I grew up thinking I was the only kid in the world who had weird parents and a weird family life. When I got to be a teenager and spent a fair amount of time at other people's houses I began to slowly realize that all families are weird, in their own unique way. My parents took that to an 11 though, and thank God they did.
Otherwise my brother and I would have grown up to be really boring people.
I'll take weird any day.
As a family, we often put music on the radio and held impromptu Dance Parties. Dad told us Brer Rabbit stories and political correctness wasn't even a thing then. Mom made us sing in the car and listen to classical music at home.
Dad named all our dogs after military heroes -- Kaiser Wilhelm, Napoleon, George S. Patton.
As soon as we learned to talk my brother and I could recite our full names, parents' names, address and phone number, in case we got lost or kidnapped. My father was a banker and Mom feared kidnapping for that reason, and because her older brother had been kidnapped [but was returned unharmed].
I grew up with a home where there were pistols, shotguns, and swords everywhere. I was told if I touched those weapons I would be spanked, so I never did. As a teenager I learned to shoot, and today I have loaded weapons in my house, for protection. They are put up, though, carefully.
My parents liked to talk about politics and they were always very active in the local Republican party. We discussed politics at dinner. Mom and Dad usually agreed, until 1976 when Jimmy Carter ran for president. (Mom felt she had to support him since he was from Georgia.) We got a lot of civics lessons from Mom and Dad.
So I wanted to delve into the weirdness a little bit because if you know me this might explain some things, and if you don't know me you can make an informed decision about whether you want to know me better or not. I am not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay.
DAD
My dad was obsessed with all things military. When I was growing up either Dad or Mom woke me up every day, usually Dad. He would throw open the door to my room, flip on the lights, and yell "Boots and saddles! We're burning daylight! Let's GO!"
I was grown before I realized that "boots in saddles" was a phrase he learned from some John Wayne movie.
Dad idolized John Wayne, George S. Patton, and Douglas MacArthur. His parenting style reflected that, at times.
However, he also had taken a lot of Psychology courses in college and graduate school and he was good about talking to me and Bruce about things other dads might not. When he tried to explain to Bruce about the birds and the bees, Bruce got up and ran out of the room, very embarrassed. Dad waited, got Bruce on the boat in the middle of the lake, cut the engine, and tried again. Bruce jumped into the water and swam to shore. Next, Dad was in the car alone with Bruce and got on the interstate, up over 60 or 70 mph, and started again. That time, Bruce was trapped and had to listen.
My dad was very macho and yet not. He wouldn't have been caught dead wearing a bracelet or necklace, but he always made breakfast for us on Saturday and Sunday, to give Mom a break, and when we were babies he changed diapers, bathed us, did everything -- which was not typical for 1960's daddies, trust me.
I grew up thinking all dads sang around the house. Dad seldom walked from one room to another without singing or whistling. He liked crooners like Frank Sinatra when he was young, but when we moved to Tennessee he switched to country music. He liked Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash especially. He never learned an entire song, though. He would fixate on one phrase and sing it over and over. "Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine," was a favorite. "Just like old dogs and children and watermelon wine" was another fave.
My dad liked to invite people to come home with him and eat dinner. He always managed several trust officers and they were usually young guys whose wives didn't cook. I spent most of the 1970's eating dinner with Dad's men -- Bob, Jerome, Larry, David, etc. Dad was always very fond of these guys and Bruce and I viewed them sort of like older brothers. Sometimes he would hire one whose wife actually did cook and we wouldn't see them as often. My mom learned to stretch dinner because Dad usually gave her only 30 minutes or less notice that he was bringing guys home for dinner. She learned to work a crock pot like a pro, because as my brother got bigger he became a big eater and young guys in their 20's can usually eat a good bit. Spaghetti, chili, soup, etc. were very common.
She also made some great casseroles but if you asked Dad if he liked casserole he would say "NO!" which was pretty funny. I think in his mind he felt that John Wayne and General Patton would likely sneer at a casserole and eat a K-ration instead...
He was always willing to help me with things, but it didn't always work out well. For instance, one time Mom was sick and she sent Dad to the mall with me to pick out School Shoes. I had play clothes and school clothes and every Fall I got new School Shoes. Mom usually bought me saddle oxfords or something sensible. Dad let me choose my own School Shoes and I came home with a pair of brown suede stacked platform shoes that looked like they had been stolen off a pimp. It was the 70's... Needless to say, Mom never made that mistake again.
I tried to deal with his inept girl parenting as best I could. I knew Dad grew up with two brothers and really didn't understand about little girls. I was a tomboy. I played football in the street with the boys. I liked to go fishing and I could gut and clean a fish expertly at age 5. I always helped Dad and Bruce with the yard work, and went to football games, and car shows and gun shows, boat shows, RV shows [Dad was a sucker for pretty much any show at the civic auditorium in Knoxville.] I watched Patton and John Wayne movies and played poker.
I also learned good manners because my dad was a stickler for manners. It went far beyond teaching us to say M'am and Sir and please and thank you. "No elbows on the table!" was a favorite. Also, "Children are to be SEEN and not HEARD." Mom always rolled her eyes at that one. The phrase I really retained well was "Always do the right thing, not the easy thing."
MOM
My mom also loved to sing and I started voice lessons as a toddler, because she would play the piano and we would sing together. It never occurred to me until I was a teenager that Mom was different, and I benefited greatly. She had a beautiful singing voice and she could play the piano by ear. Bruce has a fine voice, too, but I think he was always overshadowed by me because I had a huge 3 octave powerhouse of a voice and I liked to show off. (I still love to sing but my voice is lower and heard mostly in the shower and car these days..)
Mom taught me and Bruce about books. Dad was a big reader, but Mom was the one who hauled us to the library every week. More importantly, she read in front of us, all the time. She always had a book going.She still reads 2-3 books a week, now on Kindle.
Skip ahead, and now my brother reads all the time and doesn't even own a TV. I like TV but I always have a book going, too.
Mom was a stickler for good penmanship, and I got a lot of correction on that, growing up.If I wrote her a letter, like from camp, she corrected it and we had to discuss it later. Mom taught school before she had kids, not surprisingly...
Mom taught my the words "tacky" and "vulgar" and honey I learned what those words meant. (For example, Mom thinks men who have large behinds are tacky and I must confess I inherited that bias from her. A great personality will never excuse a big flabby butt on a man, I'm afraid... LOL)
Mom loved to cook and she taught me and my brother to cook. She let us get in the kitchen and try things and get our hands dirty, and we watched her read cookbooks like novels. She never missed the shows The Galloping Gourmet or the one with Justin Wilson -- these shows were on long before the Food Network was born. Our PBS station was usually fuzzy or Mom would have watched Julia Child a lot, too.
Mom loves the color blue and Bruce and I love blue. All three of us have very blue eyes. You will not find us decorating our homes in shades of orange and brown.
BOTH
Both my parents were excellent storytellers. They could tell funny stories, sad stories, family stories, etc. Mom is still an excellent storyteller, and we laugh over funny stories all the time.
Mom and Dad both thought Bruce and I should learn to wash our own clothes, cook meals for ourselves, learn basic car maintenance, etc. -- life skills parents don't always teach. I had a flat tire once and I changed my own tire beside the interstate. Bruce learned how to make a pecan pie from scratch so he would always have something to take as a gift or potluck dinner contribution. He could make a pecan pie from scratch when he was 18. He now loves to read cookbooks just like Mom.
My parents both thought family was very important and getting together with family was important. We had many impromptu reunions with my uncles and their families, and Dad always tried hard to impress upon me and Bruce the importance of supporting family and forming close bonds. He organized many family reunions over the years. When Dad died the young priest who did the funeral said she had never seen a family pull together so well, and she admired our closeness.
Some other life lessons...
We were taught about the importance of taking food to people, from a young age. If someone is sick or has had a death in the family, they may need a pot roast or a pound cake, or both. Mom always stocked the freezer with food to carry folks. As soon as she heard someone had died she checked what we had in the freezer.
Be respectful of older people, and go out of your way to be helpful to them.
When you go to stay with someone it's good manners to take a hostess gift.
When you're introduced to someone, look them in the eye and smile and shake their hand. [Dad used to make us practice this, with him. He despised a flabby handshake.]
Don't walk around chewing gum or with your hands in your pockets.
Good manners matter. They are simply kindness.
Don't be a snob. Dad was as courteous to the maintenance man at the bank as he was to the president.
In so many ways my parents taught us to love each other, love friends and family members, and to always do the right thing. I was very blessed.
