The Crab Chronicles

The End of the Story

Mom and I were commiserating yesterday about the fact that she had finished a book called A Fall of Marigolds, by Susan Meissner. We've read several of her books, and they are always great reads, with vivid characters. I read Marigolds first, and passed it along to Mom. Meissner researches her books carefully, but it's her character development that really shines. I plan to read all her books, eventually.

Mom was saying how bereft she felt to be ending the book. This is how you know you are in the grip of an excellent writer. You mentally move in with the characters and their world becomes your world. In the best books, there is an emotional investment, and you may lose sleep or read during lunch, desperate to find out what happens next.

When Michael and finished reading the Harry Potter series of books we both felt sad. Michael cried. He was really upset that we wouldn't be reading about Harry, Hermione, and Ron and their adventures every night. I felt bad for him, but I also felt a bit excited because I knew that J.K. Rowling had transformed a boy who didn't like to read into one who loved to read. What a gift, to be able to do that for children and adults.

Books have long been my salvation when life seems too much of a grind. In my early days working as a paralegal in Knoxville I would walk down to the downtown library [which was 2 blocks from the building where I worked] once every week or two, on my lunch hour or after work, and peruse every single volume on the New Books shelf. It got to where I knew every book [of interest to me] on the shelves, and I knew all the rental videos, too.

I remember quite well when the book Outlander was released in 1992. It's about a nurse in 1945 who accidentally travels back in time to 18th century Scotland and falls in love and has adventures. The book was listed as a Romance novel, which made me pause. I quit reading Romance Novels when I was about 19 because even then I thought they were usually silly, but Outlander seemed different - more of a supernatural/adventure book with historical underpinnings. I took it home on a Friday night and read all weekend. By Sunday I was ready for the next book in the series.

Years later I heard Diana Gabaldon speak at a luncheon for romance writers and she explained that after she wrote the book, her agent had asked her to define the correct genre, for marketing purposes, and she got upset. It's not really a romance book, although the central story includes a lot of romance between Claire and Jamie. She said to her agent, it's much more than just a romance - there's time travel, adventure, history. He pointed out that Romance readers are very loyal and she would sell more copies by marketing it that way, and she reluctantly agreed. It was about 1997 when I heard her speak, and the books were already huge bestsellers. Now, of course there is a whole series, and a TV series on Starz.

I have been a writer for years but only recently have I been really working on creating fictional stories and books. I wrote a book last year but it needs a lot of work, so I am working on some short stories before I plunge into revising the book. I bit off more than I could chew, with the book, and I need to hone my skills at pruning a plot.

I spent a fair amount of time yesterday finishing a new short story. As a writer, I am reluctant to let go of my characters, I find. I don't want to put them away. I want them to live and breathe, because I take great care in trying to paint them vividly for the reader, so they do seem like real people, not just characters on paper.

In a way, I actually hope this story ending grief gets worse, because I think then I will have become a much better writer.

What books have made you cry, or at least made you upset when you finished them? Drop me a comment and let me know.

Two Sides to a Painful Question

When I was a little girl we didn't usually have serious discussions at the dinner table, but as I grew up, we did, sometimes. My father would often explain why he felt a certain way about a political issue, or why he was voting for a particular candidate, or the correct way to view a situation that he felt the media wasn't covering accurately. We would also laugh and tell funny stories or jokes. What I remember well, though, is him patiently explaining things to me and my brother, and my mom sitting there quietly nodding. 

Of course, like all kids, I grew up and rebelled. When Ronald Reagan was elected I voted for him because my father drove to my college and picked me up, took me personally to the polling place so I could vote for the first time, and then after dinner at home drove me all the way back to school. He told me to vote for Reagan. I figured he knew best. In the years that followed I regretted that decision, particularly after I learned that money for college loans had been cut and some of my friends had to drop out of school. I also learned that Reagan refused to acknowledge the AIDS crisis or push for more funding for research. So I don't really agree with folks who say how great he was, because he wasn't, to me. I graduated from college in 1984, the "boom" time, Republicans would say, and I couldn't find a job anywhere.

When I realized that my dad could possibly be wrong sometimes I started researching how to argue with him, and win. We would get into shouting matches, at times. I remember a vigorous debate on the topic of abortion; then and now a very controversial topic. 

What he taught me, in a broader sense, was that there are always many sides to an issue. If you're going to argue, you need to educate yourself about the issues and argue from a place of knowledge, not just be reactionary.

I've watched in horror the riots in Charlotte in the past few days, and the reaction to the shooting in Oklahoma. I am very sympathetic to the black men who were killed, and their families. I am also sympathetic to the police officers.

First, I should explain that although I grew up in the Deep South, I was raised by Republican parents who went out of their way to make sure I was NOT a racist. In the South, Democrats were the party of segregation when my parents were young. Just FYI. My parents rejected the Democratic party for a lot of reasons but that was a biggie. I was never allowed to use the N word, ever. We had black maids but I had to be respectful, and I never saw either of my parents be rude or disrespectful to any black person, ever. When I started first grade in 1968 I went to a private school, the Episcopal Day School, and there was a black child in my class. The next year I went to public school and there were no black children in the entire school. Then we moved to Knoxville when I was 8 and I was exposed to a more diverse population, although there were very few black families in my part of town. We had, as I recall, one Asian family and one Hispanic family in my middle class neighborhood. (Don't laugh, that was pretty diverse for that time and place.) I never really thought about it as a child. They were just kids, to me. Knoxville was not a terribly diverse place in the 1970's but neither was it a horribly racist place either.

I digressed, a bit. Sorry.

What most white Americans are only now slowly starting to comprehend is that black Americans have always dealt with racism and racial profiling, and it didn't magically disappear after the Civil Rights movement took hold. It continues, and it has made their lives far more stressful than any white person can  ever imagine.

We don't know what it's like to be stopped and harassed by police for absolutely no reason. I had a black work friend years ago who lived in a very nice home, and she told me her husband was stopped all the time by police when he drove through his own neighborhood to his own house. He drove a new car, dressed nicely, and had a college degree and a high-paying job and he was STILL harassed.

My friend who told me about that came from a very affluent and well-educated family. Yet, she had grown up knowing that before her birth her own grandfather had been murdered by the KKK, hung from a tree in his own front yard.

So I am highly sympathetic to the fact that the police stop and harass black folks, and Hispanic folks in some areas, and possibly Asian or other minorities in some areas. It happens every day. It SHOULD NOT happen.

However, my curse has always been that I see both sides to every issue.

 

My first cousin's son is a police detective. He is out there every day, in the community. He was a uniformed officer for several years. He puts his life in danger every time he steps outside his home. That is his job.

I'm sure police officers have a very heightened awareness of danger because they face it all the time. I cannot imagine the stress of knowing every time I left my house to go to work that I might be killed or seriously injured - not just as random possibilities but as statistical possibilities.

According to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund: "A total of 1,439 law enforcement officers died in the line of duty during the past 10 years, an average of one death every 61 hours or 144 per year. There were 123 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty in 2015."

AND - "There have been 15,725 assaults against law enforcement officers in 2014, resulting in 13,824 injuries."

 

Does that risk, give police the right to harass folks who are not white, or to harass ANYONE? No, of course not.

I was a paralegal for many years, and a few years ago I was writing blogs for attorneys. I got an online publication that listed new lawsuits and settlements of lawsuits and I was shocked by how many of those suits involved incidents of police misconduct. It's nothing new.

I think there are solutions to the issues we're facing, as a society, but they are not easy or fast solutions. The problem has been brewing for a long time and it won't be solved quickly or easily.

The problem, however, can be basically boiled down to one word: FEAR

Police fear black folks and black folks fear the police. There is terrible history there.

Are riots and looting the answer? I don't think so. I understand why there are riots and looting. I totally get that. Anger and frustration reach a boiling point. However, riots solve nothing. They accomplish nothing good.They make the police more tense and fearful, as they struggle to control things. Fear breeds fear. Mistrust breeds mistrust.

We have to start and educate our children about Love and Forgiveness. Then we have to be diligent. We have to keep those words in the forefront of their consciousness.They have to be active verbs, not passive new-agey verbs.

We have to talk. Both sides have to be heard and respected.

Both sides have to replace Fear with Love and Forgiveness. What does that process look like? I don't fully know, nor does anybody.

However, we do know that what's happening now - the senseless shootings, the riots, the misunderstandings - those things must be replaced. We have to discard what doesn't work and figure out what does work, and that is going to be a process. In this age of quick fixes and instant gratification, we don't like to do difficult things. We want everything solved in the blink of an eye. That's not going to happen.

I've told my kids I don't care who they love so long as they love a good person. Race is irrelevant. Both my kids are mixed race themselves. They've gone to very diverse schools since they've lived in America. My daughter's boyfriend is black, so obviously she listened.

There's a famous quote that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. We have to educate our children. We have to take that step. We have to replace Fear with Love and Forgiveness, or the cycle of violence and mistrust will never end.

 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King

Things I Don't Understand

I was sitting in the doctor's office yesterday wincing in sympathy as my 82 year old mom endured getting her blood pressure taken. It made me think: why are there so many puzzling things in the world? Things that defy explanation? So I wanted to share some observations with you.

Feel free to drop me a comment and explain, if you know the answers to these things.

Why is it that a few years ago I got a hysterectomy with a robot operating, and I was feeling fine within a week [contrast that with my mother's hysterectomy and her 6 inch scar and weeks of painful recuperation] BUT medical science cannot figure out how to measure a person's blood pressure without causing terrible discomfort and often PAIN?!?

Why is it that we cannot have a flat tax? Who out there is against this idea? Okay, I imagine accountants would be pissed but seriously, who else wouldn't want that?

Why do companies advertise toilet paper? Who is not using this? [ok I stole that but it was worth stealing]

Why do so many job ads say they are looking for a ROCKSTAR? What is desirable about a person who uses excessive drugs and/or alcohol, wears weird clothes and has long hair, can't maintain a relationship, usually has questionable personal hygiene, and is never home?!?

Why are some shows called "reality TV"?! They aren't actual reality. The producers manipulate situations to keep the viewers' interest. Read 13 Reality TV Show Secrets Producers Won't Tell You. It's ALL FAKE, people. Actual reality is incredibly boring. Give me a well-written comedy or drama any day. Call a spade a spade. Don't tell me something is "reality" when it has been manipulated more than TV in North Korea.

Why don't businesses use good cameras?  All the footage of robberies you see is grainy or just blurry or awful and there is often no sound. If I owned a business I'd have excellent camera footage.

Why is is called Facebook? Why not something more accurate, like Community Bulletin Board?! Or how about Cute Video Sharing Board? Or Bragging About My Kids Board? Or [OMG NO Not Another] Kitten Video Board or Cooking Video Board?!

Why do women still wear high heels? They are the most devilishly uncomfortable things imaginable. I gave them up years ago. Who cares about decorating the second ugliest part of your body?!

Ditto for ties, which are even more useless than high heels. What purpose does a necktie serve exactly?!?

Why does Amy Schumer have a career? I've watched her standup and I watched most of her horrible movie but she is NOT funny, not talented, and not even attractive. My son thinks she's funny - I guess she appeals to teenaged boys. Nobody in my age bracket thinks she's funny or talented at all.

Who is watching the Kardashians? I have yet to ever hear ANYONE admit to watching that show. I think the actual Kardashians in the show are not real; they are CGI creatures.

Why are we not teaching cursive any more in school? Yet we teach Latin, which is a  dead language? We teach Art Appreciation which arguably has a lot of irrelevant old paintings in it. We teach calculus to high school students who will never, ever use it professionally or personally. Who decided cursive was not necessary? Why on earth can't those Cursive-Haters get really busy and take down the tie industry? The idiotic Spanx-making company? The people who still make landline phones?

Why is it that my son thinks I am an idiot who has no idea what he should do with his life, and yet he will spend hours watching YouTube videos made by morons, or spend hours watching movies made simply to show actors running away from explosions? Can we not medicate him into understanding ACTUAL reality?

Is it just me or does anyone else not understand why there are still office buildings? We all use computers. We communicate by e-mail and text and Skype. Why do we need offices at all?

Random Funny Stuff

I saw this on Facebook and shared it. I thought it was hilarious. Not everyone shares my warped sense of humor. I understand that. Funerals are supposed to be such somber occasions but I've never been to one where there wasn't something, at least one little thing, to laugh about.

As my mother loves to say "If you don't laugh, you'll cry. Laughing is better."

Absolutely.

My son is needing to jump ahead in maturity and it's tough for him, for a lot of reasons. I see definite hopeful signs, but he's not there completely yet. We got takeout BBQ sandwiches from Hickory House last night and he grumbled "I don't like y'all paying for my food." Well, I get that. I like that he wants to be independent. He's not working right now. He needs to work. However, as I pointed out, he is certainly welcome to do more around the house to help me, and thus feel more like he's earning his keep... The bathrooms can always use a good scrubbing and the family room rug always needs vacuuming..

The other day he said "The human brain doesn't completely mature and finish developing until a person is 25 years old!" I just looked at him and said "That's no excuse for anything. It IS a good reason for you to listen to the advice of people older and wiser, like ME."

Everyone has a box of rocks. EVERYONE. I don't know anyone who is problem-free, do you?!

I think that's one of the odd ways in which Facebook is actually a good thing. I look at my fellow high-school and college classmates and my former work colleagues, and think, we are all struggling together. Sometimes I admit I get a little envious of everyone who posts vacation photos, and I miss being able to post First Day of School photos of my kids, but overall I think Facebook helps me feel connected to a virtual community. I am not the only one who has issues with my house, or my car, or who wonders where to get the best local Greek food.

Mom went to the doctor yesterday for a checkup and she is doing well. She entertained the doctor with funny stories. I seriously doubt he has any 80+ year old patients as sharp as she is.

Have a good weekend y'all.

Protecting Our Girls

The digital age has made it increasingly tough to parent. I read with horror this article a friend posted a link to on Facebook: Sex Before Kissing: How 15 Year Old Girls Are Dealing With Porn-Addicted Boys. I thought/hoped this was a big problem more in Australia than here, because the writer is talking about Australian kids in the article.

However, one of the comments made by another friend on Facebook made it clear this happens here in the US also, which is just awful.

"As someone who taught in CMS for 10 years I cannot tell you how heartbreakingly on point this is. I have taught multiple girls who ended up on sex tapes their first time having sex with someone they thought "cared" about them, girls who believe a blow job or sex really is no big deal with no emotional consequences, girls who had several abortions or miscarriages by the time they were sophomores (that's 15 or 16 years old, people!), and girls who were endlessly harassed with sexual innuendo because of how they were holding a pencil or how they tilted their heads back when they laughed. Girls on my softball team were getting nude photo after nude photo of boys asking them to have sex with them. It breaks my heart to see this and to see so many parents completely oblivious to what their kids are going through on a DAILY basis".

From the article: "Sexual bullying and harassment are part of daily life for many girls growing up as a part of this digital generation. Young girls are speaking out more and more about how these practices have links with pornography—because it’s directly affecting them." / "If there are still any questions about whether porn has an impact on young people’s sexual attitudes and behaviors, perhaps it’s time to listen to young people themselves. Girls and young women describe boys pressuring them to provide acts inspired by the porn they consume routinely. Girls tell of being expected to put up with things they don’t enjoy."

The article reports that very young girls are under terrible pressure to have sex with boys who view them as only objects.

A few years ago I was absolutely stunned when I heard one of my son's friends, who was about 15 years old, had taken a photo of his penis and sent it to a girl he wanted to date. I couldn't believe it, but I know it was true. Nice boy. Nice family. Educated, decent parents. Totally stunned that he would do something like that.

Not long before that, maybe a year or two before, when my daughter was in high school, she told me something that shocked me. She said that during a power outage one of the boys had wanted her to go in the back of a classroom and have sex there. She refused. She was a pretty girl. I thought the boy must have just been some low-life from a terrible home. I was rather shocked he went to that high school though; we bought the house where we live because we had heard that the high school was one of the best in Atlanta. It was, at one time. I wouldn't say that now, unfortunately.

I had totally forgotten about both of those incidents until I read this article and I realized, this sort of bullying of girls by boys DOES happen here in America, every day, and something needs to be done to remedy it.

I don't know what, though.

I'm not an educator and I don't have kids in the public schools any more.

How things have changed. When I was in 9th grade I remember a whispered conversation on the school bus about a girl that had been in middle school in my class and who became pregnant at 14, and dropped out of school. She wasn't a friend. I have no idea what became of her or the baby. I was totally shocked to hear about the pregnancy, though. I didn't know anyone who was having sex with boys as a 14 or 15 year old. All the girls I knew were too busy with school and sports and church activities.

Then again, we didn't have access to thousands of porn videos.

It's shockingly easy for teens to go on porn websites now and see things that would stun most parents. Parents are seldom aware, I don't think, of the dangers of giving kids access to the internet, unchecked. Or perhaps they simply don't think they can really effectively monitor it. Even if your child has no access to porn on his/her devices at home, it's likely some of their friends have parents who don't care. Short of moving to the middle of nowhere, living off the grid where there is no internet or WiFi access, there's probably little that can be done.

People in my kids' age group [15-25] are generally much more immune to being shocked than I was at those ages. Comedies like We're the Millers or Sisters reference sex acts very casually. Sex is everywhere - in jokes [see Trainwreck] outfits on celebrities, TV comedies, movies, YouTube videos. It's EVERYWHERE. It has to be tough for most teens to avoid it, unless they are homeschooled.

So our teens live in a culture where sex is treated so casually, and then we are surprised when it's taken way too far? We shouldn't be.

Remember recently the outrage expressed over Brock Turner? He was convicted of raping an unconscious woman and was given a 3 month sentence. Read this article: Outrage over 6-month sentence for Brock Turner in Stanford rape case.

Turner is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

How do we protect our girls?

My daughter is grown now, and in a relationship. If I had a 15 year old daughter at home, right now, here's what I would do. First, we would have a long discussion or possibly several discussions about not giving in to boys wanting sex and pressuring her to do it. What most 15 year old girls want is love, a real relationship with someone who care about them as a person, not mechanical sex acts.

Secondly, I would do my best to get her into martial arts classes, so she could defend herself against anyone trying to rape her. I would buy her pepper spray to keep in her purse. I would tell her to stop all contact with any boy who sent her a nude photo.

I would also go to the school and RAISE HELL.

Would any of it do any good? I don't know. All I know is this: every parent in America needs to read Sex Before Kissing and find out what's going on with their child[ren] so they can to re-educate the boys about the dangers of porn, and warn the girls and try to help them avoid doing sexual things they don't want to do.

I honestly don't think there is a "safe place" any more, unfortunately. Really, the only way to reverse these dangerous patterns is for parents to really get involved and monitor their kids closely.  Talk to them about what's okay and what's not. Pay attention to what they say. Get them involved in sports and church activities. Keep them busy. Listen without judgment and then get them the help they need, if you find out they are a victim or a victimizer.

I do not want to imagine what will happen if parents DON'T pay attention and reverse this trend.

Helping Small Businesses

I have always been fascinated by business and what it takes to start and run a successful business. My grandfather owned a tiny general store during the Depression. My great-grandfather on mom's side owned a number of businesses in Marietta during the lates 19th and early 20th centuries. Some businesses prospered and some did not.

I have friends and relatives who have started businesses that have failed and that's always sad.

When I was in paralegal school I studied corporate law and it was the first time I was taught formally what it takes to start and maintain a successful small business. Although I went on to do only litigation, I never forgot those lessons.

A cupcake bakery close to my house failed about a year ago. I was sad, because the lady who started it was a friend of a friend, but I was not surprised. The cupcakes were yummy and I had tried several kinds. They weren't slap your mama good, though, and they were overpriced. This isn't New York or Los Angeles, where you can charge $3 for a small cupcake that's mostly frosting, and stay in business. Not when you can get a dozen okay cupcakes just down the street at Publix for $5.

I think that's the hardest thing for most businesses to do: research your market. Know what people in the community will and won't pay for your product. Markets vary, even within the same city. Someone in Buckhead expects to pay higher prices for food and merchandise. People who live in Tucker or Marietta or Avondale likely won't be willing to pay those hefty prices, however.

Since we now live in a digital age, it's crucial to have a solid presence on social media, if you're launching a new business. Most everyone I know spends a good bit of time on Facebook and Twitter. Folks my son's age or thereabouts [15-30] usually have Instagram and/or Snapchat accounts. 

I don't have a business degree, but in recent years I have set out to learn as much as I could on my own about SEO [Search Engine Optimization] and terms like "click through" because as a writer today, it's vital to know how to discuss these terms and sound reasonably intelligent. Writing for business has never been more important or more technical. It's not just about coming up with a snappy ad slogan or copy for a magazine ad. Nowadays there's social media. Most businesses have websites and blogs. Most businesses don't want to write their own website copy or blogs. I can do that.

We live our lives online - for good or ill. I've bought and sold things on Craigslist. I've used Uber to get around. I've been on Facebook and clicked LIKE on the page of a business that a friend suggests. We all belong to many communities now - both in the real world and the virtual world.

I think this is good and bad.

Sites like Yelp and Angie's List are an instant way to check out a business. I've pondered going out to eat and then seen that Yelp gave the particular restaurant bad ratings, and reconsidered. Is that entirely fair? Debatable. I've actually seen job ads for writers willing to go on sites like Yelp or Goodreads or Amazon and post good reviews, in order to boost sales.

I've found myself explaining to my kids that back in the day if we wanted to get a phone number or find a dry cleaners we opened up these big old paper phone books. There was NO GOOGLE. We lived in a pre-Google world and we survived. We used paper maps. We called up and asked for directions and wrote them down on paper.

Ah, the good old days.

Not really.

I like the age we live in. I hated spending hours in libraries researching. I much prefer Googling. 

The challenge for small businesses, though, is to have a solid online presence and be high in the Google rankings. If you're trying to sell cupcakes in Tucker, you need to be at the top of page one when someone Googles "Tucker cupcakes." So you need to update your website and blog often, and get folks to come visit it with great content they want to see.

Then you need to offer a great product and work your tail off to find new customers.

Sometimes it's just a matter of luck, unfortunately. 

As for me, I will keep teaching myself how to help businesses by writing killer blogs and websites, and of course conducting the occasional personal taste-test. [Thank God for elastic waisted pants...]

above, my grandfather sitting outside his store in Hepzibah, abt. 1940

Retail Tales from the Atomic City

I have never worked much at retail stores but there have been a few positions, when I was young and could stand on my feet for hours. What made me think of my retail jobs was reading this article about a guy who went to work at Target as a cashier. Very witty observations.

When I finished college, I got my first retail position, working at Gateway Books in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. My parents had built a house on the lake and it was actually closer to zip into Oak Ridge than to go to Knoxville. However, we tended to gravitate to K-town, probably because we had lived there for years before the move.

Oak Ridge is a fascinating place. It was built in WWII to manufacture the atomic bomb. The town is surrounded by mountains and there are only a couple of roads going into town so it was a perfect location to make an atomic bomb, it was thought. The government kicked everyone out of the valley, bought up all the land, and started bringing in workers from all over America to build the town and work in the huge plants where they were working on the bomb.

Oak Ridge was very big on security.

I remember still seeing this billboard when I was a kid, as we drove out of town:

Oak Ridge was/is a nuclear engineering place. It's also located in a rural part of East Tennessee. There are coal mines [or there were in 1984; not sure about now] a short drive away.

After I finished college in June of '84 I couldn't find a job, so I called the only bookstore in Oak Ridge, Gateway Books, and asked if they needed any help. They did. I worked there about 6 months before heading off to paralegal school.

It was a great learning experience, working there. I had loved reading since I was 7 years old, but the business of books was entirely new to me. I had to wear comfortable old lady shoes from SAS because in 1984 I couldn't find any other well-made, comfortable shoes for professions where you're on your feet a lot. Hated the shoes. Then again, I rarely saw any cute guys in there that were around my age and not married.

The store manager was Norwegian. She had been here in the US for twenty years but her accent was still hard to understand sometimes. One day she was telling me to "doos de boos" and I made her repeat it three times, growing more frantic each time as I realized I had no idea what she was saying. Finally the assistant manager, an older Asian lady, came over and said "Dee, she's saying DUST THE BOOKS! She hates dust."

The store wasn't very large but it had a good selection of books. The two sections that always needed straightening and cleaning were the computer books and the porn. Yes, there were tons of magazines (of all kinds) and a couple of high shelves had specifically pornographic magazines. There were some brilliant nuclear engineers working in town, and they all wanted computer books. I was so glad that wasn't my section because I had never actually used a computer at that point in my life and the books were a total mystery to me.There were also guys (who didn't look like rockets scientists) buying the porn. This was long before the internet, and actually before most people even owned VCRs. Porn was still mostly in magazines then.

My assigned section was the children's section. I had to make sure it was always neat when I was working. The Pat the Bunny books and little cloth books were always a disaster, I remember. Darn those messy toddlers. That was the summer the movie Dune came out, and we had tons of promo stuff for it -- too bad it wasn't a good movie. The original book series always sold well.

I got a store discount and I blew most of my paycheck buying books. I was trying to save for an apartment but that didn't happen. I only made a little over minimum wage. The manager also allowed me to borrow books and take them home, as long as they were returned in good condition and could be sold. I hated bringing them back. Good thing I was living with my parents and didn't have to pay rent!

There was a middle-aged lady who worked with me who was a good employee, but not terribly well educated. One day she was obviously very frustrated and she finally said to me "I just CANNOT find this book this customer called about! Can you see if you can find it so we can order it for him?" I looked at the notes she had made while talking to the customer. This is what she wrote down: "title: How to Win A Pullet Surprise." I tried very hard not to giggle as I re-wrote the title to "Pulitzer Prize." She had thought he wanted some kind of chicken cookbook.

At the front of the store there were several racks of romance novels. Sometimes the little mountain ladies would come in and load up on the Harlequin romance novels and other serial romance books. One day a little mountain lady softly asked me "Do you have the number 26 of the love sweat series?" I thought, "love sweat"? Is that romance or porn? I went over and looked and looked but I saw no "love sweat," and started telling her that we didn't carry that, but the assistant manager walked over and pulled the book off the shelf and handed it to her. "She wants the Loveswept series, Dee." I felt like an idiot.

I thought I was fluent in hillbilly.

Coming in on Sunday morning was always an adventure. The store opened at 8 and there were plenty of customers. The store ordered a lot of copies of the Sunday editions of The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and other notable newspapers from around the country. The papers all came in on Saturday and were put out on Sunday morning. Lots of men who would breeze in, throw some quarters on the top of the pile, grab their paper and walk out, in just a few seconds. I learned to look on the stacks for the coins. Lots of folks moved to Oak Ridge from other places to work in the nuclear plants. Our store manager would take special orders for their hometown newspapers, and usually about once a week the customer would come in and ask for their newspapers. They weren't charged shipping or an extra fee, and they could keep up with their hometown news, which I thought was really nice.

I was always sad to see books pulled off the shelves because they hadn't sold. The covers would be torn off and they were sent away as "remainders." I thought it was such a shame they weren't donated to schools or nursing homes or places where they would be appreciated. I think they were just incinerated.

At Christmas, the Norwegian manager had us working like crazy to accommodate the holiday shoppers. Oak Ridge didn't have an enclosed mall or many stores, and the bookstore did a LOT of business as the holiday approached. One day I worked with another clerk on my feet for 9 or 10 hours straight. We'd take turns, one bagging and one ringing up. The manager brought in Norwegian wafer cookies and they were put behind the counter for us. When it slacked off a bit I ate about 5 lbs. of those incredible cookies, called krumkake.

One day a dumpy, acne-ridden teenaged girl came in, eyes glazed, and she kept mumbling and asking me to recommend a book. I tried to talk to her about what she liked, and showed her some books. I finally realized she was high as a kite on some kind of drugs. That was creepy. I don't remember what actually happened; I think she just staggered out of the store.

Most of our customers were affluent folks, often well-educated and highly literate. Oak Ridge in those days was such a town of contrasts - the rocket scientists and their families, and the mountain people. I don't know if that's still true now.

The weirdest experience I ever had working there at Gateway books was one Saturday night near closing time. A rough looking man came in and my fellow clerk, Mike, quickly said "I'll help him, Dee" and hurried over to talk to the man. He completely cleaned out every porno magazine and book we had in the store. Mike loaded box after box into the back of his car, and came in and rang up the sale - something like $300 - a huge sale in 1984 dollars. I was fascinated. "Why did he buy all those?" I asked, when the man had left. Mike [about my age, 21, and very much a product of a rural East Tennessee upbringing] said "He's going up to the coal camps, sell those things again. He'll make a huge profit."

Wow. I hated the porn but I grudgingly had to admire an entrepreneurial spirit when I saw it.

I had to quit the job in January of 1985 because I was headed to Atlanta to paralegal school. I didn't miss the work, or the lousy pay, but I missed the people I worked with. I missed the excitement of seeing the new books come in. I worked really hard and I was always exhausted when I left, but I had some good memories of my time there.

Even now, the words "Pulitzer Prize" make me giggle...

this was me around 1983/84, not long before I started worked at Gateway. I don't know what that red thing is on my face...

 

Don't Spank

Fasten your seatbelts folks. It's time for a rant. I've had an incredibly busy few days and I'm in a mood.

I admire folks who start their own businesses, work their butts off, and make some decent do-re-mi. Good for them. America was built on the entrepreneurial spirit of folks like that. We must encourage that, celebrate it.

However...

Should we encourage women to feel bad about their bodies?

Should we tell little girls they have to visually lie about their bodies to meet a standard of "beauty" that fashion dictates?

I don't think so.

Bloglovin posted this piece which got my rant motor going: Billionaire Sara Blakely Says This Is The Secret to Success. Really? While I applaud the basic notion of not being afraid of failure, I must point out that she basically just "invented" a modern-day version of the girdle.

Let's look at the name: SPANX. Spanks, spelled with an X. A garment that spanks you.

Spanking = punishment

Who names a product after PUNISHMENT?! A marketing genius. Females are being punished for that ice cream cone, or that extra helping of potatoes. Females who contort their bodies into Spanx are buying into the notion that the worst thing a woman can possibly be is overweight, even by a few pounds. So they must spank themselves.

I can remember seeing my 75 year old grandmother struggle to put on a corset, because to her the notion of going out in public with any part of her body jiggling was APPALLING. Even though I was only 12 years old, I can remember thinking to myself, as God is my witness I will NEVER put myself through that nightmare.

I also remember my grandmother lecturing my mother about not leaving the house without wearing a girdle. I remember my mother buying me a very girdle-like garment and urging me to wear it, when I was a young teenager. I remember vividly how horribly uncomfortable I was every time I wore it. It wasn't a corset, but it was the same principle.

Generations of women have bought into the notion that we have to fit some ideal body image in order to have worth. If we aren't perfectly slim and trim, we are jiggling failures. I've always wondered what happened if a guy thought a woman was slim and trim and then they got back to her place and started making out and he felt all that latex holding her in and realized he had BELIEVED A VISUAL LIE about her. What happens when he realizes he has a normal, insecure woman? A woman who has spanked her flab into submission in her desperation to get a date?

Instantly, a woman has to worry about if she's good enough to sleep with, good enough to date, possibly even good enough to marry.

He has to then wonder what else she has been hiding.

The only way I can conclude this is to say this: ladies, quit spanxing yourselves. Be who you are, in all your imperfect glory. Very few women have perfect bodies. Put down the stupid fashion magazines. Quit listening to anyone telling you that fat = failure. Look at Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson. Let's celebrate our flawed bodies and forgive ourselves. Let's stop teaching our daughters to hate their bodies.

Say it loud: I jiggle and I'm proud!