Today marks the 12th anniversary of the day I adopted Michael! It seems like ages ago and it seems like yesterday. Such a happy day for me.
I copied below the journal entry for April 3, 2007, the day of the adoption hearing. After the hearing I had to leave and fly home and wait for everything to be finalized. I returned to Kazakhstan in early May and we did outprocessing and came on home - an exhausting few days and a really long trip home, but so worth it.
To commemorate the day, I took Mike out to dinner tonight. He only remembers bits and pieces of the adoption day. I will never forget that day! I am so glad I blogged about it. I thought it would be interesting to share that blog.
Mike and me in the orphanage looking at the photo book I made him
ADOPTION DAY 2007
It has been a much easier day than I had expected – in fact, pretty low key. No drama, very little tension. The most tension came from the fact I wanted to use the bathroom during the entire court hearing, but I was too nervous to run down the hall and find a ladies’ room – I was afraid I would miss something important.
Igor picked me up at 9:45, and already had the ministry of education lady in the car. We drove to a courthouse that looked like any other courthouse, pretty much. There was a small parking area next to it, and the mud was ankle deep in the lot – but I didn’t realize until I stepped out that it was completely frozen mud, so not bad. I had worn my boots, just in case.
We checked our coats downstairs, in the entryway. There were a lot of folks sitting around there. We walked up three flights. I was glad I had on pants, not a skirt and heels.
The judge’s outer office had a desk and a hat rack and several chairs, and a printer. Nothing special, except for the apple green walls. Michael was dressed in his court wardrobe and was there with Tatiana, the orphanage representative. Sholpan, my agency coordinator, was already there.
I gave Michael a hug and a kiss. We waited for about 20 minutes.
While we waited, the prosecutor came in. She was a young woman in her 20’s, long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a military style uniform. Igor said they all wear uniforms. Her boots were a weird combination between brown leather cowboy boots with an embossed design, and the typical high boots with spiked heels that all the women here wear. She also had long purple fingernails.
We first went in without Michael. The judge is a short, chubby lady of Kazakh ethnicity, with a little wave of gray in her hair. She sat at an ordinary looking desk. In front of it were two small tables, and about 5 feet away from the tables were about 8 chairs, lined up against the wall. Igor and Sholpan and I sat in the chairs.
The prosecutor and a court reporter sat at one small table. Tatiana and the ministry of education lady sat at the other table. There was a big Kazakh flag in the corner behind the desk.
The judge made some preliminary remarks, and said something about me being able to get copies of everything. I assume she meant Michael’s records. I want copies, of course.
She asked me my name, my date of birth, my occupation. She asked where in America I lived and I said Atlanta.
She told me that Michael was from a very bad background, and his mother was an alcoholic, and didn’t take care of him, etc. I won’t go into all of it here because it’s too private. The judge didn’t say a lot about it, just the facts, and asked me if I was aware of all that and did I still want to adopt Michael. I said yes, of course.
I don’t recall all the questions I was asked, but I will mention here the ones I remember.
The “speech” that Americans are told they will have to give can be pretty brief. I just said I have a daughter and I wanted a boy, and I decided on Kazakhstan because I have friends who have adopted from Kazakhstan.
The judge asked me how much my income is, and I told her. She asked if I thought that was enough to support two children. I wanted to say well duh, why am I here?! But I figured sarcasm was a bad idea. I just said I make enough, but also I live with my mother and she helps financially so no, I didn’t think there would be a problem.
In Russia, I was asked what I would do if I was dating a man and he didn’t like kids. This judge asked me the same insane question, except I think she said if the man wanted to marry me but didn’t want my kids - I replied I would never even date anyone who didn’t like kids and want my kids. [If I were to be completely honest I would say I have no interest in dating anyone right now, and not in the foreseeable future – I have Enough on my plate!]
She asked me if the house was in my name, and I said it’s in my name and Mother’s name, jointly. She looked through the book of photos I brought.
She asked me if I am ready to mother two children and take on that responsibility, and I said yes.
At some point it was mentioned that my daughter still speaks Russian. That was a big point in my favor, I felt. I also said I speak Russian, and that got a laugh. I always say “Ya ploha gavaroo parusski” which means literally “I speak Russian badly.”
The judge asked me if I can help Michael forget his past. I said I don’t think he will ever forget, but being in a loving family will help him to have a good life going forward. There seems to be a prevalent attitude here that when bad things happen you should just magically “forget” – I didn’t see any need to tell her I feel we need to talk about emotions and process painful feelings and memories so they don’t control us. I figured that might lead to an argument.
The one question she asked me that was really hard to answer was: “Now that you have spent time with this boy, what do you think of him?” Big tears came, and I grabbed Igor’s hand and said “Oh boy, I really don’t want to cry!” – and he translated it! I didn’t mean for him to do that. Everyone laughed. I just said “He is such a sweet little boy. He is SO smart. He has a really good attitude. I just love that little boy.”
The orphanage rep, Tatiana, spoke next. She described Michael as a good boy, with a good attitude, who doesn’t let his limb difference keep him from doing anything. She said he doesn’t want help – he prefers to do everything himself.
She said she had observed me with Michael and he has a good relationship with me. The judge asked her if Michael was just being good around me because he wants to be adopted. Tatiana said no, he is good boy all the time, and he couldn’t keep that up if it wasn’t his real personality. Good answer!
The ministry of education lady spoke next and said it appeared Michael and I have a good relationship and I will give him a good home. It was a short speech but that was the gist of it.
They brought Michael in. He stood next to me and I patted his back. The judge asked him his name. He said firmly “My name is Michael Robert Thompson.” He wouldn’t even say his Russian name. The judge asked him if he was OK with changing his name, and he said yes. Igor described the process of me letting him choose his name, and Michael affirmed he wanted to change his name.
The judge asked him if he wanted to be adopted and go to America and he said yes. The judge asked him if he liked living in the orphanage and he just said “No.” That got a laugh. Michael didn’t hesitate or equivocate he just said NO. [Well duh, what child wants to live in an orphanage?!]
Michael was sent out again, and the prosecutor spoke for a long time, some legal jargon. Then we went outside to wait. We had been in the chambers for about 40 minutes. We waited about 20 minutes. We all went back in, everyone except Michael, and the judge read a piece of paper saying the adoption is granted and will be final in 15 days. I grinned, and hugged everyone. I thought I would cry, but I didn’t.
I went outside and grabbed Michael and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him in Russian “I am your Mama!” He grinned big and hugged me back. The judge came out and saw us and said something but I forget what – it was positive. She was smiling.
We left the judge’s office and I went and found a bathroom, and we got our coats. Igor pulled the car around, and we settled in with Tatiana and Michael.
We took Tatiana back to the orphanage. Michael changed clothes while we were there. I also met the director – a short Kazakh man in a suit, who smiled warmly. I took a photo with the assistant director and Tatiana, who were instrumental in helping me.
The caretaker came back down with Michael and said he had gone upstairs and told everyone about the court hearing, and that his mama had on makeup and looked beautiful. He IS the sweetest boy in the world!
We went to the Doner Café for lunch, at Michael’s request. He didn’t play much in the play area, but there weren’t any of his buddies around. He ate fried eggs and a salad for lunch, his choice. I had chicken shashlik [shish kebabs] which were very tasty, and French fries. We got assorted cookies and baklava for dessert. I told Michael his Uncle Bruce loves baklava.
Igor dropped us off here at the hotel, and Michael and I spent the afternoon together. We looked at photos on the computer. We watched some TV. He said to me in English a couple of times “I need bathroom.” So he knows one very important phrase.
We knocked on the door of one of the other families and got 11 year old Caroline and went to the gym, and she and Michael played with the big beach ball for about 45 minutes. Michael made a huge effort to hoist the ball over the high net but it was tough. He fell a number of times. He and Caroline played some one-on-one soccer and he had a blast doing that. I think he has the ability to be a really good soccer player.
After Caroline had to leave at 3:30, he showed me his knee that he had scraped. We went upstairs so he could cool off and I put some Neosporin on the knee and a bandaid. He drew a beautiful picture for Granny and Alesia.
When Igor came in at 4:30 he had his wife with him, which was good, since she is going to tutor Michael in English while I’m gone.
I gave Michael the teddy bear I had brought for him. I also gave him the disposable camera, so he can make photos of his friends. I had Igor read to him the letters from Mother and Alesia. I asked him if he wanted Igor to read the letter from me and he said no. I think he can read it himself.
I gave him the calendar with Atlanta scenes on it and we turned to April. I marked on there today, court day, and we talked about the timing of me coming back. I said as soon as I knew the day, for sure, Igor would let him know.
I said to him the following:
“I hate having to leave you and go back to America. I will miss you so much. I want you to know that when I am gone I will pray for you every day. I pray for you every day now. I wear this cross to remind myself that God is always with us and he watches over us. God answers all prayers. When you come home we will talk more about God. Michael, I know you have had some really bad experiences in your life. I wish I could erase those things, but I can’t. However, in America you will be very loved. Granny and Alesia and I will all help you to learn English, and help you with everything. Even Coco will help you, I bet.” [that got a smile]
Igor and Michael gathered up all the presents and took them to the orphanage to give out for me. I was glad to hand over that chore. Igor helped me by writing the names in Russian on the tags.
When it came time for him to go, I hugged Michael tight for about a minute and kissed his head. I told him I loved him. I walked downstairs and gave him another hug and told him I loved him. It was very hard to leave him. I had to try hard to not cry. I didn’t want him to see me like that.
I came right up to the room and started working on this blog. It helped to settle my mind. I also called Mother and Alesia.
Dinner was low-key. After everyone ate, I served a cake I bought at the Doner Café for dessert, and we all celebrated Michael’s adoption. I had thought about going out but changed my mind. I wanted to hang out here with the other American parents. They have become my surrogate family here, and made this experience so much easier than I had thought it would be.
I do not know when I will be able to do another blog entry. I am not even sure what hotel I will be in tomorrow night or if it will have an internet connection. I will try to post asap and let everyone know the continuing story. It ain’t over yet.
below, Mike at his Gotcha Day dinner, tonight
