The Crab Chronicles

A New Weird Normal

Life has gotten a good bit less complicated in the last couple of days but it's feeling very strange right now. Just being alone in the house is weird, for me. Well, Lola is here and she's good company and pure sweetness, but we can't talk, unfortunately.

Lola has spent a lot of time curled up asleep on Mother's bed downstairs. I'm sure it's puzzling to her that Mother is not here right now. We moved Mom from the hospital to the rehab place on Friday. All the tests they did came back negative, except she had a polyp on her colon, which was removed. We are still trying to figure out what has caused the loss of appetite.

I went to see Mom twice yesterday at the rehab place. She is doing fine physically, but still a bit spacey because of the pain medication. This type of confusion is not uncommon in older people, the nurse said, when taken out of their normal environment and routine.

I like that the rehab place doesn't have "visiting hours" -- family and friends can visit whenever. I also like that it's decorated with photos of historic events and entertainers like George Burns and Audrey Hepburn. They have activities -- yesterday I saw them playing Bingo. There is a piano in the activity room and I told Mom she should get in a wheelchair and get to the piano. She can play beautifully, by ear. The thought didn't galvanize her like I hoped it would but we will keep trying.

Mother's mobility is severely limited right now. She has to have lots of help to stand and walk, for instance. The big goal will be to get her stronger so she can stand and walk, get in and out of bed, get to the bathroom, etc. on her own, without help. She may need a walker and that's fine. We have one but it doesn't roll so perhaps we can get her a rolling walker. I want her to come home, asap.

The day to day of running this house is all on me now but that's okay. I have been doing all the cooking, bill paying, Lola walking, etc. for a long time now.

Keep praying for us. I just want Mom to be strong and healthy again.

 

Life is Complicated

My 83 year old mother has been feeling really poorly lately, and unfortunately she is now in the hospital. They are running tests. There is no diagnosis just yet. We are hoping to hear something today.

The photo below shows her at the doctor last week.

I didn't realize how bad the stress was until last Sunday when my brother called me and said "I will be there Tuesday and we will get Mom to the hospital. Just hang in there." I guess the voice message I had left him Saturday where I was sobbing probably did the trick.

Everything I am, and everything I will ever be, I owe to my mother. Her unfailing love and support have anchored me for my entire life. Sharing a house with her these past twelve years has deepened our already good relationship. She is my rock. Please see a prayer for her, for us all.

When Normal Folks Become Brands

Years ago when the word "blog" was new I loved reading a blog by a housewife who lived on a ranch in Oklahoma and talked about real problems. She had to deal with laundry, housework, homeschooling her kids, and more. I could relate to her. She also documented, photographic step by photographic step, the recipes she shared.

Then one day -- overnight, it seemed -- she became The Pioneer Woman - multi-billion dollar brand. The blog became a website.

Her blogs stopped being interesting. Nice photography, but she has nothing to say about normal life now.

I stopped reading her blog. I cannot relate to her now. Her life is a mega-celebrity life and it has nothing to do with mine. She has written and published a bunch of books. She has her own TV show. She has a huge staff of people who do everything for her. Her sister comes up with her recipes now. Ree is just a spokeswoman, a face, traveling all over promoting her various projects. She has a line of housewares. She owns a store in her hometown.

Before she became a celebrity, her husband was already one of the richest men in Oklahoma. Ree doesn't even have to work. She can sit back and do nothing and still not worry about paying a bill. I cannot relate to that.

The blog says she is a housewife. Um, NO, you're not, girlfriend. When was the last time you cleaned your own house, or wondered what you were going to fix for dinner? 2007?

This phenomena is distressing to me, and it continues.

I found the show Fixer Upper a couple of years ago. I loved that Chip and Joanna seemed like real people, nice folks who help others get a lovely home. I forgave them for putting hardwood floors in bedrooms. I chuckled at the obsession with "shiplap" -- which I would just call old boards.

I ignored the fact that I read a story that says they take all the furniture out of the homes after the big "reveal" at the end of each show, so the clients can move in their own crappy stuff.

I ignored all their expansions into the retail world -- the store, the books, the bakery, etc.

I have tried hard to ignore the fact that they never have gay people on the show.

Now Chip Gaines is has written a book, Capital Gaines, and this morning I flipped on the TV and he was talking about the cover photo on The Today Show.

I am afraid.

I fear Chip and Joanna are going to become like the Pioneer Woman, and stop being real people. Chip's normal goofiness is a big part of his appeal.

I hope he doesn't keep diversifying.

I hope he will stay a real person, and he and Joanna will continue to renovate homes.

But why would they? They are TV stars now. Why would they work their butts off to help normal folks get nice homes? They can cash in now. They can leave normal folks behind.

Why would Chip want to spend all day doing manual labor when he can sit back and watch the dollars roll in from his retail/book empire?

I guess it's inevitable that this would happen. It just makes me sad.

You know why people like to see "reality TV"? They want to see themselves, not actors. They want real life things they can relate to, not megamillion dollar celebrities hawking products.

I hope Chip and Joanna don't sell out more..

Showdown at Rickwood Author Event

A couple of months ago I posted an interview with Art Black, who has written a terrific new book about the Birmingham Barons, Showdown at Rickwood.

Art will be speaking at the Homewood Library August 3 at 6:30 p.m. and I wanted to share this:

 

Art Black's exciting book, Showdown at Rickwood, paints a vivid picture of Birmingham in the early 20th century, weaving together a history of the city, its people, and their love of baseball. The climax is the 1931 Dixie Series when Dizzy Dean and Ray Caldwell battled at Rickwood Field. Along the way, Rickwood visitors included everyone from Babe Ruth to Ty Cobb to Satchel Paige. But which player attracted the most fans? It wasn't a baseball player at all — it was an NBA superstar named Michael Jordan. He spent the 1994 season playing with the Barons and re-wrote attendance records. Wayne Martin, a former sports writer, started watching baseball at Rickwood in 1953 and covered the team for 25 years. The first newspaper reporter elected to the Barons Hall of Fame, Martin will share tales of Rickwood and its people at the Homewood Library on August 3 at 6:30 p.m. A reception and book signing will follow. Books will be available for purchase.

of course, the fact that you can see my beloved grandfather Bob Hasty in the above photo is just a nice bonus...

Lola and Friend

This is Lola and my neighbor's puppy, Freida -- hard to get a non-blurry photo of her because she is a whirling dervish puppy. Lola adores her. She lets Freida bite her ears, bite her tails, jump all over her. She's incredibly patient. When we walk outside and she hears them talking to the puppy next door Lola's tail just starts going 90 miles an hour. Lola is about 6 years old and is spayed. Maybe she wishes she had had a puppy. She is a rescue so we don't know if she ever had puppies, but likely not.

Walking Lola used to feel like a chore, but the older I get the more I realize I need to get out every morning and just feel the sunshine on my face, and notice the lovely neighborhood I live in, with its pine trees, azaleas, magnolias -- so much beauty, everywhere. When I was young I didn't notice anything. One of the joys of aging is that because the world seems to be spinning around crazy fast, I realize it's important to pay attention. I don't want to miss anything, even canine friendships.

 

The Un-Friended

I was scrolling through my friends list yesterday on Facebook and I realized that one of my Facebook "friends" had un-friended me. I got to thinking about that, about the fact that five of my Facebook friends have un-friended me recently, and what that means to my life.

Now, a lot of my Facebook "friends" are really just acquaintances, people I either barely know, or I know only in some very casual way, like we worked together years ago, or went to high school together.

The five people who have un-friended me in recent months, though, were all people I know well, and three of The Five were folks I considered good friends. [For the purposes of this blog I will simply refer to them from now on as The Five.]

Now, I should say that all of The Five were folks who got upset because I didn't shy away from expressing my political feelings on Facebook around election time last year. I tried not to post many things on my wall that revealed a clear bias but I didn't hesitate to comment on other folks' postings. I have since amended that, and I try to skip posting or commenting on 95% of the things I see on Facebook that are political or even just controversial. Arguing on Facebook doesn't change anyone's mind. It just gets everybody all riled up.

Now, we should be able to disagree about politics, and religion, and sports, and even hot-button topics like child vaccination and DISCUSS those things in a calm manner. Apparently, though, in the current climate, friendly debate is not encouraged.

I have two friends I consider close friends who understand that it's okay not to be friends on Facebook, as long as we are friends in real life. They are mature and evolved and I am lucky to have them in my life.

However, I will be honest, here. I feel the loss in my life of The Five. If strangers want to judge me harshly that's nothing I will ever lose sleep over, but when friends judge me harshly for my opinions, it is upsetting.

I recall many evenings when I was in college and I sat around talking with my friends, about all sorts of topics. We often didn't agree. We debated. We drank beer or wine. We debated some more. [I should point out the drinking age was 18 then.] I don't recall anyone "un-friending" me because we disagreed.

As I was walking Lola this morning and thinking about the sadness I feel that none of these folks are in my life any more, I reflected on the fact that there's no real hole in my life. Four of The Five were people who never reached out to me. If we talked on the phone or got together socially or even just emailed it was because I was the one instigating the contact. They didn't keep up with me or seem at all interested in my life. So what did I lose, really?

One of the five was a special case, and it was about far more than Facebook. We had a knock-down drag-out shouting match last summer and that friendship was DONE. At least we talked in person. At least the air was cleared, and old grievances aired. It wasn't simply a cold electronic breakup. I'm sad that friend is out of my life, but also pretty relieved I won't ever feel obligated to try and rescue him again. That's all I have to say about that.

I take comfort in the fact that as I've grown older I've been able to accept that some people truly are not meant to be in my life forever. Some are only meant to be with me for a short time, for a specific reason or two, and that's okay. Not everyone is going to be a lifelong friend of the heart.

I have more than half a dozen friends who have stuck by me through the difficult times in recent years, there with hugs, accepting tearful phonecalls, coming to the house to help me in times of crisis -- people I know I can call on day or night who will come through for me and love me, even when I am freaked out and not really lovable. The fact that I have more than two or three of those folks in my life is actually an embarrassment of riches, truth be told.

Most of these real friends do not agree with me about politics, and some disagree with me about religion. Underneath all that, though, they see that despite my many flaws I have a good heart. I'm not perfect. I don't always make good choices. I do try to be a good friend to my friends, though, and I try to not be judgmental. I think that's all we're really supposed to do: forgive each other and love each other, despite all the flaws.

I pray for the friends who have un-friended me. I truly don't feel any malice or hatred for any of them. They are all good folks who simply haven't learned that the richest, most fulfilling life is one in which we don't judge each other. I pray they understand that, one day.

Images of Home

My birthday was excellent. Several friends came by and visited with me, and we had crock pot barbeque, tex mex dip, deviled eggs, and an incredible peanut butter pie.

Of course, food is important to any celebration.

Mom gave me a new phone for my birthday, a Samsung 7 and it takes awesome photos. Below are a few examples.

below left, my friend Gary, Mike's friend K, and Mike

me and my brother / right, Mike and Lola

 

One thing I really appreciate about being older is the ability to just stay home and relax, and not deal with crowds of people. Mike and some of his friends went to Stone Mountain and had a great time, and saw a spectacular fireworks display, but I have no interest in fireworks any more.

 

 

 

below some shots from around the neighborhood

 

 

Celebrate the Day

It's my birthday! I have some gray hair and a lot of miles on the chassis but I'm good for a lot more, I'm pretty sure.

It's already been a good birthday. My brother came in a couple of days ago and we've had a good visit. He asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said lights under my kitchen cabinets. He installed them! Kitchen is SO much brighter.

My son came over yesterday and washed my car, and did an incredible job - better than the car wash. The old Highlander sparkles.

Friends are coming by to eat barbeque with us. It's going to be fun.

As I get older, it's really not about STUFF. It's about people. Sharing the day with people I love is the whole point.

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE 4th!