June is Pride month and if you have to ask what that means, you probably don’t have friends or relatives or colleagues who are gay, bi, or trans. I do. I am very happy to see the huge change that has come about just in my lifetime because for me the issue isn’t academic or even purely political, it’s personal.
No, I am not gay, bi, or trans. I would say so if that were the case, however. I wouldn’t hide it.
Things are so much better now than they used to be.
My mother grew up with three first cousins who were gay. One of them spent his life in a mental hospital. One died young of a heart attack. One of them became an alcoholic, then homeless. One of those men (the one who died from alcoholism) was like a brother to Mom, and they spent a lot of time together growing up.
There was a rift in that branch of Mom’s family when I was a child and for many years Mom didn’t speak to any of these men or their mothers, who were her aunts. The family feud had nothing to do with being gay. It was a dispute over a will. However, Mom was very upset when she found out the harsh fate of her cousin who died homeless.
Sadly, in the bad old days many gay men used to be rejected by their families and were forced to live in secrecy and shame. Many places had laws against homosexual sex. Women were not treated as harshly but there was still a terrible stigma attached to being gay in America.
There are places in the world where there is not only still a stigma, gay people are imprisoned and even put to death simply for being gay. A recent CNN article spells it out:
“70 UN member states still criminalize same-sex relations between two consenting adults... In 26 of those countries, the penalty varies from 10 years in prison to life.”
Earlier this year, in Iran, a gay man was hanged, simply for being gay.
Richard Grenell, our ambassador to Germany (a Trump appointee) is an openly gay man. He is pushing for worldwide de-criminalization of homosexuality. You can learn more about it here.
It’s mind-boggling to me that in 2019 there are still places so backward that gay people can be imprisoned or hanged.
Here in America we have made great strides in being a more tolerant nation, but we still have room for improvement.
I have a very close friend who is gay. I’ll call him Greg. We have been friends for 38 years. Greg waited until he was in his 30’s to tell his parents he was gay, because they attended a church where being gay was viewed as a sin. Thankfully, Greg’s parents were loving to him when he came out to them. They said they had known for a long time and it didn’t change their love for him.
I won’t reveal my friend’s name here in this blog, though, because he is a teacher. If he were openly gay he could lose his job, even now. He is a wonderful teacher and his students love him. They likely have no idea he is gay. He doesn’t advertise it. He is out to his friends but quiet about it professionally.
He fears so-called “Christians” and he fears losing his job, which is very sad.
I saw a recent post on Facebook that was a quote saying if you are a good Christian you shouldn’t be mean to someone just because you disapprove of their “lifestyle.”
There’s the crux of the problem. Many people think being gay is a choice or a lifestyle. Even though it’s not, anti-gay prejudice and intolerance are revealed when someone talks about a “lifestyle.”
Greg and I talked about it years ago. “Why would CHOOSE to be gay, Dee?” he said, his voice full of pain and anguish. “I would never choose to be ostracized or even reviled. Nobody would choose that! I fought with myself for years before I finally accepted who I am. Things are much better now, but it’s never been easy.”
I won’t try to wade into the morass of conflicting information out there about whether or not being gay is a choice, but I will say this. Every one of my gay friends and family members feels like they were born gay, and they figured it out from an early age, well before puberty. A truly bisexual person might choose to ignore any same-sex attractions but that doesn’t mean those attractions don’t exist.
There really shouldn’t be a debate about it as far as I’m concerned. It’s really nobody’s business who any adult loves.
Gay marriage is not about endorsing anything. It’s about civil rights. Period. Notice how straight people are STILL getting married, and gay marriage hasn't done one iota of harm, as opponents of gay marriage said it would?
I know some folks in my mother’s generation will say “Well why do they have to flaunt being gay? They’re too in your face about it. It’s offensive.”
Um, if they were dressing up in brightly colored clothes and carrying signs saying they love God and they want everyone to know it would you say the same thing, Grandma?
I bet not.
I know I am going to make people made with this post. I don’t care. I think a hundred years from now humans will look back on this time and shake their heads, aghast that there was even a debate about gay rights – just like we wonder why anyone would think slavery is okay. Yet, in 1860 there were a lot of Americans who thought slavery was just fine. They held up the bible and pointed to the verse saying slaves should obey their masters.
You can use the bible to justify just about anything.
Nowhere in the bible is the word "homosexual" used because it was unknown then. It wasn't coined until the 19th century. Nothing was known about sexual preference in biblical days. They did condemn sodomy -- and rightly so -- because in those days men would rape little boys and animals and it was a widespread practice, so of course it was condemned. They weren't talking about sex between consenting adults. If you don't study the cultural and historical context of the time in which the bible was written, you are really misunderstanding the bible.
I should say here that the only church I will ever be a member of is the Episcopal Church and we have been loving our gay brothers and sisters for decades. We have had a gay bishop, Gene Robinson. We don't judge. We interpret the admonitions about spreading the gospel to mean spread the LOVE -- not the judgment.
Here’s the one verse in the bible that actually matters, in my view. I don’t think it’s even arguable:
John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." Notice he didn't say judge, or condemn, or just tolerate. He said LOVE. That’s the active verb. That verb is the only one that matters.
I am proud that my gay brothers and sisters can be proud of themselves now. Go love who you want to love!
