The Crab Chronicles

The Saddest Christmas Tradition

My mom and I spent a little time yesterday telling my son how much his Grandpa Tony loved Christmas, and how delightfully childlike he was about it.

I wish my dad were here, to wear a silly Santa hat and say "I believe that's the prettiest tree we've ever had!" He always wanted to open one present on Christmas Eve and Mom always (laughingly) said no. 

It occurred to me just today that every Christmas of my life, my father must have missed his parents. They had both died before he turned 30 years old. He never acted sad around me and my brother, though. 

One day in the near future my mom will join him in heaven. I will have to try and soldier on, just like Dad did for all those years, because I want my son's memories of Christmas to be happy ones. 

As a parent, I am old enough now to miss my Dad every year, and to dread the time when I will miss my mom. We have an obligation, though, not to pass that sadness on to our families. Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time.  

I heard from a friend recently who said it was too much trouble to put up a Christmas tree, and they were not exchanging gifts because it was just her and her husband. That made me sad.

My mother always insists that her children be with her on Christmas  -- except when my brother was in the Army, and some years he just couldn't get leave to come home. I used to wonder why Mom was so adamant about having us home. Now I understand. She was creating a sense of home, and security, and making memories. Even if it was just her and me and my brother (after Dad died) that was okay. We still had happy Christmases. I always put up a tree at her house, usually the day after Thanksgiving. We always put wrapped gifts under the tree. We always fixed a special Christmas dinner.

BTW, the years when my brother couldn't come home on Christmas, Dad would always cry. He hid it from me, and I only learned of it later when Mom told me. Dad grieved hard for Bruce when he couldn't come home, despite being incredibly proud of him for serving our country. [below, Mom and Dad, holding baby Bruce]

Christmas memories that are joyful and meaningful have to be created. They take some work. Yet I believe that "keeping Christmas" is vital to our emotional health and well-being. We need that joy. We need to ponder the beautiful story of the birth of Jesus, and all that he brought to the world. 

We need to sing together. We need to hug each other. We need to laugh at silly jokes together. We need to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas. We need to wrap presents, and drink eggnog.

We need to put aside our sadness and the missing of our parents and grandparents and be joyful, so our children will have happy memories of Christmas. Every generation has to do that, learn to lay aside nostalgia and grief, and keep Christmas alive for the next generation. 

I wish for every one of my peers and folks older than me to remember this: Christmas is what you make of it. It can either be a very happy and joyful occasion or it can be sad.

Keep Christmas. Bake cookies. Sing carols. Send cards. Call old friends. You don't have to spend a lot of money. You can make it a joyful holiday, though, with a little effort. Remember the joy of Christmases past. Pass that joy along to your children and grandchildren.

Choose to celebrate what Christmas is really all about: love. That's why Jesus was born, to teach us how to love each other better. Honor him by passing on that love.. 

Furniture Is An Investment

When my parents married in 1957 they had nothing -- no furniture, no kitchen stuff, no nothing. Mom had always lived with her parents. Dad had always lived with his parents or his aunt. They got some good wedding gifts and moved into an empty apartment and sat on folding chairs. Then my uncle called about an old sofa someone had left on the street and an old card table, and my grandfather gave them a bed he had bought [used] in 1923 when he had married my grandmother. [My son still uses that iron bed, BTW.]

Like most newlyweds, they didn't care. Unlike most newlyweds, Mom had the good sense to replace all the crappy furniture as quickly as possible with very good quality furniture. [It helped that Dad had friends in the furniture business and they lived a short drive from North Carolina, furniture capital of the world.]

When Mom got her first paychecks for teaching she started saving, and eventually she saved up to buy some very high-quality furniture pieces made from Flex Steel. She was told they were guaranteed to last a lifetime. That was about 1959. In the photo below [my grandfather is sitting on the sofa] you can see the big sofa she bought. It has been recovered numerous times. 

 

Below, the same sofa about 1969, when I was 7 and still played with Barbies. We still have the wingback chair on the left, too, although it has been recovered. 

About a year ago I noticed that the sofa was getting a bit worn looking from its 1991 recovering so I had it recovered yet again, and it was delivered last week.

I used a local upholsterer who came highly recommended and he did an awesome job. 

Mom often talks about buying that sofa because it was the first major piece of furniture she ever bought, but the point I want to make is simple. Don't go out to some discount place [like I did about 25 years ago] and buy deeply discounted furniture. It won't last. The furniture I bought in 1993 has all been torn up and fallen apart and I had to pitch it out. 

I told my son the sofa below will probably be around for his grandchildren to play on!

When it comes to furniture, save your money and buy really good quality, and you won't have to replace it in 10 or 20 years. Just get it re-covered and it will look new. (Also, of course, don't buy anything too trendy looking...)

Celebrity Offspring Names

Have you ever heard a name and blanched in horror?! I have. My own name [Dee] has been a constant hassle, because people always assume it's short for Deirdre or Delilah, and it's not. I come from a long line of weirdly-named folks, with scores of oddly-named forbears, so I don't have room to throw stones, but I thought it would be fun to talk a little bit about odd names. 

If you want to snicker here's a list of the actual [recorded in the family bible] names of some of my relatives, from both sides of the family: Wilma [my grandmother]; Beulah [her mother]; Algernon [my paternal grandfather]; Eula Cordelia [my grandmother, who never told anyone her first name was Eula]; Chillie [my great uncle]; Olene [my great aunt]; Nannie [two great aunts have this name]; Sampson [my great great grandfather];  Parmee [my great aunt].

You get the picture. As odd as some of those names were, most of them were actual NAMES. 

Celebrities nowadays take great pride, obviously, in naming their children bizarre things. I guess they think it makes their child distinctive. In my childhood, they would have been teased unmercifully about their names. These kids, however, probably will never attend a normal public school. They probably all attend [or will attend] snooty private schools no normal parent could afford, where there are lots of weirdly-named classmates. If your name is Coco or Fifi or Boston you probably won't be making fun of the classmates named Apple or Moses [Gwyneth Paltrow's children].

So here's a list of some names I find just... unfortunate. Years from now my grandchildren and great-grandchildren named things like Pudding and Mademoiselle and Max Overlord will likely be very puzzled by this blog, because of course God has a sense of humor and karma is a thing...

Above, Sting and wife Trudie, with daughters Fuschia and Mickey

Beyonce and Jay Z -- Since they have such typical, average names [cough cough] what a surprised they have kids named Blue Ivy, Sir, and Rumi. I wonder when Sir gets older, will he always wonder if people are being respectful or just familiar?!

Kardashians -- These women have paved new ground when it comes to weird names. Dream, North, Reign, Stormi, Chicago, Saint, True.

Demi Moore -- Rumer, Tallulah, Scout

Gwen Stefani -- Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo

Robert Rodriguez -- Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue, and Rhiannon

Forest Whitaker -- Autumn, Sonnet, and True

Jamie Oliver -- Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Buddy Bear, and Petal Blossom Rainbow

Here are some more:

Kulture [mom Cardi B]

Bear [mom Alicia Silverstone]

Sparrow James Midnight [son of Nicole Richie]

Moroccan and Monroe [mom Mariah Carey]

Exton [dad Robert Downey Jr.]

Dakota [mom Melanie Griffith, dad Don Johnson]

Gunner [dad Spencer Pratt]

Kal-El [dad Nic Cage]

Pilot Inspektor [dad Jason Lee]

Spike and Sunday [dad Mike Myers]

Satchel [a girl, dad is Spike Lee]

I will be curious as to what Prince Harry and Meghan name their child. William named his kids fairly normal things, George, Charlotte and Louis. But you watch - the Harry baby will probably get a slightly different name, like Ollie or Marigold or Elton.. 

 

From A Little Red Barn: Twenty Questions With Stacy Williams Shuker Reece

Are you looking for a unique, whimsical, and yet very practical Christmas gift? I invite you to check out Down South House and Home, a wonderful venture run by my friend Stacy Williams Shuker Reece.

A few years ago I interviewed Chuck Reece, editor of The Bitter Southerner. Chuck told me he had just gotten married, to the lovely and talented Stacy Williams Shuker Reece. I have known Chuck since we were both in college at UGA. I have gotten to know Stacy through Chuck, and I am delighted to present an interview with her.

Stacy is an incredibly multi-talented lady. She has a Ph.D. in Inorganic Chemistry, and she has been on staff at the Medical College of Georgia. For the past two years, she has run a great business called Down South House and Home, with all the products being made in a tiny red barn in her backyard. The Down South products are unique because they reflect the way we talk here in the South, and most of them are also whimsical and humorous.

Chuck and Stacy share a beautiful older home, about 15 minutes from me, in Clarkston Georgia. When I pulled up I didn’t see the red barn and at first I was fearful I might have the wrong address, but pretty soon Stacy came out and hollered. The products on Down South’s website are all made in the tiny red barn, by hand. Stacy screen prints the designs onto towels, tote bags, aprons, and tee shirts. [See photos below]

Originally from the Watkinsville, Georgia area, in her PC [pre-Chuck] life, Stacy was with the Georgia Department of Economic Development as the Director of the Center of Innovation for Life Sciences. She has long been a mentor for small businesses, recognizing early on that social media is a powerful tool for raising awareness and driving sales. She now volunteers with Emory University to help refugees start small businesses. (Clarkston is a fascinating Atlanta community and it has the largest refugee population in the US.)

I sat down with Stacy and she told me about starting her business. “We moved out to Clarkston and there was this red barn in the back yard. I wanted to start working on products we could make that were southern related.”

When her business was in its infancy, a couple of years ago, I had great fun coming up with phrases or “southernisms” that might look fun on the towels, [the Fixin’ to Eat towel was my suggestion].

She does all the screen printing. “It’s a little bit of art and a little bit of science.” Stacy isn’t a classic artist but she has an incredible eye for designs that are appealing.

Building her own business gives her a great appreciation for the challenges faced by all small business owners. “I’m still in the process of growing the business. When I started the social media thing, building awareness, that was a slog. Now things are picking up.”

Building an online business isn’t easy. There are lots of moving parts. Building customer goodwill is critical. “For people to order online, they need to be able to trust you,” Stacy explains. Presentation matters. Things like high-quality photographs are important. Stacy bought a new camera not long ago and she has been photographing her merchandise herself, which is a testament to ingenuity and creativity. “I’ve improved my photography since the beginning of the year, and hopefully will get better,” Stacy notes. “If you can take better photos, people feel like they can trust you more. It looks more professional. It looks like you know what you’re doing.”

Stacy feels her dishtowels are great gifts. “People get really attached to dishtowels. My mother used to have those calendars on dishtowels. Dishtowels are useful. I want to make good quality towels, with designs that stay on.”

“What I really hope happens with my towels is that people get them dirty making memories.”

There are two types of towels, the workhorse and fancy pants. The workhorse dries quickly when it gets wet. “It’s great to have in the kitchen. The more you wash it the better it gets.” The fancy pants is heavier, and is easier to iron.

Stacy has big plans for her business, but she’s taking things one step at a time. For 2019, she notes, “I’m going to be working on some botanicals and some stuff for spring.”

I can’t wait to see what comes next!

 

What is your full name?

My full name is Stacy Alayne Williams Shuker Reece. My first husband passed away, and I decided to keep his name (Shuker) because his daughters stayed in my life.

Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world?

I would live in Athens. I love Athens. I’m from Watkinsville [which is near Athens]. Athens is so chill. There’s no place like it.

What is your favorite movie and why?

My favorite movie is Auntie Mame. [The version with Rosalind Russell]The reason I like it is she just lives life fully – “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death” Auntie Mame says famously.

What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid? Social Studies. I love math & science.

What was your nickname when you were a kid? Stacy Bug. I guess I was cute as a bug.

Do you believe in God? Yes.

What sound or noise do you love? My favorite noise is rain on a tin roof.

If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be?

I would either be an archaeologist, a historian, or a gardener. I love gardening. My mother is a master gardener. My grandmother was a big-time gardener and she had amazing ferns on her front porch. Our family has been in Heard County since the 1820’s. My family came to Georgia right before the revolution and fought in a Georgia regiment over near Augusta. Then they spent the next hundred years moving until they found the poorest patch in the state of Georgia and stayed there. My grandmother lived way out in the county but every year she would get ferns – she used Epsom salts and the fronds grew to 3 feet long. [Stacy pointed out a similarly impressive fern she grew on her sunporch.]

If heaven exists, what do you think it is like?

I think it would be a place of grace and forgiveness, with lots of flowers and birds, and hopefully something interesting to do – something more than just choir practice.

Do you have siblings? I have a younger brother.

What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]?

My favorite memory is going to my grandparents’ home. My grandfather was a pig and cattle farmer. He was one of the first people to have a concrete hog parlor. He put it on the side of a ravine. He would wash the hogs and the runoff created the richest dirt in Heard County.. He had this old World War II Willis Jeep, and he would put it in first gear and we would ride around in circles in the cow pasture, over and over again. I had cousins all the same age. It was great because we would stay out of everybody’s hair and we learned how to drive.

If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why?

I think I’d like to travel around Europe and visit all of the major architectural sites and all of the scientific history sites. Twenty years ago I went to Florence and we saw all these religious paintings and that got old. I insisted that we go to the Museum of Science and they had some really wonderful ancient scientific equipment. They had Galileo’s finger there. Galileo was killed for his beliefs. Some of his followers hid his body and they cut off one of his fingers as a relic. That was my favorite part – seeing his finger.

What inspires you?

I love learning new things. With screen printing, there’s always something new to learn. My technique has gotten better. A year ago I could not have done the Brer Rabbit designs because they were just too fine.

Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th?

I think I like Christmas more than 4^th of July. My grandmother used to have a big 4^th of July every year, though, a barbeque. I loved that.

What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now?

Clarkston has got lots of refugees. Emory is doing an entrepreneurship program [microbusinesses] helping families learn how to do business plans. So I’m going to be mentoring refugees.

Do you know how to cook?

Sort of. My mother got me this book – Julia Child’s book, The French Chef. If you look on YouTube you can see the episodes where she actually cooks these recipes. What’s great about this is that you don’t need a food processor. You need a knife, maybe a box grater – and you can cook French food. I learned how to make Coq Au Vin and French bread.

What is your favorite thing to cook/eat?

My favorite thing to cook is fried chicken, and I can do buttermilk biscuits. Chuck said those are the two things he never could do. When I made him fried chicken and biscuits I think it kind of sealed the deal.

If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, for 2-4 weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why?

I would go to the Galapagos Islands, where Darwin started his Theory of Evolution.

Who do you love the most in the world?

My husband – Chuck is the love of my life -- with my mother as a very close second.

What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? [Stacy couldn’t think of one.]

Rudolph the Nasally-Challenged Reindeer

I think Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was the first Christmas song I learned. I can still sing all the words. Every year, as a small child, I was thrilled to watch Rudolph on TV and I sat on the floor mesmerized by the familiar story. 

I grew fast as a child and I was an "early bloomer" -- I was bigger than all the other kids when I started kindergarten and that was true right up until 6th grade, when a couple of the boys finally got taller than me. I was also chubby. So I felt like a freak and a misfit in school, always. (In high school it was the opposite -- I was shorter than most everyone!) Rudolph was a misfit, too. I felt Rudolph understood my pain. If I had been a character in his world I would have felt right at home on The Island of Misfit Toys. 

In the end, Rudolph's nose [spoiler alert] was seen as a beacon, and Santa used it to steer by. He didn't insist Rudolph get a nose job, to conform to all the other reindeer.

I was dismayed to see that some folks now consider Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer "problematic" and "bigoted," as reported here. Political correctness strikes again. The Thought Police are here. 

So I watched Rudolph dozens of times as a kid and guess what? I'm not bigoted. I have friends of all races and creeds. I am not materialistic, or sexist. 

I also used to watch The Three Stooges and guess what? I don't go around snarling at anyone or hitting anyone. 

I've read all the Harry Potter books and yet I don't try to do witchcraft or worship the devil.

Amazing, isn't it?!?

I wasn't corrupted as a child. I had parents who let me read and watch anything. There was no censorship. They were always available to discuss everything with me and my brother, but we had no trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality.

We can over-analyze just about any book or movie and find things that are disturbing. 

Let's play the political correctness game, shall we?

Cinderella depicts cruelty and oppression (the wicked stepsisters and stepmother). The moronic Prince has to take a slipper all over town because he can't remember what Cinderella's face looked like.

Snow White depicts cruel stereotypes of Little People and may put children off of eating apples.

Willy Wonka tortures children and tries to ruin their health by feeding them too many sugary snacks.

And on and on. I could eviscerate just about any classic story by adopting the ruthless and idiotic Politically Correct mindset. It seems strange to me that we now celebrate racial diversity almost fanatically in this country, yet we don't want to allow diversity of thought. [For instance, I let my kids eat dessert almost every night and neither one got fat, nor did their teeth rot, nor did they turn into sugar fanatics.]

Why must we all conform to the mindset of Political Correctness? 

How are we going to teach our children to distinguish between what is good and bad if we present them only with what we decide is good, and ruthlessly censor what we have decided is bad? Then there is no contrast. If you've never seen the damage a charging rhino can do, you will not know to be afraid of it. 

Another reason not to overly censor is that children have an innate BS detector. Ever feel the sting of embarrassment when your child corrects you in front of company? Most children are not stupid and they can experience all sorts of stories without internalizing those stories.  

I am always suspicious of someone (or some entity) trying to tell me how to think or feel, or what to put into my mind or my body. Like everyone else, I want to be free to make my own choices, good or bad. 

It's not just Liberals that want to police our thoughts and our art.

There's a popular idea now among conservative Christians that Halloween promotes evil. Yet, millions of people now in their 30's and 40's and 50's went trick-or-treating as children, dressing up as ghosts and witches, and we don't worship the devil. Most of us believe in God, pay our taxes, and are kind, loving folks. 

During the Cultural Revolution in China, in which the government tried to force everyone to decry and ignore all art that wasn't zealously pro-communist, the result wasn't what the government wanted. People began to mistrust their government and the seeds of the next revolution were sown. It totally backfired. 

Whenever something is presented as morally wrong -- like alcohol consumption for instance -- it instantly becomes more attractive. During Prohibition [1920-1933] the manufacture, sale and distribution of alcohol were prohibited. Tell someone they cannot have a drink and guess what? They will drink more. The ban was bad for health -- bootleg booze killed a thousand people a year. Crime rates rose. Government spent too much trying to enforce Prohibition, and lost money. It was called a "noble experiment" and theoretically it should have worked, but it didn't. 

Forcing people to conform to any one train of morality or moral thought never works. 

 

Instead of pulling Rudolph off the airwaves, watch it with your children. If you see something bothersome, pause the show and talk to your kids. I showed my kids a lot of movies and videos and used the PAUSE button carefully. I tried to teach them to look critically and analyze what was presented to them, not just swallow it hook line and sinker. Also keep in mind that art produced decades ago is bound to present characters and situations that may not conform to your belief system, but that doesn't mean the entire creative endeavor should be decried, banned, or destroyed.

Remember, kids are not stupid. My kids loved Willy Wonka, but he didn't turn them into sugar junkies.

Ban all "incorrect" books and movies from your house and your child will make a beeline for them as soon as they can. The forbidden is always attractive.