that I was already contemplating another adoption.
Sadly, just a month after we moved into the house, Mom failed to pick up Alesia from school one day and Alesia called me in a panic. I left work and picked her up and we went home to find Mother lying on the laundry room floor with two broken shoulders. She had been on the floor for several hours by then. (Now, when I leave her alone, she wears a medic alert bracelet.)
The first night Mom was in the hospital, I left her sleeping around 9 and came home to be with my daughter, telling Mom I would return the next morning. Mom awoke around midnight and was on a lot of medication and didn't remember where she was. All she knew was that she was scared and in pain. She tried to remember the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm, but she couldn't think of the words. She got more upset as she struggled to remember, and finally just cried. The nurse came in and said "What's wrong?" and Mom told her she was so upset because she couldn't remember the words to the prayers she had said every night of her life. The nurse said "I will say them with you." She stayed there and said the prayers with Mom, and Mom was able to calm down and go back to sleep.
That story perfectly illustrates why I have great respect and admiration for nurses...
I was thinking this morning about how important compassion is to every human being. I have struggled to raise two children who were often treated with cruelty when they were small and vulnerable, but somehow they also learned compassion, and they are both gentle and compassionate people.
Compassion cannot be taught, not in the way one normally teaches someone something. It's not merely a skill. Compassion has to be received in order to be taught.
I have so many memories of learning it from my parents and others - not in any formal way, but in a thousand small ways. I can recall Dad telling me stories to distract me when I was sick. I can recall my grandmother patiently sitting with me and teaching me to read, when everyone else had given up and I felt incredibly stupid and ashamed. I can remember when I was sick and feverish and Mom would sit by my bedside and wipe off my face with a cold cloth. I remember both of my parents taking homemade meals to families in our neighborhood who had suffered a tragedy or just returned from the hospital. I remember Mom patiently listening to my teenaged friends sit at our kitchen table and pour out their troubled hearts to her, without judgment, so they left feeling relieved. I remember Dad going far out of his way to help customers, even when he wasn't working - and his customers were often older ladies without family in town. I remember my brother as a young lieutenant teaching his soldiers how to stretch their food budgets so their kids wouldn't be hungry at the end of the month. I remember a classmate helping me walk off the playground, to the school clinic, after I was hurt - and she is now a nurse, not surprisingly.
I witnessed all this and I learned that compassion is a magical thing.
Compassion enriches the giver as much as the person who receives it.
I have a friend who is a nurse, and I shared with her the story about the nurse praying with Mom in the hospital. Young nursing students nowadays aren't always given enough practice with real human beings. Sometimes they only learn things on mannequins. That's unfortunate. A mannequin cannot show a nurse the importance of soothing a suffering person so they can relax and heal. A mannequin cannot express gratitude. Nurses are in a unique and remarkable profession because they can make such a huge difference in a person's life.
I know people sometimes wonder why I write this blog. It's not for money or fame. I write for a lot of reasons but I was thinking today that one thing I love to do is pass along little insights that I learn. Learning is a lifelong treasure. If we stop learning, we wither and die inside. Learning is the spark that ignites our spirits and gives us reasons to keep getting up every day and trying.
Compassion is probably the greatest thing we can learn. It's just a breath away from love. Maybe it actually is a kind of love, the purest kind. Maybe we should think of compassion as true agape (a Greek word meaning "love") -
"Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. This Greek word, agápē, and variations of it are frequently found throughout the New Testament. Agape perfectly describes the kind of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for his followers."
There's a lot being written about how important it is to be grateful nowadays. Gratitude IS important. Whenever anything large or small that is good happens to me, I try to remember to thank God, and to reflect on how fortunate I am to have been raised in a loving home by compassionate people. My resolution today is that when I feel tired or frustrated or angry, I need to remember to reach out with compassion, in whatever way I can. I can love on Lola even when she steals food off the table. I can help Mom put on a sweater even when I just want to watch TV. I can call a friend and let them pour out their heart to me on the phone and just listen. I lead a very quiet life, but there are so many ways I can demonstrate compassion, and I want to get better at it.
It's so important also to show compassion, every time we possibly can. Whether it's in a big way - like spending a day cooking for someone you care about who's going through a rough time, or a small way - as in simply showing affection to your family or pets - compassion enriches us. It's just as important for the giver of compassion as the receiver, because compassion heals us. But it's SO powerful, because our example teaches compassion. Compassion soothes our souls like nothing else. Compassion demonstrates the love of Christ for us and through us, and the repercussions are limitless.
If you want to read a wonderful story of compassion, I suggest you read Same Kind of Different As Me. I loved that book so much I bought copies and passed them out to friends and family members. Now it's a movie. Below is a preview. I can't wait to see it.
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The Incredible Magic of Compassion
One of the privileges of living with an older person is that you learn so much. My mother doesn't sit with a chalkboard and a lesson plan and teach me, like she did with her students years ago, but she teaches me, nonetheless, and her lessons are always important and profound, in ways I don't always recognize until later.
I was thinking today that perhaps the most important thing she started teaching me when I was small, and still teaches me today, is the importance of showing compassion.
In 2005 my mother and I bought this house together. The plan was for her to help me with childcare for my newly adopted daughter, and for us to help her as she grew older. She had lived alone for nine years after Dad died, but the responsibilities of caring for a large house with a pool were starting to feel really burdensome to her. She also wanted to be close to her granddaughter and I'm sure she knew that I was already contemplating another adoption.
Sadly, just a month after we moved into the house, Mom failed to pick up Alesia from school one day and Alesia called me in a panic. I left work and picked her up and we went home to find Mother lying on the laundry room floor with two broken shoulders. She had been on the floor for several hours by then. (Now, when I leave her alone, she wears a medic alert bracelet.)
The first night Mom was in the hospital, I left her sleeping around 9 and came home to be with my daughter, telling Mom I would return the next morning. Mom awoke around midnight and was on a lot of medication and didn't remember where she was. All she knew was that she was scared and in pain. She tried to remember the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm, but she couldn't think of the words. She got more upset as she struggled to remember, and finally just cried. The nurse came in and said "What's wrong?" and Mom told her she was so upset because she couldn't remember the words to the prayers she had said every night of her life. The nurse said "I will say them with you." She stayed there and said the prayers with Mom, and Mom was able to calm down and go back to sleep.
That story perfectly illustrates why I have great respect and admiration for nurses...
I was thinking this morning about how important compassion is to every human being. I have struggled to raise two children who were often treated with cruelty when they were small and vulnerable, but somehow they also learned compassion, and they are both gentle and compassionate people.
Compassion cannot be taught, not in the way one normally teaches someone something. It's not merely a skill. Compassion has to be received in order to be taught.
I have so many memories of learning it from my parents and others - not in any formal way, but in a thousand small ways. I can recall Dad telling me stories to distract me when I was sick. I can recall my grandmother patiently sitting with me and teaching me to read, when everyone else had given up and I felt incredibly stupid and ashamed. I can remember when I was sick and feverish and Mom would sit by my bedside and wipe off my face with a cold cloth. I remember both of my parents taking homemade meals to families in our neighborhood who had suffered a tragedy or just returned from the hospital. I remember Mom patiently listening to my teenaged friends sit at our kitchen table and pour out their troubled hearts to her, without judgment, so they left feeling relieved. I remember Dad going far out of his way to help customers, even when he wasn't working - and his customers were often older ladies without family in town. I remember my brother as a young lieutenant teaching his soldiers how to stretch their food budgets so their kids wouldn't be hungry at the end of the month. I remember a classmate helping me walk off the playground, to the school clinic, after I was hurt - and she is now a nurse, not surprisingly.
I witnessed all this and I learned that compassion is a magical thing.
Compassion enriches the giver as much as the person who receives it.
I have a friend who is a nurse, and I shared with her the story about the nurse praying with Mom in the hospital. Young nursing students nowadays aren't always given enough practice with real human beings. Sometimes they only learn things on mannequins. That's unfortunate. A mannequin cannot show a nurse the importance of soothing a suffering person so they can relax and heal. A mannequin cannot express gratitude. Nurses are in a unique and remarkable profession because they can make such a huge difference in a person's life.
I know people sometimes wonder why I write this blog. It's not for money or fame. I write for a lot of reasons but I was thinking today that one thing I love to do is pass along little insights that I learn. Learning is a lifelong treasure. If we stop learning, we wither and die inside. Learning is the spark that ignites our spirits and gives us reasons to keep getting up every day and trying.
Compassion is probably the greatest thing we can learn. It's just a breath away from love. Maybe it actually is a kind of love, the purest kind. Maybe we should think of compassion as true agape (a Greek word meaning "love") -
"Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible. This Greek word, agápē, and variations of it are frequently found throughout the New Testament. Agape perfectly describes the kind of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for his followers."
There's a lot being written about how important it is to be grateful nowadays. Gratitude IS important. Whenever anything large or small that is good happens to me, I try to remember to thank God, and to reflect on how fortunate I am to have been raised in a loving home by compassionate people. My resolution today is that when I feel tired or frustrated or angry, I need to remember to reach out with compassion, in whatever way I can. I can love on Lola even when she steals food off the table. I can help Mom put on a sweater even when I just want to watch TV. I can call a friend and let them pour out their heart to me on the phone and just listen. I lead a very quiet life, but there are so many ways I can demonstrate compassion, and I want to get better at it.
It's so important also to show compassion, every time we possibly can. Whether it's in a big way - like spending a day cooking for someone you care about who's going through a rough time, or a small way - as in simply showing affection to your family or pets - compassion enriches us. It's just as important for the giver of compassion as the receiver, because compassion heals us. But it's SO powerful, because our example teaches compassion. Compassion soothes our souls like nothing else. Compassion demonstrates the love of Christ for us and through us, and the repercussions are limitless.
If you want to read a wonderful story of compassion, I suggest you read Same Kind of Different As Me. I loved that book so much I bought copies and passed them out to friends and family members. Now it's a movie. Below is a preview. I can't wait to see it.
