There aren't a lot of sources of cheap entertainment in the world but I am here to testify that job ads have gotten quite entertaining. Looking for a job is a nerve-wracking activity, but oftentimes I find myself giggling when I read certain ads.
I read an ad today for a copywriter and the cover letter was supposed to mention the word "pumpernickel." Now, I am a professional writer and I've written just about everything in the world. However, that "pumpernickel" insertion was too tempting. I would have likely ended up saying something like this, at the end of the letter: "Thank you for the opportunity to explain how my skills and experience make me a good fit for the position. Now I will return to my corned beef on pumpernickel sandwich, and leave you to marvel at my brilliant letter writing skills, and wonder what fabulous sum you could offer me to come work for your company."
Fun Work
Here's a phrase I never would expect to see in an ad for a paralegal: "This is a fun and young team environment." Now, I have worked in large and small law firms, and two multinational corporations, and I can promise you, any law firm that describes the environment as "fun and young" is likely run by lawyers who have not been out of law school very long. I'm also pretty sure they are not looking for a short fat old lady to hang out in their Fun Young Office, so I'm not going to send a resume -- but I doubt they will be in business much longer.
A lot of ads use the word "fun" [I know because I did a word search on Craigslist].
"When Was the Last Time You Had FUN at Work?" - Dental - Orthodontics [anyone who can make orthodontia FUN is a magician]
"In search of FUN, Creative Party people to join our team of Art Entertainers!" [the company encourages people to drink alcoholic beverages and paint stuff -- brilliant idea]
"We Put the FUN in Fundraising" [how is begging for money fun?]
Must Be Fluent
I am accustomed to ads that want someone fluent in Spanish, but I just read an ad insisting that the applicants be fluent in.... [wait for it] English. Yep, clearly they have been beset by applicants not fluent in English. Multiculturalism has gone too far.
Proofreading Counts
I just read an ad for a company that says "This is a temperately position." Further down, the ad states "Be able to communicate in English fluently." If only the ad writer could meet that qualification...
Bring Your Dog to Work
"Come join our agency and unique, dog-friendly environment!" This is so tempting. I know Lola would have a blast at that company -- they included a photo of their lobby and I saw someone had left a poo poo on the floor... [just kidding] I scrolled down and saw why they encourage dogs at work - they want people to do phone sales from 8 in the morning until 10 at night. Yikes.
Tell Me A Secret
Saw an ad for a tour guide -- because obviously tourists flock to Atlanta -- and the company said on their ad: "Tell us something about yourself that you've never put on a job application before?" I am so tempted to reply to that and say...
I can sing all the words to "Georgia On My Mind," sounding exactly like Ray Charles
I can sneer out of either side of my mouth [known as The Elvis Syndrome]
I was born with a head full of red hair and we had a red-haired mailman at the time
I consider my entire house a bra-free zone
I once got paid to sing the National Anthem
I bet no other applicant can say "Where is the bathroom?" in 5 different languages
My accent is so southern I make Foghorn Leghorn sound Yankee
I am related to Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, Merriwether Lewis, and Queen Elizabeth [a lot of fun people]
