Years ago there was a movie called 12 Angry Men. I only vaguely remember it but I am betting the men were all over 50. I have observed in my life that most men over fifty, or perhaps sixty, get angry a lot.
Think of Clint Eastwood, who once was a real hottie, and now personifies the GET OFF MY LAWN brand of angry old guys.
My father died at 65. For the last few years of his life he was angry all.the.time. Not angry at the usual culprits -- politics, religion, sports. No, he was angry about random stuff. For instance, after he retired he got angry because Mom and I refused to be barked at like his secretaries.
He got angry if he couldn't find something at the grocery store.
He was very angry at feminism, particularly Sally Field. I never figured that one out, except I guessed maybe he saw a photo from the movie Norma Rae, the one where she's holding a sign that says "UNION." Dad hated unions and feminists.
If you mentioned the words "Jane Fonda" to him he would have a conniption fit right in front of you. I tried to tease him about it once and he had a DEFCON 4 Mega Conniption that I think caused a small earthquake on the opposite side of the world.
Full disclosure: I was [and still am] a feminist. I'm not an angry "I hate all men" type of feminist, just a garden variety one, advocating for things like women getting paid the same as men for doing the same job.
My brother, who is turning sixty this year, is already deep into Angry Old Man territory.
He often decides that something I have told him is nonsense. He recently said to me, "We're not Cherokee at all." This despite my actual knowledge that one of our maternal great-great-grandmothers was, in fact, half Cherokee.
On a recent visit I heard: "There's nothing wrong with your shoulder, Dee."
Years ago I was told by a doctor that I was born missing a bone in my shoulder, a birth defect which makes it impossible for me to do big things like swing a tennis racquet or throw a bowling ball with any accuracy. I can type really well but that involves my fingers a lot more than my shoulders. I can also play the piano, cook, etc. Just don't ask me to throw or hit a baseball -- ironic, since my grandfather Bob Hasty was a major league baseball player.
One day about a year ago my brother opined that all the companies with the DNA tests were ripoffs, just making stuff up. "They get all that spit and they throw it away and just make up stuff and tell you a few weeks later. It's just a ripoff," he scoffed.
"Then how did they know Michael is part Mongolian?" I pointed out. "His name is Michael Thompson. How did they pick Mongolia, a country right next door to Northern Kazakhstan, where he was born?" Brother had no answer to that. He allowed maybe, just maybe, he was mistaken.
For Christmas last year, Mom gave him a 23andMe DNA test kit.
He has a lot of German in him. I'll just let that sink in.
I have a theory about Angry Old Men.
I think they are angry because they are getting old. Men usually have big egos about their ability to make a fire, mow a lawn in 90 degree heat, grill a perfect steak, choose a good stock to buy, etc. Those types of things are part of the Man Code.
[Ever notice men have to deal with a Man Card but women don't have a Woman Card? We are blessed to be cardless.]
Just to be clear, the Man Code doesn't involve stuff like making a perfect souffle or accessorizing. It involves macho accomplishments. It's also about being physically strong.
Getting up 3 times a night to pee is not part of the Man Code but it's part of being an old man.
Trimming the hair growing out of your nose and ears is also part of being an old man.
I truly think some men get angry because they know they are sliding closer to something they cannot control: death.
Now, I know some guys who totally aren't angry. They are, in fact, delightful. My friend David Moore who is head of the Historic Oakland Foundation is never angry and obnoxious. He works at a cemetery, though. He's made his peace with death.
I also have a cousin who is a pastor at a Presbyterian church, and he's a few years older than me. He's the most mellow, non-angry guy I know.
I think men who don't fear death aren't angry.
Look, everyone gets old. As Bette Davis once said "Old age ain't for sissies."
I don't like a lot of things about getting older, like having to shave chin hairs, never sleeping through the night any more, and wondering why my hair always looks weird. Getting old is not fun.
However, it's better than the alternative. Any time I wake up on this side of the dirt is a good day.
I try to be patient with Angry Old Men, even my brother. I also love to prove to him he's wrong. [It's the best part of my job as a Little Sister.]
Excuse me while I go get an x-ray of my shoulder, just for fun...
