Every day I see ads on my Facebook page for anti-aging creams, serums, tonics, procedures, etc. I was thinking about that this morning, because ageism is the last "ism" to be socially acceptable.
Think about it. Racism is not ok. Sexism is not ok. Homophobia is not ok. [and that's all good news, believe me]
However, it's still a widely-held belief that all women should pursue desperate measures to look young -- no matter how painful or costly -- because the worst thing in the world for a woman is to look OLD.
I admit that I was brainwashed, too. I often look at photos of actresses and think wow she looks OLD.
However, I am ok with looking my age. Heck, I'm proud to have made it this far.
I stopped wearing makeup because it actually tends to emphasize my wrinkles. I prefer a more natural look, however pale -- although my mother always says "Just wear a little lipstick, at least!"
I adored my grandmother, Memaw Hasty, but she had been brainwashed, too. She wore a corset even when she was in her 70's. I never saw her without makeup until she had a stroke and was in the hospital, and then I barely recognized her. She thought women who went out in public without wearing a corset or at least a girdle were indecent.
She was born in 1899. When she was young it was considered highly daring for a woman to show her ankles. She was the first woman in Marietta Georgia to bob her hair! She was my hero, but she was a product of her times, as are we all.
We have come far, but we are not at the promised land yet.
I was startled recently to hear some really harsh remarks targeting Sarah Jessica Parker for looking old at the Met Gala the other night. It was widely reported . She is 53. She looked 53. That's not a crime. From that story:
"According to Andrew Hanssen, professor of economics at Clemson University, ageism is equally problematic in Hollywood. In 2016, he co-authored a study that outlined the dwindling opportunities for women as they age: 20-something women nabbed 80 percent of leading roles.." [interesting the study was done by a man]
“Aging is a bad career move, whether you’re a man or woman; however, it’s seen as more negative for women,” he tells Yahoo Lifestyle, explaining that in popular romantic movies where sexual attraction plays a role, female youth is prized above other attributes. That may explain why female celebrities start and end their careers earlier than men, who aren’t typically taken seriously for major roles until they hit their 30s."
Own It
Christie Brinkley is 63. I love this article with a statement she made recently: "The supermodel received a negative comment on social media — like so many celebrities do — but found a way to positively spin the insult. “She looks old now but still pretty!” wrote the Instagram commenter. In her response, Brinkley, 64, refers to how wine gets better with age: “Hey looking old is a compliment in ‘wine speak’ so thanks!” [source]
She owns a company that makes wine, just FYI.
She looks beautiful. Period. Good for her. I feel no compunction to try and look like her, though.
Recent movies like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel encourage me that things are changing, albeit slowly. I loved the action movie Red, and Helen Mirren rocked her part as a hit woman, but the love interest for Bruce Willis, Mary Louise Parker, was ten years his junior. [Tsk tsk...]
It started a while back. I loved The Bucket List -- a movie about two older men with cancer. Sounds funny, right? It was, actually. It was also touching and original.
Hollywood has figured out that baby boomers are in their 60's and 70's now, and they like movies. They are living longer than previous generations, and still seeing movies.
Pretty much the busiest actresses working today are Helen Mirren and Judi Dench. Neither are spring chickens. However, I will watch any movie starring either one of them because they tend to pick good scripts. I've never not finished watching one of their movies.
There is a movie out now that I want to see starring Helen Mirren -- The Leisure Seeker.
Maybe the fact that I am single helps me be less insecure about aging. I don't worry about a husband or boyfriend looking at me and thinking "wow, she looks old" -- and heading out to find someone younger. Maybe it's unfair of me to criticize women who have those worries.
Or maybe not. I would love to be able to wave a magic wand and make appearance insecurity disappear.
Then again, things change, in time.
Years ago, love stories or even comedic movies about people over 60 were uncommon.
Changing social mores is never a quick or easy process. Here's an example. When I was small, a movie called Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, starring Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, was considered cutting edge. Hepburn and Tracy played middle-aged parents whose daughter brings a black man [Sidney Poitier] home to meet them, and she announces they are getting married. In 1967 that was truly shocking stuff. In many states, at that time, it was still illegal for people of different races to marry.
Now we don't think anything is weird about interracial marriage.
My son (age 21) is puzzled as to why I am still occasionally a bit startled to see interracial couples. I have no problem with it, per se, but it's just not something I saw a lot growing up, so it still surprises me, a bit. To him, it's not even noteworthy. I am very happy about that. His generation will be running things in a few years, and I hope they are colorblind, age-blind, and completely free of "ism" bias.
(I have three good friends who are in interracial marriages -- solid, happy marriages. Progress has been made, thanks be to God.)
There are so many good things about getting older. I wish women would embrace them. I don't spend a lot of time every day trying to look gorgeous. It would be silly. It wouldn't make me feel good either, it would feed my insecurities.
I really don't care about other people's opinions of my looks. It's one of the perks of being over 50.
I have more patience now, and far more wisdom. I don't let things bother me the way I once did.
Wisdom comes with age. A cliche, but true. I am far more wise, practical, thoughtful, and calm than I was even ten years ago. I know who I am and I like me.
If you are over 40, embrace it. Own it. Don't fret over your looks. Life will get better and better if you stay calm.
