The Crab Chronicles

Oscar Thoughts and Movie Reviews

Every year since I was ten years old I have watched the Oscars. This year was no exception. I was annoyed by a lot of stuff in the show, however.

I have always maintained that if all the extraneous crap were eliminated from the broadcast it could be done easily in a two hour show. We don't need to see idiotic dance moves and clip montages. Worst of all were Kimmel's shenanigans. I was appalled at him for bringing a tour group onstage. Ridiculous and a huge waste of time.

I also personally couldn't care less who wins for best short animated film or best documentary. There are certain categories that 99% of those watching DO NOT care about. Skip those, please.

As for all the brouhaha over the wrong Best Picture being announced... I was asleep. Big deal. La La Land won a bunch of stuff so I don't feel too sorry for them..

I really want to talk about some of the films that I've seen that were not lauded that much, but they are terrific films. These all came out in 2016.

Captain Fantastic

Viggo Mortensen was nominated for his performance and in my view he should have won. The film focuses on a father of 6 who is raising his kids in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, off the grid. After there's a tragedy they leave their compound and head to the funeral, encountering "normal" folks and trying to interact with them. There's nothing hackneyed or banal about the plot or the dialogue. In my view, this little film should have been named Best Picture. It's thought-provoking and touching and wonderful. 

Lion

I will admit that I have not seen this film. It's high on my list of films to see. It looks brilliant. Nicole Kidman has gotten really good at choosing projects that have great stories. This one is the true story of an Indian boy adopted by an Australian couple who then goes in search of his birth family after he grows up. Obviously that theme resonates with me, as an adoptive mom. I was disappointed it wasn't nominated for more awards.

Deadpool

Yeah yeah I know it's a film based on a Marvel comic but this one is different. It makes fun of itself. The writing is brilliant. It's funny. It's touching. there's not a single boring moment in the entire film. Ryan Reynolds deserved at least a nomination for the film. Most of the Marvel comics films are just tedious and not much fun, with heavy-handed moral lessons galore. Not Deadpool. It's awesome.

 

Of course, I am always amazed and amused by Oscar fashions. There were some BUTT UGLY dresses going down the red carpet this year. The only dress I saw and thought WOW, that's awesome, was this one:

Coloring Lady Designs

I love to sit and paint at night after dinner, while I am watching TV, and I've been doing a lot of painting in the past 6 months or so. Although I've given a number of things away, it would be nice to get paid for my work, so I decided to open an Etsy Shop, Coloring Lady Designs.

I love painting trays. These would make cute hostess gifts or even wedding gifts.

 


[this one was a gift for a friend and it's not for sale]

I also love to paint tennis shoes and caps, and below are some examples. If you would like a pair similar to the ones shown, or a cap, let me know. Price would be $25 plus shipping, or $15 if you send me the shoes.

 

What Does Real Love Look Like?

Even though I've never been married, I have been "in love" a few times. I've had a lot of time to ponder what real love looks like and what it doesn't. I wanted to share a few thoughts about it. Feel free to drop a comment and agree or disagree.

When I adopted my daughter in 2004 I had been in the dating world for more than twenty years and I was an expert dater. I could tell within 5 minutes of talking to someone whether I would ever want to see him again. I saw the comedian Sinbad once talking about how when he first took a woman to dinner he could tell by the way she chewed her food if he ever wanted to see her again. That made me laugh because it was so true. Yep, when you spend years of your life dating, you become pretty cynical.

Becoming a mom meant putting dating behind me, and it was, frankly, a huge relief. I quit obsessing over my hair, my clothes, working out, my fingernails, etc. I threw away my daily notes. I used to keep notes on everything I wore so I wouldn't repeat an outfit too often. My daughter needed all my time and attention and I was happy to give it to her.

I think what prompted me to write this blog was the fact that I have given up processed sugar and I am making a huge effort to lose weight. My mother said to me the other day "Dee, you're a cute girl. When you get this weight off you can start dating again." She looked startled when I laughed at that. One, I am a 54 year old woman, not a "cute girl" any more. Two, the last thing in the world I want to do again, ever, is date. I would be saying that even if I was a size 4, believe me.

Dating is such a false construct it amazes me that anyone who dates ever finds true love. You are trying your best to look right, act right, say the right things.

Everyone has tests. I had them. If I showed a guy the movie The Producers (the 1967 original with Gene Wilder) and he didn't think it was hysterical, I never wanted to see him again. A guy friend of mine told me if a woman didn't lean over and unlock the car door for him, after he had opened her door for her, that he dumped her. (Nowadays car locks are different of course.)

When I think about real love, I think about the folks I know the best, my parents. They were really attractive when they met. However, there was a lot more.

  They got married and had kids, and lived through many ups and downs, and aged. There were times in their marriage when things really weren't going well and Mom wasn't sure she could hang in there, but she did. Dad used to share some frustrations with Mom, with me. I heard both sides. It was not all smooth sailing.

Below, one of my favorite photos of them, taken when they were in Venice in the late 1980's.

 

Mom nursed Dad through cancer. He was by her side through several illnesses. They persevered. They genuinely liked each other and made each other laugh. They were best friends.

Because of them, I have a good idea about real love.

Here's everything I know about real love:

It has nothing to do with looks.

I think most people fall in love based on looks, frankly. It's a threshold test. You either have the looks someone else likes, or you don't. I never seemed to attract anyone who attracted me. Even online dating didn't work. In fact, it was disastrous. As much as I hate to admit it, I went out with guys sometimes that I had met online and thought were interesting, but in person I was NOT attracted to them. I would always rebuke myself for being unfair and uncharitable, but there it was. I was no better than anyone else when it came to attraction.

Rob Wilson, my last Twenty Questions interview, said that studies have shown women are attracted to men by how they smell. If a man doesn't smell pleasing to a woman, she rejects him. It's a primal thing, obviously. He said birth control pills eliminate that and so women sometimes come off the pill and try to get pregnant and realize they are not attracted to a guy at all because he smells wrong. That may be how divorce lawyers stay in business.

I never took birth control pills. Never found the right guy, either. Obviously my nose didn't lead me down the wrong path, thank God.

I have been lucky in my life to be able to closely observe, in addition to my parents' marriage, 5 other marriages of people truly in love. I have 4 uncles and they all had long-lasting, happy marriages. Ditto for my mother's parents. My dad's parents apparently had a lovely real love but they died before I was born, unfortunately.

Real love should be the goal for anyone dating. Surface love won't last.

A friend of mine once told me on his second date with the woman he eventually married, he ate dinner at her apartment and then became violently ill, throwing up. She didn't stop seeing him after that. Her kindness that night told him they were falling in love, not just in lust. They had a happy long-lasting marriage until her death.

For anyone looking for real love, think about the person you're with. If they don't look their best, do you still care? Can you picture yourself cleaning up after them if they have stomach flu? Can you imagine staying with them if they are paralyzed? What if they have very different political opinions from yours? What if they go bald?

These may sound like silly questions but I think they are valid ones. Real love isn't about surfaces. It's about souls. The term "soul mate" is a cliche, but it's true. The person who really makes you laugh - who wants you to laugh and be happy - that's a strong clue. The person who doesn't scold you if you gain 10 lbs. - that's a keeper. The person who can share a long car ride with you in total silence and you're still comfortable with them -- that's a keeper.

I am not looking for anyone, but I am not closed to the idea, either. I am, however, no longer "a cute girl." That's OK. I am going for "a cute old lady" status now. Hopefully, maybe one day I can meet a cute old man who makes me laugh and want to go for a long car ride...

Twenty Questions With Robert Evans Wilson, Jr.

A few years ago I was looking for work and my cousin Bebe suggested I get in touch with an old friend of hers, Rob Wilson. He basically needed someone to help him book speaking engagements, and I gave it a try but I wasn’t very good at it. Rob is often asked to do motivational speaking – check out Jump Start Your Meeting. We stayed in touch, and I marveled at his postings on Facebook because Rob is not only a speaker but a busy writer. Check out his Amazon page and you will see listings for his many books. His newest book is …And Never Coming Back.

Rob is also very funny. Rarely have I ever laughed so much as I did when we chatted about this column. He missed his calling to be a comedian!

Writing and speaking are not his only talents. Rob has worked in advertising for many years, (check out his website) and he also teaches advertising. He’s also worked in Sales, waited tables, run a clothing business, and during the 1996 Atlanta Olympics he turned his home into a successful B&B.

I always enjoy reading Rob’s columns in Psychology Today. For example, Nobody Wants You to be Creative. Having worked in corporate America for 8 long years in a cubicle, I can promise you this is a very honest piece of writing.

If you want to see Rob in action, check out his YouTube Channel.

He was my most delightful Twenty Questions interview yet. Thanks, Rob!

THE STANDARD TWENTY QUESTIONS

What is your full name? Robert Evans Wilson Jr.

Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world? In the country somewhere.

What is your favorite movie and why? Dead Poets Society – I’m all about creativity and achievement and doing things differently. It resonated with me on a deep level.

What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid? Math – I was good at it but it was so boring. I would create little games in my mind to make it interesting.

What was your nickname when you were a kid? Bobby

Do you believe in God? I was very religious growing up then my father died and I became an atheist until I had children. I am more spiritual than religious. I do believe in a higher power.

What sound or noise do you love? music

If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be?  I would do nothing but write fiction; that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I never felt like I had the time for it.

If heaven exists, what do you think it is like? I don’t know

Do you have siblings? One sister. I am very close to her. She is an awesome person.

What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]? Playing tag with a bunch of kids. I loved to do that when I was little.

If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why? I’d probably do the Europe one because I’ve never really been out of the country. I’ve been to Canada and Tijuana. I was invited to speak in London and I didn’t do it, which I regret. I did get to Honolulu for 4 days on a speaking gig.

What inspires you? injustice

Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th? July 4^th, less stressful

What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? I don’t have anything I’m really passionate about right now. I wish I had a novel I was working on, because that would be a passion.

Do you know how to cook? I’m pretty good cook.

What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? I like fish. I make a pecan encrusted blackened fish. I have a few recipes I’ve put together over the years.

If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, for 2-4 weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? Probably I would like to go to England. My ancestors came out of there.

Who do you love the most in the world? My children

What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer?  Can't think of one.

Broad Street Augusta Georgia, 1946

I found some old photos and an old book manuscript in a box in my garage. Apparently it was a book about the history of the old First National Bank in Augusta where my dad worked, but the manuscript never got published. Really cool to see a folder preserved since 1946, more than 70 years. This photo is my favorite so I scanned it in. This is what Broad Street looked like in 1946. It looks the same today but very different. Lots more trees planted today, plus a statue of James Brown, Augusta's favorite son.. If you're from Augusta or you've ever been there to visit, you should get a kick out of this. I was born in Augusta in 1962 and lived there until we moved to Tennessee in 1971. Still love the town. My Dad grew up there. I still have family there.

Change Your Thoughts

Both of my kids are struggling with identity, struggling to figure out their places in the world. I am trying to remember myself at that age, to try and be more sympathetic with them. It isn't easy. My time as a 20-25 year old is long gone.

However, I wish I could travel back in time and tell my younger self what I now know to be true. I have learned through the years that how one views oneself becomes the reality.

My son is struggling with identity issues right now. I haven't been able to convince him that changing your thoughts can actually change your life. I don't know if that's because he's only 20 years old, or because of his background [severe neglect and abuse before I adopted him] or it just doesn't sound plausible to him.

When I was 20 I just remember being scared all the time -- scared I wouldn't make good grades, wouldn't find a boyfriend, wouldn't find a job when I graduated. I was in my junior year of college and I was trying to burn the candle at both ends -- work, go to school, be in plays, write, socialize with friends. There simply weren't enough hours in the day. If someone had said to me "Change your thoughts and you'll change your life" I probably would have thought they were either an idiot or misinformed.

The older I get, however, the more I realize that there are so many sources of knowledge in the world, that we as human beings miss out on so much if we just cling to a narrow view of what is possible.

I thought for many years that the only way possible to have a family was to go the normal route - husband, pregnancy, etc. Adoption never crossed my mind.

I kept dating and dieting and doing the same things over and over.

In 2002 when I was planning a trip to Russia to sing The Messiah with a choir, I would have told you it would be an adventure but I never would have thought my entire life would radically change because of that one trip. I sensed, though, that my life needed shaking up, radically.

That was 15 years ago. Since then, my life has never been the same.

So often when we turn a corner in our lives we might sense things are changing but we don't fully realize it until much later. Maybe that's a blessing. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be -- if we could see ahead too clearly we might freak out.

I have a friend on Facebook who shares sometimes that she is having a bad day but she is trying to remember to be grateful. It sounds cliche perhaps, but changing thoughts of complaint and uneasiness and negativity to thoughts of gratitude can be remarkably healing.

Sometimes when I try it I don't get much beyond "Thanks for the fact I am...alive?" If I take the time to think for a few minutes I can come up with more, however. "Thanks for the fact I am...

1. Alive
2. Living in America
3. Able to think clearly and reason out ways to solve problems
4. Living in Atlanta, a city I love
5. Blessed with a loving family, particularly my mother
6. Profoundly blessed to have wonderful friends and neighbors
7. Blessed with reasonably good health
8. Able to walk outside every day and appreciate the lovely colors of the sky, the trees, the birds
9. Able to play with/love on my sweet dog, Lolababy -- dogs are such a blessing because they are so loving
10. Able to write every day, on my personal projects or professionally
11. Able to listen to music and sing along
12. Gifted with the most valuable gift of all -- FAITH

Wait a minute -- just off the top of my head I was able to think of 12 awesome reasons to be grateful.

Even if I could only say I'm alive and healthy those two reasons should be comforting.

Thoughts of gratitude dispel thoughts of despair every time.

Kids, DO TRY THIS AT HOME:

Next time you feel angry, hurt, resentful, hopeless, try to make a list of 5 or 10 reasons to be grateful. Reflect on those things. Realize how blessed you truly are. It will help you re-focus on the good things in life.

AMEN

hugely blessed to have Elva and Tony as my mama and daddy