My mom and I spent a little time yesterday telling my son how much his Grandpa Tony loved Christmas, and how delightfully childlike he was about it.
I wish my dad were here, to wear a silly Santa hat and say "I believe that's the prettiest tree we've ever had!" He always wanted to open one present on Christmas Eve and Mom always (laughingly) said no.
It occurred to me just today that every Christmas of my life, my father must have missed his parents. They had both died before he turned 30 years old. He never acted sad around me and my brother, though.
One day in the near future my mom will join him in heaven. I will have to try and soldier on, just like Dad did for all those years, because I want my son's memories of Christmas to be happy ones.
As a parent, I am old enough now to miss my Dad every year, and to dread the time when I will miss my mom. We have an obligation, though, not to pass that sadness on to our families. Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time.
I heard from a friend recently who said it was too much trouble to put up a Christmas tree, and they were not exchanging gifts because it was just her and her husband. That made me sad.
My mother always insists that her children be with her on Christmas -- except when my brother was in the Army, and some years he just couldn't get leave to come home. I used to wonder why Mom was so adamant about having us home. Now I understand. She was creating a sense of home, and security, and making memories. Even if it was just her and me and my brother (after Dad died) that was okay. We still had happy Christmases. I always put up a tree at her house, usually the day after Thanksgiving. We always put wrapped gifts under the tree. We always fixed a special Christmas dinner.
BTW, the years when my brother couldn't come home on Christmas, Dad would always cry. He hid it from me, and I only learned of it later when Mom told me. Dad grieved hard for Bruce when he couldn't come home, despite being incredibly proud of him for serving our country. [below, Mom and Dad, holding baby Bruce]
Christmas memories that are joyful and meaningful have to be created. They take some work. Yet I believe that "keeping Christmas" is vital to our emotional health and well-being. We need that joy. We need to ponder the beautiful story of the birth of Jesus, and all that he brought to the world.
We need to sing together. We need to hug each other. We need to laugh at silly jokes together. We need to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas. We need to wrap presents, and drink eggnog.
We need to put aside our sadness and the missing of our parents and grandparents and be joyful, so our children will have happy memories of Christmas. Every generation has to do that, learn to lay aside nostalgia and grief, and keep Christmas alive for the next generation.
I wish for every one of my peers and folks older than me to remember this: Christmas is what you make of it. It can either be a very happy and joyful occasion or it can be sad.
Keep Christmas. Bake cookies. Sing carols. Send cards. Call old friends. You don't have to spend a lot of money. You can make it a joyful holiday, though, with a little effort. Remember the joy of Christmases past. Pass that joy along to your children and grandchildren.
Choose to celebrate what Christmas is really all about: love. That's why Jesus was born, to teach us how to love each other better. Honor him by passing on that love..
