The Crab Chronicles

The Danger of Witch Hunts

I was glad to turn on the news the other night and see Harvey Weinstein arrested. I think there's credible evidence that he was a sexual predator and used his power in Hollywood to take advantage of women, leading in some cases to actual assault.

Ditto for Bill Cosby, I'm sad to say. 

Ditto for Kevin Spacey. I had actually heard years ago that Spacey might be a child molester, but of course I hoped it was just a vicious rumor, not based in fact. Looks like I was wrong. 

Men who use their fame and power to take advantage of women (or men) sexually should be stopped, and punished. No one would argue about that.

Here's the problem, though.

Accusations are now always true. Sometimes they are, but they fall more into the category of miscommunication. Sexual dynamics are tricky.

What about a man who is just saying inappropriate things?

Who gets to decide if what he says is appropriate or not?

I saw the other day where Morgan Freeman is being accused of sexual harassment. I watched a videotape of him flirting with a young female reporter.

Now, was he just flirting, or was he being horribly inappropriate and should be punished?

The spectacle of watching a man in his 70's hitting on a woman 20, 30, 40 years his junior is really distasteful, but when does it turn into real harassment?

You see the dilemma here? 

I saw a meme the other day that went something like this: women read romance novels and think they present a real picture of relationships. Men watch porn and think the same thing. 

I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on relationships, but I think there's a lot of sad truth in that. 

I have been an ardent feminist all my life, but feminism has not always had the best effect on male/female relationships. The sexual revolution, some men decided, was awesome, and gave them permission to be very aggressive because that's what women really wanted, right?! Men sometimes still think women want them to be sexually aggressive, and women usually do NOT want that, trust me. 

I was confronted once and kissed, violently, at a restaurant. I was at a bar and had been drinking beer -- hey it was college days. I definitely did NOT want a total stranger to grab me and kiss me, though. I ran out of there FAST. 

Now, what if it had been a guy I was attracted to? Would that have made it okay?  Would I have been thrilled and gone home with him? [No. Me at 19 years old?! Oh no. I was young and innocent. I wasn't ready for that, AT ALL.] 

See that's the trouble. 

So much depends on a woman's level of attraction to a man. It also depends on her maturity, her religion, her cultural background, her religious background.

Harvey Weinstein was in a power position, and he used that ruthlessly. Bill Cosby used his fame, and I'm sure to some extent his charm. 

If a man is older, bigger, more famous, more powerful, a boss -- those spell trouble, if he acts sexually aggressive towards a woman. 

And here's another observation, albeit perhaps politically incorrect: most women are simply not as strong as most men. I am 5'3 and when I was in the best physical shape of my life I was no match for a man who was of the same age and relatively normal strength.

Most men can overpower most women. There, I said it. Argue all you want, but it's true. Women understand this very well. Men often do not ever give it any thought. They don't get it because they have always [most men anyway] been in the power position. 

Most women [unless they are athletes or soldiers] understand the imbalance of power very well. 

A hundred years ago, women covered themselves up, from head to toe. Modesty in fashion was normal. 

Now, women walk around wearing blouses that show most of their breasts, skirts that are nearly gynecological, see-through clothing, etc. Should we be able to dress like that without fear of being hit on? 

Of course. We SHOULD be able to walk down the street buck nekkid and be perfectly safe. In a perfect world. 

We don't live in a perfect world, though. 

There are public figures who are getting accused of harassment that may or may not deserve it. 

I like watching actor James Franco. He was great in the Spiderman movies, and he's done other things that were awesome, like the miniseries 11/22/63, which Michael and I watched recently. Now, five women are accusing him of inappropriate or sexually exploitative behavior. Click on the link and read the story. It's very troubling. 

There are also accusations against Dustin Hoffman which are very disturbing. I have long admired Dustin Hoffman. I saw him in Death of a Salesman on Broadway in 1984 and was blown away. He is an incredible actor. I also loved him in The Graduate Little Big Man and Tootsie. So many excellent films.

If those two men did what they are accused of doing, I have zero sympathy for them. Zero.

I have a lot of sympathy for women in the Me Too movement, because I have experienced sexual harassment and felt like I couldn't do anything about it. 

However, I am apprehensive about all these allegations against all these men, because I think probably 90% of all the accusations represent situations that are very complex, and sometimes what is truly "right" or "wrong" is a matter of perception.

That guy who kissed me in the restaurant all those years ago? He had been drinking. I seriously doubt he went on to become a rapist. He shouldn't have kissed me. I was ambushed. However, what price should he have paid?

Male/female power dynamics are very tricky.

What if some women are using their stories of harassment for their own agendas? What if they are trying to get money or get famous?

I was a paralegal for years and I worked on a lot of lawsuits filed by women who claimed their bosses sexually harassed them. They were settled for pittances in almost every case. The problem was, the women usually started having affairs that were consensual, but when the bosses didn't give them what they wanted (a raise, a promotion, etc.) then they tried a different tack -- a lawsuit.

Now, were we biased? Of course. We didn't represent the women. 

After time went by and I reflected on it, I realized the women who filed lawsuits likely were very different from women who had been truly harassed, because traumatized women are often too scared to speak out. There may have been women who were truly harassed who just quit.

Many women until very recently were fearful of making harassment or even sexual assault accusations. 

Fear is a terrible thing. 

A man will often use a woman's fear against her.

However, being accused of sexual harassment falsely is also a terrible thing. Being accused of sexual assault falsely is a terrible thing. 

I think in many cases there is a power imbalance and the women's fear fuels the men's tendency to be harassing or exploitative.

I think also there may be many instances of misunderstanding. 

What is the solution? I don't think there is any easy solution. 

Like most complex problems, the solution is going to be complex as well. 

I do think that clear communication will help. Women need to communicate what is acceptable and what is not. Women need to be brave and speak up for themselves. 

Men need to not assume that their behavior is okay just because a woman doesn't explicitly call them out on it. You can usually look at someone's face and see fear or apprehension or discomfort. It doesn't take a mind reader.

Respect is a word that gets tossed around a lot but it's critical. Men need to respect a woman's space and not treat her like an object or a sex toy. Women need to respect themselves and not allow themselves to be objectified.

If women wear really sexually suggestive clothing they better assume the risk they might get harassed, or worse -- and I don't mean dressing provocatively invites that behavior. No woman dresses to get raped. I simply mean women just need to be aware of the risk they are taking, and take precautions.

Ladies, you can dress modestly and still be a strong powerful woman. 

Men, you can look at a lovely woman -- no matter how suggestively she is attired -- and control yourself.

If we don't rein in this witch hunt against men, though, I fear we are going to ruin lives and careers of guys who don't deserve that ruination. I fear we will become so judgmental there will be no room for apologies and amends, but situations will escalate immediately into public condemnation, lawsuits, even criminal charges, regardless of the truth. We have to have a dialogue that includes truth and respect on both sides.

I am very glad there is a national conversation on this topic. It's long overdue.

HOWEVER... we have to bring to light the truth, not simply exploit mistakes for personal gain. I mean that on both sides.

PTSD and Busy Hands

It's very rare for me to get super angry these days, but not long ago another adoptive parent said something that made me so angry I had to just stop the conversation cold and walk away. 

Sometimes that's all you can do, if you don't want to feel your blood pressure skyrocket, as you verbally battle the two worst foes of any parent: ignorance and delusion. 

I pointed out that all of our children who are adopted as older children have PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder] to some extent. His response? "Oh no, that's only for soldiers returning from war."

What made me the most angry was that he has several adopted children (adopted as older kids, not babies) and all have PTSD, but he refused to even admit the possibility. He had the belief that religion would save his children from any unpleasant aftereffects of their unpleasant early lives. I disagreed. 

My children both have PTSD. It manifests differently in each child, too.

My daughter got very upset one night when somebody at dinner waved a butter knife while talking. When she had calmed down she said as a small child she saw her birthmom and grandfather in a fight where a knife was used in a threatening manner, and it terrified her, of course. 

Small children who experience things like that ARE going to do one of two things, generally: either block that trauma out entirely from their minds, or get very upset or triggered by similar (though not the same obviously) situations, like the dinner knife incident, for the rest of their lives, in many cases.

It makes sense, right? If you've ever been driving and had a car accidents you've got some idea of PTSD. You drive along the same road, make the same turn, approach the same intersection, and fear or anxiety grip you because your body recalls how it felt to have that wreck at that place.

We all want to avoid people or places of situations that have caused great fear or pain or anxiety. That's part of being human. 

I bring all this up because seeing someone you love suffer with PTSD is one of the hardest and most painful things in the world, as I well know. 

 

Some soldiers return from war and do not have PTSD, or they somehow manage to deal with it on their own, and return to normalcy. 

Many soldiers have a hard time with it though. 

Even though soldiers are highly trained before they are put into combat situations, many return with PTSD. 

It used to be called "shell shock." In the movie Patton, there's a scene of General Patton slapping a soldier in a hospital and berating him as being a coward. I remember watching that scene and being horrified by Patton's behavior. That sort of macho posturing has always made me queasy. 

Making fun of someone who is in pain or distress over something that happened in the past? My opinion on that involves a lot of profanity.  

That old school disdain for PTSD created a lot of alcoholics and drug addicts.

I do not claim to be an expert on PTSD. I'm sure even among mental health professionals there may be disagreements about how to deal with it. 

I am pretty familiar with what doesn't work though.

Denial seems to be the method a lot of people use to deal with PTSD. It may seems to work for a while, but it doesn't work in the long run. Medication doesn't really work, either, IMHO. I think it just masks the underlying issues. 

I think the only thing that really works is to process the pain. 

There's a therapy technique called EMDR that has been used successfully on people who have been through trauma. A friend whose adopted child did this explained it to me as "She sat there doing something with her hands while at the same time recalling the trauma." That may be overly simplistic and/or inaccurate but the EMDR was somewhat successful with that child. 

When I was trying to teach my daughter to sing, I found if she beat time on something while trying to mimic the notes, she was far more accurate. 

My takeaway is simply that distracting yourself while trying to do something difficult, like recall trauma, somehow makes it less painful, more bearable.

My children aren't my only experience with PTSD.

I went through an incident when I was a child that gave me PTSD. I recall it very well. Took me years to get past it.  

I used to watch my mother, when she was upset, go in the living room and play the piano. Her hands were busy. She would stop crying. She would calm down. (We heard a lot of piano music when my dad was dying of cancer.) 

All of this is to say when I first learned about Jon Jackson and Comfort Farms, I got so excited I nearly wet my plants. [pun intended]

Gardening has helped me through some really tough times in the past 11 years. It made perfect sense to me that it would help vets with PTSD or other issues.

Jon returned from war suffering from PTSD and a TBI [traumatic brain injury] and he soon realized the way to healing was through farming. Keeping your hands in the dirt. Raising animals. Battling Mother Nature.

Keeping your hands busy produces all sorts of results.

He passed on this knowledge to other vets. So far, over a thousand veterans have been helped at Comfort Farms. 

There's so much more to do, though. Many vets are still committing suicide, every day. This needs to stop. 

My partner Carlisle Kellam -- who is an amazing photographer and filmmaker -- and I have teamed up to make a movie about Comfort Farms, to raise awareness and help Jon expand the program. 

You can visit the movie website HERE. You can view the beautiful trailer. Hopefully, you feel moved to DONATE because making movies (even modest documentaries) isn't cheap. 

If you're not interested in films but you want to support Comfort Farms, check out the Stag Vets website or the Comfort Farms Facebook page.

Funny But Real Household Tricks

In more than 30 years of “keeping house” I have learned a few tricks to make housekeeping easier. I decided to write this little blog about household tips I have actually used that actually worked. Consumer tested tips, if you will..

I have a crystal box someone gave me that I love. I keep jewelry in it. One of my kids drew a line on it with a sharpie. REALLY ticked me off. My kids were adopted at 13 and 10 – so we’re not talking toddlers here.

For some reason, one day I recalled a trick. I took the box lid and cleaned off the black mark with toothpaste! Yep. Worked like a charm. Toothpaste cleans crystal, and likely glass…

I have also noticed when I am trying to get a price sticker off something like photo frame glass, that rubbing alcohol works. Or you can use good bourbon, but I would hate to waste that stuff..

Speaking of booze, did you know that using vodka to clean your icy windshield works well? Put the rotgut cheap vodka in the container that holds your windshield wiper fluid. It works well. Learned this from my driver in Kazakhstan. Nothing like vodka fumes to wake you up at 8 in the morning.

If your toilet is clogged, put in some baking soda and then pour in some white vinegar. After the bubbles stop, flush. Then use the plunger. Repeat as necessary. Or call a plumber, if you have the money.

Or do what my brother did, buy a book about plumbing and teach yourself.

My grandmother believed in boiling water to clean stuff. If you have a tough to clean spot on your kitchen counter, pour some boiling water on it, then wait a minute and scrub. Note: years ago when we moved to this house I bought a Krups electric tea kettle. Love that thing. Works like a charm. I drink tea every day…

Shakespeare kills palmetto bugs. Biology and chemistry textbooks work well too. Basically any big bug that’s hard to kill, drop a 5 lb. book on that sucker and it will usually do the trick. [I learned this while visiting by BFF at her dorm at Emory years ago. Thank God the RA was pre med and studying Chemistry that night because a 4 inch long palmetto bug had me pretty much hysterical. Thank god nobody had a video camera or I would have been a YouTube sensation or an involuntary meme…]

Of course, first you can spray bugs with hairspray. White Rain is great for that. I try not to use bug spray because my mom has asthma.

Want to keep your child’s nice clothes clean? Or your husband’s clothes? Hide them. Mom used to buy nice shorts and shirts for Daddy in preparation for vacation, and hide them. Otherwise, he would wear brand new clothes to change the oil in the car, spread manure in the garden, etc. If she hid them until time to pack, there was a chance they would stay looking nice, at least until we got back from vacation..

If you have a dog that gets on the furniture (like Lola, my bassett hound) the sofa tends to get really hairy. Wrap your hand in duct tape and use it to peel up the hair. You can also use scotch tape, but it doesn’t work as well. Brushing the dog occasionally helps too, but let’s not get crazy.

If you are cooking and you need to thicken a soup or stew you can add potato flakes. I am horrible at using flour and water to thicken gravy. Potato flakes work. Uncle Ben’s. Generally, I prefer real potatoes, of course…

I have learned that instead of stressing out about finding lids to little plastic containers when I am trying to save leftovers, just popping a piece of tinfoil over the bowl works fine. Then I take a sharpie and write on the foil what is in the bowl. That way my kids won’t be looking for applesauce and accidentally pull out the peas. Etc. Oh who am I kidding? I do it for ME, okay. Identifying glops of cold food is just much easier if there’s a foil lid with the name of the food on it.

Do you hate having to wash your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher? Scraping food off plates is yucky. However, you can simply put the plate on the floor and let the dog lick it. Problem solved. [Don’t give me any crap about it being bad for the dog. Our dogs have been licking plates since 1959 and they have all lived far longer than what the books predict, and been healthier.]

Spilled food on the floor? Let the dog clean it up. 

Need to lose weight? Take the dog to walk. [See dogs are so necessary to life...]

Does your spouse hug the covers on a cold night? Train your dog or cat to sleep with you. Cuddling animals works. Just have to bathe them a bit more often..

Do you worry about cleaning your shower curtain? Here’s what I do. When the shower curtain starts looking nasty, I go to Walmart and buy a new shower curtain. I put the old one in the recycle bin.

My final tip is pure gold so listen up y’all: if you are wondering how to fix something or get something clean, go to You Tube.  Seriously. Everything in life you need to know is right there.

this is the sunporch/office at my condo where I lived for 6 years...

Book Club (movie review)

Back in the 80's my favorite TV show was Murphy Brown, mainly because it was a sitcom that made me laugh out loud. Sitcoms rarely ever tickle my funny bone to that extent. 

I never thought Candice Bergen was God's gift to acting, but the writing on the show was really sharp. 

Mary Steenburgen has consistently been in good movies and I have enjoyed watching her, despite a truly annoying voice.

I also must admit that even though I am not overly fond of Diane Keaton, I have enjoyed many of her movies, most notably Something's Gotta Give -- a truly brilliant and clever movie about people over 50 falling in love.

Right now I am being BOMBARDED by ads for Book Club.

I guess I am in the target demographic, a woman over 50. Still, I feel violated. I feel abused. I feel disgusted. 

Yep, I said it.

I DO NOT want to watch a movie about a bunch of old women who read Fifty Shades of Gray (insert retching sounds here) and decide to go have a lot of sex. 

I realize it's politically incorrect to say that. 

I don't care. 

I love Lily Tomlin (a truly brilliant and funny woman) and a couple of years ago I tried to watch a show called Grace & Frankie, because it looked rather clever. I watched until the episode when Jane Fonda kissed a man about 20 years younger than her, a long passionate kiss. Then I turned off Grace and Frankie and never watched it again. 

I have nothing personally against Ms. Fonda, although I know she's a figure of controversy.

I just find her appearance unsettling to the point of bizarre. She doesn't look like an 80 year old woman -- and I don't mean that as a compliment. She looks like an 80 year old woman trying desperately to look 60. Dyed hair, face surgically enhanced and makeup enhanced, flat stomach (possibly). I've never seen an 80 year old woman with a flat stomach that wasn't in the hospital, very ill, or wearing a very tight girdle. 

Old ladies have poochy bellies. It's just a fact. That's life. 

They also have wrinkled necks and aged hands -- no matter how smooth the face, the neck and hands don't lie.

I won't be seeing Book Club because I find it offensive. The trailer is offensive. 

Here's the rundown: four old ladies read Fifty Shades of Vomit -- excuse me, Gray -- and decide to go out and have a lot of sex. They joke a lot about sex. Sex is supposed to make them happy. 

Now, if anyone reading this is over 60 and likes to have sex a lot GOOD FOR YOU. More power to you. 

I just don't want to hear about it. 

I have read excerpts from Fifty Shades and it's not a book I will ever purchase or waste my time reading. I have to grudgingly admire the writer, though, because she has made millions off of it. 

I will never write a book where the main subject is S&M because I find it nauseating. However, we live in a free country and everyone should be entitled to do as they please, as long as everyone is of legal age and consents.  

 

I used to belong to a book club primarily consisting of women over 50. We had a lot of lively discussions. None of them were about sex. NONE OF THEM. I am no longer a member, primarily because I find it difficult to sit still for 2-3 hours at a time. I need to get up and move, or my back tends to ache. (This is not an issue for someone who works at home.)

Lots of my friends belong to book clubs, and enjoy them very much. Book clubs are, generally, great places for female bonding and I am VERY pro-book club. Plus, I love to read. 

I wish there were new movies aimed at people over 50 where sex was not the main theme, or the subplot causing a lot of awkward giggles and snorts. 

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a good example. Cleverly written, funny, touching, beautifully acted. Ms. Fonda was in another great movie about aging, On Golden Pond. 

As I've said before, there is a huge audience for movies about folks in my age group and older. Please don't insult our intelligence, though.

The men in Book Club seem to fare no better than the women. I love Andy Garcia. I just don't want to see him in such a crappy movie. Kill the Viagra jokes, please. 

Film writers: please write something real, and clever, about older folks who are not desperately trying to look and act younger.

Surely we can do better than Book Club...

Admit Your Age

Every day I see ads on my Facebook page for anti-aging creams, serums, tonics, procedures, etc. I was thinking about that this morning, because ageism is the last "ism" to be socially acceptable. 

Think about it. Racism is not ok. Sexism is not ok. Homophobia is not ok. [and that's all good news, believe me]

However, it's still a widely-held belief that all women should pursue desperate measures to look young -- no matter how painful or costly -- because the worst thing in the world for a woman is to look OLD. 

I admit that I was brainwashed, too. I often look at photos of actresses and think wow she looks OLD.

However, I am ok with looking my age. Heck, I'm proud to have made it this far.

I stopped wearing makeup because it actually tends to emphasize my wrinkles. I prefer a more natural look, however pale -- although my mother always says "Just wear a little lipstick, at least!"

I adored my grandmother, Memaw Hasty, but she had been brainwashed, too. She wore a corset even when she was in her 70's. I never saw her without makeup until she had a stroke and was in the hospital, and then I barely recognized her. She thought women who went out in public without wearing a corset or at least a girdle were indecent.

She was born in 1899. When she was young it was considered highly daring for a woman to show her ankles. She was the first woman in Marietta Georgia to bob her hair! She was my hero, but she was a product of her times, as are we all.

We have come far, but we are not at the promised land yet.

 

I was startled recently to hear some really harsh remarks targeting Sarah Jessica Parker for looking old at the Met Gala the other night. It was widely reported . She is 53. She looked 53. That's not a crime. From that story:

"According to Andrew Hanssen, professor of economics at Clemson University, ageism is equally problematic in Hollywood. In 2016, he co-authored a study that outlined the dwindling opportunities for women as they age: 20-something women nabbed 80 percent of leading roles.." [interesting the study was done by a man]

“Aging is a bad career move, whether you’re a man or woman; however, it’s seen as more negative for women,” he tells Yahoo Lifestyle, explaining that in popular romantic movies where sexual attraction plays a role, female youth is prized above other attributes. That may explain why female celebrities start and end their careers earlier than men, who aren’t typically taken seriously for major roles until they hit their 30s."

 

Own It

Christie Brinkley is 63. I love this article with a statement she made recently: "The supermodel received a negative comment on social media — like so many celebrities do — but found a way to positively spin the insult. “She looks old now but still pretty!” wrote the Instagram commenter. In her response, Brinkley, 64, refers to how wine gets better with age: “Hey looking old is a compliment in ‘wine speak’ so thanks!” [source]

She owns a company that makes wine, just FYI.

She looks beautiful. Period. Good for her. I feel no compunction to try and look like her, though.

Recent movies like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel encourage me that things are changing, albeit slowly. I loved the action movie Red, and Helen Mirren rocked her part as a hit woman, but the love interest for Bruce Willis, Mary Louise Parker, was ten years his junior. [Tsk tsk...]

It started a while back. I loved The Bucket List -- a movie about two older men with cancer. Sounds funny, right? It was, actually. It was also touching and original.

Hollywood has figured out that baby boomers are in their 60's and 70's now, and they like movies. They are living longer than previous generations, and still seeing movies. 

Pretty much the busiest actresses working today are Helen Mirren and Judi Dench. Neither are spring chickens. However, I will watch any movie starring either one of them because they tend to pick good scripts. I've never not finished watching one of their movies.

There is a movie out now that I want to see starring Helen Mirren -- The Leisure Seeker.

 

Maybe the fact that I am single helps me be less insecure about aging. I don't worry about a husband or boyfriend looking at me and thinking "wow, she looks old" -- and heading out to find someone younger. Maybe it's unfair of me to criticize women who have those worries. 

Or maybe not. I would love to be able to wave a magic wand and make appearance insecurity disappear.

Then again, things change, in time.

Years ago, love stories or even comedic movies about people over 60 were uncommon.

Changing social mores is never a quick or easy process. Here's an example. When I was small, a movie called Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, starring Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, was considered cutting edge. Hepburn and Tracy played middle-aged parents whose daughter brings a black man [Sidney Poitier] home to meet them, and she announces they are getting married. In 1967 that was truly shocking stuff. In many states, at that time, it was still illegal for people of different races to marry. 

Now we don't think anything is weird about interracial marriage.

My son (age 21) is puzzled as to why I am still occasionally a bit startled to see interracial couples. I have no problem with it, per se, but it's just not something I saw a lot growing up, so it still surprises me, a bit. To him, it's not even noteworthy. I am very happy about that. His generation will be running things in a few years, and I hope they are colorblind, age-blind, and completely free of "ism" bias. 

(I have three good friends who are in interracial marriages -- solid, happy marriages. Progress has been made, thanks be to God.)

There are so many good things about getting older. I wish women would embrace them. I don't spend a lot of time every day trying to look gorgeous. It would be silly. It wouldn't make me feel good either, it would feed my insecurities.

I really don't care about other people's opinions of my looks. It's one of the perks of being over 50.

I have more patience now, and far more wisdom. I don't let things bother me the way I once did. 

Wisdom comes with age. A cliche, but true. I am far more wise, practical, thoughtful, and calm than I was even ten years ago. I know who I am and I like me. 

If you are over 40, embrace it. Own it. Don't fret over your looks. Life will get better and better if you stay calm.

me in my twenties!

me today

 

Recovering from Food Snobbery

I was delighted to see my article A Recovering Food Snob was posted by The Bitter Southerner this morning. Writing it was a labor of love, and sort of a confessional, truth be told. 

I am not the world's greatest cook. I like to cook and I can do a respectable meal, whether for family or company, but I do not have the cooking brilliance of my grandmother or mother, who are/were incredible cooks, and they mostly cooked during times when convenience foods were very limited to American housewives. 

I've always said when I get to heaven, I expect my first meal there will be Memaw's fried chicken, biscuits, rice and gravy, green beans, congealed salad, and pound cake. 

In heaven, I'm sure nobody is fat.

Although the Bitter Southerner was good enough to publish a photo I sent, of Mama and Memaw, I thought you might like to see some photos of the cast of characters in the article. 

Below, Granny Butler [Beulah Phillips Butler] her wedding portrait (left) and her as an older lady

right, Memaw with my uncle as a baby, abt. 1926

below, my grandparents before they were married

above, Bobby, Memaw holding my mother -- below right, Memaw, Papaw, my mom and her brothers

   

 

 

above, Mom and my aunt Myrtle, when both were teenagers

above, at Mom and Dad's wedding -- Memaw, my aunts Myrtle and Jane Hasty, and Dad's mother on the far right, in the back

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

above, Mom and Dad's wedding in 1957

from left: Papa Hasty, Memaw, Mom, Dad, my grandmother Cordelia and uncle Lewis Thompson

above, me and Mom, 1971

below, Mom and me and my brother

above, my parents in 1981