The Crab Chronicles

Tucker Georgia, My Hometown

I never write about legal topics here on my blog because I am not a lawyer and I wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of trying to give out legal advice. I have a lot of paralegal experience and I know how to work a litigation case, but I never went to law school, never wanted to be a lawyer, and would never advise anyone on a legal matter, except perhaps to say "Here's the name of a good lawyer I know. Call him/her."

Having said that, I wanted to say a couple of things about businesses and safety, and about my adopted hometown, Tucker, Georgia.

A couple of years ago, an old office complex 3 minutes from my house was demolished and a new shopping center was built. It now contains well-known and popular stores, including a Sprouts, which is a discount farmer's market type place. I like Sprouts, for vegetables and hard-to-find items like gluten-free stuff, organic produce, and nuts. We don't have any other stores like it close by. The nearest Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, for example, are 20 (or more) minutes away. 

Last week, in the middle of a sunny afternoon, a lady was mugged right in front of Sprouts. The mugger got not only her wallet and purse, but her car. A friend of hers posted about this on the Tucker Facebook group, and it ignited a firestorm of comments. A lot of folks agreed with me that Sprouts and the other business owners should have cameras mounted all over that parking lot, at minimum, and patrolling security guards, to be really vigilant. Others felt like businesses should not be penalized for things like muggings in the parking lot.

So here's the debate.

I posted about the fact that business owners should make sure that anyone who comes on their premises is safe. People need to feel safe and not be mugged, obviously. However, businesses have a vested interest in making sure people feel safe, because if their parking lots are the daily sites of muggings, people will not want to visit their businesses. Indeed, some commenters on the Facebook post said they would avoid that shopping center now.

However, in defense of Sprouts and the other stores I want to say a couple of things. Shoppers -- or anyone who comes on the businesses property -- need to have situational awareness, and take steps to secure their own safety -- which is just common sense.

Wikipedia defines it:

Situational awareness or situation awareness (SA) is the perception of environmental elements and events with respect to time or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their future status.

Situation awareness has been recognized as a critical, yet often elusive, foundation for successful decision-making across a broad range of situations, including aviation, air traffic control, ship navigation,^[1] health care,^[2] emergency response, military command and control operations,^[3] and offshore oil and nuclear power plant management.^[4] Lacking or inadequate situation awareness has been identified as one of the primary factors in accidents attributed to human error.^[5]

The formal definition of SA is broken down into three segments: perception of the elements in the environment, comprehension of the situation, and projection of future status.

My brother has worked in the security field for years and before that was in the military. We have discussed situational awareness many times. If I walk out of a store holding bags of merchandise in one hand and I'm talking on my cell phone which is held in the other hand, vaguely glancing around for my car, paying no attention to the parking lot, thinking about my conversation, am I safe? No. I am distracted. Muggers love to see that. They can walk right up to me, show me a gun, and I am helpless. 

Let's take another example. I walk out of the store holding bags. I pause at the store's entrance, look all around the parking lot for anyone who seems to be just loitering, and I walk to my car with my keys in my hand, ready to unlock the car remotely, put the bags in, and go. I will not be as attractive to a mugger, in that situation.

I am not saying the lady who was mugged at Sprouts had no situational awareness or was careless in any way. I don't know anything about that. I just know situational awareness is important and can sometimes help one avoid being a crime victim.

Women get robbed at gas stations all the time because they have their purses on the passenger's side seat, doors unlocked, and they are looking at the gas pump reading as they pump their gas. It's easy for a car to pull up beside them and a thief can open the passenger side door, grab the purse, and be gone -- before the woman pumping gas even knows they were there.

So here are three true statements:

Businesses should strive to be safe places for their customers.

Customers should have situational awareness and take commonsense precautions for their own safety.

The mugging last week happened less than 5 minutes from a police headquarters building. Anything can happen anywhere.

 

When I was a young paralegal I started learning about premises liability, and I worked a lot of those cases over the years. I was usually working for lawyers on the side of the business owners who were getting sued by "invitees" (shoppers/customers) who were injured in some way after visiting the business. Lots of those cases were "slip and falls" -- for instance a lady walks into a store and trips and falls because of water on the floor, and hurts her back very badly. Was it the fault of the store owner that there was a wet spot on the floor? Or was it the fault of the lady, who was wearing high heels and paying no attention to where she was going? Those questions can really only be decided by a jury, but in many cases, business owners settle those cases for thousands of dollars to avoid protracted litigation and attorney costs. 

Tucker is simply as good and as bad as any other place. I will not let a mugging stop me from shopping at Sprouts.

I love living where I live. I love the fact that although I live in Atlanta, which is a huge city -- 11 million in the metro area, or something like that -- I consider myself a small town resident. I love Tucker. It's where I shop, eat out, hang out with friends, etc. Our little town is blossoming. New businesses are moving in all the time. We have a vibrant downtown area.

Lots of movies and TV shows film around here. Clint Eastwood's new movie The Mule was filmed, some of it, right down the street from my house. I saw the trucks. The new Hugh Jackman movie The Frontrunner was also filmed in Tucker. Tons of movies are filmed in Georgia now, as you can see here. We have mountains, urban areas, small towns, a beach, etc.

I have lived in Tucker since 1993 and I don't plan on ever moving. It's not as big and busy as Decatur or Marietta, but Tucker offers a lot of small town charm, with great access to the city. You can hop in the car and be at a Braves game, visit the Georgia Aquarium or see a show at the Fox Theater in less than 30 minutes. 

 

In conclusion, I want to offer a couple of thoughts. Businesses should take steps to make sure folks are safe in their businesses, including the parking lots. However, it's important for everyone to be aware of their surroundings and for women, especially, to be careful. Women alone are considered easy targets by muggers.

Tucker is as good as as bad as any small town. We have crime, but we also offer small town charm and most people who live here love it. Muggings in parking lots shouldn't deter anyone from living here.

I found a cool video which gives you a small taste of what Tucker is like. Check it out here. 

Main Street

 

Easy Dinner #1: Baked Pork Chops and Rice

I like to cook but I don't like to spend a boatload of time in the kitchen chopping stuff and stressing over some complicated recipe with 500 ingredients. I like fast and easy BUT tasty food. So I have decided to post the occasional blog giving instructions as to how to cook fast and easy dinners. 

When it comes to meat, I always have to make sure my mom can chew whatever meat I fix. That can be a challenge. She has lost a number of teeth and refuses to get dentures (I don't blame her) and so I just have to adjust what I cook to a softness level that works for her. When cooking almost any kind of meat (except fish) low and slow is the best thing to do. Crockpots are great but not actually necessary. The key is to set the oven on a low setting -- never more than 300. I like 250 or 275. Prepare your meat, put it in a covered dish, and bake it for 4-6 hours. If you don't have a casserole dish with a lid, just put tinfoil across the top.

TIP: If you work a regular job and you're gone all day, no problem. Prepare your meat and slide it into the oven at bedtime. Take it out the next morning before work and put it in the fridge. Re-heat it when you get home. 

The photo at right shows my marinade ingredients for baked pork chops.

I like to buy meaty boneless chops. This recipe also works just fine for a small pork tenderloin. 

Take the chops out of the package about an hour before you plan on popping them in the oven. I did that before I ate lunch. Cover both sides of each chop with salt, pepper, and Lawry's seasoning salt. Let the chops sit for at least 30 minutes.

I like to use the little square Pyrex dish that has been in use in my kitchen for decades. Pyrex is great stuff. It lasts forever.

TIP: before you put Pyrex (or any glass dish) in the oven, wipe off the bottom. If there is any moisture on the bottom of the dish it may cause the dish to crack and break apart, resulting in a huge mess in your oven. My mom learned this lesson the hard way, many years ago. (Instead of a lovely casserole, I think we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that night..)

After your meat has sat out on the counter at least an hour covered in salt, etc., put it in the baking dish. Pour orange juice in the dish ( see photo). Take your soy sauce and liberally shake it over your chops. Finally, put a generous drizzle of honey over each chop. 

TIP: if you are the kind of person who freaks out about not getting precise measurements of ingredients, don't fret. When the meat has been in the oven a couple of hours pull it out and taste a spoonful of the broth. Adjust the seasonings accordingly. With pork, you want a balance between the sweet and savory elements. Honey or jam are good sweet elements -- apricot jelly or jam is particularly good with pork or chicken. 

Salt, onion powder, garlic powder or salt, thyme, rosemary -- experiment with the herbs and flavors you like and figure out what satisfies your taste buds. Taste while you cook, and adjust seasonings. So important. 

I used to be afraid of cooking rice and it never came out right, for me. I finally stumbled upon the trick to cooking rice -- well, Mom told me, to be honest. I hate "al dente" rice. There is a Panda restaurant near here that serves godawful rice that is super chewy. UGH.

Rice should be SOFT.

I like to fix rice the way my memaw fixed it. Soft. I never cook rice except in the Club aluminum pot that has been in my family since the early 1970's. I think we bought all our Club aluminum with green stamps! It's terrific cookware. It will last FOREVER. You can find it on ebay for very reasonable prices. 

 

 Years ago, someone gave my brother and his wife a set of Club aluminum cookware. My sister in law decided she didn't like it and it was given away. Mom and I were astonished by that insanity. 

Anyway, back to how to cook rice. 

The secret to great rice is pretty simple: more water. Buy real rice, not the "quick cooking" kind. Real rice. [see photo]

Put 1 cup of rice into the pan. Add 3 cups of liquid. You can use all water, all broth, or a mixture of both. I like to use broth or stock, for a richer flavor. 

Add 1-2 tablespoons of real butter. Don't use the fake kind. Also use about 1-2 teaspoons of salt -- don't use fake salt. Use Morton's regular or Sea Salt. 

If you use fake salt and/or fake butter guess what? It won't be as yummy.

Turn the burner on high. Watch it. When it starts to boil, give it a quick stir and slap the lid on it and pull it off the burner. Have another burner ready to go, that's on low. Put the pot on the burner, with the lid on, and let it cook on low for 20 minutes. 

Now, I often add pepper, onion powder, or other herbs or seasonings to the rice pot, either before it comes to a boil, or after it has finished cooking. Rice is pretty bland stuff and herbs and seasonings are really necessary. 

VEGGIES: I didn't include a veggie recipe here but with this meal I will likely just prep some avocado slices with lime juice and sea salt. Asparagus would be great, too. 

If you have time and want to serve a dessert, lemon or key lime pie are good choices here. 

Bon Appetit!

If You're Raised Right You'll Be Sweet

I was thinking today how much my mother and grandmother influenced how I talk, and how often I say things I heard them say. They influenced me in every way, but particularly in regard to my speech patterns and language.

Memaw used to say “That’ll come back and bite you,” talking about something bad you’ve done that will boomerang on you – a/k/a bad karma. (A more old-fashioned way to say the same thing is “You reap what you sow.”)

Memaw also liked to say “It’s just as easy to love a rich man as it is a poor one.” HINT HINT DEE (LOL)

When I was a child I was never allowed to say “Shut up.” It was rude. I could say “Hush” like my mother did, as in “Hush crying, we’re fixing to go to the movies.”

Or -- “Hush up. Nobody needs to hear that sass.”

“You better hush crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” [Mom actually never said that, just Dad.]

Being smart-mouthed and using backtalk were strictly forbidden. Example: “You better hush up that backtalk or you’ll have to go cut me a switch.”

"Cut me a switch" meant I was fixing to get a spanking.

Everything and everyone had a category.

Memaw rated females on different degrees of attractiveness. The highest accolades were “perfectly beautiful” or “she looks like a movie actress.”

An unattractive girl? “She has a sweet face.”

I wish I had a nickel for every time I was told “You be sweet, you hear?” or something like “Y’all be sweet to Miz Jones, she’s been down in the back.”

There are varying degrees of rich, in my mother’s world. There’s “well off” – which could mean a lot of things but it hints at only modest wealth. Similarly, “He’s got some money,” means he doesn’t have to worry about paying bills but he’s not Big Rich. The highest wealth designation is “Big Rich” – reserved for someone like Warren Buffet or Bill Gates. Of course, there’s always New Rich – new money, only worthy of disdain.

Fatness is another important source of colloquialisms, at least in my house. My grandmother thought no woman should ever go out in public without wearing a corset or a girdle, so she had a lot to say about weight.

In my house growing up, there were two categories: regular fat and Hog Fat. Someone who was Hog Fat might need farm equipment to get up out of a chair. Regular fat people just huffed and puffed a bit going up the stairs, maybe because they drank too many co colas.

 “Skinny as a snake,” is one I heard in East Tennessee. Mom occasionally says “She’s just skin and bones.”

There are really no colorful expressions for medium-sized people, only the very fat or the very thin. Medium people are boring, I suppose.

I am always fixing to do something. Fixing to go to the store. Fixing to eat. I also say “fix” instead of “cook” oftentimes, something I never thought about until a friend from California pointed it out – like any Southerner, I say things like “I’m fixing grits and eggs for breakfast.”

I love to exaggerate, like all southerners. My daughter pointed out years ago my overuse of “Big Ol” as in, “Here’s a Big Ol mess the dog made, dang it.” Or "I have a Big Ol headache."

A very important designation in the south is whether or not someone was Raised Right. Here are some ways to tell:

• If he’s sweet to his mama, goes to church, loves baseball or college football and has good manners he was Raised Right.
• If she can’t cook, never goes to church, always has bra straps peeking out and cusses too much she was NOT Raised Right.
• If a child doesn’t interrupt grownups, has good table manners, says M’am and Sir, and is sweet to younger kids he is likely being Raised Right.
• If a man holds a door open for a female, helps her in and out of the car, won’t let her carry something heavy, and never forgets Mother’s Day, he was Raised Right.
• If a young women has multiple face piercings, thinks you can cook biscuits in a microwave, and has never read the bible, she was not Raised Right.
• If a man can’t hold his liquor, never heard of Earl Scruggs, or he drinks unsweetened tea, he wasn’t Raised Right.
• Whether regular or Hog Fat, if a woman’s behind jiggles obviously when she walks, she was not Raised Right. It’s okay to have a Swing On Your Back Porch, but jiggling buttocks are just plain scandalous, if you’re over 50. (People my son’s age never express an opinion on jiggling, likely because the girls all jiggle around in yoga pants…)
• If you are not southern you are exempt from these designations. There is little or no chance you were Raised Right, Bless Your Heart.

One of my favorite Christmas gifts was an apron from Down South House and Home that says Raised Right. My friend Stacy has so many cute dishtowels, tote bags, and more, with colorful southern sayings on them. Check out all her darling things.

I need to sign off and go fix lunch. Y’all be sweet.

Moix Courts Publicity With Remarks About Women Over 50

Social media blew up the other day because of the ugly remarks made by a French author named Yann Moix, who said 50 year old women were invisible to him and he was only interested in women much younger -- Asian women, particularly. From Wikipedia:

In an interview with the French edition of the women's magazine Marie Claire, Moix declared that women in their 50s were “invisible” to him and that he preferred "younger women's bodies." He further added that he preferred dating Asian women, particularly Koreans, Chinese and Japanese.

When I saw a post on Facebook about his remarks I was really angry and disgusted, but now I've had some time to reflect on what he said, I have a few additional thoughts. 

I should add that when I started doing research for this blog I came across even more ridiculous things Moix has spouted:

'White western women tire me, they wear me out,' he said. 'They make my hair stand on end. I cannot stand them. 

 

[from The Guardian] Under fire: Yann Moix, a TV presenter and prize-winning writer, said it is 'not possible' to love a woman his own age and that he prefers 'younger women's bodies'. He has now courted further outrage by claiming he 'cannot stand' dating white women, branding them 'pretentious'

Moix was criticised for being ageist, misogynistic and anti-feminist following his original comments, which were published in the French edition of Marie Claire. 

As an unmarried woman over 50 I can safely say: smart move, Moix. 

He isn't an idiot. He's brilliant. He has angered probably every non-Asian woman in the world who has a working brain, but he is very clever. He has gotten scads of international publicity. He is an author and filmmaker and I am pretty well-versed in both those worlds but I had never heard of him. 

I think his remarks are idiotic, misogynistic rubbish, but it doesn't matter what I think. I am an over 50 white woman and he has no use for me or my opinions. The author Tracy Clark-Flory came close to expressing how I feel in this article in Jezebel magazine but the article felt unfinished.

Moix is courting controversy and drumming up publicity, but I think he's also sincere. I suspect that many men feel exactly the way Moix feels, but they have enough sense not to verbalize those feelings. Moix has apparently never been married and has no children. So he exists in an extended male adolescence. He is immature and shallow. He gets exactly what he deserves -- a life of treating women like objects, not human beings. 

There are probably men all over the world secretly applauding him for his opinions. I don't care.

Here's the greatest gift that's part of being a woman over age 50: we don't have to spend vast amounts of time worrying about what men think about us.

In fact, I don't spend ANY time worrying about what any man thinks of me. Gone are the days when I would plan every outfit, worry about accessorizing, fret over my hair and makeup, and eternally try to be lovely and witty and charming to men.

I realized after I adopted my kids that I didn't have time for that kind of thing and I quit worrying. I cut my hair and quit wearing makeup. I wear mostly black pants and colorful tops and sensible shoes. I don't care what anyone thinks about me, male or female. I am at home in my own skin, and life is much happier and richer. 

My mom and I have an ongoing debate about this subject, whether or not older women should wear makeup. I say no. Mom disagrees.. Most days, Mom dresses carefully and wears necklaces and lipstick and perfume. Her hands shake so she doesn't wear full face makeup or eye makeup any more, but she loves her lipstick. It makes her feel good. I encourage her to wear anything that promotes her happiness. 

Wearing lipstick and/or makeup doesn't cheer me up. In fact, it stresses me out -- I keep thinking, is my mascara running? Is there lipstick on my teeth? Should I put hairspray on my hair?

And on and on.

I have a much richer life now that I don't waste so much time worrying about other people's opinions of me. I am a short, fat, gray-haired lady who is very opinionated and I make no apologies for it. I am who I am, and I am comfortable with me. My friends would tell you I am very smart, funny, and compassionate. 

I don't care what idiots like Yann Moix think of me.

Back to my original premise.

Moix got a lot of backlash about his remarks and I'd bet he was delighted. He doesn't care what any white women of any age thinks, and he has no use for any woman over 50. Karma will have a lot of fun with him. What about the next time he tries to buy a house and the seller is a woman over 50? What about any female relatives he has who are over 50? I bet they will give him an earful at the next family gathering. If he ever has to do business with a woman over 50 and she Googles him, she will most likely go into that meeting thinking what an asshole! He has made a huge number of enemies. Stuff stays on the internet a long time, Yann, and you reap what you sow. 

I'm enjoying just thinking about that...

BTW -- I studied French for two years. In French the word for me is moi -- add an X and you have MOIX - what an ego! LOL

Taking Issue With To Kill A Mockingbird

Last October, folks voted Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird as America's Best Loved Novel on the final show of PBS' The Great American Read. It is the all-time favorite book of many folks, famous and not so famous.

Demi Moore named her daughter Scout, after one of the main characters. [Hey, at least she wasn't named "Apple" or "Idaho" or "Valdosta." Celebrity child names always amuse me.]

To Kill A Mockingbird  is a novel set in the south, and the broad theme is tolerance. This NEA page gives a great summary and analysis of it. The main character, Scout, is 13 years old and living in a small southern town. Her mentally unstable neighbor Boo Radley is a main character, as is her father, a lawyer appointed to defend a black man falsely accused of rape.

I remember reading To Kill A Mockingbird when I was in high school, and disliking it immensely. My feelings were not popular. The book was revered by the late 1970's. My teacher was mightily annoyed with me for not worshiping the book.

I should state here for the record that although I love books and I have been an avid reader all my life, I do not think ANY book [not even the bible] should be worshiped. My view is that a book is only as good as the person who wrote it, and we are all flawed human beings. Books are flawed, as is any creative work by a human being. 

I recently started reading a book written by an acquaintance and I realized, much to my horror, that the book is riddled with examples of the author's disdain for and intolerance of southerners. That rankles. I could never look at the author the same way again. (Most authors do not realize how much they reveal themselves when they write a novel.)

I think Americans love To Kill A Mockingbird and revere it because it's about a good man, Atticus Finch, trying to correct the terrible racism of his time and place. There's nothing wrong with that. It's noble. It's praiseworthy. [Just FYI, I can never hear the words "Atticus Finch" without seeing the handsome and endearing Gregory Peck, my mother's favorite actor. We watched the movie when I was in high school.] 

The book was published in 1960, when America was on the cusp of social upheaval, and attitudes and prejudices were slowly being replaced with tolerance. Harper Lee's father was a small-town lawyer who had defended black clients and Lee had spent her childhood watching him argue cases. All authors tend to write what they know, and Lee knew the world she wrote about. 

I think what bothers me about To Kill A Mockingbird is the notion that most people in small southern towns are racist, and therefore the entire south is a racist, nightmarish place. That was probably true long ago. I won't argue differently. The south that I have lived in all of my life is not that nightmarish, racist place, however. [I wrote about it a bit in Memories of Segregation in The Bitter Southerner.]

The south I know and love is filled with good people. I have known far more Atticus Finch type people in my life than the book would indicate exist. A few examples:

    My grandfather Thompson ran a small country store in the 1930's and extended credit to black families, same as white families.

    My father championed the first black bank manager at his bank in the 1970's. The man told me years later he owed his career to Dad. Dad also hired and promoted a black lady in his department, at a time when the bank where he worked was 99% white.

    My parents left the Democratic party in the late 1950's, angering their parents, because they felt only the Republican party was in touch with the future and was tolerant and fair. At that time, most southern Democrats were very racist and definitely not in favor of desegregation.

    We had a black maid named Daisy when I was small. Mom made it clear we would call her MISS Daisy and treat her with respect and kindness, and Mom led by example.

    When I was growing up, to utter the "N word" in my house was a spanking offense.

    My brother had a girl friend in high school who was black. At a family reunion, when an elderly relative (who was quite racist) asked if he had a girlfriend, Brother pulled out the school photo of his friend and showed it to her, just to see the look on her face.

 

I have dear friends and relative who are black, Hispanic, Asian, gay -- and guess what? I live in a small southern town [Tucker, Georgia] and I am not a racist nor a homophobe. My parents were not racist or homophobic.

I champion diversity. I am happy my children are color-blind. 

Prejudices persist, though. Not long ago an attorney I worked with was told before she moved to Atlanta that she could expect racism and possibly violence because her mother was Mexican. The man who told her that had never even been to Georgia -- he was a Californian. He made her fearful of living here. She moved here about 2007 and has never encountered ANY racism towards herself or her family. None.

I am not going to argue that the south is a perfect Utopia of racial harmony. Of course not. It's a very flawed place, just like any other area of America. We are not the hideously racist and intolerant place depicted in To Kill A Mockingbird, however. Much has changed since that book was published.  

Did you know much of the movie Black Panther was filmed in Georgia? 

Many television shows and movies are filmed in Georgia these days -- see here. There are state of the art film production studios here, and Tyler Perry is a dynamic force in Georgia.

So we are not perfect, but we are not Mockingbird land either. I am proud of my state, and proud to be a southerner. That will never change.